Nobody Paints A Liberal University

Nobody Flashes; this picture was just sent in to ABC: by this man (Wayne B. Goone) who has admitted to having been a liberal art professor for so long, he has decided he could take it no longer.

On a very elite campus, where students get drunk on vodka, have trust funds, and drive very expensive sports cars….overnight, a huge mural of an America Flag was drawn on the Administration building. In the morning, the President of the college was so distraught; he had a heart attack on the spot.

All the professors agreed that the flag was drawn by a very sick man.

Horror set in. The police were called in. They decided it must have been a prank by the Marine Recruiters that they threw off the campus the day before.

But they were wrong; it was none other than the university’s Art Professor Goone, who had been with them for over twenty years.

Right after this picture was taken; Wayne then went out and painted two hundred houses in a well guarded golf community in Palm Beach…with giant cat images.

“It was shocking!” said Wilma Willington, a retiree. “He did it so fast, by the time the police got here, he was gone.”

Everyone in the community was shocked. All the houses will have to be repainted.

Wayne was finally caught the next day trying to paint an image of the Statue of Liberty on Ted Kennedy’s summer house in the Hampton’s.

When his fellow alumni were asked if they had ANY clues that their Art Professor was cracking, his usual lunch mate the head of the English Department said, “Well, I did notice that in his conversations at lunch he was starting to talk about how the Mexicans were taking over the country, and should all be sent home.”

“One day, he actually had a steak for lunch, then pulled out a cigar and smoked it!”

The English professor was in shock, and reported what Wayne had said to the Dean, but nothing was done.

In fact, many had noticed something very strange when he started saying the “Pledge of Allegiance” before every class.

But, nobody reported it to the authorities.

Along with this picture, ABC received Wayne’s manifesto…which quoted sayings from Thomas Jefferson, Jesus, Thomas Paine, John Adams, and Rush Limbaugh.

Clearly the man has been listening to talk radio.

So, did this man do these horrible acts of conservatism all by himself? Or did he have help from the NRA, the vast right wing conspiracy, and Charlton Heston?

These questions remained to be answered.

In the meantime, the school counselors are reporting that UNITLL Wayne starts painting pictures of Che, Castro, and Hillary Clinton, he will be kept confined and away from all students.

But in the meantime, no one knows what made Wayne B. Goone…crack.

The university remains strong after the attack, and still proud.

Tonight there will be a candlelight service for the President of the school. Many members of the DNC will attend. Al Gore is expected to deliver a moving speech on mind pollution.

Everyone is advised to bring a cup of Starbucks.

Nobody’s Perfect: Of course you know I made this up after listening to Cho Seung-Hui all day--- I kind of lost it. Call it…nobody’s had enough of this abomination and the fact that he is getting just what he wanted…fame.

Nobody Knows: I thought Bill O’Reilly made an excellent point today…everyone in the world is talking about the violent United States…but NO one makes any mention of the fact that every single day…jihads are murdering hundreds of innocent women, children, and men in Iraq. A point worth repeating.

Nobody Cares; Remember in “Conspiracy Theory:” when Mel Gibson mentioned that all assassins have three syllable names?

mmmmmm.