Nobody's Absurdities, No. 30

Nobody’s Opinion; Wow, am I really at number thirty? There’s not a single thing I can think of that’s important about the number, except that thirty is the life span of a termite and a cow. Try to figure that one out in evolutionary speak.

It’s also the minimum age when the symptoms of Alzheimer’s appears, which means my mother got my birth date wrong.

And it is also takes thirty years for the malarial parasitic cycle to basically run its course in the human body, which brings me to my first absurdity of the day…

**********

Bono...the man who does nothing but makes trips to the United States and extorts taxpayer’s money out of our “elected” officials to redistribute to ruthless dictators in Africa, is very upset at the moment. It seems one billion dollars was “promised” to him by our government to buy mosquito nets. He said he was in a bit of a shock when the Democrats (who blamed it on the Republicans) couldn’t come up with the money. Bono said that “The promise from the United States to keep their families safe is in danger of being broken.”

Oh dear.

Maybe some prominent people in Seattle have decided that instead of buying mosquito nets for Africans, the money should go to fix the electrical grids in our cities.

A new dyke in New Orleans would be nice.

After all, some person can just get up in the middle of the night in Africa to go to the outhouse, and get bit, so what’s the point?

At least they are warm.

Bono might have to play a few more concerts this year, poor guy.

**********

Speaking of ruthless dictators---Kofi Annan, now that he is leaving the U.N., wants the Human rights committee to take action on Darfur. Right…he’s there for five years and does nothing, and then leaves and wants action.

He must have learned that little trick from Bill Clinton who went eight years pussyfooting around about the terrorist problems. Then after we are attacked, he blamed our President.

Why, he left the man a note!

I suggest they both go over to Darfar together and do something constructive. That action would win Bill his Noble Peace Prize. As we all know, he will only go to Darfur after everyone is dead, and say he’s sorry, but it’s our President’s fault.

Which makes you wonder just what they want the Human Rights to do about the slaughter…talk to Rwanda?

**********
And while Bill was at the Hague today (Does he get around or what?) he was of course talking about how we should talk with Iran and Syria.

Which is what Hillary wants also---at least for just today. Tomorrow she will say something else, but you won’t be able to find it because Google will have erased it.

Hillary also said when asked when she would announce her run to be President, “I want to make SURE the decision is right for me, my family, my party, and my country.”

I can just see her saying this. No wonder everyone is talking about OBAMA.

Everyone knows she has planned for this all her life, and has been raising money all through HIS presidency to buy her way in, which makes this statement extremely absurd.

But does Hillary see any dichotomy in her next statement? Nooooooo, she says, “I am not going to believe the President ever again.”

As if we could ever believe anything she ever said…she holds the record for lying about not knowing anything…especially when under oath…”I do not remember…I don’t recollect, I can’t recall….”

Be prepared to see all her photo’s touched up. The village of denial is coming.

I plan to wear boots. Many of us will by the end of her reign, want to burn the village down.

**********

Colin Powell has come out talking like a real traitor with his statement about the army being “almost broken.” Then goes on blustering about, “If I were still Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of staff….”

Well, you’re not, Colin. Go to Darfur and make yourself useful if you want to do something. Go to Africa with Kofi and Jimmy Carter, and take along Bono.

Buy some mosquito nets and give out some condoms. Keep your mouth shut for awhile, especially if you are going to put our boys in harm’s way.

Colin Powell, a prime example of affirmative action. (If I sound mad, I am.)

**********

Speaking of affirmative action, the voters in Michigan passed a ballot measure saying that the government and all universities could not use it anymore.

But, somehow they are still going to use it…Which is simply the affirmation that the courts rule over the people, no matter what is passed--- if they don’t like the outcome, they just change it.

They learned this from Russia. It works there too.

**********

They now have a word for discrimination against Muslims…Islamophobia. Soon there will be a vaccine. Unlike agoraphobia, this can actually can kill you.

It’s spreading all over Europe, and mating with the bird flu.

**********
And speaking of Muslims, did you read about the woman who stopped a plane flight because she had embarrassing flatulence and kept lighting matches to hide the smell?

Now why didn’t the Muslims think of this new and creative way to bring down a plane?

*********

Which brings me to the subject of “bringing down” a nation. The nobody’s unpatriotic action of the week goes to Westinghouse, who will be supplying China technology right up front to build at least four nuclear reactors.

China, who has sold weapons to North Korea, Iran, Russia and Syria,( but hey, who am I to speculate) has to be real excited about this.

I suppose the CEO of Westinghouse has to compete with the CEO of Morgan Stanley, who made a 40 million dollar bonus last year.

I want to know, if that’s the bonus…what’s the salary?

*********

Nobody’s Perfect; Great news for Mel Gibson! Judith Regan, a news reporter that was just fired by Rupert Murdoch for her botched O.J. Simpson TV program idea, said there was a Jewish Cabal behind it.

Mel now has a drinking partner. OR he could ask Dolly Parton, who has said pretty much the same thing. I wonder who he would choose….

The trouble is, even though they probably do exist, I don’t think it was the Jewish Cabal that complained about a piece being put on TV saying “If I did it.” by the murderer.

Maybe now, she can get a job on Entertainment tonight.

I bet she can’t cook either.

Nobody Knows; With all this religion bashing going on every single day, I am just waiting for them to come out with the next news; which will be…Jesus was really gay.

Somewhere in the Dead Sea Scrolls (my husband calls them the dead semen scrolls) it will be reported that he was actually gay, but had a baby with Mary because, like a lot of gays, he wanted to be a parent.

Sometime around Christmas day, when we are eating our turkeys, this news will be released on NBC.

Nobody Cares; 52 new species of animals were found in Borneo this year.

Also marijuana was the United States top Cash Crop, at the tune of 35 billion. This is bigger than corn or wheat.

Does anyone care about these two facts?

No. The liberals will say, “Yes…but in fifty years, there will be no fish left on earth. And marijuana should be legalized.”

We can all get stoned while we die of starvation.

I think we should send them all to Borneo without mosquito nets.