If You See A Poltical Turkey Coming At Your Head...DUCK!
Nobody’s Perfect: Ann Coulter has written a book about it---“How To Talk to a Liberal (If You Must); Rush Limbaugh has funny songs to teach you how to do it; Glenn Beck has a whole segment on his radio show called, “How to Talk To An Idiot.”…
But so far, I don’t think anyone has written any advise on how to NOT talk back to your sister-in-law at the family Thanksgiving dinner when she is SO mad at you, her husband’s sister, (that’s me) for having an political opinion not like her own, and gets so nasty about it, that everyone eyes the bowl of mashed potatoes during the argument to see if the young woman will hurl her boxed mashed potatoes (don’t get me wrong, they were delicious and it would have been a tragic loss)-- across the table at your face.
If she had done that, I would have taken all my finger-licking white meat turkey leftovers (yes, I brought the turkey) and gone straight home, missing Tom Cruise dancing at the end of “Tropical Thunder,” the already scheduled after-Thanksgiving-dinner family movie.
Another tragic loss.
Yes, my sister-in-law got very angry at me at the Thanksgiving family dinner, because, she thought that we if America joined with Mexico and Canada, the AMERO would save our lives and we would all be somehow… richer?
As if it was my fault she had to forfeit buying more Martha Stewart candles this month.
I don’t know how in the world we got on the subject, but I know it wasn’t me that got into the subject of politics, because I know from experience, my whole family thinks I’m about a quart short of a gallon when it comes to my conspiracy theories.
After all, the North Pole is going to melt in one year due to the sins of mankind, and how foolish of me to think otherwise.
They think, that I think, I’m a know-it-all, and that’s shows just how well they know me---not at all.
So, in my calmest voice, I said: “Are you SURE about that?” Knowing that neither she nor I, last time I looked, had gone beyond the usual bookkeeping exercise of our own checkbooks.
Something tells me, there was more to this than meets the cranberry eye.
But so far, I don’t think anyone has written any advise on how to NOT talk back to your sister-in-law at the family Thanksgiving dinner when she is SO mad at you, her husband’s sister, (that’s me) for having an political opinion not like her own, and gets so nasty about it, that everyone eyes the bowl of mashed potatoes during the argument to see if the young woman will hurl her boxed mashed potatoes (don’t get me wrong, they were delicious and it would have been a tragic loss)-- across the table at your face.
If she had done that, I would have taken all my finger-licking white meat turkey leftovers (yes, I brought the turkey) and gone straight home, missing Tom Cruise dancing at the end of “Tropical Thunder,” the already scheduled after-Thanksgiving-dinner family movie.
Another tragic loss.
Yes, my sister-in-law got very angry at me at the Thanksgiving family dinner, because, she thought that we if America joined with Mexico and Canada, the AMERO would save our lives and we would all be somehow… richer?
As if it was my fault she had to forfeit buying more Martha Stewart candles this month.
I don’t know how in the world we got on the subject, but I know it wasn’t me that got into the subject of politics, because I know from experience, my whole family thinks I’m about a quart short of a gallon when it comes to my conspiracy theories.
After all, the North Pole is going to melt in one year due to the sins of mankind, and how foolish of me to think otherwise.
They think, that I think, I’m a know-it-all, and that’s shows just how well they know me---not at all.
So, in my calmest voice, I said: “Are you SURE about that?” Knowing that neither she nor I, last time I looked, had gone beyond the usual bookkeeping exercise of our own checkbooks.
Something tells me, there was more to this than meets the cranberry eye.
She also threw in some nasty comments about my poor dead mother, who, when volunteering long ago to buy the very dining room set we were eating our Thanksgiving dinner on as a wedding present---actually protested when my sister-in-law picked the most expensive one she could find.
After all, my sister-in-law said, that beautiful set, with the two extensions, and two free extra chairs was a real bargain at $3,000 dollars. The nerve of my mother.
Now, to many of you that is the right price, but come on. This was over 15 years ago, and my mother was on Social Security. An $800 dollar set would have been over her budget. I don’t blame her for balking.
But still…I love my brother, who is married to her. I love my son, who dearly loves them both.
And so, even though, I knew despite the fact that my mother at the time couldn’t afford to do so, she still bought that set for my sister-in-law …I kept my mouth shut. There were empty liquor bottles on the kitchen floor. Sometimes, watching Monk comes in handy.
Let’s face it. You can listen to talk radio, watch O’Reilly ask tough questions of Obama (who has controlled his temper so well, he probably came out of the womb saying, “Yes, we can.”) and get all the pointers you need on how to talk to strangers, and people you don’t know, but disagreeing on politics with family members is not something you can just do without severe lifelong repercussions.
Remember the Civil War?
With strangers it’s very easy…because you know that no matter how violently you both disagree, odds are, you will never have to eat their Thanksgiving stuffing.
But when families talk politics over turkey, and there is a vast disagreement between two parties…no turkey gravy in the world is going to save a lifetime of bad feelings. In fact, if you’re invited back at all to their house, it all fake smiles and conversations, and that makes everyone miserable.
And if the two members in dispute are women…it’s ten times worse. Let’s face it, men laugh, and make stupid jokes when it comes to this stuff.
But women, will carry a grudge forever…ask any man.
After the surprise attack…my brother and my husband tried to make light of it.
Visions of wonderful future holiday family banquets were vanishing right before their eyes.
They’re not stupid.
And...it wasn’t that I was aghast at my sister-in-laws political attitude, it was…
Okay, I admit…I did say that the North American Treaty was not “right” because the people had no say in it at all. I believe in the Constitution. I believe in government by the people, and for the people…it’s what thousands of men have lost their lives to protect.
I was also not surprised to hear her say that the merging of three nations was something wonderful to be desired…no…it was the gathering years of hatred that came out of her voice, her eyes---her whole body shook…as if she just couldn’t take me anymore…she literally got up from the table and…left.
I’ve always thought my sister-in-law to be one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I’ve always thought that my brother was lucky to have married her. I really don’t care a hoot what she thinks about the country, or whether it matters at all.
But...like a typical woman, I was extremely hurt, because I knew that nothing I could ever do or say would change her opinion of me.
So---where’s the book on this?
The thought occurred to me that if I had money, I could buy her something expensive to…bribe her to control her hatred of me…at least during family dinners.
And then I realized--- that same solution pretty much explains America’s past, present, and future foreign policy in a nutshell.
Just send money, so that they tolerate us.
Yes, the United States must save the world, bring everyone in it up from poverty. Send the world LOTS of money and then, accordingly no one will attack the hated United States.
The trouble is: it doesn’t work, and I still might get a well-aimed fork at my head by my sister-in-law someday, no matter how nice I try to be to her.
No wonder the North Pole is melting. It’s covered in tons of hot turkey gravy that my sister-in-law threw after I left.
I plan on asking her at our family Christmas dinner (that is, if there IS one) one question; If the North Pole doesn’t melt, can I still come over for her wonderful home cooked meals?
Then I plan to duck.
After all, my sister-in-law said, that beautiful set, with the two extensions, and two free extra chairs was a real bargain at $3,000 dollars. The nerve of my mother.
Now, to many of you that is the right price, but come on. This was over 15 years ago, and my mother was on Social Security. An $800 dollar set would have been over her budget. I don’t blame her for balking.
But still…I love my brother, who is married to her. I love my son, who dearly loves them both.
And so, even though, I knew despite the fact that my mother at the time couldn’t afford to do so, she still bought that set for my sister-in-law …I kept my mouth shut. There were empty liquor bottles on the kitchen floor. Sometimes, watching Monk comes in handy.
Let’s face it. You can listen to talk radio, watch O’Reilly ask tough questions of Obama (who has controlled his temper so well, he probably came out of the womb saying, “Yes, we can.”) and get all the pointers you need on how to talk to strangers, and people you don’t know, but disagreeing on politics with family members is not something you can just do without severe lifelong repercussions.
Remember the Civil War?
With strangers it’s very easy…because you know that no matter how violently you both disagree, odds are, you will never have to eat their Thanksgiving stuffing.
But when families talk politics over turkey, and there is a vast disagreement between two parties…no turkey gravy in the world is going to save a lifetime of bad feelings. In fact, if you’re invited back at all to their house, it all fake smiles and conversations, and that makes everyone miserable.
And if the two members in dispute are women…it’s ten times worse. Let’s face it, men laugh, and make stupid jokes when it comes to this stuff.
But women, will carry a grudge forever…ask any man.
After the surprise attack…my brother and my husband tried to make light of it.
Visions of wonderful future holiday family banquets were vanishing right before their eyes.
They’re not stupid.
And...it wasn’t that I was aghast at my sister-in-laws political attitude, it was…
Okay, I admit…I did say that the North American Treaty was not “right” because the people had no say in it at all. I believe in the Constitution. I believe in government by the people, and for the people…it’s what thousands of men have lost their lives to protect.
I was also not surprised to hear her say that the merging of three nations was something wonderful to be desired…no…it was the gathering years of hatred that came out of her voice, her eyes---her whole body shook…as if she just couldn’t take me anymore…she literally got up from the table and…left.
I’ve always thought my sister-in-law to be one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I’ve always thought that my brother was lucky to have married her. I really don’t care a hoot what she thinks about the country, or whether it matters at all.
But...like a typical woman, I was extremely hurt, because I knew that nothing I could ever do or say would change her opinion of me.
So---where’s the book on this?
The thought occurred to me that if I had money, I could buy her something expensive to…bribe her to control her hatred of me…at least during family dinners.
And then I realized--- that same solution pretty much explains America’s past, present, and future foreign policy in a nutshell.
Just send money, so that they tolerate us.
Yes, the United States must save the world, bring everyone in it up from poverty. Send the world LOTS of money and then, accordingly no one will attack the hated United States.
The trouble is: it doesn’t work, and I still might get a well-aimed fork at my head by my sister-in-law someday, no matter how nice I try to be to her.
No wonder the North Pole is melting. It’s covered in tons of hot turkey gravy that my sister-in-law threw after I left.
I plan on asking her at our family Christmas dinner (that is, if there IS one) one question; If the North Pole doesn’t melt, can I still come over for her wonderful home cooked meals?
Then I plan to duck.
I suggest the citizens of America do the same.
Labels: politics
posted by Joyanna Adams at 9:10 PM
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