Nobody's Absurdities, No. 53---Nightmare On Pennysylvania Ave.

Here we are, at the start of September, with the feeling of Halloween right around the corner---and it seems fitting that the absurdities all around us are starting to look like a SAW III movie. American citizens are being cut up, sectioned off, electrocuted, and stuffed into some burning Dante basement, where they are forever condemned to listen to republican and democratic politicians pandering for the conservative vote until eternity, or the return of Michael Myers for the fifty-third time.

We might as well hand our politicians the bloody saw, and take our chances with Freddy Kruger.

So, here are some absurdities for this rainy September day.

Hey…if I’m gloomy, what do you expect? I report what I see.

It’s a nightmare.

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We kick off with Bill and Hillary Clinton “floating” lots of suggestions out there on all the talk shows, looking for some kind of constitutionally approved legal position for Bill Clinton to hold in Hillary’s upcoming reign of socialist terror. Remember, they’re still lawyers.

Secretary of Defense? Vice President? Advisor to the President? First Laddie of the Order of the Scottish Kings of corruption and debauchery?

Here’s the absurdity. Bill said: “I just don’t believe it’s consistent with the spirit of the Constitution for someone who’s been president twice to be elected vice president. I don’t think its right, and I wouldn’t want to do that …That’s just not in the cards.”

What? Are you laughing or bleeding?

Our nation’s founders would have visions of horrific proportions at even the suggestion of a former president running for the office again, under the dress (in this case pants) of his co- partnered wife.

Somewhere, they would have put in the Constitution, “No man who has served two terms as President can run his wife for the office to get back in power.”

The fact that no one anywhere has even questioned this insanity, can put a normal person into, “Where’s the exit?” overdrive.

Hey, razors are on sale at you local drugstore...and while you’re there, get a flu shot.

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After the Republican debate last night on Fox, I was reaching for bandages.

Questions were being thrown out, not from a dispassionate reporter, but from some guy (Chris Wallace) seemingly full of so much hatred, that his bullets of political accusations were enough to tear through chunks of flesh and bone.

This was quite a different format from the cuddly Snowmen questions on the last, You be in the Tube, democratic debates.

My blood started gushing again when a Fox News reporter, reported that John McCain won the debate hands down, according to a roomful of New Hampshire citizens.

Everyone in that room was thereby given the chance to knife the other republican contestants who did not happen to be the wonderful John McCain.

How in the world did these “conservatives” picked John McCain as the clear winner of the debate? A demented voice from nowhere said, “I’m bleeding and I can’t get up.”

Could Fox news be putting out propaganda to influence the election for Hillary Clinton?

After all, Rupert Murdoch has met with Hillary more times than Bill Clinton met with the head of the CIA. McCain is the only man who would probably lose against Hillary.

Where’s my Afghanistan morphine?

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You’re in a room, and there is a maniac approaching you. Look twice---it could be Mexican President, Felipe Calderon, who now says that wherever a Mexican lives, there is Mexico.

You are looking for an escape. Where are our leaders? Homeland Security? How about a United States Senator carrying a big gun? Where’s the President? Where is Rambo Hillary?

They are like us, watching the important news that Larry Birkhead is in love with Howard K. Stern. They are also watching about two hundred programs on why Princess Diana was not murdered, and the twin towers fell naturally.

Pick your poison. If you can manage to duck that illegal immigrant on your property demanding your house, look over your other shoulder. The IRS will be right behind you with a bed of nails.

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The New American House of Wax, according to the news today, will be attacked again on September 11, 2007. Our President is on TV looking like a whipped schoolboy sitting next to Hu Jintao, the Chinese President, in Australia.

Hillary’s universal health care will be here in time for Halloween. So, have an aspirin…it’s all she will have to offer.