Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Nobody’s Opinion; The mangy dogs of dictators were all over New York today…their masters cruising the halls of the United Nations. The kennels of New York were reeking with the sheer mass of BS doggie excrement.

I was certainly glad to be here.

The star dog of course, was Hugo Chavez, that Venezuela beauty whose face is a cross between a pug and a transvestite boxer on Valentine’s Day.

When he spoke of President Bush as being “the Devil” there was thunderous applauds all around. Hugo won “Best in Show” just by sheer tenacity.

He was pompously prancing! Doggie poetry in motion! The judges at Westminster were taking prodigious notes.

At the end of the lease was his trainer, Al Gore.

Hugo must be getting some tasty treats for every one of his clever tricks. He is so concerned about global warming, the hole in the ozone, radioactive clouds, the warming of the oceans, and the increase of carbon dioxide (while he sells you the very oil that fuels it) and Katrina, that he forgets to mention that in his own country, waste management is not an option.

He did so well in show that Al Gore decided he would let him out at night.

He said that he feels so sorry for the American people. Actually, I do too, because there are going to be too many Americans that fall for his communism disguised as mock compassion, especially those that do not speak English.

Hugo peed on every corner of America; no fire hydrant was left unmarked. And when he peed on President Bush, it was the highlight of the show.

Jimmy Carter, his owner, has spent a bucket load on this dog. Jimmy Carter is known as the dog whisperer of dictators. He knows just how to get them to heel.

Jimmy---“Here boy…good boy…sit.”

“Now Chavez, you must not forget to mention that it’s time now for the United Nations to move out of New York into a new city, an international city somewhere, with it’s own sovereignty, somewhere in South America where it’s warm, somewhere near Cancun. (I do lust) With all these new surveillances that George is putting in, nobody wants to come here anymore. Besides, New York is not safe for dictators anymore. We can’t even get a good table at Spago’s. If there’s a fire, we are all in trouble.”

Chavez---ruff. (Jimmy hands him a treat.)

Jimmy---“Also, don’t forget to mention that the role of Secretary General has got to have more power. He has to be able to go in and seize any property belonging to any company in any nation. We need international laws to prosecute criminals like the Bushes and Tony Blair, and we need courts and taxes to abide over every country, to overrule anyone else’s laws. You got that?”

Chavez---ruff. Pants… (Jimmy throws him another treat)

Jimmy---“Good boy.”

“Also, don’t forget to bark about universal health care, that’s very important. Oh…and tell the American people their government lies to them, and that they are really run by the Mafia.”

“And be sure to mention that the United Nations needs to go back to the original plan of complete New World Order conceived at Breton Woods.”

Chavez---ruff ruff…”Breton Woods”...ruff. (Jimmy throws him another treat)

Jimmy--- “Good boy! Now sit. Sit. Get down!”

“Stay…now Chavez…Be sure to let the American people know how much you love them…throw in the expressions, “For the people, by the people” those words the Americans will know.”

“This is a hard trick I know, Ahmadinejad had trouble with it, but I know with repetition, you can bark it.”

Chavez----ruff ruff…ruff, “people”… grrrrrrrrrrrr

Jimmy—“Its okay boy, as long as you try to bark it, no one will know you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Now, remember…Don’t forget to cross yourself, and try not to hump anyone in public, that got that dog Bill in a lot of trouble. Be a good dog!”

In walks X- President, dog trainer, owner, and all around horny dog himself, Bill Clinton.

Bill----“Hi Jimmy! How’s it going with Chavez?”

Jimmy---“I’m very pleased, that dog really wants to please! He has so much energy; he’d make a good circus dog someday. How’s it coming with that little pip Ahmadinejad? You know, he’s awful puny Bill…you need to get him groomed by a professional. And he looks sick Has he got worms?”

Bill---“Hee...Hee...well, I’ll tell you a secret, he’s not really a dog, he’s a weasel that we’re passing off as a dog. But, he’s so mean underneath that fuzzy face that no-one has questioned us on it. You know the press, they won’t ask questions about it. Just don’t say anything.”

“I’m having trouble handling him though. He keeps barking about the Holocaust never happening and how the Palestinians got their land taking from them. I did manage to get him on Mike Wallace, and Brian Williams, and with that young rich kid, Anderson Cooper and he sounded pretty convincing. He does much better when the lights are on him, and you make him sit in the right chair. Sometimes he just doesn’t listen to me though, and he gets a little wild and does what he wants. But, I can’t help like the little booger, he’s so much like me! In fact, I think he’s trying to imitate me, which shows you just how smart he is!

“With a little more work from me on attacking President Bush, I think he’ll make a fine show dog someday. Right now though, I’m having trouble controlling his natural instincts, which are to lie, and steal, and bite every dog around him. He’s also hard to catch.”

“But all in all, my CGI show went on just as well as could be expected, and I’d say we came out pretty well in this show, Jimmy!”

“Hey, that cute little pixie poodle, Laura Bush, is over at my show talking right now. She’s a real pedigree you know? I wish Hillary had more of that genetic breeding in her.

I just love to get near her..wanna go see her show?”

Jimmy…”Naw, I’ve got to take Chavez out for a walk, I’ll see you later. Bye-Bye now!”

So, just who did let the dogs out today in New York?

And why where the dogs in Congress, who are usually the loudest and most annoying barkers in the world, quiet?

Nobody’s Perfect; Ahmadinejad, the real master of pit bulls jihads said today;
“Our people are very free. They have direct contact with the President.”

Brian Williams said nothing to this absurd statement. What it means is that all the people of Iran have a direct line to hear his orders. Freedom is so far removed from this guy’s brain; he doesn’t even know that what he said is blatantly stupid. But then again, Brain Williams didn’t realize it was a stupid statement either.

They both have fleas.

Nobody Knows; Bill Clinton was on Larry King tonight blaming President Bush for going into Iraq without inspections. (Leaving out the 19 mandates by the United Nations) Also, he said HE would have gone into Iraq to get Bin Laden.

Just how long is Bill Clinton going to keep trying to rewrite history to cover up his egregious actions in history?

Nobody Cares; Answer; As long as old hounddogs howl at the moon.

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