Laura Bush reads...MAO?

Nobody's Opinion: Somewhere...the raaaainnbooooooowww...blue birds...fliiiii...

Somewhere there are "social engineering" conversations going on...where dozens of experts are being paid to deliver just the right message at just the right time to the American people, with just the right images and sound bites.

And I imagine they go something like this:

Expert: Okay, in the middle of May, right before Memorial Day weekend, in order to start getting everyone fired up about how well George W. performed in "protecting the United States" VS Obama NOT protecting the United States, we'll finally have Laura Bush's book come out, and then she'll do the talk shows first, before him. She'll talk about how wonderful he is, and then warm everyone up for George's book. We'll put her on an exclusive interview on FOX, on a weekend when there is a lull in the news. Make sure she looks good. Get that makeup artist...you know that guy...the one who does Sandra and Meryl. And Steph...be sure she's get an interview in the house in Dallas. We need to convince the public that her and George are just happily married and enjoying their days in their new home in Dallas. Put in some of that "They are just now two normal middle Americans, crap."

Steph: How am I going to do that? You know, the National Enquirer put it out for two years that she left him because he was having an affair with Condi Rice? And to make matters worse, she refused to sit with him on any of the public occasions. God, that night at the Washington Press Club party, she was completely at the other end of the room...you think people don't remember that? And then, good god, George looked for a good two years like he was having a nervous break down. All he wanted to do was ride his bike, thinking that he'd get buff again...I hear he's better now, but come on.

Expert: Hey, all you have to say is the National Enquirer is trash. Don't worry about it. Nobody else reported it.

Now, pay attention. She must talk a lot about how she would glance over at George, and how she could tell he was awake and worried about things after 9/11.... And mention how scared they were after 9/11. Tell her to put in something about the bunker, you know...they were once in danger and they didn't want to leave their beds, but the secret agents insisted they go down to the smelly old bunkers...yeah, leave out smelly but make it sound like the bunker is just not as nice as the White House. Let the people feel upset that they COULD lose the President...he is ALWAYS in danger...and how horrible it was for her to be scared.

Steph: Okay..well, what about the background. Should we do a little peek at the house?

Expert: Yeah, put her up in a Library. Put some of her books..a bird book...maybe a big red book on MAO...that would be perfect...make them all think. And definitely, put a picture of George behind her.

Steph: I'm not so sure she will want to sit in front of a picture of her and George...

Expert: Okay...get that one with him and twins right after they were born...that's a great father picture. And here 's what she says: She thinks gay marriage is a "generational thing and it's coming" and that it's GREAT that another woman is going to be on the Supreme Court. She needs to make a case on women...gays and women..there...get Jack to write that up, he the best for that stuff.

Steph: How about she show some pictures in the house? Outsides there really isn't much to look at. No flowers..I really don't think they are there much....it's just a ...

Expert: That's okay, put some pictures on a wall...you know, highlight the Bush legacy. Oh I know...how about she say that George has a "Man Cave" with a big screen TV...where he watches sports...Yeah...get Jeff on that...

Oh, and tell her to say something about Barney...everyone loves Barney.

Steph: Okay, now...how about Michelle?

Expert: This week, Michelle will be promoting the 100,000 hours of community service to a graduation class. She is going to talk about how rough the kids have had it...she understand and feels their pain...(caused by Bush), and how community service will make them feel great.

Steph: I feel like I'm playing bad cop, good cop...

Exert: Come on Step...you know the people are morons...it's up to us to guide them into what's right...so....we might want to through in a few poll more polls this weekend.

Steph; Okay, (sigh) Obama is up?

Expert: Yeah, but not too much.

Steph: How about immigration?

Expert: Well, you know the stuff. The Irish were immigrants and so are the Mexicans...yada, yada...and they shouldn't feel so ...abused and alone. You know Steph...feel lucky you're dealing with Mrs. Bush about all this...she is actually the best of them all, next to Obama..who is getting pretty sloppy lately.

Steph: Anything else?

Expert: Yes, press release that soon, George will be on tour...promoting his book...so that when the "attack" comes...everyone will wish for a Republican.. and Obama will move up to the UN....

Steph: By the way, are you sure I have a place in this new thing coming up?

Expert: Be a good girl, and you'll be baking cookies in Hawaii. Now go...I have to line up next month's agenda. Once the crisis hits...he will be just great....in fact, I'm getting pretty excited about it...

Steph: Can I have the keys to the viper?

Expert: Only if you promise not to pick up Bill again. I need him to go to China tomorrow. That guy is hard to get out of bed.

Steph: Thanks dad....

(Okay, nobody makes this up. Nevertheless, I bet I didn't even come close to the real reality, which might be a good thing. I wouldn't want the classy Laura Bush calling ME a conspiracy nut now would I?)