Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Prostitution of a Woman's Mind




Nobody Cares: Men--if you have a daughter, pay attention; I could cover this subject with a book, but I'm cutting to the chase with two examples in order for all fathers out there to guard themselves against making this very serious mistake with their daughters.

And that's on the subject on how you react when you notice your little girl is no longer your little girl.

Example one: I was reading Raquel Welch's book, "Beyond the Cleavage" and came upon this;

At the salon, they cut my hair off to just above the shoulder and then curled it into a bouncy '50 style. I was still getting used to it when I walked through the front door of our home. My dad took one look at me and hit the ceiling. He was furious! He wasted little time before putting my head under the bathroom faucet and soaking it through. The offensive curls went limp. I was thoroughly humiliated. According to my father, only whores and harlots wore their hair loose. The next day I had to have the rest of my hair cut off. Dad was so worried. I hadn't even hit puberty yet. Is it any wonder that one day I would end up a sex symbol? On the one hand he was overly strict about things like my hair; but on the other hand, he reacted positively and noticeable too overtly sexy women. It was hypocritical and maddening!

After reading this I started to wonder, just how common this was ?

Back in the sixties, before this nobody could even imagine what "sex" was, my father one day, did not like the mini-skirt (which was all the rage) I had on. You see, I was sixteen, and dating an older fellow, who was about as respectful as could be...almost like a brother. One afternoon, I went for a ride with him and one of his friends. We were more like the Harry Potter trio. But, to my father, I was a whore...simply because I got into a car with two men. and as soon as got back, and walked into the door, my father threw me against the wall, called me a whore, and took his fist, and punched me directly in the stomach, after I had asked, "What's a whore?"

Sorry, the world "whore" had never shown up on a Beatles album.

I was shocked, and terribly hurt, (more psychologically) because I knew I had only innocently "kissed" this guy once...on the lips...like a peck.

My father told me I was grounded for two weeks, and he wanted me to break up with the guy.
I will never forget what my boyfriend "John" did after that. Two days later he came over, marched into our front door, took my hand right in front of my father, and told him what he thought about him. My father was so shocked that this little "intellectual dweb" had stood up to him, he never said another word to either of us again.

I didn't talk to him for years.

Of course, I hated him for much of my young life after that. And I'm sure that devastated him.

Later on, we made up, because he lovingly became a great father to my son, who's own father was also a bully.

Now, I'm not a follower of psychology---but if you are a father, and maybe your young daughter is starting to look to you like a "whore," and your angry because you can't protect her from all the men out there who think much the same as you might have or still do, then hold your temper.

Go cut down a tree. Get yourself a chainsaw and go for it.

Remember, be her buddy from the time she is a child, and this scene will never happen. It should be the fathers that tell the daughters the lines, the thoughts, and the reality of other men's intentions, so she can arm herself. After all, women don't know how men's minds work...and who else is going to teach her the ropes?

And then, even if you don't like her boyfriends...remember, all kids have to make mistakes.

For God's sake, don't call the daughters whores before they even know what the words mean. Even if by today's pornified media blitz, they probably already do know.

Oh, and don't call them "pigs" either.

In fact, I think we should limit that word to prostitutes and politicians.

And that's my Nobody's Opinion.

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas considers...:

.... this piece, carefully. I can see right where you are coming from. The 'over-reaction' and inflicting of violence is not in need of excuse. And of course a dad should be the bestest buddy a girls should have.

But...let us not be too quick to grasp at the 'easy' rationales as to why he acts that way. I say 'acts' (present tense) because it still happens, just as not speaking to dad again for years and years still happens. The devastation of the latter is totally out of proportion though and far more so than even being called a whore.

But why does dad react that way at all? To his bestest little buddy? It certainly does not appear out of the blue, isolated from every other aspect of family life.

Perhaps considering some of those other common aspects that impact on dad, prior to and contemporary with his little girl growing up and changing into a desirable teen, might thrown a more illuminating light rather than an interrogators spotlight.

His views were always listened to by his little girl, even while she was practicing all the small cuts, copying her older sisters who were copying their mother in putting him down at every opportunity. His influence was always undemined. Dad the dullard was still a hero in her young eyes and now here she is turning into the same awful manipulative female he has always dreaded.

She is not doing this deliberately of course. But what little influence he had is fast being pushed away. His 'Protection' was always resented. Not by her, but mainly by her chief rival. He had 'copped' it for years and borne he cross - for her. Now he sees he has lost.

Yes, he can over-react. No, there is no excuse for violence. But there is no excuse for the emotional violence of ostracision either.

Neither party has any experience and have to discover the way through this transition. Very few do it well. But guess who suffers the most. Poor you. Poor Racquel. Dad doesn't usually speak badly of his little buddy though, nor publish books dealing him further unwarranted blows.

Where is the empathy. The Love. It is easy to dwell on one's own hurts, as Raquel does, but what of his?

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas considers...:

.... this piece, carefully. I can see right where you are coming from. The 'over-reaction' and inflicting of violence is not in need of excuse. And of course a dad should be the bestest buddy a girls should have.

But...let us not be too quick to grasp at the 'easy' rationales as to why he acts that way. I say 'acts' (present tense) because it still happens, just as not speaking to dad again for years and years still happens. The devastation of the latter is totally out of proportion though and far more so than even being called a whore.

But why does dad react that way at all? To his bestest little buddy? It certainly does not appear out of the blue, isolated from every other aspect of family life.

Perhaps considering some of those other common aspects that impact on dad, prior to and contemporary with his little girl growing up and changing into a desirable teen, might thrown a more illuminating light rather than an interrogators spotlight.

His views were always listened to by his little girl, even while she was practicing all the small cuts, copying her older sisters who were copying their mother in putting him down at every opportunity. His influence was always undemined. Dad the dullard was still a hero in her young eyes and now here she is turning into the same awful manipulative female he has always dreaded.

She is not doing this deliberately of course. But what little influence he had is fast being pushed away. His 'Protection' was always resented. Not by her, but mainly by her chief rival. He had 'copped' it for years and borne he cross - for her. Now he sees he has lost.

Yes, he can over-react. No, there is no excuse for violence. But there is no excuse for the emotional violence of ostracision either.

Neither party has any experience and have to discover the way through this transition. Very few do it well. But guess who suffers the most. Poor you. Poor Racquel. Dad doesn't usually speak badly of his little buddy though, nor publish books dealing him further unwarranted blows.

Where is the empathy. The Love. It is easy to dwell on one's own hurts, as Raquel does, but what of his?

3:27 AM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Well, we all have pain, don't we?

But to humiliate others, especially your children...or use violence, is just plain...

Stupid.

My father never apologized for hitting me. And I don't beleive Raquel ever got one either.

A simple "hug and kiss and I'm sorry I was wrong== would have saved my father from years of pain."

But, when one is not wise enough to admit mistakes, you must carry the burden.

That's life. It's a lesson some people learn, and some don't.

The people you love are BOUND to hurt you...sometime or another..for whatever reasons. When you hurt them, you say you're sorry.

Works every time.

And it's funny. I never realized that it was actaully THAT moment that I lost respect for my dad. I figured it was up to him to gain my love back.

Or let me say this, I was convinced I was worthless because my father had so little trust and love for me, that he would even do such a thing.

My self-esteem took a big dive. I honestly thought that no man would ever think I was special.Not a good way to go through your "dating" period.

Besides, it's the principle of the thing. You just don't accuse people of crimes, out of the thin blue air.

Men don't like it, and neither do women.

You know, fathers are SOOOO important to a woman's image of themselves. More books should be written about this, but now that Man basing is the NEW WORLD ORDER...it's not likely to be.

Now, if a man is close to his daughter he is suspected of incest...it's getting so ridiculous.

But back to "HIS" pain.

Your reasoning is much the same as "the women who was raped was asking for it."

Or..."the people who were enslaved deserved to be"

I still hold, the parent should at all times, keep their senses. I DON"T consider an adult's "pain" an excuse for humiliating the innocent.

And that's means...like I said...if you are angry as a man...for whatever reason..go cut down a tree, or play golf.

My dad played a lot of golf. (Thanks to my mother's working, he got to play every single day) And the years past.

And by the way, I still love my dad,== he is gone now. He did the best he could, I could have had a worse one. I always remember the good times too.

I took care of him throughout his old age...and when he had a stroke, he finally (due to brain damage told me he loved me, and actaully once said I looked pretty!)

It was one of the best days of my life! I cried when he said it...and even though he was in the hospital, and paralzyed, and spittle was coming out of his mouth, it was just great!

Years later, I learned of probably what made him as he was...he had served in the Pacific as a seebee...and would NEVER talk about it. He saw a LOT of horror.

I have said many a "nice" thing about him, amfortas, *many a story") it's just Raquel's memories brought back that particular one of mine.

I bought it up to bring up the hard time men have when their daughters come into puberty. I've heard many of them say how hard it is for them to see their little girls being taken out by boys.

People do what they do. You only have...one family. Even the worse serial killer will not talk against their mothers.

All the experts say that.

Sad...but true.

Thanks for commenting on this one Amfortas! You are always..so thoughtful, and full of all sides of the issues!

Horay! Let's drink to the bad memories,and to the future good ones!

9:57 PM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Well, we all have pain, don't we?

But to humiliate others, especially your children...or use violence, is just plain...

Stupid.

My father never apologized for hitting me. And I don't beleive Raquel ever got one either.

A simple "hug and kiss and I'm sorry I was wrong== would have saved my father from years of pain."

But, when one is not wise enough to admit mistakes, you must carry the burden.

That's life. It's a lesson some people learn, and some don't.

The people you love are BOUND to hurt you...sometime or another..for whatever reasons. When you hurt them, you say you're sorry.

Works every time.

And it's funny. I never realized that it was actaully THAT moment that I lost respect for my dad. I figured it was up to him to gain my love back.

Or let me say this, I was convinced I was worthless because my father had so little trust and love for me, that he would even do such a thing.

My self-esteem took a big dive. I honestly thought that no man would ever think I was special.Not a good way to go through your "dating" period.

Besides, it's the principle of the thing. You just don't accuse people of crimes, out of the thin blue air.

Men don't like it, and neither do women.

You know, fathers are SOOOO important to a woman's image of themselves. More books should be written about this, but now that Man basing is the NEW WORLD ORDER...it's not likely to be.

Now, if a man is close to his daughter he is suspected of incest...it's getting so ridiculous.

But back to "HIS" pain.

Your reasoning is much the same as "the women who was raped was asking for it."

Or..."the people who were enslaved deserved to be"

I still hold, the parent should at all times, keep their senses. I DON"T consider an adult's "pain" an excuse for humiliating the innocent.

And that's means...like I said...if you are angry as a man...for whatever reason..go cut down a tree, or play golf.

My dad played a lot of golf. (Thanks to my mother's working, he got to play every single day) And the years past.

And by the way, I still love my dad,== he is gone now. He did the best he could, I could have had a worse one. I always remember the good times too.

I took care of him throughout his old age...and when he had a stroke, he finally (due to brain damage told me he loved me, and actaully once said I looked pretty!)

It was one of the best days of my life! I cried when he said it...and even though he was in the hospital, and paralzyed, and spittle was coming out of his mouth, it was just great!

Years later, I learned of probably what made him as he was...he had served in the Pacific as a seebee...and would NEVER talk about it. He saw a LOT of horror.

I have said many a "nice" thing about him, amfortas, *many a story") it's just Raquel's memories brought back that particular one of mine.

I bought it up to bring up the hard time men have when their daughters come into puberty. I've heard many of them say how hard it is for them to see their little girls being taken out by boys.

People do what they do. You only have...one family. Even the worse serial killer will not talk against their mothers.

All the experts say that.

Sad...but true.

Thanks for commenting on this one Amfortas! You are always..so thoughtful, and full of all sides of the issues!

Horay! Let's drink to the bad memories,and to the future good ones!

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

I have a strong empathy with everything you said, Joyanna. Except for this bit - "Your reasoning is much the same as "the women who was raped was asking for it."

I am not saying that at all and I have agreed with you in the past that people's behaviour, even a young person's, has consequences.

But that apart, It is terribly sad when someone cannot say sorry. It is terribly sad that when they do they are not forgiven. It is terribly sad when a hug and a kiss is rejected.

More thoughfulness - the pain a dad feels when his little girl rejects his love and care and hopes and dreams for her for years and years, is just as hard to bear. His self-esteem plummets too.

My goodness but do we not hurt the ones we love, all too easily.

At least you took the opportunity to reaffirm Love. Well done dear friend.

7:37 PM  

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