Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 40...The Alzheimer Connection

Nobody’s Opinion: According to my little book of “Durations,” forty is the earliest time for Alzheimer’s presenile psychosis to appear.

Tonight I watched the Manchurian Candidate on TV for the SECOND time, because I couldn’t for the life of me remember anything about it, even though I had seen it when it came out… not a thing. All I could remember is that Meryl Streep played herself.

Also according to this book, forty is the average span of years during which men can enjoy an active sex life.

And if that is correct, then having the good fortune to be born a woman means I will have an active sex life after forty, even if I don’t remember it.

In fact: I think I would like that printed on my gravestone---“She couldn’t remember a thing, but she remained actively sexual until her last day.”

My we all rest in such peace.

And speaking of sex; here are some of this first week of spring’s absurdities.

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You have to love this one…men all over Washington D.C. are meeting at the bars and secret Georgetown hideouts to find out if they were “on the list.”

Millions of dollars are being exchanged for the “shredding” of certain pages.

A high-class Washington D.C. Madame Heidi copycat has produced 46 pounds of addresses with 15,000 names

This reeks of the Clintons, who always used the old-fashioned “I’ll tell the world about your outside love life” to get rid of many a politician.

A warning shot has been fired.

Let’s see---Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich (an affair), Speaker of the House Livingston, (an affair) toe-sucking Dick Morris (an affair) Mark Foley (pervert)…

In fact, Clinton’s buddy Larry (I believe in free speech) Flynt used his own money to search for republicans who were messing around for Bill to use to create his scandals.

Hillary’s campaign is going to need some help real soon, and I wonder just who they are going to pull out of that 46 pound bag of goodies…Rudy? Rush? Bush? Obama?

Karl Rove?

Oh, and by the way, the FBI information that the Kennedy’s really did kill Marilyn Monroe hit the news with all the fanfare of a dirty napkin being thrown into the trash can.

The response was like a whole nation suffering from a mass attack of Alzheimer’s.

Huh? So what?”

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And speaking of Alzheimer’s, animal rights activists in Germany want to kill just about the cutest little polar bear around because, “Hand-rearing a polar bear is not appropriate and is a serious violation of animal rights.”

This according to a man named Frank Albrecht.

Somehow, I can just see this same line being used by our government: “Hand-rearing a human being is not appropriate and is a serious violation of the state.”

Will Al Gore be asked this very important question before Congress tomorrow?

Senator so and so: “Mr. Gore, since you think that polar bears are disappearing from the planet due to global warming, shouldn’t the liberal animal rights people try to save the few that we have left?”

Gore: “Even though it seems cruel, we would be harming the bear more, than if we just killed it. Instead we should save their natural environment by putting a World Environmental tax on every product that is made, and all the gas that is pumped and use that money to save the planet.”

Senator so and so: “Mr. Gore, the Chinese have a wonderful program for mating and raising panda bears in captivity, couldn’t the same program be used on polar bears?”

Gore: “Sir, I’m here to report, and even my colleague John Edwards agrees, that global warming is an international emergency, and the United States and its people are the biggest criminals in destroying our planet.”

Senator so and so: “But India and China are polluting the planet at a much greater rate than us, yet you would not have them pay anything? Why is that?

Gore: “India and China are just becoming industrialized, they are eons behind us. It would not be fair to penalize them now.”

Czech President Vaclav Klaus: “Mr. Gore, I am here to tell you that this environmental crap you are trying to put over on the world is the new communism, and I know, because I lived under real communism for years.”

Gore: “And I’m here today to tell you that I won the election, and I have no intention of running for President.”

And if he does run he will not remember saying this because after all, Al Gore is over forty.

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CNN I’m sure will be covering this global Mr. Smith/Gore goes to Washington event.

And speaking of CNN, I couldn’t believe what I saw tonight. They had a picture of President George Bush, with a huge American flag waving behind him.

And the flag had ink spots, black spots, holes…in fact it was as if the commentator had invited the M-13 in to do deface it.

It’s one thing if you don’t like the guy, but come on.

Then, on Saturday, they kept showing over and over again some guy who had used a sledgehammer to knock down the statue of Saddam in Iraq. It seems, Saddams sons had just taken motor cycles (he owned a shop) from him without paying, and when he protested, they put him in jail for nine years.

But now he wishes Saddam Hussein was back. Because the American have destroyed his country.

Proving that the poor man had hit forty, with a full fledge case of Alzheimer’s, he went to the Bank of America to deposit his check.

*******

Yes, it seems Alzheimer’s is hitting the world hard and at a alarming rate…which might be a good thing. None of us will remember all this, and live less stressful lives in our golden years.

The only answer to our problems is to limit any public office to anyone over 45. That would get rid of them all.

We could base it on the environmental brain damage, and lack of oxygen, due to the fact that the trees are not getting enough CO2 to produce the oxygen we all need.

And we could use Al Gore as the inconvenient proof.

Hey, what did I just say? Oh.


Nobody’s Perfect
; Russ Limbaugh and Arnold Swarchenegger are having a falling out. It seems Arnold, who has become the latest liberal poster-man, called Rush irrelevant.

Wow, if that isn’t a sign of being just a plain idiot, I don’t know what is.

On the other hand, Russ was salivating over the democratic CIA agent, Valerie Plame. It didn’t matter she was, or what she did …he was ready!

“I don’t care what she does or what her political affiliation is, I’d be throwing my hat in the ring!” (Where he might run into Bill Clinton, but that’s another blog.)

Obviously, Rush has not reach forty yet…oh…he has?

Well there goes that theory.

Nobody Knows; The Apple ad with Hillary’s face imposed as the new 1984 dictator has everyone guessing--- just who did it?

Please. First, the Obama logo at the end is almost a direct copyright infringement of the Apple Logo, and so is the rest of the ad…all copyrighted.

Has anyone heard a complaint or a threatened lawsuit from Steve Jobs? No? Why is that do you think?

Is there anyone under forty out there?

Nobody Cares
: Rosie O’Donnell was complaining that Khalid Sheik Mohammed had been horribly tortured by us at Gitmo. Why, they put a HOOD on him! Something that millions of viewers of "The View" should do if they insist on listening to it.

Most people don’t care what Rosie thinks anymore. Unlike the millions in our country suffering from the “I don’t remember” syndrome, we all know Rosie is just plain crazy.

So have a day tomorrow that you will remember. I know I’m going to try. And if I don’t remember, well, at least I’ll probably feel good anyway.

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