Nobody Reports on a Monday: Elucitating the Confusion

Nobody’s Opinion; It seems we have been forced, whether we want to or not, via there IS nothing else happening on our TV’s, to be told hourly, just who will become President next year. It will be decided long before Valentine’s Day, so going to the booth in November will be just exercise in getting in and out of your car…because we will all know by then, due to suggestive polls and good-looking news people---the winner.

So far, we are being told, it will be Hillary vs. McCain---but Obama is sure to come out with an excellent opportunity to work for the Kennedy’s.

It’s all being decided on an hourly update basis by political pundit’s announcing in exclamatory voices, who is leading whom, and what the polls say.

What is not being mentioned that this is the first time in American history that the process of “voting” for the next President was forced into our living rooms for two whole years, in-between just what white woman was “lost, murdered, or runaway” to give us all something to worry about besides the future of our country.

And if that fear is not enough, John McCain stated today, “There is going to be another war, my friend.”

And if that’s not enough, a spy-satellite filled with lots of exploding fuel is going to drop out of the sky and land on…somebody, while aliens are watching us over Texas.

In the meantime, Suzie Orman was on Larry King telling everyone---Do NOT spend that money that you are going to get back from the government like they want you to!

And what’s with all these caucuses? Florida doesn’t let the Democrats vote…but people are going to anyway? And then Hillary broke the rules by speaking at a $1,000-a-person reception in Miami---trying to look regal in blue, and speaking very softly--- trying to imitate Obama by “rising above it all”…in a bowling alley?

And how many newly formed Independents are being shut out of these caucuses? Talk about “disenfranchising” Americans.

But hey---if you’re confused, get yourself a beer and relax. You’re supposed to be. That’s the plan.

Nobody’s Perfect: Well, Rudy’s come-from-behind ashes of 9/11 plan didn’t work, did it? Maybe it’s because he just couldn’t get an action hero like Stallone or Norris to endorse him. Instead, he got Jon Voight, the actor who usually plays the evil villain.

Actually, I think it might have been the red vest and bowtie while sitting next to Santa that did him in. Talking about how we need all those Mexicans here, is sinking him faster than the American dollar.

Where's your lifeboat Rudy?

Nobody Knows: While watching Shepard Smith the other morning, I swore, I was listening to Shepard going banana’s on TV, declaring that Hillary Clinton had come in third in the South Carolina primaries. He couldn’t believe it; “Wow,” he said.

Well, that would make sense I thought. Obama was going to get all the black votes, it’s Edwards’ home state, and Hillary wasn’t even there.

Yes, he went on and on declaring how much this was going to hurt Hillary. Fifteen minutes later, he did a complete 180 degree turn around.

Hillary was in second.

What? This was just like the Florida Presidential vote in 2000, when all the news station declared that Gore had won Florida, and then all of a sudden, it was …wait, no he didn’t, Bush won.

I was wondering…how many Americans just heard what I heard? And how many American also thought, like I, that maybe I was just dreaming it had happened?

Sort of like, when your listening to your favorite radio talk show hosts, and he is going to say something very damming about the government and then the signal goes……zzzzzzzz

And you’re turning the dial, looking for it.

Now, I am not dreaming about that. I’ve hopped out of two many bathtubs as proof.

Nobody Cares: On “The Soup,” a comedy program which makes fun of stupid TV programs, the main host, Joel McHale, did a satire where he made fun of Tyra Banks, who was squeezing her butt-checks on camera, and giving out garbage bags to her audience.

Honest.

Joel then held up a rope…a noose, and suggested she give those away.

Yes, a noose was shown as a joke about a black entertainment hostess on TV…and it was not on our nightly news.

Care to guess why? Confused?

Nobody Wins: Huckabee is out jogging and playing the bass whenever he can get a chance. Huckabee’s every other sentence is a joke. In fact, he is telling so many jokes that now he has caused the American people a much un-needed headache ---John McCain is starting to tell jokes.

Listening to John McCain tell a joke, is much like experiencing a root canal getting infected.

No wonder Bill Clinton is so tired, he’s running three campaigns.

Nobody’s Fool; I’m getting a big kick out of all the “news analysis” people trying to interpret every burp and misinformation that comes out of Bill Clinton’s mouth. Last week, when he said that a race between Hillary and McCain would be such a civil election that everyone would fall asleep…everyone rushed to the conclusion that Bill actually did NOT want McCain to run against Hillary Clinton because everyone knows John McCain would beat her.

Ha-ha! Bill the master of disaster wins again! Of course he wants a McCain-Hillary ticket. Hillary would win because conservatives would stay home!

His plan is to confuse and obfuscate the public so much, nobody knows what he is up to!

But---what else could be better for Hillary? First…his suggestion gets rid of Obama, and second, if you are a conservative, and you think Bill Clinton doesn’t like McCain, you might just go out and vote for McCain just to spite him, which is exactly what Bill wants you to do. The only difference between McCain and Hillary is the war, but in fact, if we were attacked again, they would become the same hound dog.

They both look nuclear capable at a moment’s glance.

Nope, Bill knows if McCain is the contender, the Republican Party is destroyed.

Confused? Well, as McCain would say…get used to it, “my friend.”