You Have Two Cows....

Nobody’s Flash of the day: This is going around the “e-mails.” Maybe you’ve seen it, maybe not. There is no claim to authorship on it, so because I have no idea who wrote it, I can’t tell you. Nevertheless…enjoy.


HOW THE WORLD OF POLITICS WORKS;





DEMOCRATIC; You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You fell guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, You have two cows
AMERICAN You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
STYLE

BUREAUCRACY, You have two cows.
AMERICAN Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot
STYLE one, milk the other, and then pours the mild down the drain.

AMERICAN You have two cows
CORPORATION You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up. You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.


FRENCH
CORPORATION You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE
CORPORATION You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN
CORPORATION You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN
CORPORATION You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN
CORPORTATION You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN
CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternative to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI
CORPORATION You have two cows
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH
CORPORATION You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN
CORPORATION You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish’s cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLOIRIDA
CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA You have millions of cows.
CORPORATION They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal’s.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.