Sunday, June 24, 2007

The Inexorable (short) History of Two American Invasions

Nobody’s Opinion: Yesterday I came across an article in the National Review by Travis Kavulla, called, “Jamestown in the American Eye.” He was reporting on the 400th celebration of Jamestown, which he attended.

Afterwards he noted, “Self-government, free enterprise, religious freedom---Jamestown has long been remembered for these grand ideals, though they have never fully squared with historical fact.”

He’s right. Jamestown was not exactly a start-up model for the republic that eventually grew…in fact, one of the rules was that if you did not attend daily religious services your tongue could be nailed to a post--- not exactly freedom of anything.

Had I lived in Jamestown…I might have never left the church.

But in the importance of reviewing the Jamestown event is another lesson we might all take note of; what happens in an invasion. As we all know, in the first American Invasion...the Indians pretty much disappeared.

In fact, as history tends to be rewritten by the rulers, the fact that the Jamestown settlement would never have survived without the consistent help of the Indians, is not exactly one the historians like to make a really loud note of. The natives actually gave the “invaders” more than a big helping hand. (At first.)

We, like the Indians, are doing the same thing. The survival of millions of Mexicans would not be happening without the help of the United States government that takes care of them, once they sneak over our border.

George W. Bush’s take on the matter seems to be that we must feed these poor people. George W. Bush, much like Powhatan, the Great Chief who saw no real threat from the starving and weak Jamestown colonists, doesn’t seem to see much threat from our invaders either.

After all, they just do “service” jobs.

George and Powhatan both saw opportunity: a “trade.” George wants the cheap labor, Powhatan wanted guns. I’m sure Powhatan never ever thought that the Indian Nation would eventually end up disappearing. And George W. it seems, could care less if our whole American Nation turns Spanish, as long as certain “elite” upper class rulers stay in power.

But it seems most important to this nobody to remember, that without the help of the Indians, the first invasion of the English would have been much too difficult.

Captain John Smith writes: (1607) “Being left to our fortunes, it fortuned that within ten days scarce ten among us (105) could either go or well stand, such extreme weakness and sickness oppressed us. And thereat none need marvel if they consider the cause and reason, which was this. While the ships stayed, our allowance was somewhat bettered by a daily proportion of biscuits, which the sailors would pilfer to sell, give, or exchange with us for money, sassafras, furs or love.”

Love? I thought these were all guys? (I always wondered about men going off to sea.)

Anyway---it seems the reason they were all starving is that the ocean voyage was suppose to only take two months not five, and so they got there too late to plant food. And the “President” of the ship did what many greedy rich CEO's now practice: he kept all the really good stuff for himself. He did not give any of the good stuff to the settlers on shore, but worm eaten grain from the hull. Captain John Smith blamed the whole mess on the “unskillful presumption of our ignorant transporters.”

It seems that the captain of the ships (Wingfield) got out of there just in time---from May to September the next year, Jamestown lost 50 people. And at the moment when they thought the Indians were going to come and kill them all, something quite surprising happened.

They brought such plenty of their fruits and provisions as no man wanted.”

Free medical, free dental, free education had not been invented yet, but I’m sure they would have brought that too.

After the men got back on their feet, thanks to the Indians, the capitalist’s back home wanted some payback for their investment and Captain John Smith sent out to find gold and other valuables to send back to England, much like the Mexicans and South Americans now send most of their earnings from the United States back to their home countries.

So, Captain John Smith took two men, and went up the Chickahominy River, where according to him he was surrounded by 200 Indians who he bravely fought off alone (killing two) while the Indians reported that they found him half frozen to death and helped him to a fire.

Actually, I think I believe the Indians on this one.

The two guys he left at the canoe were killed, probably for being stupid.

Captain John Smith as a prisoner of the Indians was fed quite well, as if they kept fatting him up to eat he thought, but with the help of his never-before-seen compass he got an audience with the great Powhatan, the big chief of the land.

Powhatan put on three days of grand ceremonies for Captain Smith, where the Indians had a tendency to get all dressed up and lay down corn in circles…it was called “corn reading,” because no one could decide whether to kill John Smith or not, and that’s how they made all their important decisions. The corn must have said, “This guy is a bad seed” because they decided to kill him.

Our Congress basically works the same way today.

They also ran out and planted his gunpowder for next season’s crop of gunpowder. (We now see this happening with ethanol development.)

Then, as everyone knows, Pocahontas, Powhatan’s daughter, put her head upon Captain’s Smith before some big Indian warrior guy was going to smash it with a big club, thereby getting her picture on a gold coin, for actually saving the new English American nation.

So, what else could a loving dad do? Powhatan, gave John Smith lots of land and made him a son, and got two big guns with the bargain, and saving Jamestown.

Now, what would have happened if Pocahontas had not interfered? (See, women do come in handy.)

No one will ever know, but history shows that the English basically came over in droves; soon the Indians were run off their land.

You could say it’s because we had guns, but that’s not the only reason. The Americans had BIG families…usually consisting of eight to ten kids. We multiplied so fast, the Indians just couldn’t kill us all.

So, as far as invasions go, it doesn’t take a mathematician to know that if the status quo of the second American Mexican invasion keeps up, and the Mexicans of course keep reproducing at the rate they are doing now, and we will keep feeding their kids for free---America as we know it will disappear.

Will the new Spanish Nation that will replace the old white Anglo-Saxon America be as productive to mankind? Will the rest of the world benefit from this second historical invasion?

So far, it looks like only about 300 CEO’s, and some untouchable political families will endure.

The rest of us will just die off in the reservations of nursing homes, with the help of mercy euthanasia.

Books will be written years from now called, “Little Nursing Home.”

And in 2050, who knows…maybe the Anglo-Saxons will finally get their own tax-free casino’s.

Okay, you write an ending…I have no idea what I’m doing.

Nobody’s Perfect: Even though Captain Smith lucked out…when another tribe of Indians found out that Captain John Smith wasn’t around, they started attacking and killing the guys at the fort again. Within six months, from a population of 500, only 60 people were left.

And once again they were hungry. In fact, they got so hungry that they ate an Indian, and one man ate his wife. He was killed for his act of course, but not without one colonist putting in the remark; “Such a dish as powdered wife I have never heard.”

He died before he could tell the other guys what she tasted like, and of course, they were curious. I don’t think the guy who ate the “savage” was punished at all---Proving that some of the other men might have had the same thoughts.

Which is proof right there that religion is a good thing. "Thou shalt not eat thy spouse if starving" was actually the twelveth commandment...Aaron just couldn't find it when Moses smashed the tablets, so it was left out.

Nobody Knows;
Pocahontas, after John Smith had left for England, was tricked onto a ship by a Captain Argall with the help of an Indian who got a copper kettle for his trouble...tricked with a dinner.

Once on board the ship, she was held as ransom. Powhatan was told to give back some tools and men he had “stolen.” This started more years of fighting until Pocahontas married another English guy called John Rolfe, and then once again, everyone got along because of Pocahontas, and her soft-hearted dad, who, nevertheless scared other tribes so much that they gladly joined the English colonists for protection, and got pictures of the King for their loyalty.

Nobody Cares: As most people now know, the reason the first colonists starved is become of their “communistic” system.

“When our people were fed out of the common store and labored jointly together, glad was he who could slip from his labor or slumber over his tasks he cared not how; nay, the most honest among them would hardly take so much true pains in a week as now for themselves they will do in a day.”

A lesson Hillary Clinton should memorize.

Adam Smith came to Jamestown.

….Also, please forgive me for going over old history…it’s just that so much of this I never learned in school, and I feel like such a five year old when I get around this’s just so fascinating, I wanted to share it again.

Now that history is repeating itself, the word invasion is the only word that seems to fit the matter being voted on in Congress now, no matter what the politicians may seek to call it.

And I can’t help thinking that somewhere an Indian is smiling.



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