Saturday, December 29, 2007

Two Powerful Women: One Extremely Lucky, One Extremely Not

Nobody’s Opinion: How lucky can you get? When it comes down to two powerful political women, Hillary Clinton evidently has a farm growing nothing but four-leaf clovers just for her, as opposed to the late Benazir Bhutto…who’s luck just ran out.

Think of it. You’re running a campaign to become the first woman President in US history. On the eve of the most important caucus in American politics, your poll numbers are falling faster than a bucket of water down Niagara Falls. Even your husband has doubts about you winning in Iowa. And then…across the world in Pakistan, another woman like you, one who had already held high office twice before, is assassinated. A woman who, just like yourself, was rich, ambitious, educated in the best western universities, and also, according to all who knew her, ruthless for power.

Despite the horrible news, Benazir Bhutto’s death couldn’t have come at a more propitious time for Hillary Clinton. Hillary has been saying herself that it’s time for “a woman” to take over…and sweep out the White House.

A lot of us just weren’t buying it.

The parallels between the two women are unmistakable, and everyone is now making them. With Bhutto’s death, the mantra of how “brave” women can be wonderful leaders for ‘democracy’ will be echoed around the world.

We will watch---over and over---grown men crying.

Here’s a woman who was willing to risk her life for the poor and little people of her country.

Come on…get with the program here…Hillary should be loved.

Hillary Clinton was on FOX News so fast giving a statement about her “friends” death and how important Bhutto’s message of democracy was to our upcoming election, that I barely had time to say…

“Hey---Shouldn’t President Bush have the first word on this issue?”

Not according to Rupert Murdoch, who put John McCain and Hillary’s comments on Bhutto’s death before Bush’s. FOX’s blatant manipulation of Bhutto’s death was hardly the “We Report, You Decide” sound bite they adhere to. More like “We Report and then We Tell You What to Decide.”

It’s fortuitous for Hillary that Rupert is backing her. Add to this---all the conservative talk show radio hosts were on holiday.

This is not the first time an untimely death has benefited Hillary. It was rumored that JFK Jr. was going to be running against Hillary for the Senate Seat in New York.

It was to Hillary’s great fortune that his plane crashed into the ocean.

It also didn’t hurt her when Rudy Giuliani, her opponent for the New York Senate race, was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

This is one lucky broad.

Benazir Bhutto, like Hillary, came to power on the coattails of a man. In Benazir case, her father---who was later charged with killing a political opponent and hanged.

She was then elected twice as prime minister taking over her father’s party, only to be kicked out twice on corruption charges.

And Bhutto was always getting arrested along with her husband, even though, like Hillary, Benazir swore she knew nothing of his illegal activities.

It seems over in Pakistan, unlike here, corrupted leaders are actually punished.

Hillary seems to have, no matter what sort of corruption she got caught-up in…Whitewater-gate, Foster-gate, Travel-gate, China-gate, FBI-stolen-files-gate… the luck of the Irish, always an ace in the hole, and the seemingly unlimited power of Caesar---which by the way, was the name of Benazir’s dog.

Benzari’s two brothers were murdered. One of her brothers was fighting her over their father’s vast millions---held all over the world in various hidden bank accounts. He was gunned down, some thought at the bidding of Benzari’s husband, who was also in her cabinet and was known for taking big bribes.

Ms Bhutto shouldn’t have been running for a third term, it was illegal …but Musharraf was going to let her. And yet, many blame him for her death.

And I don’t know what you call a woman,---who even though she had almost just been killed by a baby rigged with bombs, (missing her, but killing 130 others) still decides to pop her head up out of her limo, for one last time

Some might call it brave, I just call it stupid.

But---brave or stupid, this unlucky woman just gave Hillary Clinton another four-leaf clover. Whether this unlucky accident shoots Hillary’s popularity up and into the White House, remains to be seen.
The question is: How lucky are we?


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Saddam's Rolex---Still Alive

Nobody Flashes Anymore: While waiting for all the information to come in on the assassination of Bhutto, after all, watching all the "takes" on it will take at least a day...

I came upon this interesting bit of information---An ex-employee of Saddam's, Haithan Wihaib, who happened to be still alive, is going to sell some of the old guy's favorite bling...starting with his gold and diamond Rolex, his Dior sunglasses, and his Cartier Pen. He plans on using the money to build schools in Iraq.

That hat alone should get at least fifty dollars.

I found this to be a marvelous idea. Why should we wait till famous leaders of the world are dead? I think they should all donate their "bling" right now. Al Gore's private jet would buy at least air-conditioning for some of the school kids here in St. Louis.

Hillary, I bet has got some really great bling. Both the Bushes have fabulous watches. I suggest someone start a drive for all the leaders of the world...

Give us your bling. Put your money where your mouth is. It might help you in this election year! Don't just say you're going to help the poor..sell your stuff on e-bay and auction it for a good cause!

Go ahead, do it before you're dead!


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Old Dog's Swimming Lesson

Nobody’s Opinion: Remember that old saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” I don’t know what fool said this, but I suspect he wasn’t an old dog himself.

The good news is: even old dogs can learn just about anything, even if it takes a few more tricks than it use to.

I learned a few new tricks when I was trying to transfer old VHS tapes onto CD disc with my new VHS/CD tape recording machine that I got for Christmas.

My goal, on Christmas Eve, was to take some old home VHS videos and put them on CD’s to give as presents to the family on Christmas Day. And the one VHS tape I choose to transfer was over two hours long.

I went through the whole two hour process five times, failing each time, before I discovered that the tape I was trying to transfer was “protected.” That’s ten hours of seeing the same home movies over and over and over ….the directions failed to mention this little bit of information, or what to do about it.

But, I did notice one thing. Each time I watched the tape, I learned something new. I discovered that I am like my own father in more ways that I thought…and also just how very incredibly important men are in all children’s lives.

All this from watching my three year old son’s first swimming lesson at the local pool, over and over…

At the time it was taken, so many years ago, I was a single parent. Zooming in on five seventeen-year old, tan and gorgeous lifeguards jumping into the pool seemed a good place to start.

Not only was the view nice, but I remember being incredible grateful for these young men who were going to teach my son to swim.

I did not at that time, see the other perhaps even more important lesson: men teaching little boys how to become men.

And here how they did it:

First…Each instructor gets three kids. He forces the kids to jump into his arms while he stands only a few feet into the pool, ready to catch them. When he does, he keeps their heads above the water. Each kid jumps three times.

Second…They jump again. He moves back, and gets their faces wet, just a little bit. Three more jumps a piece.

Third…Each kid gets on a floating board and kicks, while the instructors get the boys in a game of chasing the other instructors and their kids on boards into a game of chase and spit. Every one gets a mouthful of water and spits at the “opposing” team, getting them use to getting their mouths full of water and spitting it out, making a fun game, and getting the kids used to kicking.

Fourth…back to the side where they take turns jumping in again---This time the instructor dunks their heads underwater, very quickly.

Fifth…he gets them into the water, and on three, he dunks them.

This day the water was cold, all these little kids were shivering. I thought it was kind of cruel having lessons so early in the morning.

Now, here’s comes the “other” lesson.

One little guy started to cry…and the instructor said firmly, but gently, “Are you crying? Stop crying. You can’t cry---it’s against the rules.”

A woman would (probably) have immediately let that boy quit the lesson. It’s our nature. We see them as babies at that age. But these “babies” were not only learning how to swim, but to become fearless men. They were learning how to face a somewhat scary and physically uncomfortable situation and how not only, not to cry, but face their fear and even have fun.

They were learning how to succeed.

One of the most important lessons of life, hard to explain, and if not taught to you by a parent, hard to grasp.

By the end of the lesson, when all the kids were told to jump off the diving board into their lifeguards arms, the little crier jumped right in.

He was not crying.

These young lifeguards were so unlike most of the boys I had dated and known who seemed to always be more concerned about what they could get for themselves--- whether it was drugs or sex. Even though these lifeguards were only seventeen, they were more mature than most of the men I knew.

Divorce has disrupted this very important lesson that men transfer to humanity---what it means to toughen up and become adults.

And we have a country full of children who were raised by women. Some of them run our state department.

Even though I did not understand this important swimming lesson at the time, my son did… and he was only three. Of course, he has always been smarter then me.

He still is. He has grown up to be an intelligent, mature, and fearless young man.

Nevertheless, I knew enough to know he needed to be around as many men as I could get him around. Thank God he loved sports.

Oh…there was a spot on the film when my son, who was three years old, asked his mother innocently, “Joy, are you talking to yourself?”

And yes, I was. That’s an old trick I can’t seem to get rid of.

Now I talk to you. Just be glad I didn’t post my two hour “swimming lesson.”

The old dog is still learning.


Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas From a Nobody

There really are no words for this day...very few writers have ever done it justice, but the ones who wrote his words.

Only the hopes that one man's birth gave the world so long ago make this the one night that we gather in deep emotional bonds, with the feeling of his great spirit...

The hope of love. The hope of good.

The joy and miracles of our own families and children.

The one day that so many hearts beat as one.

May we keep this holiday alive forever more...forever more.

Merry everyone! And God bless you all!


Sunday, December 23, 2007

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Twas' The Night Before Fruitcake

Nobody’s Opinion: There has been important breaking news from the scientific community recently. Those of you out there that have always suspected that mom and dad liked your older brother or sister better than you… raise your hands!

Yeah--me to. I especially suspected it at Christmas time when my older brother gave me Herb Alpert albums and my mom and dad let him.

According to some probably older sibling scientists, your suspicions are right. Mom and dad, those scabs… always love the oldest child the best.

If you happened to not be the first child born in your family, you got sloppy parental attention seconds for, according to them, a biological reason.

And to what scientific experiments did they attribute this enlightened piece of knowledge to?

They studied the Vicrophours Vespilloides, who they claim, much like humans have a family tradition of moms and dads, and kids…

Lots of kids---in fact over twenty at a time.

These kids were always hungry of course, and the scientists noticed that the older kids always got fed first and most of the time, survived.

The fact that these ‘kids’ would be hatched in the carcass of a dead animal, thereby assuming the oldest kid got to crawl around first and just eat every dead maggot and rotting piece of flesh alive before his other brothers and sisters were born, evidently did not enter their busy observing scientific minds.

Yes---this is based on the intense observations of beetles, proving once again that if all the rest of our future scientific breakthroughs are as well thought out as this one, you best pray to your reincarnation God that you are not firstborn, because Al Gore or some other goofy politician will declare older siblings unfair, and therefore they will need to pay some kind of older siblings footprint tax.

Payback will be a bitch. I’m owed twenty years worth of Beatle albums, and I plan to claim them.

Nobody Perfect: Another trifle bit of scientific news has also released. The saying that we only use 10 percent of our brains has been found out to be false. In fact, the whole brain is usually always working, as you could very well see if you’ve ever witnessed a CT scan.

What they haven’t found out yet, is the fact that while Hillary Clinton’s brain might light up all over, nobody can find even ten percent of it that makes any sense.

Nobody Knows: Why in the world did the two (national) front runners Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Clinton do such bad Christmas Commercials? Did Rudy Giuliani have to put himself in a bow tie, put himself in a sweater vest that looked like he got it out of a 1950’s J.C. Penny’s catalog, and then mention fruitcake while acting like the Santa Claus sitting next to him was the guy down the street stopping in for a beer?
What was he thinking? Is he going for the WW II vote?

Not many of them are alive.

And Hillary’s commercial was like a Tim Burton “Nightmare Before Socialism” scare. She would have been better off putting Bill in a Santa suit eating cookies.
On second thought, that's just as frightening.

Nobody Wins: I don’t care how much they keep harping on free trade…when a country has practically no manufacturing base at all, you don’t have anything to trade, unless you’re General Electric or Microsoft.

The concept of free trade is great, but only if there is a fair playing field. Our leaders are just positivity keen on all of us working for a wage of one dollar. Bully-- right! Sure, we can compete with the factories in China!

Frankly, I suggest they all move there and take their "free trade" with them.

Nobody’s Fool: Here’s a last item that is truly one for the Christmas stocking stuffer.

Do you have a dog or cat? Do they get fleas? Have you EVER spent hundreds of dollars for all those very expensive flea and tick packets? Do you even have them delivered to your door?

Well, stop! According to some experts, you can simply vacuum your dog fleas right off his body.

I expect a great rush on Dust Busters if this news ever gets out. The people that are making billions selling those flea and tick “treatments” for dogs are going to be really angry if you tell your vet “No thanks, I vacuum at home.”

Well hey…it the good old free trade philosophy…right?

Anyway, I had never thought of that idea…did you? Here we all were using all our brains, and somehow missed it.

Maybe if they studied something besides Beetles they know why. I suggest next time, they study something worthwhile, like how to get rid of fruitcakes.
They can start with the Clintons.