Saturday, May 15, 2010

Nobody Gets Email: The MOTHER, Alice Walker

Nobody Gets Email on Saturday Night

Once in a while, I get a real eye opener. You know, one of those...who knew?

It wasn't too long ago that this woman was just the cat's meow in all Hollywood..due to her friend Oprah Winfrey, who made her famous by promoting her books. She also got a big part in Alice Walker's movie, The Color Purple...(And I believe an Oscar) based on the book, which explains that underneath that sweet and caring demeanor...Oprah is just about as shrewd a lady as they come. And as we see from this very sweet Alice Walker smile, she fits right in with Oprah.

On the outside, warm...sweet, kind, and genius. But, as we all know, underneath a "I come first in all things, and you'd better not mess with me..." mentality.

When you read this, you will no longer think of this lady as any kind of a decent person, if what her child says is true.

(And many thanks to the witty and infamous, amfortas for passing it along!)

Crap Mum Of The Year – Alice Walker

Written by Porky on 10 May 2010

Iconoclast that I am, starting this year I will be using every Mothers Day (US time as most of my readers are American) to highlight a truly bad mother. The chosen GynoBeast will be someone who is psychologically, physically or sexually abusive towards her own children. I know most moms are decent people, but then so are most dads but that doesn’t stop Obama and his ilk using Fathers’ Day to highlight the inadequate few, so here comes a dose of equality.
Alice Walker, feminist loon and writer of anti-male screed “The Color Purple”, is described by daughter Rebecca as a “rabid feminist” who from an early age made it clear that she saw motherhood as a form of enslavement.

According to a piece written by Rebecca for The Daily Mail…

“My mother’s feminist principles coloured every aspect of my life. As a little girl, I wasn’t even allowed to play with dolls or stuffed toys in case they brought out a maternal instinct. It was drummed into me that being a mother, raising children and running a home were a form of slavery. Having a career, traveling the world and being independent were what really mattered according to her.”

And it didn’t stop there. The elder Walker was never at her daughter’s school events, didn’t help with homework, and didn’t even help her buy her first bra, instead paying one of her friends to go shopping with the kid! When Rebecca was 13, mommy dearest had no problem with her child getting laid left, right and centre as it got the brat out of her hair, and at 16 Rebecca discovered a poem in which her mother described her as a calamity. And to cap it all off, in 2004 Alice Walker wrote her pregnant daughter a letter in which she declared that she no longer wanted to be her mother and even signed said letter “Alice” rather than “Mom”!

If Rebecca’s account is true, this idol of feminists everywhere is clearly an abusive and neglectful mother, and a contemptible enough parent to be richly deserving of this dubious honor. There is however one good thing that can be said about this cowpat of a woman – she’s a bloody good example of why feminists shouldn’t be allowed to raise children.


Friday, May 14, 2010

Who's Worth the Most: Barbie or IPad?

Nobody Flashes: I told you I was keeping an eye on the are two items off my luxury Google site.
Both of these objects are the most expensive in their line...that is a solid gold IPad with 53 25.5 diamonds, and the Barbie is just her own plastic self, but she has a real diamond necklace on.
Which do you suppose is the most expensive?
If you guessed the IPad (As I would have done, because it at least does something.) you'd be wrong. It lists for $162,000. The Barbie on the other the most expensive ever made, and its yours for $550,000.
Who wants to bet that Demi Moore already has it in her multi-million dollar Barbie collection? (No wonder Bruce Willis and Demi Moore divorced. Who looks more like Ken..Bruce or Ashton?)
But, I'm prejudiced, against poor Barbie. I was a Raggedy Ann fan, because she an had actual HEART on her chest that said..."I LOVE YOU." And you just KNEW she meant it!
Whenever you were lonely, you just pulled up the dress and there it was...SOMEBODY loved you. I still have my old Raggedy Ann Doll.
Barbie on the other hand, costs your mother a fortune in new clothes, which as a loving child, I could not even do that to my own mother, let alone try to put those goofy dresses on her. My old Barbie...I wonder what happened to her?
Let's face it...Barbie was a bitch. (Shopping was NOT in my DNA) I think my brother blew her up one day on the fourth with my blessings.
No, I wanted a Barbie with a heart...but what did I get? MALABU BARBIE!!!! (Just kidding)
Hey, it's Friday.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Nobody Knows How Men Become Kings

Nobody Knows for sure, if Obama was even eligible by our Constitution to even run for President, and there is a resounding split among many conservatives about what to do about the matter. Let's face it, Obama supporters could care less whether the subject is even worth pursuing.

The Liberals quickly demonized the issue by calling all outraged citizens, "birthers" for being so ridiculous. Why of course he is eligible, and the question should not even be asked. They will even go so far as to say, anyone bringing up the issue is a racist.

Unfortunately, many well respected conservatives pundits have joined in the attacks on the basis that there are more important things to worry about now then how he even got on the ticket.

They do have a point...BUT... if you are going to live by "a government of laws and not of men" then the matter must be addressed, not only on principle, but on making sure the matter never happens again. The reason that law was put in, in the first place, was to keep foreigners from taking over our nation by using the highest office in the land. Therefore, it is by reason alone, one of our most important laws.

And now, we have a man named Barack Obama in the Presidency and damning America at every turn.

All facts are pointing to the very real possibility that Obama truly was not born in America. His wife Michelle, has let it slip numerous times that he is from Kenya. He has a Connecticut Social Security number, which by many experts, is a fraud. Obama himself has spent a over a million dollars of his own money trying to keep all his public records secret. Nine people were just indicted for even looking at his student loans, and Hawaii just passed a law forbidding anyone to inquire about his birth certificate. So, if you add up all the well-researched circumstantial evidence, Obama is not legally President.

While our privacy, our medical records, our banking records, our credit card transactions, and our purchasing records will soon be public knowledge, why is it that we cannot demand the same of our elected officials? Shouldn't the people of America be shown all records of a President before he is elected? Shouldn't we know just about everything about him, at least relating to the office?

If we say, "No, it matters not." then we are certainly a nation of idiots.

So, what can "we the People" do about it? Not much.

According to our Constitution, a President can only be impeached for "high crimes and misdemeanors" and not many in the current elected Congress would say getting in power illegally is much of a high crime.

And yet...when one President can fundamentally transform America from a Republic into a communists'/ fascist America, destroying it from within, and damaging it with so many tyrannical new laws, that we lose not only our country, but any hope of a future America, then it becomes the people's problem.

What can we do short of taking up arms? Are we helpless?

Our founders never imagined a Congress so corrupt that it would fundamentally strip it's people of rights, liberty and happiness...they were at the time, depending on the Congress to be mostly honorable men. But we now see, there are few honorable men holding office. What good are checks and balances when the decks are stacked?

If we are truly witnessing a "crime ink" (Glenn Becks' phrase) cartel of mobsters and criminals, taking over our lives, and taking orders from a modern day black Al Capone..who then cleans up the scumbags? Where's our Elliot Ness?

Do we need some sort of Constitutional amendment stating that when a government is gone amuck, and refuses to stand by the rules and laws of the Constitution they are all sworn to abide by and protect (and it's proven that they are breaking the laws) then it's up the people to be able to call a immediate removal of that President...

Impeachment is no longer a reliable tool, the people need a reasonable tool, we can no longer depend on the Congress to uphold the law, as we have seen time and again.

Al Capone was fianlly caught on tax evasion. I see no reason why we should not uphold the rule of law, and demand Obama at least make all his records public. The men who rule us, should not be kings.

I have no idea how this would be done, but good men should figure it out, and quickly.

Obama is not the first politician to ignore rule of law...Bill Clinton should have been impeached on the high crime of selling our nuclear secrets to China. But no one even approached. him.

And now we are ruled by a King who is using all his power, and his "boys" to come after us.

Our elected officials have been bribed so much with power and money, we have almost become a carbon-copy of Russia. And if we start to remedy the problem somehow, all the King's horses and all the King's men...will cause some sort of "emergency" to take total control.

We have let criminals rule us for so long, that all it is going to take is an attack from another country in order for the Kings in power to rule forever.

If we forgive and dismiss so easily, such an important measure as the rule of law for the most important position in our land, then every other "law" really doesn't matter, because it means...once again, we are ruled by "men."


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Nobody Cares About the Vegetarian Efforts of Pamela Anderson

Nobody Cares:
Let's stay off of politics today...shall we? is me, or does Marc Quinn, the artist that sculpted this $520,000 twin statues of two Pamela Andersons in bronze...need to study her body just a WEE bit more? (And yes, it's for sale.)
I mean, I am not a big fan...I've never seen even one episode of Bay Watch, and I missed her on Dancing with the Stars. I would NOT be the least bit interested in her "stolen" tapes...nevertheless, you'd THINK as many pictures that there are of the woman on the Internet...(3,298,398,000,776,736) Marc could have done those Arnold thighs a bit less...masculine, and maybe he could have taken off at least ten pounds off her waist. Surely the lovely woman has worked hard keeping her body on... drugs...I mean, a very strict diet to at least deserve a good "double" image from a man who is trying to idolize her for the next generation.
But, I'm sure she doesn't care. Pamela Anderson in this next picture is doing her best to get more construction workers to eat more salads for lunch. I suggest putting this poster in the health care package, along with the mandate that all union members must have this poster put up in all union lunchrooms, with the words...Supersize it!
(The salad idiot...get your mind out of the gutter.)
Another suggestion: As they are trying to cut the budget of the about sending over Pamela to invade and distract the Taliban with one of her many titillating posters?...It would drive the Taliban so crazy, they would all shot at her and give up their positions. They would all come running out of the mountains...screaming...AHHHHHH!
Save us money...big time.
But what do I know? Most days, it's hard for me to even get NEAR to feeling pretty, unless I put on my pink tutu. (Okay, that's me...go ahead and compare.In fact...send donations.)
Hey, a nobody has to think about something to get her mind off of politics. I saw those statues and thought..."What is WRONG with this ugly thing?" (Not the dog ninny...the statue.)
And I think I'm right...don't you? Tell me, men, would you buy the statue, or the poster?
Enquiring nobody minds... want to know.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Nobody's Perfect: Parker VS McCain

Nobody's Perfect: Parker Vs McCain

Here we have two very famous "Americans" who, it seems, have JUST discovered this week that they are finally actually proud to be called...AMERICANS:

Sarah Jessica Parker and John McCain

(Pause for applause)

I watched Sarah this week on the television series, Who do you think you are? For those of you not familiar with this...they are taking very famous celebrities and hooking them up with professional genealogists. Sarah searchers for her ancestors, and when she finds that she is a direct descendant of one of the Salem Witches she gets so excited that she announces to the whole world the astounding revelation that... "I American! WOW. (pauses) I never felt like I was an American (I guess being born in Ohio was not enough of a clue)...but wow(pause) am an American!"
Personally, I wish our President would discover this same amazing enlightenment, but in the meantime...we're all so happy for Sarah...finding out she was actually...something else besides a walking ad for Prada.

And then we have John McCain, who is so confused about America, he just can't believe it's not merged with Mexico yet---which means his mother is still alive and talking to him.

He is running for re-election in Arizona, and it seems he forgot not only which party he is in, but what day it we can tell from this conversation, which was caught by accident on Obama's hated blackberry...(source unknown)

Sarah: Hi John! Oooooo... I hear you're running for re-election in cool!

John: Yes Sarah, it's been a pretty tough run. Actually, I really want to win this one.

Sarah: Well then should just get rid of that know, she is a bit much. I just HATE her voice, and she is just sooo know, she really doesn't kill moose like she says...and her taste in shoes are the worst! For God's sake, who dresses that woman?

John: Yeah, but hey...(he-he) she's not as cute as you...Why don't you come down and help me on the campaign trail? I could use some real sex appeal you know. You could wear that cute little hat that I saw you in...By the way, where did you get that?

Sarah: Oh...I got it in Paris! I just LOVE Paris! There is LOTS of sex in Paris! In fact, that's all they do there is eat and have sex...that's why I've never felt American you know..I just love sex and hats, and being adored everywhere I go... in America they sometimes make fun of me, but NEVER in Paris....but hey...did you hear? I'm a descendant of one of the Salem cool is that?...I really AM an American!

John: Well, you were born here right?

Sarah:....pause...I think so.

John: Then you are an American. Just think of all those poor Latino kids who were born here...being torn from their mothers all over our fine country...mothers who came here looking for help...We need to get them homes Sarah... and food, and amnesty, and voter registration cards...Please, it sure would be spiffy if you would help me out here Sarah. And if you bring all those other sexy girls from your movie...I'll set you up at the spa down the street from my's really got a nice hot tub...and...Sarah...I need help. The polls aren't looking too good.

Sarah: Well... John you can't help it if the majority of the American people are just stupid and raciest...that's not YOUR fault. All that you did for your country...they should respect're a hero.'re an AMERICAN hero just like my ancestor witch lady!
She was tortured too!

John: Well thanks Jessica.

Sarah: Hey're not really going to built a fence are you?

John; No, I'm not going to built no dang fence Sarah, that's un-American. know, I've just got to get reelected, so I have to pretend I'm going to do it...

Sarah: Pretend? it like faking an orgasm?

John: (He,He)...Well, I never thought of it that way, but since you mentioned it...

Sarah:(Breaks in before John can finish) ... Okay, I'll do my agent tomorrow..I want to tell everyone how proud I am to be an American, and it will help my new movie coming out...where I go to Abuu Dubeee, and have wild sex without getting arrested! You would just LOVE my movie John..can I wear my hat?

John: You'd better! (That way I'll be sure and recognize her...I'm getting too old for this stuff...turns to aid..."What does this girl do again?")

Sarah: to you on Saturday.

John: Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow, and don't forget your orgasm...I mean broom... I mean...hat.

Sarah: No silly, call me on Saturday! Today is's the day I get my Botox! Wait, John...were you the guy that did that Viagra commercial?

John; Oh...does that stuff work?

It was here Obama lost the connection because he got an important call from his stock broker. ....Sorry.

This week it's another tossup: Two Americans, who should be Americans--- who can't decide whether being an American is really cool at the moment...but in the meantime, they will both fake it. Nobody's Perfect.

(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up and Has a lot of Fun doing it!)


Monday, May 10, 2010

Nobody is Calling the REAL FBI

This blog is very serious to me. I have something very suspicious going on in my neighborhood, and nobody cares. It may be nothing...but then, it could be serious. I need to know as a citizen that I have no need to fear what I see.

So, this is NOT meant to be one of my humorous columns. There is an enemy, and he is here. 9/11 was proof of that. So, please, if you read this, and you can help me at the email below.

Nobody Opinion: Calling all cars!!...Calling all cars!!

Here's a question for every law enforcement agency in the United States...and it's not a trick.

It's a call, not only for help, but hopefully action.

Which would the FBI consider more dangerous?

If you saw a small Styrofoam box in the middle of Times Square, would you consider that small container more dangerous to the United States, than a group of hard-core Muslim men, gathering on weekends, in a house otherwise not occupied...and obviously used for meeting purposes alone?

These men are in MY neighborhood...working at night, putting up wires around the yard, and concrete blocks for god's sake, around the perimeter... with all lights blazing while they work. BUT their curtains are ALWAYS drawn, and they have enough satellites to contact Venus, let alone Pakistan.

Would you NOT think that these men, in order to escape surveillance in a Mosque, instead buy a house in the middle of America, where no one questions why no one lives in the house for weeks at a time, due to the fact that the local police department and it's men are busy going to Russia to learn to train how to control riots? They are also internationally accredited which I guess means, they will be VERY polite to you if you want to set up house, and gather to celebrate after every successful jihadist attack, in their very American and peaceful neighborhood., and plan the next attack, because..hey, until the next attack occurs, there is nothing they can do about it.

Would you think a bunch of men keeping clothes and chairs and tables in their garage just a bit strange? I mean, this is in the middle of Leave it to Beaver land. (No women are ever seen there, but there is a really nice kid's jungle gym in the backyard, just to look good and fit in with their American neighbors.)

Something tells me, these guys are up to no good. They gather in sometimes, ten to fifteen men, AND lately it is always right AFTER a successful terrorists attack. this poker night for Allah?

If you think, like me, that these men could be planning the next great terrorist attack on the United States...then you would NOT be in line with MY local authority.

When I noticed a man hooking up a wire and a shoebox like gimmick in his back yard late on a Saturday night, I went right home and called my local FBI.

AGENT: "Hello, FBI."

ME: "Yes sir...there is a house in my neighborhood, and it's empty most of the time, but lately, it's filling up with meetings of Muslims, and they are all tough-looking men. They have been in the neighborhood for quite some time, but tonight, they were outside hooking up some kind of wire at the foot of their backyard fence. Which doesn't bother me EXCEPT it's DARK OUTSIDE and it's almost 10 pm, and why do stuff in the dark? The guy didn't even have a flashlight."

AGENT: "Well, do you wish to remain anonymous?"

ME: " can take my name."Like you don't already have it, ninny.

AGENT: "Do you know what mosque they go to?"

ME: "How should I know? They look at me like I'm dog meat., and the five years I've ever been near any of them, they refused to talk to me. In fact, they look as if they would like to dismember me, after they kill my dog and rip it's head off. I've been ever so nice to them, but they do not talk to me. EVER. "

AGENT: "All I can do is take this down. That's all I can do. Do you ever see the police around the place?

ME: "No, never." Take it down? Take it down? What is this? Get men over there to spy or something.. why do you think I called you?

AGENT: "Well, call them."

ME: "Can you get me the number? Because they unusually don't answer their phone."

And yes, I called them, and yes, just like I told the agent, who could have cared less...I got a recording, and you cannot get a hold of MY local police on a Saturday night. It's the new Obama orders, I guess.Today I told a man at the local supermarket and he said it's even worse where he takes them four days to come out.

Anyway, the next night on my "dog" walk, things were even more alarming. There were about five VERY expensive cars parked in the driveway, which in total were worth much more than the house.. and the smell of smoke and.. explosives was all around. Something tells me, they were not making meth.

So...I called my police... again. I did get the Chief of Police answering machine. I left him a message.

Did he call me back?

Do skunks have a lovely smell? ---Nope.

So, NSA...FBI...HOMELAND Security...if you are monitoring this...(bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb...Did that get your attention?) you'd better get someone to call me, because I plan to go all over the neighborhood and talk about it to all the neighbors, and you, of course don't want that. Americans jumping to conclusions? And a dippy blond at that. Heaven forbid!

But if you are not going to protect us.. I need to know. We need to get ready.

Gee...Obama and Hillary, and all their minions have been talking all week about the "dangers" of the Taliban wanting to harm us...

So when my local FBI, and my local police department couldn't even have the decency to check it out, because...this is not something I do every day....

I'd say...It's a very sad day. To me it just seemed like they had strict orders not to "offend" anyone. They can clear out all of Times Square because of a "little container" but...the middle of America?

Not worth the effort it seems. We are...expendable. But really, why attack St. Louis? Not a lot of money here, but a great place to hide.

If I were a guessing person, I'd say...Chicago. Are you ready Chicago?
(I'm figuring a target would be Chicago because Oprah moved.)

(If by chance there IS someone who happens to read this, and knows someone who can help...please contact me at )


Sunday, May 09, 2010

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Oh..sorry...I was Mother's DAY!
Why did I forget? Are you kidding? I was busy eating pineapple and Canadian pizza with my son. And then I watched him play Mario Brothers for over two hours, on his Wii system...and IT STILL HAS THE SAME DORKY MUSIC THAT IT DID TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO!!!
Now, tell me mothers don't get enough credit. Whoever wrote that song should do ten years in Gitmo! (Just kidding...well...)
Okay, so I bought him his first one. I only watched him play that game for a good eight years of my hours...4,900,333,000,200...(Dave Barry Time) but that is still less time that it will take to pay off our deficit.
But it was worth it all to get flowers and a card, and to see what a fine young man my son has become. I have the most wonderful son in the world.
Well...don't you? (My son is better!)
What? Most mothers do that you know...believe their kids are better than anyone else's. It's a most obnoxious trait that is NOT our faults. I call it the Mother/God's in our DNA mother load.
What else is life about but love and survival?
This mother's day I took a new approach. I let myself celebrate the miracle of life, and the fact that despite my many blunders and long lists of imperfections as a son turned out better than my wildest dreams.
God did a mighty fine job, I had nothing to do with it...all I did was wrap my feathers around him forever...and isn't this just the cutest picture?
I'll get back to my usual grumpy self tomorrow. But today, I hope all the mothers had a memorable one, and's our most important job.
Sorry moms...I was late in wishing you well, but if you're a will forgive me, because that's what moms do best.