Nobody Flips

Nobody's Opinion: It was a day, where I couldn’t for the life of me, put anything together…there were no connections, just a series of pictures and events…that stuck in my mind like some universal television, begging for a “click.” (Okay, I admit, I finally saw Adam Sandler’s latest movie)

So here are some various thoughts on the day, in an American nobody’s mind…thoughts that floated up in my mind: pushing up between the overstuffed usual marsh-gas junk---

Tonight I was flipping TV channels, like the good citizen that I am, when I came upon the National Geographic Channel. A man was talking about the young Jesus, and of course scenes were recreated so the viewer could see just what a bully and mean kid Jesus really was. He is just walking in a crowd, and a smaller kid walks by and accidentally bumps into him. Jesus got so mad he struck him dead and walked away. In another scene some other kid tells Jesus to hold his temper, (Jesus is about eight) and Jesus paralyzes him for life. “Jesus of the Hood” will be coming out as a movie soon right after the Florida votes are recounted again on HBO with Al Gore winning this time.

(Flip) Oprah Winfrey is in front of a battalion of white American soldiers. (Only two blacks did I count.) Oprah is going against the rulings of the Supreme Court, but then again, nobody cares. The young dashing men are all so handsome in their uniforms…all with faces of honesty, pride, happy to be home with their loving families---mothers are crying. America’s finest. A big group of dads, moms, wives, and adorable little girls in brand new outfits with their proud fathers…Oprah is carrying a young white girl around on her hip. The dad comes and gets the girl…but the girl somehow always ends back up on Oprah’s hip. Oprah says, “Thanks to the soldiers that are protecting all of us.” She looks very pained while she is saying it. This nobody thinks she has been watching Rosie. Something tells this might be a sign that she is losing some of her white baby-boomer audience.

(Flip) Three university students at Yale burn the American flag, and are arrested. One boy is Hyder Akbar who is a U.S. citizen born in Pakistan, and worked as an informal translator for U.S. forces during the invasion of Afghanistan, so this nobody wonders just how many of his jihads friends lives he saved while giving the Americans the wrong interpretations, and how many men died due to his rearranging a word or two. But, his father is the governor of Afghanistan, not a reassuring thought. One boy, Farhad Anklesaria, was British, and one boy, Angelopoulos was Greek. Their public defender said “All three of these gentlemen are clearly happy to be in the United States and happy to be attending Yale.” Right.

(Flip) Good news about the hostages in Iran. Ahmadinejad has once again showed why the Arabs invented chess. He comes across to the world as a benevolent, sensible man, while once again finding ways to stall---and stall, while at the same time using the media in a brilliant move to let the hostages go in honor of Easter, thus buying more time to get his nukes built, and getting Bill Clinton’s notice as a twin in political BS. Stalling is a favorite and worn out tactic known by every lawyer. Too bad it works.

(Flip) I hear somewhere that Bill Clinton watches “24.” This is not a good sign, because whenever Bill wants to put over ideas to the masses, he sweetly suggests his “likes and dislikes” so that the masses will check it out and buy it. This year, the plots are wandering all over, but the most important tension is caused by top politicians wanting to nuke the Arabs…the Presidents and Vice Presidents are portrayed as panting megalomaniacs. Howards Booth is especially convincing. You can almost see mad-dog saliva dripping off the big screen. The thought occurs to me that according to the man who guarded the nuclear suitcase for Clinton, he once lost it. And Bill really didn’t care. Maybe Sandy Burger took it out back and put it in the dumpster.

(Flip) Obama says, “I am the underdog because my last name is Obama.” Nobody thinks to herself, “MAN…this guy is good! That’s the best spin yet.”

(Flip) John McCain is wearing a baseball cap to hide a possible cancer on his head. News is heard that John Edwards’s wife’s cancer is not curable but “treatable.” The very same thing is said about Tony Snow’s cancer…as if they are delivering great news. What do they say to them? “Hey, you will die, but you WILL be treated until the time comes.” Nobody wonders if the CIA can give cancer. She also still wonders just who was standing behind Dick Cheney’s friend when he was shot. Like the JFK story, we will never know…if Cheney just took the fall for somebody else. That story was not much better than the one they put out that the President fell off the couch while eating a pretzel…

(Flip) Kids were having sex in grade school. No one says where the teacher was. No one says who kept the video tape. But O’Reilly is on it. Bill O’Reilly is bound to catch every sexual predator in the world. Go for it Bill.

(Flip) A new commercial on TV--- very hip, enticing all young girls to rush out and get that vaginal protection vaccine---sweet Jesus, I feel like I’m in Sweden.

(Flip) Sweden has dictated that a mother and father cannot name their daughter Metallica, because it implies metal. All names have to be approved by the state. One wonders if they had called her Woody, if the state would have approved. Or better yet…Solar.

(Flip) England, which has a camera on every corner, is now going to make those cameras’s talk to you. If you are shown throwing down trash, you will be told to pick it up, and probably fined if you don’t. Can’t wait to go there, throw down some trash, and leave.

(Flip) The hostages went from soldier uniforms, to jump suits, to horribly fitting suits, right out of Ahmadinejad’s closet…in a few months they will all have cancer.

(Flip) A letter from our local hospital…back surgery cost $73,000. Good thing we had insurance because I would be blogging from prison next month. Still, one wonders just how many surgeries one doctor can do in a week…our doctor it seems did so many that he didn’t even remember us on our check-up visit…a week later.

(Flip) I can see an almost full moon right outside my window tonight. Yesterday we got up to 80 degrees. Tonight, the temperatures will drop to 25 degrees. This happens every single year, as far back as I can remember, and yet, all weather channels are acting like it’s a new thing. Still, it’s a good night to go and look at it. Nothing clears the mind like a good long glance at a full moon on a clear, cold night.

Yes, this is a good night to put a coat over my PJ's, pull on some boots, stand still in the middle of my back yard, take a deep breathe, and then--- (click.)