Don't Talk PMS

Nobody Flashes Anymore: I just spent a whole day at the hospital watching young nurses trying to find my veins.

"Okay, I'll try your hand! There a few good veins there. I know that hurts...but it's in!"

Said after she got frustrated slapping my arm so many times I wanted to punch her...before the CT scan.

Then she "radiated" me with some shit to flow through my veins, handed me a bottle of water and said..."Better flush it quick." But I couldn't because I had to go to another test which I was late for because they wanted to check my blood tests to make sure they didn't blow out my kidney like they did my vein.

Yes, she blew out my vein, but blamed it on me. She said it was because I was making a fist, which she told me to do.

THEN I rushed to a test that was suppose to only take five minutes, but I think the guy doing the ultrasound just had too much fun running that little camera over and over my ..."heart."

He said he liked to watched the orange pictures.

It took over an hour.

All the time my bottle of water lay on the other table. My heart was jumping and jiving. Tonight I smell like leftover radiator fluid.

But the worst part was in the waiting room.

Four women, all at once, started complaining about their periods, and lack thereof...and then their sisters mensuration problems...describing in great detail every single period they ever had.

No wonder they banned it in the Bible.

So, I'm tired. I came home and cooked dinner, and my husband, trying to be a sweetheart, decides to do the dishes.

He forgets we cannot through food down our disposal. So, the sink clogs, and he gets a plunger and manages with sheer brute strength to bust a hole in the pipe, and flood the kitchen.

He is now somewhere driving in the sleet, looking for a replacement pipe.

All I can say is: Thank God men don't have periods, thank God tomorrow''s Friday, and thank God I don't have to go back anytime soon.