Monday, April 23, 2007

Nobody Helps Sheryl Crow

Nobody Flashes: Yesterday, Sheryl Crow, a woman looking for a new career, is trying hard along with Al Gore, to save the planet.

In fact, she now belongs to the "I am getting old, no one is buying my records (or movies), I have big house payments, and I need to do something to keep up my jet plane fueled" club.

So Sheryl has decided to go into the new upcoming hot new market of environmental invention fields-- as an up and coming entrepreneur.

She said, "I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

Yes, Sheryl has decided if all of us just limit our selves to one spare tissue a person, we could make a huge gift to the trees.

Never mentioning that the landfills are mostly glutted with disposable diapers, and old issues of the New York Times. Sheryl didn't think of these two much more serious depletion of good tree pulp, because obviously she has never changed a diaper, and she can't read.

Which is probably why she can't think.

So this nobody, who has three patents herself, has decided, out of the kindness of my heart to take her idea even further...and design for her the perfect eliminator for all humans, the portable bumper potty.

In fact; In her honor I shall call it--Sheryl's Shit...wait, that's not good..how about Sheryl's Bumper Eliminator Attachment.

She'll get more claims on her patent that way.

Not ONLY can this timely invention attach to Sheryl Crow's three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars for her tour...she does not even NEED toilet paper.

Test drives have proven, that a nice slow 20mph will dry much more effectively than tissue. Speeding up, will scare anything else off.

This new inventive item will not ONLY be popular in our ever increasing traffic jams, it will be a much welcomed site for the illegal aliens who are tired of using the bushes.

Every good liberal in San Fransisco will want one!

So, I give this idea for free to Sheryl Crow, being as I was a musician in St. Louis for most of my life, and never once saw her name anywhere as a performer here. (She is from here she says.) Anyone who can never play out at a live bar, and then turn around and become a big star gets my nobody's recommendation for knowing who to...know.

Which proves that she, and her liberal friends will just love this potty, because as we all know...liberals just love to spread their manure around.

So, throw away your toilet paper Sheryl, and put this in your next visit to Carl Rove.

In fact, park in front of his limo, and show him how it works.

Just don't blame me if he feel insulted again.

Nobody Knows: Sheryl also suggests everyone wears a shirt and wipes all their ketchup and snot onto a sleeve that she has invented for this very purpose.

This shows that she also has never done laundry.

I think we should all encourage her on this one.

Nobodys Cares: In fact, she could use both new inventions at once!

Your welcome Sheryl, it's the least a fellow musician could do.

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