Friday, December 04, 2009

Arnold (Lex Luthor) Schwarzenegger







Nobody Flashes: Where have we seen this before?
SCENE: Alcatraz...prison. Lex Luthor and his sidekick Otis are watching the news. (From the movie Superman)
Otis: Hey Luthor, who is that guy?
Lex Luthor: That, you idiot, is our governor..Arnold Schwarzenegger. You gotta hand it to this guy...he is using my plan.
Otis: What plan is that?
Lex Luthor: Well, Superman stopped me, but I almost pulled it off. I was going to put those two nuclear missiles on the San Andreas fault, and then California was going to fall into the sea, and since I bought up all the land in Nevada, when California sank into the sea, I would have owned all the prime ocean-shore real estate! Now, look at this guy Arnold. He is stealing my idea!
Otis: But Luthor....How can he nuke the San Andreas fault? He's the governor of California! He doesn't have any nukes, does he?
Lex Luthor: No...you dimwit! He's got something even better! He is going to use HARP...to cause a tsunami, and the title wave alone will cause the whole of San Francisco to fall apart! It's brilliant. Everyone knows Arnold has been buying up prime California real estate ever since he made a fortune on those Gold Gyms. And he's even got those Google guys in on it with him...he will do it, and blame it all on global warming...it's colossal! It's so fantastically brilliant I could have thought of it myself! He will then own all the prime real estate around San Francisco...and he can keep it up, causing tsunami's and floods until he owns the whole state of California! Damn... Just think what I could do with that HARP project...if only Superman wasn't such a good guy, I could have gladly given him San Francisco...because it would have been under the sea after I was done with it...
Otis: Luthor..what's an HARP?
Lex Luthor: It's a top secret government military weapon, it sends a powerful magnetic signal into the atmosphere, and it can be used to cause earthquakes, and volcanoes, it's even better than a nuke because it's so top secret! They can control the weather and use it to attack and destroy, and then blame it on global warming! It's the perfect weapon, becuase you can alway blame mother nature. What I could do with HARP...even Arnold would be amazed.
Otis: Oh. (Otis is thinking...)
Wait Luthor, you promised me a piece of land...named Otisville.
Lex Luthor: Tell you what Otis: if you write the governor and tell him I've got a better plan for him, then I'll give you....Yakipa.
Otis: You will Luthor? (Otis has no idea where that is.)
Lex Luthor: Sure Otis, now, get out of my way. I've got a letter to write.
(Nobody Makes this stuff up)

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