Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Nobody's Perfect: Parker VS McCain

Nobody's Perfect: Parker Vs McCain

Here we have two very famous "Americans" who, it seems, have JUST discovered this week that they are finally actually proud to be called...AMERICANS:

Sarah Jessica Parker and John McCain

(Pause for applause)

I watched Sarah this week on the television series, Who do you think you are? For those of you not familiar with this...they are taking very famous celebrities and hooking them up with professional genealogists. Sarah searchers for her ancestors, and when she finds that she is a direct descendant of one of the Salem Witches she gets so excited that she announces to the whole world the astounding revelation that... "I am...an American! WOW. (pauses) I never felt like I was an American (I guess being born in Ohio was not enough of a clue)...but wow(pause)...wow....(pause)...wow...I am an American!"
Personally, I wish our President would discover this same amazing enlightenment, but in the meantime...we're all so happy for Sarah...finding out she was actually...something else besides a walking ad for Prada.

And then we have John McCain, who is so confused about America, he just can't believe it's not merged with Mexico yet---which means his mother is still alive and talking to him.

He is running for re-election in Arizona, and it seems he forgot not only which party he is in, but what day it is...as we can tell from this conversation, which was caught by accident on Obama's hated blackberry...(source unknown)

Sarah: Hi John! Oooooo... I hear you're running for re-election in Arizona...how cool!

John: Yes Sarah, it's been a pretty tough run. Actually, I really want to win this one.

Sarah: Well then John...you should just get rid of that Palin...you know, she is a bit much. I just HATE her voice, and she is just sooo annoying...you know, she really doesn't kill moose like she says...and her taste in shoes are the worst! For God's sake, who dresses that woman?

John: Yeah, but hey...(he-he) she's not as cute as you...Why don't you come down and help me on the campaign trail? I could use some real sex appeal you know. You could wear that cute little hat that I saw you in...By the way, where did you get that?

Sarah: Oh...I got it in Paris! I just LOVE Paris! There is LOTS of sex in Paris! In fact, that's all they do there is eat and have sex...that's why I've never felt American you know..I just love sex and hats, and being adored everywhere I go... in America they sometimes make fun of me, but NEVER in Paris....but hey...did you hear? I'm a descendant of one of the Salem Witches...how cool is that?...I really AM an American!

John: Well, you were born here right?

Sarah:....pause...I think so.

John: Then you are an American. Just think of all those poor Latino kids who were born here...being torn from their mothers all over our fine country...mothers who came here looking for help...We need to get them homes Sarah... and food, and amnesty, and voter registration cards...Please, it sure would be spiffy if you would help me out here Sarah. And if you bring all those other sexy girls from your movie...I'll set you up at the spa down the street from my house...it's really got a nice hot tub...and...Sarah...I need help. The polls aren't looking too good.

Sarah: Well... John you can't help it if the majority of the American people are just stupid and raciest...that's not YOUR fault. All that you did for your country...they should respect you...you're a hero. HEY...you're an AMERICAN hero just like my ancestor witch lady!
She was tortured too!

John: Well thanks Jessica.

Sarah: Hey John...you're not really going to built a fence are you?

John; No, I'm not going to built no dang fence Sarah, that's un-American. But...you know, I've just got to get reelected, so I have to pretend I'm going to do it...

Sarah: Pretend? Oh...is it like faking an orgasm?

John: (He,He)...Well, I never thought of it that way, but since you mentioned it...

Sarah:(Breaks in before John can finish) ... Okay, I'll do it...call my agent tomorrow..I want to tell everyone how proud I am to be an American, and it will help my new movie coming out...where I go to Abuu Dubeee, and have wild sex without getting arrested! You would just LOVE my movie John..can I wear my hat?

John: You'd better! (That way I'll be sure and recognize her...I'm getting too old for this stuff...turns to aid..."What does this girl do again?")

Sarah: Okay..talk to you on Saturday.

John: Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow, and don't forget your orgasm...I mean broom... I mean...hat.

Sarah: No silly, call me on Saturday! Today is Wednesday...it's the day I get my Botox! Wait, John...were you the guy that did that Viagra commercial?

John; Oh...does that stuff work?

It was here Obama lost the connection because he got an important call from his stock broker. ....Sorry.

This week it's another tossup: Two Americans, who should be Americans--- who can't decide whether being an American is really cool at the moment...but in the meantime, they will both fake it. Nobody's Perfect.

(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up and Has a lot of Fun doing it!)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says...:

... McCain, you've done it again! What a nice old buffer he is but he should have stuck with being a warrior. The only use for politicians is to show there are worse things than the Mafia.

As for 'bubbly' Sarah, the distant past shows up a few things too. Can you imagine "sex in the City" being made under the oppressive Patriarchy? Maybe they didn't do away with the right witches in Salem. But they tried !

Maybe Sarah can go on Survivors next.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

HA!....I don't think she would survive without her Prada..I fear she would be burned at the stake for sheer idiotocarcy. Good idea!

4:02 PM  

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