Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Water-Boarding Anglo-Saxons

Nobody Knows: There was much disturbance in the G20 meetings recently, when Mr. Sarkozy, the newly elected French leader who, not too long ago, adored President George W. Bush so much, he rented a cabin next to the Bush’s compound up in Maine, just so that he could party with the Bush’s on his James Bondest speedboats, no doubt paid for by the American people.

But not anymore. He has released the derisive news that he thinks the world’s problems have all been caused by those mean and cruel…Anglo-Saxons. Evidently he is trying to get in good with OUR newly elected African-American, President. (Who secretly is half Anglo-Saxon.)

He is also probably trying to gain a few points with Iran, now that he has found out that our newly elected African President will not protect France anymore.

This is unlike the behavior of Anglo-Saxons who, by the way, saved the very country he is now lucky enough to be ruling, quite some time ago.

On the other hand, the Jews, upon hearing this news, can now finally get some well deserved release from always being the hated race.

Anglospherephobia (fear of Anglo-Saxons) is spreading like wildfire. And I’m here to tell you…we must be careful because…we... are being water-boarded.

Yes, it’s true. I’m an Anglo-Saxon, with blue eyes, and my ancestors are from Wales originally, and I have been water- boarded.

Don’t laugh, I almost drowned.

It happened at my local hospital. My doctor said it was an easy procedure. He was just going to put a camera down into my lungs and…look around. In fact, he said I could watch the TV monitor TOO! Well, heck--- I wanted to see what my lungs looked like, I thought---WHAT fun!

My doctor was kind. Unlike some water-boarding, the doctor drugs you so that you don’t swallow his expensive camera.

There I was…watching the trip of the camera down my throat…

I confess…I confess!”

We are now passing the thorax--- there’s your great divide!” said my doctor.

(Okay, I can’t remember the word he used, but let’s just say there’s a fork in the road, and one goes to the stomach, the other goes to the lungs. God, likes those kind of things, that’s why he designed nipples.)

Then we got to my lungs…and they were pink!

Wow, nice and pink and healthy! Just like they should be!” Said the doctor

I wanted to ask him why he sounded so surprised. Did I look like an ex-hippy who had smoked just too many joints to him? Do other people’s lungs look horrible?

But, I couldn’t talk.

Then, it happened. He started spraying water in my lungs, and I started to gag…drugs or no drugs, I think I left deep impressions on the handle chair.

NO FAIR! The camera had a hose on it, and with the flick of a finger, he was sprinkling me like he was watering his pegonias in his backyard.

He didn’t tell me he was going to torture me.

I couldn’t breathe. I actually didn’t think I would live. I had NO control.

Yes, I know, you can’t breathe, you’re gagging, it’s normal.”

He had to spray me over six times…by the sixth time, I looked up at him like…
“Are you enjoying this?”

I was also thinking…”How many guys have gotten up and punched him in the nose?”

But, being the brave Anglo-Saxon that I am, (We are a brave lot you know.) I withstood the torture with great dignity. I pretended I was just having a root canal.

Yes, I was technically, water-boarded. I know what it feels like. And I’m sure, all over this country, many thousands of Anglo Saxons are being water- boarded in hospitals all over the country, every single day.

In this case, it can save lives. In the other cases, it has save lives, according to ones who know.

I lived through my water-boarding…and I was thinking. If I had to choose between suffering an hour of water-boarding, or knowing that my family, my life’s saving, and my beloved country would no longer exist?

I would choose water-boarding, no contest. Not even close.

That’s the Anglo-Saxon in me.

So, Mr. Sarkozy? How about you?

Now, having said that, since many people all over the world, coming out of the closet and blaming all Anglo-Saxons for the mess that has ruined the world, I decided to ask you to take a survey…

If you had to choose between water boarding Barney Franks, or Mr. Sarkosky…who would you pick?



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