Friday, March 17, 2006
Here's the good news; the earth, like all of the baby boomers, is expanding...It even has stretch marks. (also like most of the baby boomer women) And the moon is growing. So is Mars, and Jupiter, and just about every moon and planet in the known universe.
The bad news: There are an awful lot of scientists and teachers getting paid WAY too much money for thinking that the Grand Canyon was carved out of water. Which makes you wonder if you have to clean out of the rest of your brain for whatever you learned about Teutonic plates from school, while wondering just what else they taught you that was wrong. This is a theory by Neil Adams who proves it with mock examples. Go see for yourself at
Neil Adams gets my 'Nobody Is Smarter Than the Average Scientist' award for March.
Neil Adams will be a great somebody in all schools someday, I certainly hope.
This means that today, after that twentieth pitcher of beer (St. Patrick'sDay), if your pants split while you are making a fool of yourself dancing on the bar, you don't have to be embarrassed, knowing that the Pacific Ocean was formed in the same way.
Frankly, I wonder what Al Gore is going to do with this information which brings us to:
Nobody Cares; President Bush is having smallpox drills at the White House. Nobody cares about this because it was a known fact that after the Clintons left the whole place was fumigated. It seems ever since Tommy Thompson said he was going to have an ID chip placed in his arm (so far we are waiting for that) this whole Chicken Little has the bird flu deal is starting to get old. I wish they would make up their mind...What's it's gonna be---Smallpox? Anthrax? Bird Flu? Cluster bombs? Biological (Hey we found them!) weapons? Nuclear annihilation of Idaho? Mumps? Measles? Or the new Watch Out You Might Get Hit By a Hurricane Epidemic?
Is that why they are trying to pass laws on weather control? They are going to just blow these germs away? Chem trails anyone?
No, it's as obvious to this nobody as it was to Neil Adams that the earth was once small, that the big guys at the top want you to go get a shot, and they will go to any Chicken Little attempt to get you running to your doctor
What's in these shots is anyone's guess. I set off enough bleepers going out of stores, thank you very much. Just think, real thieves will have a great line when the beeper goes off while they are holding that IPOD under their coat: "Oh, it's OK...I got a shot today, that explains it."
I wish they'd make up their minds. I think President Bush should be more worried about his own party surrounding the White House for a impromptu Texas barbecue. After all, George Washington survived smallpox. Maybe a good dose of it would help his speech patterns.
Nobody's Perfect: The poor French government can't get a break. Thousands of young students are rioting in the streets of Paris because...soon their socialist utopia is coming to an end. They will have to face the nerve wracking trial, as all our American teachers do, of trying NOT to get fired in the first two years in their jobs. ( NO...no socialism here.)This is really cruel.
If I were a young person today in France I would pray that this expanding of the earth would split France in two, and then the old people could all go live on the West side of France along with all Muslims. Remember, at one time Abraham Lincoln suggested that the slaves be given their own state. It took him a while to come up with a solution. Maybe the bastille needs repair.
(Do NOT take this seriously...)
Nobody Knows; A new survey shows that conservatives are producing and multiplying faster than liberals. (who get abortions) This news was so alarming to them that they immediately put on HBO a program on Polygamy to get those liberals going. After all, heaven forbid that the gene pool of conservatism take over the earth. And even though polygamy is outlawed most everywhere, that never stopped a liberal before.
On a lighter note, Bill Paxman who will star in this propaganda for the liberals, used to work, like Harrison Ford, as a carpenter on the sets of great movies. My source was a set directorwho use to work with him. Anyway, my source tells me he was always complaining about everything, he hated working so hard. So he asked the director if he could get in the films.
That's how stars are born. With a lot of hot expanding gas.
(Hey, I loved the guy in Twister!)
Since this nobody is not fond of stretch marks, there is one big ugly one happening in Arkansas right now---which I suggest we might want to fill in with the water from the Grand Canyon.
Next door to Bill Clinton's library are two international organizations, Heifer International and Winrock International; places where great birthing pains are being fought out.
You can be sure this is one place on the earth, that global warming will not hit.
And I'm sure nobody cares if I go eat some green popcorn and work on my stretchmarks.
Gaia is calling.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
American Barnacles Unit!
In the future, you may need a "card" to get into your favorite store, and there will be no one there but you and your "store" card. No more need for annoying sales people who need to feed their kids.
IF by chance, you still work at Joe's Burgers, you will be considered a "barnacle." And the price will GO UP, because THEY will not want your business! In fact, you might not even get through the door!
Bill Gates is working out the bugs as we speak.
Of course you realized that a whole army of barnacles are at this very moment swarming in Operation Swarming in Iraq, to help booster Bush's image as Supreme Commander of Swarming Barnacles.
Feeling lower than a sea urchin myself upon hearing this news, I found a word of wisdom from that great barnacle handler, Gandhi, for barnacled nobodies everywhere:
"Almost everything you do will be insignificant, but it is important that you do it."
Great leaders have memorized this in every country.
Gandhi... a very big somebody, has now given barnacles everywhere hope to go ahead and feel good about cleaning out the toilet, and not being seen in the latest Ralph Lauren outfit.
In the meantime, true Vogue will continue to carry on outside the barnacle reef.
Nobody's Perfect: George Clooney, who has never even been close to a barnacle, gave his basket of goodies that he got from the Oscars to charity. Frankly, I would have been more impressed if he had given it to the barnacle-etts in Iraq, who could have used the cold cream and botox in that desert heat. Anyway, for this, we are suppose to be impressed.
Also, Sharon Stone, a barnacle masquerading as a trout, is lamenting that American women are erased after forty.
Someone should tell Hillary Clinton that she is NOT suppose to be here.
Nobody Knows; It was announced today that due to the national debt, every man, woman, and child will owe $30,000 to the Chinese. So, due to his close connections, that probably means that Bill Clinton is making about 10% off this deal, and plans to donate the money to charity. (just kidding) Of course...I'm kidding.
He will need the money to run for the New World Order President, and to pay back the hush money he stills owes to Hillary.
What? Barnacles have free speech and imaginations...don't we?
Nobody Cares; I was reading today about the Nike Corporation in a very good book called The Story of Nike And The Men Who Played There by J.B. Strasser and Laurie Becklund...and came upon something interesting.
It seems the company, after it's huge initial success, started having some bad years. The stock went down. The man who started the company, Bud Knight, decided to get out, so he turned over the Presidency to a man named Woodell. The stock continued to get much worse, due to many factors, but here's the catch. Bud Knight came back to the company, and saved the day. Many of the people that worked there of course blamed Woodell for the company's problems, but those who had been there awhile thought it was not Bud Knight's best moment. Woodell became a barnacle overnight.
It was also revealed that Michael Jordan preferred Addidas Shoes over Nike, even after Nike offered him his own Air Jordan shoes. But, his mother came in and slam dunked a big basketball full of common sense over his head.
Yes, Michael would be a barnacle today without his mother's keen barnacle intuition.
He also insisted that Nike give him a car (see photo) for all his suffering of having to wear a shoe that only a barnacle could love. That was so long ago, this nobody wonders what the players get from Nike now?
So, do the sharks at the top just want to control the little barnacles, you might ask?
As an observing barnacle, I remember a past President who left office just as the economy was turning bad, leaving a whole lot of problems to be cleaned up by the next administration. And he also made sure that these problems got worse by doing everything possible to make the current President look bad to lowly barnacles everywhere.
Nothing like creating a little chaos.
And there will be Hillary, coming in to take over and correct the chaos where her husband left off. Could they have planned it any better?
So, when will the barnacles unit? After all, the sharks on top don't have to carry cards in the stores...they already own them.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Nobodys Are Everywhere
The girl on the left is my "first" clone.
Which makes her less than a nobody. (Just kidding) She is actually a girl I called one day because I got tired of strangers getting me mixed up with a "twin" that existed in the same town by some fluke.
So I called her up and met her for a drink! Who knows...maybe we are both adopted!
A Call To Arms!
I'm sending out a call to arms...for all nobody's in the world to gather...
I happen to be a nobody--- with a plan. My husband can't stand the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, so I thought I'd put it here---make it my internet garbage pail for nobody's complaints.
No...that's not it. I was just being a normal nobody here in the middle of the red state country, when I heard about the Dubai deal on the radio.
The last time I got really, really mad about politics was when Bill Clinton raised that been-in-every-crevice finger and said, "I did NOT have sex with that woman."
The Dubai deal has come in a close second. On top of that, President Bush thought it was a great idea too. And then on top of THAT, they parade his 19-year-old nephew, (who looks like a clone) Pierce Bush, out on TV to say that he thought Americans were RACIST! Please. Someone slap me.
That's it...I'm not taking it anymore. I may be a bona fide nobody, but now that we have the internet, I can be just as silly as anyone else. After all...Thomas Jefferson gave me that right when he put in that wonderful clause in the Declaration of Independence about "the pursuit of happiness." Bless his heart.
And just like the Bush family seems to have a genetic proclivity for not being able to read lips very well, my ancestors (see pictures) were calling me forth to be just as crabby and cranky as they had been. So---if some of my opinions make you mad...blame them.
The Dubai deal was the final nut in the bolt. It was so ridiculous, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then, when I turned on FOX News, the conservative voice on TV, they were all for it too! What's a nobody to do?
OK...We are in deep doo-doo. This globalization stuff is got to get a grip. We nobody's are like Cows In the Flood (an article I did which you can only get by e-mailing me) standing in the rising water of socialism, chewing our cuds, while the upcoming New World of a one world govenment for rich politicians, tyrants, and CEO's line us up for the butcher. Cows, in case you don't know, will just stand in any flood and drown.
Long ago, John Adams gave instructions in a letter to Abigail, his soul mate, on a most important lesson he wanted her to convey to their children;
"I hope you will all remember, how many Losses, Dangers, and Inconveniences, have been borne by your Parents, and the Inhabitants of Boston in general for the Sake of preserving Freedom for you and yours---and I hope you will all follow the virtuous Example if, in any future Time, our country's Liberties should be in Danger, and suffer every human Evil, rather than Give them Up."
If I had my way, this would be tattooed on every American history teacher's right hands, so they would remember just why they are there.
If there was any time that our country's liberties were in danger, I'd say it's pretty much now.
I may just be a nobody, but I think if the rest of us don't take some time out of our busy lives and stop the flood, our children will think cloning is a really cool fad, and having a color-coded chip in their wrist is worth actually paying for. Picking up trash for credit is already a must in our schools, and it won't be long till we see the uniforms of red on the playgrounds.
The Chinese I hear are already practicing war games in South America.
If Clinton and Bush have already decided the New World Order is the best for us,
I DO think we should at least put up a fight.
I'm not going to take this sitting down. I plan on standing up while I type.
There is still time left before the levee goes, right? Right?