Nobody Flashes Letter to House Speaker:
DATE: October 8, 2010
Dear Ms Pelosi:
This letter is to inform you, that due to circumstances beyond my control...I have died. (That's me.)
Due to the information put out today, that $22 million dollars of the stimulus checks were sent to dead people, and to prison inmates, I therefore have to inform you, you forgot me.
I will need-- not one, but three checks a month sent to my house.
You see, somehow you missed me...therefore the reason for this letter. If I was alive and living in New Orleans, I could see the delay. But, as you can see, I am dead. And dead people always get paid first.
If you don't believe that I am dead... you can see by the picture, my gravestone has not been engraved yet, but I assure you, all you have to do is pull up to my house any time this month, and you will see my poor soul lying in my front yard.
You can make out my first check to my dead self once a month...$500.00 dollars should do it.
Please send the second check to the Missouri Correctional, made out to my husband, in the amount of another $500.00 dollars. He will no doubt go to jail, after it is found out that he is cashing the first stimulus checks sent to the dead me...and putting them in his own private account. He will be arrested and sentence for life. (Please do it before he runs off with that stripper from Illinois.)
Forward my stimulus dead checks AND his stimulus prison checks to him every other Monday. He is used to getting paid every two weeks.
Also, we will need reparations of food stamps. You were right Nancy when you said that food stamps would give us more bang for our bucks, because it was the big bang from the food stamps that killed me.
Or maybe it was the soda...nevertheless...we need more bucks because it's too late.
My account manager has just informed me that since the government has allowed the major food chains to sell fattening foods, blowing us all up like blubber butts (just so that they could make fun of us) and also because, since NAFTA, none of the food is being inspected, and also not to mention Bill Clinton dirty deals with Tyson Chicken (all those hormones being pumped into them poor things) the illnesses that I suffered before my demise due to the government's neglect add up to $300,467,209 dollars.
I expect a payment no later than October 31 of this year.
Proud To Be An American..
P.S. Tell the IRS that even though I am dead...I never forget a face, or a footprint.(Do I really have to tell you I make this stuff up?)