Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Stimulating Nurses

Nobody Knows:
“Cen I speet to Peeellip please?” said the caller.

Okay, I answered my phone. I will answer any phone, unlike most of the population. This is a problem of many American women who are stuck at home, and are hoping for a call where someone says, “YOU HAVE JUST WON…$112 million dollars!”

It’s an illness, and so far, no one has thought of a cure.

Who---say that again?” I said. Obviously, this was one of our new poor illegal immigrants trying desperately hard to communicate with one of those pesky Americans who are living unlawfully in their rightful country.

“Can I speak to Peeelllip?”

“Who? I can’t understand you…”

Can I spee to Peeelipp?”

“There is no Phillip here.”

“Well, would chu lik to train to beeecum a nurse?” was her next question.

“No.” (I was wondering if a man named Phillip had picked up the phone, if she would have asked the same question.)

“Well, eeesss there enie-one dere who would lik du train du become a nurse, because we can TRAIN yu and yu familiiee?”

Oh…happy day!

My training days were over right after I flunked my first Philosophy Class in college because I told the teacher Socrates was ugly so that’s why he used his brain…(The old Rocky theory) but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

“No, no….and no…goodbye.”

After I hung up, I thought--- that’s a new one. Just ask for anyone and start right into your sales pitch. That poor Latino lady sounded so desperate. As if…if we didn’t get “nurses” right away, the whole country would die, and she then she really would have to go back to Mexico.

She was told that desperation and flu is everywhere, along with a shortage of good churches to hide at, and do not worry…soon, the people would need professional help.

And since the housing market collapse, lots of illegal’s lost jobs, and so more jobs are needed to fill the void, therefore…voila! We need nurses! Nurses can not only deliver babies, they can have lots of their own.

Maybe you have heard about the nurse shortage. It is so bad that plans have been made to put the illegal immigrant women to work as nurses, and train them to deliver babies outside of hospitals as soon as possible.

There is going to be a shortage of doctors soon after they pass the Public Option, so the next best thing to deal with the overload of sick people (because the lines will be long to see medical doctors) …is nurses. Give them the power to do everything but major surgery, and put them on the government payroll.

All they will have to know is how to take a temperature, give a shot, take blood, prescribe antibiotics, deliver babies, and then the government will have a whole new working class of government workers.

If you can’t speak English, don’t worry. All your computer entries will be in Spanish.

Sadly, the phone call left me…bored. So, I turned on C-Span. I love C-Span.

And there she was…some really sweet looking grandmotherly lady on the floor of the Congress. She was a representative, from a Southern state, who was telling, dare I say it? The truth.

In English!

Nobody Knows where they found this gem, or why she was even allowed to speak, but there she was…telling us about how AARP, was all for the Universal Health Care system, because they would make billions off their supplemental insurance programs which people would be running and tripping over to GET in order to cover all the monumental costs of hospitals, once the Government Health Care program kicked in--- because as everyone knows, no government medical program is going to pay…much…or close to nothing because our government is broke, and will be until they can get some aliens from another planet to “fix” it.

And no doubt these aliens will bring what we are going to need…lots of nurses.

And more hairspray for our newscasters.

So, that’s the plan. We need to invent more “service” jobs, because in Universal Health Care, a whole slew of government “nurses” will be hired so “President” Obama can say the stimulus is working.

Soon, we will be so overloaded with nurses; they will be waiting for us in our local drugstores, Wal-Marts, schools, and grocery shopping markets!

Wait…that’s already happening?

Well, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m here to tell you. The reason no one in Congress will ever admit in a million years to reading the Health Care Plan is because they don’t want to be held accountable when the mob comes to their houses.

“Hey, that was slipped in after midnight! I was in Kabul being shot at! I had NO idea; I didn’t have time to read it!”

Someday, I just know it. I’m going to answer the phone and some recorded message will say: “COMRADE…you must report to your local city hall and sign up to volunteer to be a nurse for a year if you are not currently working, or ill, or else pay a fine of….”

AT that point, I will hang up, and no longer answer my phone. So, they will have to come to my door, and I will say I am an alien, I have a deadly virus contacted on Mars, and my name is Peelip. I died in 1969, and now, I'm a zombie who cannot be around humans.

And if you don't believe me...just ask my husband.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everybody is recruiting nurses from everybody else. In Oz we get big adverts for nurses to go to England where the pay is fantastic and the hours short. In England we have ads telling the Brit nurses that we have fabulous pay, short hours a completely healthy population that never gets sick so there is plenty of time to go to our fabulous beaches. And that we Aussie chaps don't smell of chips.

But we actually get our nurses from India. I haven't a clue where our home-trained ones are. Call centres maybe?

Amfortas.

(PS the comment on another of your posts was from me too, but you have to guess which one it is.)

:)

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