How to Handle Strong Wind

Nobody Flashes on a Saturday Night!

This was just sent into to good folks down in Texas, from our brave boys in Iraq..

When in a hurricane wind, make a human kite and have some fun---what have you got to lose but your butt?

Whatever's left, someone is bound to come for it.

Remotely Viewing Motorbikes

Nobody Wins: Okay..

Yesterday was just too much. Endless footage of New York in panic and being decimated, Matt Damon being afraid of a hockey mom, Pamela Anderson saying that Palin could "go suck it" which means, she thinks the act of "sucking" is not fun...

(Who knew?)

On top of that, I saw this program on MTV where they are holding a contest trying to make "rappers" into gentlemen, while making them eat blowfish. The black rapper wants to beat up the white rapper because the white rapper wants to vote him off, he claimes to HELP him learn to become a gentlemen...but no one is mad at the producers for maybe trying to poison them all.

Do you see the subliminal message in this? Get along or you will all die. (just kidding)

So, the answer to all these questions seems to be...buy yourself a bike like this.

Hey, I can't afford it either, but I'd definitely show it off in my driveway just to make my neighbor who has an old Harley that actually makes the windows rattle... jealous.

I don't know what the name of this bike is: but it's...different, and most importantly, I do not see any conspiracy theories in it at all.

And that, to my readers, is always a releif.

Now, I think the govenment has some man in a room somewhere, remote viewing, and sending me the vibes to go...shopping. (I need ink)

I'm outa here... see you tomorrow.

It's Eleven Pass Nine

Nobody Knows: Today at exactly 9:11 a.m, President Bush dedicated a memorial to all the people killed at the Pentagon this day, seven years ago. No doubt President Bush starting his speech at that ominous time was carefully planned. Millions of people across the nation were looking at their screens and going, “Gee---it’s eleven pass nine.”

Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are meeting for lunch at Bill’s offices in Harlem today…and nobody knows why they picked this date to meet, and what they want it to mean, but you can bet it’s something.

All political movements and appearances are done for theatrics no matter which party you are seeing; it’s always been that way.

So that is why, no doubt Barack and McCain have chosen this very day to come out with the message…”We must all devote our lives to something bigger than ourselves.”

As if 9/11 was the fault of the American people.

Give me a break.

When I hear this stuff, I think, “Here it comes…a dictatorship in the guise of “compassion.” And, what a better day to implement this marching order mantra than the day of our worst defeat…the day all Americans everywhere will at least at some time get teary-eyed.

Beware the word “compassion” when spoken out of any leader’s lips. Wait for it. He is going to ask you to ‘give’ your “time” and your “money” to the government.

This means they are going to “take” not only your money, but your “time” now.

Frankly, I find it obnoxious. There are no other people on this earth who have been more compassionate for other people on this earth, than Americans.

American lives, given to defend “freedom,” should be enough.

I’m wondering today just how the people who died on that horrible day seven years ago, would feel about the new “suggestive” orders from both our current presidential candidates for all Americans to “volunteer” their time to “helping” others after being so ruthlessly killed.

We are in the middle of an upcoming economic depression, where millions of Americans will need all the time that they have in order to keep their own lives afloat.

Ask any rich person and they will tell you that time is money. And nobody knows just when we will be “forced” to “volunteer” our energies; not into helping our own families, but into helping those who they deem to be less fortunate than “us.” And that includes other countries.

All over our country, people are being picked out by their “need” to get free houses built for them by “volunteers.” Yesterday, a Spanish man and his white wife and their two “special needs” children here in St. Louis, were given a brand new, rather expensive house.

A whole crowd of onlookers were there to applaud for the cameras.

Every day, in the Post-Dispatch, there are continuous articles about how wonderful it is that some poor soul from abroad has started a business here, with the help of our government.

Most of our own citizens cannot even get a loan.

Alvin Toffler, (Author of Future Shock) that prodigious social engineering guru…told us long ago that the new “service” economy would produce citizens doing everything for “free”. Soon, there would be a world of slaves…I mean, “volunteers.”

So, if this world of “volunteers” does not get paid--- tell me. Who will be making the fortunes off of all these “volunteers” and how will the “volunteers” pay their bills?

Obama has told us he plans on sending “volunteers” overseas. Don’t worry---you’ll get a few handouts for your “time.”

But, think of this; it certainly cannot be argued by anyone that 9/11 was the kick-off of our continuous economic demise that continues to grow, with the unbelievable and seemingly daily gracious help of both parties.

And judging by their actions, our politicians are doing everything they can to destroy America. Their words don’t mean much anymore, but their actions do.

Nobody knows, and many wonder, if 9/11 had some help from ‘inside.’ The government, including our top leaders, made so many, MANY, mistakes that it almost seems beyond logic to just dismiss them as mere ignorant rich elitists, not paying attention.

Bill Clinton, let bin Laden go…how many times?

Louis Freeh, x-CIA head, was on the board of Fannie and Freddie.

In fact, most of our politicians hold board positions on major international companies.

President Bush wanted Dubai to guard our ports?

Nobody knows what the average American can do, but I suggest we use this day to ponder about how we plan to volunteer our time and money.

And take action.

Lipstick On Pork

Nobody Cares:

"YOU CAN PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG...

BUT IT's STILL A PIG."

Thanks for that bit of wisdom Obama, now, have some fish to go with that pork.

Nobody's Perfect: Jamie Lee Curtis

Nobody's Perfect:

Jamie Lee Curtis...a woman I have always thought was not like the rest of the Hollywood crowd, despite the fact that she got her start in movies due to how well she could scream...showed today just why she writes children's books, now that she has decided she no longer wants to starve herself just to compete with much younger women who can do it so much more easily.

She said, and I quote:

"I couldn't hold my own for one minute in a debate on any issue with someone like Barack Obama or Joe Biden and neither can Sarah Palin."

As we can see by her book title, Jamie must have been feeling just a wee bit silly the day she burped out this idiotic statement.

But I for one, believe her. She could not debate Barack or Joe. She might even have trouble debating a five-year-old.

Anyway, despite her really silly comment, I still like her. The strip scene that she does in "True Lies" was so pricelessly funny, I have to cut her some slack.

I'm hoping to see her soon on, "Are YOU Smarter Than a Five-Year-Old?"

Because there, and only there will she find out that yes, she is smarter than a five-year-old. BUT...it might take a seven year old to convince her that neither Barack or Joe could actually win against one of those kids.

Life for Jamie has promise, if only because she's so likable.

As for Sarah? I suggest she take Jamie hunting---it's about time the woman learns how to use a REAL knife.

Nobody's Flashes: Baseball

Nobody Flashes: Let's talk baseball.

Ever since I went cold turkey after going to every single Cardinal game that was played for over four years...just because I had a big crush on Jack Clark, and not to mention the Cardinal's Baseball team during the 1980's was HOT...

Around this time of year, I get a bit nostalgic for the smell of old beer stains, the many trips to the girls bathroom to put on lipstick, and those wonderfully white, perfectly clean baseball uniforms...which gave me endless hours of speculation.

Some people speculate the universe, I used to fantasize just who did the team's laundry---some little old Chinese guy? Or did they get brand new uniforms for every game, and how much did THAT cost? Etc...etc.

Where else in America can you go and see so many men dressed so spotlessly?

For a woman who had to do Laundry every day, (and hated it) it was truly a miracle to behold. Spotless, white, bright, clean, pants and shirts....not to mention the grace of a man catching a ball in his perfect uniform...

Or dropping it.

And since the first game of baseball was played on a field in Hoboken, New Jersey called Elysian Fields, which in Greek means "paradise,"... who was I to argue the call when the runners slide into home?

In the world of baseball, in his next game, that player's uniform would be perfect again.

How cool is that?

At home, my brand new white short-shorts would, after the first washing, become forever dingy gray. There's a connection with the effort of laundry and baseball, I just haven't figured it out yet.

But...in the game of golf...did you know that the game was played in ancient Rome, Holland, Flanders, and even China and Laos?

It was the SCOTS that added the hole, and men have been chasing and dreaming of that hole-in-one ever since.

Men are so easy to entertain. Give them a ball and they are gone.

My son's first words were "ball."

I've never really gotten over it.

Nobody's Absurdities, No 61--Nobody Deals With More Than One

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 61

Today all I could think about was getting older, and how it’s not just the body aches, loss of memory, getting those constant letters from AARP, or the fact that I can just look at a pizza on TV and gain four pounds that gets under my skin

I can put up with all that stuff.

What I’m having a problem with is the fact that, when I was twenty, I didn’t know a whole lot about the world, nor did I care, and life was so less stressful.

In fact, most of the time, it all made perfect sense.

Once you have children, absurdities come in almost on the hour…like Nolan Ryan fast balls. After the kids are grown and gone, they come every five minutes, give or take a few seconds.

So, here in random order are some crazy thoughts about all kinds of absurdities that just happen to come into my brain without any warning today.

Prepare yourself---as they say, “One man’s ceiling is another man’s ketchup bottle.”

Or as my brother said so eloquently this weekend to a woman whose kid squealed for over 30 minutes in a department store that he was trying to shop in;

“Hey, I’m old…shut your kid up.”

Actually, he didn’t say that---what he did say was: “Lady, what is it exactly about this situation that you don’t get?”

I would have taken the first approach. Getting old has its rewards.

********

Now that we have all gotten over the fact that, “Hey, there is actually a NORMAL politician alive on this planet!”… isn’t it totally absurd that millions of Americans who did not like John McCain’s upcoming plans to give amnesty to millions of Mexicans, go along with the global warming crowd, and put lots of liberal Democrats in his cabinet, and so were not going to vote for him, have now changed their minds in hope that Sarah will eventually become President after we become little Mexico?

Do you think the Mexicans will play hockey?

Will Sarah Palin actually be able to turn John McCain into the conservative that she is and save our country?

Nah.

In fact, due to my no longer being ‘young’….and since I don’t trust our government, I think what they are doing is kind of--- mean. Like promising your kid a trip to the toy store if he will just come inside, and then once you get him in, you tell him it’s too late to go.

********

And it gets more absurd. The Republicans just get back their base, with the miracle of Sarah Palin, and what do they do? Does John McCain lie like Obama? Noooooo.....

He goes on Meet the Press and talks about how he is going to bail out Fannie Mae, and redistribute everyone’s money and put lots of liberals in his cabinet, and says that eventually the American people will get that five-trillion dollar “bailout” back.

Boy, I can’t wait for my check, can you? That a boy, John…get those Hillary voters!

This means John could pick, if you go by his own words: Joe Lieberman as Secretary of Defense, Robert Kennedy overlooking a brand new Homeland Global Warming Department, and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. Just for good measure, I wouldn’t doubt if he gives Maggie the Almighty Albright Homeland Security.

I can’t wait. If that happens, I’m not wearing glasses ever again.

********

Oprah was in the National Enquirer last week because she has gained her weight back and according to the writer of the article she is thinking about not having her pictures airbrushed ever again. (?)…again…(?)

And she made this statement:

“I made a decision not to use my show as a platform for any of the candidates.” after she had already launched Obama on her show into the National Platform.

Now, she refuses to have Sarah Palin on her show, because Sarah is hurting her new crush, Obama.

That’s okay Oprah---keep building those free houses. In fact, don’t just give free cars to the people in your audience, give one to every American!

We need to know you care!

Then ask us to vote for Obama--- It’s the American way!

********

And who cannot love this one: The Iranians want Obama to be elected so that Islam will conquer the United States. Now, here’s what’s really absurd. There have been many well documented statements made by radical Muslims that because Obama’s name is a Muslim name, certain Muslims that want the United States destroyed want Obama elected.

Allah is working overtime.

I don’t know what’s more absurd…having a man named Obama Hussein running for President or the Muslims radicals thinking because his name is Obama he will turn the country to Islam.

I mean, come on…just because some radical Muslim billionaire helped get Obama into Harvard…really.

And why are we, as Americans putting up with this? We should demand for him to change his name, to HONOR the American people and the office that he aspires to.

If his name was Adolf Hitler, would we put up with it?

After all, movie stars do it all the time. Legally, it’s very simple. If he really wanted to be popular, he could change it to Chris Columbus, Harry Truman, or George Washington.

He’s says he’s Christian…pick a Christian name and prove it.

What? Am I the only one with guts enough to say this?

Is everyone afraid of acting like an American? (Sarah, you have inspired.)

********

And in the absurdities, a Nobody's Flash:

My neighbor’s daughter lives in Alaska, and the whole family just loves Sarah Palin. They told me today that their daughter has a nurse friend that was in the delivery room when Sarah had her last baby…the autistic child that someone (was it Michael Moore?) claims is really her teenager daughter’s.

Okay--- that’s it. Michael Moore needs to get pregnant. He could do a movie about his sex change. I would pay top dollar to see it. In fact, he should have Castro’s baby, in Castro’s great hospital.

You might be scared to know, I actually don’t think that’s too far-fetched.

********

And on the American health front…did you know that they give rat poison to people who have blood clots? It’s true, according to my doctor. Warfarin is rat poison. He even laughed at this bit of wonderful information. It’s the only thing that thins the blood.

Is it me…or could somebody maybe have been working on developing a drug that wasn’t rat poison to give to people with blood clots?

And did you know that more people die of blood clots every year than AIDS and breast cancer combined!

Okay, major killer--- give them rat poison---don’t talk about it. Shsssss-- not a concern.

And you think I’m crazy?

Do I smell a conspiracy theory here?

********

Here’s an absurdity that certainly deserves a bit of rat poison.

In all the tabloids they almost always have two movie diva’s wearing the same dress…and then they have a caption which says which one looks the best. It’s in every tabloid. Go ahead; pick one up if you don’t believe me.

They act like these actresses just happen to wear the same dress, every time they step out of the house.

I say they PAY these actresses to do this stunt. My friends (wait---I have no friends) think I’m nuts.

Hand me my walker, I feel like beating a few dandelions.

*******

Okay, one more.

Angelina Jolie just had twins. They have colic. She is not getting any sleep. It’s so horrible the way she is suffering she might have to break down and adopt another older child from North Korea to be their mother so she can get some sleep.

Wait--- she has four nannies, and a nurse and doctor in the next room 24/7…

So why it is again that she is not sleeping?

By now I’m sure you want to know what keeps me from collapsing into a heap of melted fluoride from the absorption of so much daily absurdity.

Here it is: Angelina Jolie one day… will be sixty-one.

So, when thinking about age, it’s nice to know, I’m not alone. I can grow old gracefully knowing that I will be able to witness Angelina’s future plastic surgery.

Now, where did I put that article on senility?