Saturday, August 23, 2008

Toasting Joe!

Nobody Flashes: After making everyone wait in "anticipation" for two whole days for his Vice Presidential announcement, (Not to mention all the money he collected for the cell phone messages to be the first to know) instead of picking someone sensible, he picks...Joe Biden.

Well, many would say he picked the right man. Is it me? Or does Biden remind you of that lovable former Vice President who had the wonderful way with words...Spiro Agnew?

He even looks like him.

Anyway you look at it, now we have--- the NEO-DEMS!

Congratulations to those who knew that Joe would be picked, in fact I only know one person who predicted this, and I hope he is enjoying his moment of "breakfast of champions" this very moment!

Anyone for toast?


Friday, August 22, 2008

Nobody's Fool: Bernie Mac

Nobody’s Fool—I just watched a rerun of Bernie Mac being interviewed on Charlie Rose from 2002. And the very first thought that entered my head was…Charlie is not used to this. Charlie is not used to so much honesty. Charlie is not used to being in the presence of a truly loving man.

If there is one thing you had to admit about Bernie Mac, it was that he was full of love: for his work, his family, his fans, his friends: but he was much more than that lovable personality and it’s not really being talked about.

And in this election year, with the big O, running for President, it’s no surprise. Obama and Bernie Mac? They don’t want you to compare the two.

I can just see Obama sitting next to Bernie saying, “You know, I love white folks, and I shouldn’t have said what I did about my grandmother, and you know, all those twenty years Reverend White was trashing whites and America, I just thought he was an old guy talking….”

Bernie’s eyes would have rolled and he would have smiled that wicked grin.

At least that’s what I hoped he would have done. Bernie did not suffer fools, black or white. He learned that from his grandma, he said.

You see, most people saw Bernie as the real deal…unlike Obama, who is more like the real con. Do you want concrete or plastic to build your house?

The left has been trying for too many years to tear apart the family unit, and in the black community they have been doing a very good job, and then along comes Bernie Mac, with his big “I’m going to take control of my family and my life” Mac-smack-down.

Let me hear you say, “Hallelujah!”

Most nights Charlie Rose interviews the big global players. They go on his show to promote globalization, their various corporate brands, and the liberal socialist agenda of which Charlie is a big part of.

So Bernie Mac, a comedian from Chicago, looked extremely out of place at Charlie’s round table. Because you see, Charlie Rose lives in a whole other world---a world of Harvard educations, power brokers, politicians, and people who wouldn’t have to work another day in their life due to the money they make off their investments.

It’s not the biggest part of America, but it is becoming the class that rules our lives.

I had been watching the show the week that Bernie died. Charlie was interviewing famous CEO’s of international American car companies, and when Bernie’s interview was played because of his unexpected death, I had to admit---Bernie seemed the much more educated man.

There he was, with his big beautiful eyes…a black man with no prejudice, no “you kept my people in slavery” no-- “you’re a rich white man so therefore you’re against me…”

No, Bernie Mac was Nobody’s Fool.

I’m not sure when I first noticed him: maybe it was on some HBO special. Not since Richard Pryor has a comedian shown his genius with such audacity. In many ways, he was surpassing Pryor, because he wasn’t as drugged up. His material was not only hilarious, but left you philosophically thinking.

One day I saw him do a television promotion supporting local libraries---that did it. I started watching his show. Bernie would be saying the things that all of us think everyday and are told not to.

“Go Bernie…Go! Ain’t that the truth! How did you know I wanted to lock the kid in the closet for five minutes so that I could take a breather? How did you know I dare not admit that to anyone for fear that the government would come in, snatch my child, and tell me I’m abusing him?”

“Go Bernie…tell it like it is.!”

And there he was…calling us out…to the truth of parenting…showing us all how to handle the absurdities of life, with thought, love, and humor.

Bernie told Charlie, “It takes courage to tell the truth about yourself. Express your pain.”

Okay, Bernie…I’m expressing my pain. All those Hollywood liberals who worked with you did not give you enough credit in the papers for the true great artist that you were.

And…“You know America, I got to say it.”

None of the Oceans’ Eleven actors can even hold a candle to Bernie. Nothing Brad Pitt will ever do will compare.

And if only the good die young…I will be old and gray---

… And I will still be having a great ol time watching reruns of Bernie Mac.

Hey, Bernie…pass me that bottle.


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Rosanne Barr...Woman Without a Gun

Nobody Cares: Well, the goddess of "How to sing the National Anthem and tuck on a imaginary organ that you don't have." has done it again.

Yes...that lovable actress who has resorted to doing commercials for Las Vegas, Rosanne Barr, has attacked Angelina Jolie for adopting babies from African nations that are being destroyed by gun-toting Republicans.

Rosanne has maybe picked on the wrong gal.

Here we see Angelina practicing for one of her many violent films, in which she make so much money she can not only afford to adopt African babies, she can afford to pay four nannies to watch them, while she practices shooting on her Digital Home Shooting Range.

Not only that, she flies her own plane, which means she quite capable of dropping bombs. And in this age of GOOGLE YOUR EARTH, if I was Rosanne, I'd stick to the "I love Obama" soundbites.

What do I really think, you might ask? I think she's just jealous. Somebody tell her, because she's not bright enough to figure it out.

Hopefully Obama will give her a job, and a gun...let the games begin!


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dead Men Standing On Big Foot

Nobody's Perfect: Tom Biscardi, it has been reported, made the big mistake of paying over $50,000 dollars last week to a couple of guys from the South, Rick Dyer, and Matthew Whitton---who had announced to the world that they had found a real BigFoot, decomposing on the ground.
Needless to say, everyone who looked at the photo knew it might have been their Uncle John, who likes to dress up in Gorilla outfits and party, because, frankly, it's the only way anyone will talk to him. Uncle John hasn't been seen since last Holloween's gathering at the local Union 345, Holloween's party last year.
It, thankfully, was not Uncle John, but just his costume.
But, as they say in all countries on the planet, in every language known to man...boys will be boys, and not too long ago, over two million dollars was paid for this "corpse" by a man who claims that he found this body in his dumpster outside of Los Angeles...and this is actually...some dead rapper, no kidding, he swears, it's really him.
The owner plans to start the bidding soon...on e-bay. (JUST KIDDING!)
Actually, this is the new fashion for dead men walking...why lay in a coffin, when you can use the coffin to collect some nice flowers?


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Doorbell is Ringing...Open the Door

Nobody Knows: The doorbell sometimes rings at three in the morning, she said. She gets up, goes to the front door, opens it…and no one is there. She thinks she’s going crazy, but she is not the only one who hears it…so does her husband. It doesn’t happen every night, but at least three times a week.

But, someone is ringing the door bell. And with tears streaming down both cheeks, she can’t help but wonder if it’s her son, Colin.

Colin was murdered some months ago, by a violent gunshot wound in downtown St. Louis. Colin was the youngest of her three boys, and by her accounts, he was the most happiest. He was in his early twenties, still lived with his parents, and he used to come home, usually at three in the morning, and then ring the doorbell. Mom would then get up and let him in. Every weekend this was a ritual.

The last thing she said to him on the day that he died was: “I hate you!” Sure---she was just hurt about something he said: he was bugging her about something simple…but the tears stream down her guilt-ridden face as she tells me of her remorse. She can’t help but wonder if Colin is trying to contact her, trying to come home…


On another day, somewhere in New York, a young woman kept finding pennies. She was still grieving from her father’s passing, and one of the things that she and her father did while growing up was collect pennies. Not just any pennies, but wheat pennies…ones minted before 1958. At his funeral, she found one on the steps of the church before she entered. The date on it was the year that he was born. As the year went on, she found pennies it seemed everywhere, and at the least expected times, and they all, by an uncanny coincidence, had the years of each various family member’s births. She found everyone in the family, except hers.

Then, on the anniversary of her father’s death, exactly a year later, as she was walking to church, she saw a penny lying in the middle of traffic—in New York City. Getting to it would be a bit dangerous, and risky, but she knew she had to get it. So she did.

And then she looked, and you guessed it---the date had the year she was born, her collection now complete.

What are the odds?


I have had this strange phenomenon happen so many times in my life, I can’t keep up with it.

For instance, after my father died, my son was in tremendous grief because my dad was basically his first father because his real father had abandoned us. He was only seven, but really loved reptiles. I must have spent a small fortune on crickets for the various lizards, and frogs he kept in fish tanks beside his bed.

About a week after my father’s passing, the whole family was going out the garage door, and there “he” was. A turtle had walked out of nowhere, up a long concrete driveway, in the middle of a neighborhood, right up to my son---and looked up. We all stood there in total amazement, watching him make the long trek up the hot concrete, right up to the front of my son’s sneakers. Turtles are so rare in our neighborhood; you would have thought it was an elephant walking up to greet us.

And you’re going laugh, but that turtle looked just like my dad before he died. He stayed with my son, and became his most beloved pet for over fifteen years.

Now---I have never, ever, seen another box turtle in my neighborhood, in all my years, nor will I. The nearest woods are miles away.


And…I swear my mother sends me “messages” through the radio, go ahead---laugh. My mother had a few favorite songs, and these songs are really old. They are so old that if any station manager happened to hear them being played, the Disc jockey would be fired the next day.

Right after she died, I was cleaning the kitchen and heard her favorite song. The one she and my father called 'their' song…” I’ll be loving you always….”

Okay…one time. But then it seems, whenever I’m missing her, if I am listening to the radio, I will hear a song that would mimic her…with words she had said to me many times in conversations, words of encouragement…almost like she is answering my questions in my mind at that exact moment…in song.

The other night I heard the song “Goody-Goody.” (You don’t want to know) Michael Savage played it. My mother used to say that was her favorite song. It’s a happy song. I was happy at the moment…it may sound weird, but yes…I was thinking of her.

What are the odds?

But, I am a musician; mom knows how to get to me…right?


Then there is my friend and mentor, the stupendously funny, Doug Powers.

As some of you know, Doug Powers had once told the story about his beloved daughter, Molly, who had been taken away from her family at the tender age of four, from a rare disease.

Hanging on a door, inside their home is a print made by Molly, and sometimes, it just falls off. Nothing else falls---just that.

Doug, probably feels in his heart that it’s his young daughter…saying “Hi Daddy.”

So, what am I getting at here?


Nobody Knows
if there is such a thing as a soul. But I’m convinced that the biggest proof of GOD and the existence of souls, are these events which happen to millions of people all over the earth...sent by our loved ones to help us in our grief. They usually communicate to us in the language of our favorite things.

Psychologists will argue these are just illusions by grief-stricken people putting meaning into events that are meaningless.

What bull.

Mathematically speaking, a doorbell doesn’t ring by itself, pennies with the exact birthdates of family members don’t just appear conveniently in front of you, turtles don’t just walk up to grieving kids in the middle of suburbia, a handful of perfect songs, out of the millions of songs recorded, don’t just appear by coincidence.

And a print made by someone you love doesn’t just fall off a wall more than once, unless there is an earthquake, or somebody pushed it.

Nobody Knows exactly where the soul goes after death, but I have suspicions that since man began, this phenomena of souls communicating with their loved ones, in ways that only they would understand, is the reason so many people from throughout man’s history, believe in some sort of God.

And if God can spread pennies all over path of a young grieving penny-collecting daughter, place a turtle at the feet of a young reptile-loving child at a precise moment, send songs of healing to a grieving music-loving daughter, drop a beloved print to grieving parents, and then continue to ring a doorbell in the middle of the night to let a mother know that her son forgives her, and loves her…

Then a resurrection of a great man, in order to give people hope, and healing… would not exactly be too tough--- would it now?

As the song goes...”I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.”

It’s pretty simple. We get messages all the time. All we have to do is open our eyes, our ears, and our minds.

And answer the goddamn doorbell!

You never know what you might find.


Monday, August 18, 2008

Operation Comrade Jesus

Nobody’s Opinion: Just a short thought today.

Every writer on the blogs who watched the “debate” on religion between Obama and McCain all missed the main message of the event, which was:

Jesus wants you to give all your money and your time to those less “fortunate” than you.
The less fortunate will NOT be decided by you, but by your government. When they take even more money from you to redistribute to the poor all over the world, you will not complain, because Jesus has said you should…so shut up.

So--- it’s like your neighbor coming into your house and taking your brand new stereo system, because well…he doesn’t have one, and Jesus said he should just take yours.

Jesus said it was alright.

No wonder they want a Christian nation. Communism will be easy to implement when done in the name of Jesus. Creative marketing gurus have done it again.

Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” was a nobody resurrected like Obama, mysteriously out of the sea of “WHO?” to become the most influential pastor to guide us all to the land of feel-good “giving.”

Obama is using “Jesus” to promote what he has coming for us. We give “insufficient” help to the disadvantaged, he said. He quoted Jesus: “Whatever you do for the least of my brothers, you do for me.”

Add McCain’s two cents: We should “devote ourselves to causes greater than our self-interests.” He also said that after 9/11 we should have all volunteered for the Peace Corps. Yes, the “war” candidate, like Obama, would spread American good will all over the planet with the same philosophy of his ‘brother in giving’ opponent, Obama.

All three of these goons were saying the exact same thing.

These guys may be fighting for the same big prize, but once there, they intend to implement the same game plan--- Jesus for Communism, or what I like to call...Operation Comrade Jesus.

Bush has taken the first step in this new money grab by merging the government with the Christian churches. They can now get government money to pass out. Obama and McCain, and the Pope will now take even more money in his name.
Why pass the bowl when you can mandate religious taxes?

Let me point out that what they will be doing is “stealing” in the name of Jesus, but they don’t want you to look at it that way.

They will call it “Christian giving” but there’s a big difference between giving when you can, and being forced to give to the “state,” who will “to each his own, in each according to his abilities” redistribute you money to those poor souls who can’t feed themselves.

Soon we will all be saying “Jesus was my comrade!”

Next time you’re paying your property taxes, remember…Jesus isn’t there to help you.

It’s time someone told these politicians if “Jesus” really wants us all to be giving, then let them give all their assets back to us…

I’d love to have Obama’s house. Jesus would, I’m sure, love it too.

Hey, he could even send me to Hawaii, Jesus knows I’ve never been there.

Obama? John? Are YOU going to “give?”

Don’t just talk the talk you guys, give up all your wealth and walk in Jesus’ footsteps.
Jesus would want you to give me your private jet.
Hey...I would at least let "poor" people ride on it...for free!


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Prince Charles- Going Against the Green?

Nobody Wins: Prince Charles, that lovable royal that we Americans just love to make fun of, has actually said something that I have to say, makes a lot of sense. He said that the mass development of genetically modified crops might cause the world’s worst environmental disaster.

Finally---a global problem that really is caused by man.

If you judge his statement by the fat content of the average American, I’d say he has point. We are an environmental, blown-up fatty factory getting ready to burst. Sixty-eight per-cent of Americans are overweight. We attract fat like Michael Phelps attracts gold metals. And since most of us have no time to swim five hours a day to wear off the many calories in all our normal food, is it really our fault that two-thirds of us are overweight?

We are considered the fattest people walking the earth, as if we want to be. Lots of experts claim it’s because on every single corner or block, we have “fast food.” Take your pick: Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Jack-In-The-Box, McDonalds, and my personal fat favorite, KFC. How can you resist those biscuits?

Some of us remember a time when grandma’s biscuits were smothered in buckets of gravy and no one gained a pound.

So..what’s up here? Just what kind of “junk” is in our food?
You don’t want to know since our soil was depleted, we are told, years ago. Now if you want minerals---you have to get them from a bottle.

There are many things you can say about the Prince, but there is one thing you can’t deny…he loves his organic gardens. And he knows, better than the rest of us, just what insidious games the “elite” global international food companies have been up to.

The Prince has accused the gigantic GM experimenting with nature all over the world, and says it has gone seriously wrong: relying on “gigantic corporations for food would be the absolute destruction of everything and the classic way of ensuring there is no food in the future.”

He sited India’s ‘Green Revolution’ as one example of this meddling with food disaster. It seems GM did a lot of experimenting with hybrids in India, hybrids which required more water and therefore destroyed the water table, causing drought, and an even bigger problem.

“Let them drink Coke!”

Something tells me, they’re not “saving the world from hunger.” It’s more like, saving the bottom line for patenting as much of mother-nature as we can, and in doing so, pushing Mother Nature’s natural seeds to extinction.

It’s much the same as our Congress mandating, with the help of our President, our corn to be used for fuel. I can’t get a decent ear of corn in my store now, but I shouldn’t complain. This little idiotic law has thrown millions all over the world into starvation.

So, once again…what’s going on?

Did you know that our politicians passed a law allowing them to legally trade on insider information? Have you any idea on the ramifications of this sweet perk? Have you heard any politician anywhere discuss this? Do you wonder like me, how many of our fine politicians own stock in these genetically modified food corporations?

Should Martha Stewart run for Congress?

Think about it---the more fat people, the more sick people, the more pharmaceuticals must be produced to take care of the epidemics of heart, stroke, and diabetes patients--- the more cancer, and sixty-dollar bottles of diet pills…lots of experiments with hybrids which will lead the way to people literally begging for Universal Health Care, where the government can decide whether you live or die, and take all your money before you go!

Absolutely brilliant!

So---whether it’s due to the industries use of growth hormones, (which even gets into our drinking water): the recently discovered virus adenovirus-36, which instructs cells to store fat faster: (oh, you haven’t heard about that one?) Or the dirty secret that the food industry is putting in illegal ingredients that makes a person hungry, and actually makes them addicted to food…it hardly matters anymore does it?

What does matter, and even brings a little hope, is that Prince Charles loves Mother Nature so much, (I’m not sure he’s doing this for “the people”) that he is speaking up about the potential disaster.

Good for him.

I don’t think the earth can hold fat Chinese people too! The earth might tilt, and then we really would have global warming.
I don't want Al Gore to drown you?