Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Trixie: The True Purpose of Pork

Nobody Cares: I COULD write about the new benevolent graces of our President, who decided to not tax the "rich" for TWO more years, and that means that we should all expect gas taxes, property taxes, and maybe even another retail tax to come our way...but let's not.

I want to write about Trixie, the amazing pig.

It 's funny how these little delightful things come into your life, isn't it? You know, most of us have never given pigs much thought. We eat them for breakfast.

But first: Let me set you up on how I met this little delight.

This Christmas, to make ends meet, more people than ever before are making crafts, and entering "Holiday Bazaars" which go on in every city.

So, last Saturday, my friend Pat and I traveled downtown St. Louis to go to the BIGGEST HOLIDAY bazaar this side of the Amazon....or so the flyer said. Over ninety vendors were going to be there, along with great choirs, a carnival for the kids, Santa, many elves and gifts..and..wow.

And for the price of a ten -dollar ticket--- WE LET YOU SHOP! That's like the Democrats saying...and for the price of half your salary--- WE LET YOU LIVE.

Now normally, I would have considered this a rip-off but I had a mission. My friend and I had seen these Himalayan Crystal Salt Lamps at another bazaar, and I wanted to get her one for Christmas. Basically, it's a big salt rock with a tiny light bulb inside....probably made in China, but hey...I called the guy who sold these lamps and he swore to me he would be there.

As soon as we walked in, I got upset. The little old lady volunteer elves were handing out Mardi Gras necklaces, to ONLY the kids.

Hey...for ten bucks, I felt cheated. I don't care if I not exactly six. I could have seen a movie, for ten bucks. I could have had a meal at Taco Bell for ten bucks. That necklace cost all of maybe thirty cents in China...and (Okay, I'll stop.)

As we walked around, searching in vain for the lamps, we noticed we seemed to be one of the few suckers in the city that paid ten dollars to do this....you know...walk around and feel stupid.

The place was practically empty. Walking down the aisles passing the desperate vendors, who were also at the same time, figuring out they were going to lose a lot of money that day, was like walking through a mine field. They were the very same vendors we had seen last weekend for only three dollars...and most of them recognized us.

The advertized ninety booths were more like...twenty -four. The kids carnival...empty. Santa never did show up. And there is only so many times you can say, "No, I really don't want to pick up the lotion petal looking flower thingy and feel it."

I was getting madder by the minute. Where was the Himalayan Crystal Lamp guy?

Okay, I had to fess up. I felt robbed. The lamps were forty dollars, and the price just went up ten. I was bumming out and feeling pretty stupid

But then....there she was: Trixie.

In a tiny little pen, she sat. NO one was around her. In this big cavern of a football stadium, she stood alone, with her master. The pen next to her... a couple of sheep.

The lady trainer who stood in the pen with her, had spent so much time and love making little Trixie look special. And right away, she was delighted, when we walked up.

"Want to see Trixie do some tricks?" she said to us.

"You BET!"

And then, Trixie, the amazing pig...backed up, went in-between her trainers legs, snorted, jumped, did circles right and left, sat, caught treats, and on, on and on and on..

"Wow...how many tricks does she know?"

"Oh, she LOVES to do tricks, because she love to eat. She'll eat anything."

Trixie knew more tricks than Barney Frank has forgotten.

It seemed Trixie was not only smarter than my dogs, but actually did a trick I wish my husband would learn: She could pick up any size coin off the ground, with her mouth and give it to her master.

You haven't seen anything until you see a pig pick up a a quarter with its mouth, and NOT eat it. When you consider the size of their mouths...it's truly a miracle. (A trick all of Congress would do well to learn.)

All the time her little tail was twitching in delight.

As I watched the obvious intelligent of the adorable little Trixie, I thought to myself, "Oh my God, I'm eating these things!"

She was the most amazing pig I have ever seen.

As we left, I was complaining to the management about the Crystal Lamp guy not being there, and maybe I should have asked for my ten dollar back, but... I had to admit, Trixie gave me much more than ten dollars worth of a memory. How many hours it took to train that pig, I have no idea, but a more lovable pig I have never seen.

She was worth every penny.

So, least you think I can stay off of politics for just one day--- THINK AGAIN.

I think the Democratic Party should change their mascot from a donkey to a pig.

Think about it. Pigs are intelligent animals, and will do anything for a handout, as we have witnessed time and time again. And they LOVE pork. Donkey on the other hand are hard to control, but not pigs. Just like liberals, promise them free pork and they will do just about anything.

So, what's the moral of this story? In the words of Mick Jagger:

"'You may not always get what you want...but you can get what you need."

I needed that little pig's happy tricks last Saturday. I didn't find my friend a crystal lamp, but I what I did find was an enduring memory I can treasure forever, of both of us, sharing the laughter and amazement of a little amazing pig named Trixie.

And Pat (who is a professional photographer) took these pictures for us to treasure forever.
I think she captured Trixie perfectly.

Thanks Trixie. That'll do...



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

Another memorable piece straight from Joy's heart.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Thanks amfortas! A pig's heart at that!

11:02 PM  

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