Michael Moore Does Bagdad with Marshmallows

Nobody’s Opinion; I got an e-mail from a “liberal” friend today, who sent me an article/letter that Michael Moore had written. My friend’s comments were; “You might not like Michael Moore, but here’s the facts, sweetie.”

I just love it when he calls me sweetie.

When I think of Michael Moore in my mind, I usually have a picture of the giant Stay-Puff Marshmallow man in the movie, Ghostbusters. You know---the one who walks through New York City and destroys everything with big wads of marshmallow goop.

Can you see the connection?

Anyway, let’s take some of the things Michael says, and give it some thought.

Michael says: Tomorrow marks the day that we will have been in Iraq longer than we were in all of World War II. We were able to defeat all of Nazi Germany, Mussolini, and the entire Japanese empire in LESS time than it’s taken the world’s only superpower to secure the road from the airport to downtown Baghdad.

Nobody; Gee Michael, just why do you think that is? Back in WWII, when men were allowed to be men, when Americans were allowed to ‘KILL’ the enemy, and that INCLUDED civilians, woman, children and all their houses and places of worship, it was much easier to win a war. If we were ALLOWED to fight like we did in that war, we could have bombed Bagdad in about one day…made another Dresden pancake. Oh, and don’t forget Truman dropping the two big radioactive gumdrops. Try again.

Michael says: We can’t protect ourselves from a homemade device of two tin cans placed in a pothole.

Nobody; Well, our soldiers are not allowed to fire at anyone, unless they are under attack. But anyone who’s been in a war, knows that in that game, you lose because you CAN”T fire back, because of the fact that you are probably dead. It’s the Democrats that have tied our boy’s hands, and put them in mortal danger. It’s a really stupid way to fight a war. You should try it sometime.

Come on over to my house and we’ll have a game of “You can’t throw the pie at me until I throw FIRST!” I’m sure you would love it. Just for you, I will bake a really BIG pie, in a really BIG steel pie case. I’ll load up the whip cream to soften the blow, because I don’t actually think you’re evil, just mental.

And Michael, I would like to see you say that to the soldiers in person. Go ahead, stand with them face to face and belittle them for not being able to save their buddies. I’d like to come along and make a movie of YOU talking to them.

We’ll call it “Michael Moore goes Tin Can Hunting in Bagdad.”

Michael says: It is a lost war, lost because it never had a right to be won. Lost by men who hide behind others sent to fight and die.

Nobody; Michael, you’ve been listening to old Bob Dylan albums again. When Hillary becomes President, then by your reasoning she should be sent to the front lines. Good idea. After all, George Washington led men into battle. I believe in women’s liberation, and so does Hillary. She needs to prove herself manly enough to lead the nation.

I suggest we get her over there for training right away. After all, she doesn’t even have to come back to campaign. Tom Delay has told us she will be President because she has the money, and he should know.

Michael says; According to a recent poll conducted by the University of Maryland: 71% of all Iraqis now want the U.S. out of Iraq.

Nobody; The University of Maryland? That’s not much of an authority on anything, is it Michael? What---was this done by the freshman class? Did they take a field trip to Iraq and poll all the people? Where did you get that fact? When was the last time you were in Maryland? When you went bowling?

Michael says: There are many ways to liberate a country. Usually, the residents of that country rise up and liberate themselves.

Nobody: I don’t know if you have noticed lately Mikey, but the concept of “freedom” is not exactly a talking point of the Muslim religion. In fact, you say our country did it, but our country had been practicing “freedom” for over 100 years before the revolution.

It might take a whole generation before they “get” it…but maybe if you went over there to Iraq, you could help out. Why haven’t you done that Michael?

You could name the documentary, “Michael Moore is Dying for Freedom in Bagdad”

Maybe you could win an award for keeping Wal-Mart out of Saddam’s City.

Michael says: “A country can HELP another people overthrow a tyrant (that’s what the French did for us in our revolution), but after you help them, you leave. Immediately. The French didn’t stay and tell us how to set up our government. They didn’t say, “We’re not leaving because we want your natural resources.”

Nobody: I’m going to go easy with you on this one, simply because your passion is so…well…like a warm and fuzzy Dr. Seuss lost in “Why can’t the world be better if we all wear blue shoes?” land.

France wanted something in return for her help in the Revolution. And it wasn’t just the presence of Benjamin Franklin’s funny hats, wonderful stories, and late night drunken feasts with the French woman. They expected not only western land, fishing rights, and money, but an actual say in the new government itself.

If not for the stubbornness of John Adams, who was the only one fighting the French ministers: who fought for our independence on every point with the French so much, they hated his guts, America would be partly owned by the French. And when the whole thing was about to collapse, when the war was about to be lost… it wasn’t the French who jumped in, it was the efforts of one short, stubby, and unpopular John Adams who went to the Dutch and got the money to win the war. (all by himself, I might add.)

Its okay Michael, I know you mean well, you’re just a few bowling balls short of a split.

Michael says: But at our core we are a good people. We may be slow, but that “Mission Accomplished” banner struck us as odd, and soon we began to ask some questions.

Nobody; Yes, we are a good people, I agree. But sometimes we have people with rotten cores that don’t know that inside the apple, there are worms, and frankly, don’t care.

The spin the media put on that wonderful American image was a disgrace. I thought the moment when our President landed the plane and gave thanks to the men and woman on that destroyer was absolutely one of the best moments of his office.

Those men and women deserved his attention...

And all I took the banner to mean, was that “Mission Accomplished” meant that the men and woman ON THAT SHIP had done their jobs and could take a break. I didn’t take it at the time that we were through in Iraq. In fact, he said so on in his speech on the boat.

BUT Noooooo…Stay-Puff boy has a short attention span. He thought it was a documentary.

By the way, at least President George W. Bush can fit into a fighting jet.

Michael says; This is what we demand; bring the troops home now. We’ve lost. There are few evils worse than waging a war based on a lie, invading another country because you want what they have buried under the ground.

Nobody; Hey, I’m with you. Who started that lie? The lie that every single leader of every single nation in the world believed. Who? Mmmmm? There was a couple, good friends of Bill Clinton, something about a “rumor” in Africa? A CIA wife sends her bored of being in the Hampton’s husband to Africa…disinformation…works every time.

And now Michael, the Democrats are crying for MORE troops.

I bet it just upsets your beanie French pajamas that we have a President who is going to let the boys have one more Christmas at home.

After all, it may be their last. But what’s that you say? Why, thousands of troops should be sent NOW…how dare he let them stay home for Christmas with their families, it’s not what the people want.

Gee Michael…you were a Roman Catholic and an Eagle Scout...I suggest you hurry over and get yourself a gun. Maybe others will follow.

Michael says; As much as people of good heart and conscience don’t want to believe this, as much as it kills us to accept defeat, there is nothing we can do to undo the damage we have done. If you were to drive drunk down the road and you killed a child, there would be nothing you could to bring that child back to life.

Nobody; Okay, that’s enough. Comparing brave American soldiers trying to bring a better life to people who have never known freedom, to a drunk driving down the road, is where my sense of humor is getting thin.

I suppose you’re right Michael. If some drunk happens to kill you on one of your more insulting and naïve moments of compassionate money making moments of glory, don’t blame me.

You asked for it. And don’t blame me if that drunk isn’t carrying a banner that says, “Mission Accomplished.”

After all, I’m just a stupid white woman married to a stupid white man. While you are a…stupid white man who happens to look like the Sta-puff marshmallow man.

Merry Christmas!

Nobody’s Perfect; No wonder Michael Moore loves France. They have given him two film awards for his stupid white boy tricks and probably some really cool underwear too.

Nobody Knows; Does Michael Moore have parents? Does his mother look like Benny Hill?

Nobody Cares; He is now doing a documentary called, “Sicko” Actually, I do think the man has talent, it’s just that he reminds me of that relative that everyone has--- you know, the guy who talks the loudest at the family table and always thinks he’s right.

The relative that you secretly hope your dog will bite?

Hey…I don’t have one…Michael?