Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Gear Up For Population And Porn


Nobody’s Opinion: Take a good look at these two. This is Michael and Kathleen Gear. Notice the SUV. Notice the 60’s look. Notice the smiles. Not very scary are they? Notice also that Kathleen has kept that “university” smile. No teeth whitening here, proving that she is a complete feminist. She has let herself be…all natural.

All in all---not bad looking for an “intellectual.” Michael…well, all I can say is I’m glad I don’t have to kiss him.

But, be scared. Be very scared. These two “archaeologists” are out to save the world (along with Al Gore) …and last night, on Coast to Coast am, they were very seriously talking about how, unless we get rid of some of the people on this planet, we are all doomed. At this very moment, the earth’s population is, according to their vast knowledge on past civilizations…is beyond all help. There IS no hope. It is unsustainable. There are just too many people to feed.

Yes, unfortunately, Michael and Kathleen have concluded that millions (and billions) will just have to die to save the rest of us. And then, they proceeded to think of ways to do this nasty but necessary job.

They agreed that a global flu would be the best way. That would get rid of at least a couple of million. But, that’s still not enough. They also agreed that the United States has WAY too many people in it, we need to go down to…about 150 million.

It was truly sad listening to how frustrated these two were at not being able to think up a good way to get rid of all these people, who were just crowding the earth. But that didn’t stop them from throwing many ideas around.

To show how compassionate they were, they had no preferences to any race or people. Some of everyone would be very nice. I’m sure they have drawn up computer simulators on every country in the world, and come up with very precise numbers for each city.

After all, they are just the scientists…how it is done is not up to them. But that it MUST be done, to them, is a no-brainer.

So---how do two archeologists come to the conclusion that they have the “ability” (never mind the right) to decide on the destruction of millions of lives?

Well, they just know. In their studies of past civilizations, they reported that when the weather turns “colder” (and yes, humans do cause global warming, but we also might be coming into an ice age they weren’t too sure…thereby covering themselves on all issues)---then the food gets scarce, and people go to war, and then THANK THE LORD…lots are killed.

Saving future archeologists from worrying about just how they were going to get rid of so many people.

I mean…just who do you call? Al Gore’s secretary?

You try to go to sleep (I sometimes sleep with the headphones on) when two nutcases are speaking about mass extinction of half the people on the earth, so that they can keep digging around in the dirt. I felt like I had drifted into a time warp of Hitler’s plans for the Jews…except this lovely harmless couple did not limit their selves to one race.

Tell me, what makes this harmless looking couple any different than that nut-job in Iran? In fact, they’re worse…he just wants to get rid of the United States and Israel. They want half the population of the earth to die.

Now, just in case you were wondering if I had any other ideas about the subject, yesterday I was thinking someone might be trying to help them out…

Yesterday afternoon, I was looking for some movies to “tape” and so I looked into HBO. I never do this stuff…but I discovered that HBO has a ton of porn flicks…free…

What’s this? It used to be you had to subscribe and pay extra for this stuff. Then I went to STARZ. Yep, a long line of porn flicks there too. Cinemax has always had it, so I didn’t ever bother, but then I looked at Showtime…yes…free porn there too.

Trust me; we are NOT paying for it. I pay the bills, so I had no idea.

So yesterday I found out, if you subscribe to any movie channel site, you will get free porn. Okay, Mr. Allen from Microsoft wants to keep us on cable. What’s this got to do with the population problem?

Well, for every moment some guy spent watching a porn movie, that’s maybe one less child on the planet. (If a woman is not around) Right?

Okay, it’s lame. But then again, I had always suspected that the “elites” are very worried that the population is going to ruin “their” planet, and so, in order to save some of humanity, the culling process must be stepped up a notch…more free porn will help.

Abortions are just not enough. The Bird Flu is just not taking hold.

This nobody never thought in a million years that I would hear on a live radio program, two “intellectuals” calmly discussing how necessary it is to get rid of half of the population of the planet…NOW. Right now. As if they were talking about how to get rid of backyard rabbits.

Amazing.

I suggest, if these two are so worried about this issue, they… Michael and Kathleen Gear that is, should be the first volunteers…get rid of themselves for the sake of saving the planet.

Al Gore could build a statue to honor their sacrifice in the middle of New Jersey.

Until that time, I’m thinking about canceling all my movie channels. There are only so many times you can watch Star War reruns.

Nobody’ Perfect: Besides Hitler, the lady who started this “population” control stuff was a lady named Margaret Sanger, who started Planned Parenthood. She wanted to get rid of the “undesirables” here in the United States, which to her were the black and yellow ones.

Her plan backfired. The “elites” white ones actually used contraception more, and the undesirables multiplied and filled the country. (Ha...ha! Margaret!)

Nobody Knows: These people actually think that getting rid of millions of people on the earth, in order to “save” the rest of the earth (of course them and all their friends most of all) is an act of the highest morality.

Instead of seeing the obvious solution…finding better ways for us all to live…they bravely suggest there is no other way.

Nobody Cares; I’ve only seen one porn movie in my whole life. Honest. I was sixteen, and drove five of my girlfriends to the local porn drive-in Movie Theater one very cold Friday night. These girls were even more innocent than I was. At least I had been kissed.

We thought we were really doing something…scandalous.

But the movie was so funny; it was beyond anything we could imagine. Somehow, I started laughing so hard when the girl up on screen had done a goat, a dog, a horse, and when she finally was ready to actually do a “man,” I got my whole leg stuck in the steering wheel of the car, and the horn was going full blast. For some reason, I couldn’t get it out.

After that, we wondered about just how in the world did all those steamed up cars and the men sitting in them even “see’ the screen…and NONE of them even wiped their windows! Really! We had no clue.

And then in the intermission, we went to get some popcorn, and while I was standing right in front of about fifteen men who were holding cups of soda and beer, a huge blast of winter wind came around the building and …my wig blew off.

My wig was actually had a “fro” the size of Arizona. Yes, a black woman with white skin in disguise. Sly and the family Stone’s sister. Who was I kidding? I was in disguise no more.

I will never forget the look on all those guy’s faces, standing in the food line…

I'm not sure what was more of a shock, the wig or the scream.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to chase my “fro” for five rows, in between the cars.

This is I’m sure why the CIA did not accept me.

(Just kidding) This is why I never had a desire to ever see another porn movie again. I decided I did NOT want to know what these guys were doing.

I did not wear another wig until I was twenty. Actually, it’s one of my fondest memories. No one got pregnant that night: Mr. and Mrs. Gear would have been very pleased.

I'm also sure they would have decided that I should be the first human to be eliminated.

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