Monday, November 09, 2009

Nobody's Perfect: Brittany Spears

Nobody's Perfect: Brittany Spears

NOTE: MEN...I know it's hard..but please, let me as a female, who is not distracted by the obvious that most men notice first...those loving eyes..let me point out that never have I ever seen a "dimple" on an elbow.

Have you?

So, if the dimple is "fake." then realize that what you are seeing...MAY not be real. This could be what that new and sometimes expensive sensation...called...body-synching.

I'm just saying...****I know it's a mute point..

Nobody’s Perfect: On my “Nobody’s Perfect” day, I’m finding it hard to stick to just one person…especially after having just witnessed the biggest bunch of morons who ever walked the Halls of Congress on a Saturday night.

So, I’ll just stick to one: Brittany Spears, wins the “Nobody’s Perfect” award of the week.

It seems that many thousands of people walked out of Brittany’s concert in Australia recently when they figured out she was lip-synching her songs. The article didn’t say just how long it took the audience to figure this out, but I’m guessing probably within the first ten minutes, or when she couldn’t see her teleprompter, because her hair got in the way.

I first saw this phenomenon of lip-synching about 20 years ago at my first and only Stones concert. I witnessed Keith Richards literally fall down…completely off the stage, and his guitar went down too. Mick went after him…and then I noticed—the song went on! Even though neither one of them were at a microphone or a guitar!! It took them both quite some time to get up.

“Look! Look! GOD! Did he break his leg?! Is he dead! How come he is still playing the guitar? Wait, his guitar fell over…there! He’s still on his face! Is he going to get up? Oh, no…he’s dead. ”

Nobody of course was listening to me.

There was not a crash or a skip in “Jumping Jack Flash”…no big electronic feedback, (guitars usually make a LOT of noise when dropped.) nope…

This nobody was astounded---not at the fact that the great Rolling Stones were lip-synching, I mean, come on…Mick Jagger has to be on some kind of amphetamine endorsed coma--- Nobody can dance and sing for four hours without running out of breathe…and Mick Jagger never, ever, ever, runs out of breath.

At least, I’ve never seen it.

No, I was astounded that they were so bloody well good at it! Lip-synching!

Since I spent half my life in bands, I actually KNOW what happens and how it sounds when the guitar player falls down and remains unconscious. It’s pretty much like a 747 taking off backwards. I mean, in LIVE music, everyone onstage goes--.”ahhhhh” and then starts another song…

Okay, folks, looks like our guitar player had just a little too much, wax on his shoes…so…he’ll be back, we’re taking a short break, we need to pick him up…so.…don’t you go away!”

I also witnessed a saxophone player once play with a broken jaw the whole night because he had been beaten up on the way to the job and robbed, so therefore, he needed the money. (I witnessed this because, I as the leader of the band, (playing drums) was in sheer mortal fear the whole night that he might fall down any second from his injuries and loss of blood, and the whole BAND wouldn’t get paid !)

We needed the money just to get back to town. None of us wanted to spend the night in the van, in the middle of winter.

(Sorry about getting off the title…band memories just happen…like bad gas.)

Anyway, because I was actually the only person at that concert who was NOT stoned and who realized that the Rolling Stones were just playing along with their own recording--I really didn’t care. I’m thinking at least half the acts do it now. Especially if there is a lot of dancing, you can bet they do. They just turn up the mikes when they talk…it’s all rehearsed.

Still, the Aussies have an excellent point. If you are going to pay that much money, then you deserve to hear the singer actually sing! Right?

So, Brittany’s Not Perfect. She can’t dance and sing at the same time. She also likes to go bald headed. But, I will cut her some slack here. After all, Drew Barrymore once stood up on Dave Letterman’s desk and boob-flashed him. Someday, Brittany will admit that she really is a Lesbian, and we’ll all feel better about the whole thing. I also suggest she get that dimple fixed.

Okay, that made no sense…what can I say? Nobody’s Perfect.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello my lovely Joy, 'tis Amfortas.

I can help you with the Jagger thingo. You see, his lips are a distinct but Alien entity that is symbiotically associated with the rest of him - the bigger part which serves the purpose of keeping said lips 5' or 6' feet from the ground and facing roughly forward. His lips actually 'control' him while they sing, which explains why on complicated lingusitic parts he seems to flop and fall all over the place. And the jerky movements.

His lips actually devised the famous strutting pace around the stage; a sort of 'breathing space' while the lips get on with the next line or two uninterrupted by concentration on holding him upright.

Its what people pay to see.

Not the drummer. Hahahahaa

9:51 PM  

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