Nobody's Perfect: Nobody Gives Illegals Tips

Nobody's Perfect: Here we see Ralph Cantino and his little friend Pablo Manuel...and they want me to tell you...what to do if you are an illegal dog, and are working and living illegally in Arizona. So, in no particular order, here are their tips to surviving the horrible Arizona Nazi takeover.

1. Always act naturally when driving your car. Stop speeding. I know you want to race with your new NASCAR souped-up old Chevy on Saturday night, and you usually score there at the races...but...for awhile, cool it. Take up golf.

2. When you are at a stoplight, turn your radio station to Rush Limbaugh. I know, it's hard to find, but, nothing puts the cops off as a Spanish-looking man listening to talk radio.

3. If you are caught, and the American cop takes you to a jail, and asks you to take a shower, tell them, you can't because you're allergic to water---as is reported...illegals in Arizona will now be secretly killed and gassed...or worse, shipped to California where they will be made to pick grapes.

4. Attend every single Diamondback baseball game...no one will even ask if your illegal because all illegals have been asked to boycott everything.

5. Learn to play basketball.

6. Stop singing La Bamba every time you see a gringo.

7. Take a daily bath, and shop at Macy's. You don't have to buy anything, just go there and walk around.

8. Find a black friend and go everywhere with him.

9. If you cannot speak English, pretend you are Muslim. In fact, carry a small Bosnian flag in your pocket and take it out if a cop stops you and asks for identification.

10. Go ahead and boycott all hotels. That way, the hotels will go under, and all the illegals will lose their jobs, and then you will have less competition.

11. And most of all, when you are reading any sign in Spanish always turn to whoever you're with and say..."Why the hell can't they learn English!" That is the only English phrase you need to know.

Good luck, amigos. Remember to keep calm, stay out of the Ovens, and be sure and kiss all your babies before they go to sleep and tell them to not be afraid. THEY are American citizens by "right." And by this time next year...you will be too.

(Nobody makes this stuff up because Nobody's Perfect)