Friday, May 04, 2007

Bill Clinton's Global Fat Flu

Nobody’s Opinion: Yesterday, Citizen Bill Clinton has come out once again to save the world from…hurricanes and obesity. Not necessarily in that order.

He has decided that the words “global warming” and Hillary’s failed “universal socialist health plans” are not exactly popular at this moment, so being the clever boy that he is, he has decided to get the Americans to vote for Hillary by using…good old fashioned fear.

Yes, the fear of fat is coming. Beware. Be scared. It’s destroying the earth faster than weapons of mass destruction! Faster than an Ice Cap melting! What WILL we do!

Bill is so scared of fat (And who could blame him after Monica) that he has banished soda from all American schools. And now he is personally going around the country thinking up crummy tasting menus for our American students.

Instead of doing the obvious thing, like putting back Physical Education classes, thereby cutting into important programs like “recycling” and “multi-culturalism:” Bill thinks it’s the cafeteria food that needs to be changed.

Of course he says some school systems can’t afford the very expensive French menu stuff yet…property taxes being what they are…

I’m sure when Hillary is elected all that will change. In fact, if Hillary is elected, because of the great fear that Bill has of this fat disaster waiting to happen, Bill will personally TAX every pound of fat that our “citizens” dare to keep on thier selfish bodies.

The man is unbelievably driven.

And if we want to eat that extra cupcake, we can buy “fat coupons” to send into the Medicare system, to help pay for all those baby boomers who are being pumped full of hormones, and pumped up from the stress of working two to three jobs and getting no sleep.

You think it won’t be arranged?

Bill Clinton could think of a way to tax your fingernails.

Just today, it was reported that 30 millions chickens are being destroyed because the chickens were eating the same stuff from the Chinese that killed our pets.

Which makes you wonder….maybe it’s the Chinese that are making us fat, on purpose? Just how much of our “livestock” eats dog food from China?

Personally, I think we should have a fat debate. Fat has a good side. For instance:

1. It can actually save you money. Fat people have about two pair of pants to wear and four shirts. If they were slim, they would be spending thousands of dollars on clothes, and trying to look like Paris Hilton. Therefore they can save more for retirement, and less money to China.

2. Fat people don’t have to worry about sexual harassment. (Unless you happen to be the lady at the top) Therefore there is one less feminist to sue you.

3. Fat people ALWAYS bring extra food to a party, saving you money.

4. Fat people are starting a whole new industry on new fat seats…for movie theaters, planes, and life rafts.

5. Fat people actually SAVE money on the Medicare system, because if they have a heart attack or stroke, they will more than likely…die instantly.

6. Fat people will never have to fear a hurricane, because they float.

7. Everyone seems to love a fat gal. Rosie and Oprah are proof of that.

8. And due to all the electrical grids breaking down all over the country lately, fat people stay warmer, and therefore save on energy bills.

9. And let’s not forget the enormous amount of money they are making for the pharmaceutical companies making fat pills for $40.00 a bottle.

10. I'm sure the extra tax money going to the government is well appreciated, because the cars are burning extra fuel to haul around all that weight…fat people are actually paying for Ted Kennedy’s trips to Iraq.

As we see from the above picture, this woman actually has an advantage that a thinner person would love to have…never to have to pay extra for additional air bags.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Bill isn’t making a “fat” disaster movie as we speak. He could take a tip from Al and show a big picture graft of the land masses actually disappearing under the weight of fat people. The only land left on the earth will be the Matterhorn, and maybe Mt. Everest.

And that’s GOT to be scary to Bill. I doubt if he has ever scaled anything higher than…well, let’s not go there.

We should all be glad to know that the Kennedy School is spending $1.5 million to study just why in the heck governments across the world have not prepared for the fat disaster, Bill sure can’t figure it out.

Maybe it’s because too many people are starving…

In the end his best advice was “The next President (meaning Hillary) should solve the “biggest, baddest problems” (fat chance, she hasn’t been able so far to control him) Never appoint incompetent allies to positions of disaster response. (you mean Nagin?) Never let ideology blur scientific evidence (yeah, tell Al) and cooperate nationally and internationally…

Which means all fat people on the earth should pay higher taxes to the U.N.

I call that “fat” discrimination, and if I were as big as this girl, I’d sit on him….

Of course, Bill’s such a liar…he would probably like it.

Nobody’s Perfect: I love it…now they call obesity…an epidemic. I guess they just couldn’t get that bird flu virus going. Epidemic is a good “fear” word.

Nobody Knows:
Monica was not exactly a “thin” girl….neither is Hillary. This shows you that Bill is not scared of “fat” at all and further proof that this is all about money.

Nobody Cares; Richard Simmons, kooky as he is, was trying to get Physical Education put back into all the schools, but the government could have cared less. And hey, what happened to Arnold’s great efforts with schools? Give him time; Arnold will probably host the movie with Bill.

Then before it is released, they will both have second heart attacks. (Just kidding…)


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Watching the Donkeys

Nobody Flashes: Last night, President Bush, invited his very best buddy, Nancy Pelosi over to watch the Republican debate at the White House. Laura was in Las Vegas, visiting Elvis.

George: Wow, this is really good. These guys have actually done a little homework about Iraq. Romi wore the tie I gave him…Hey, did you noticed they skipped over Tom?...that was smooth.

Nancy: Well, we really can’t let him talk now can we? Listen to Chris! HA! He wants to change the constitution already! For Arnold! Haaaaaa…Chris is really good.

George: Nancy doesn’t look good…she looks spaced. She didn’t want any of this to happen at the library. We had to bribe her.

Nancy: What’s the matter with Tomie’s hair?

George: His wife does his hair. Hey, he just asked them him if it would be a good thing if Bill Clinton should be back in the White House….

Yeah. I know. I gave him that question. Speaking of that, did you see him on that morning cooking show of Oprah’s? He was cooking and saying that he liked to cook…ha….sure. That was really a great idea, getting that girl…promoting all the main liberals, and all our plans on her program…she can mix in stem-cell research, tell mom’s how to raise their kids, and go to ever school for the programs we’ve got set up…

I just can’t remember her name. She looks very Mexican, but she's not.

George: ….Speaking of questions, did you get the new plane you ordered yet?

Nancy: Well, they are fixing the office, it needs a bigger tub. I should get it next week and thanks for that…

George: It’s okay. I had the boys down at Langley working on it special. It will make Ron Brown’s old heap look like an old Cessna. I had them put an extra 50 seats in for your family too. If you want we can put in a playroom in the back for the kids…

Nancy: Okay, yeah, that would be nice, hey…now they have to talk about gays. HA! Chris is really good. You know, I really think he’s in love with Hillary. It’s kind of sad…

George: Yeah, the guy is really stupid. He does everything you say…

Nancy: Oh come on…he’s kind of cute!…Hey, did you take care of that problem at the Georgetown library? I would sure hate it if that stuff got out.

George: It’s been done. Look at McCain…he actually looks good…even if he does look like a squirrel. We had to hire the same guy who fixes up Brad Pitt to help him look better. I heard he was four hours in makeup…. McCain really came through for us on the borders; he and Ted actually are going out on the boat next weekend, with daddy and Bill. He really should stay out of the sun, but he doesn’t care.

Nancy: Here’s the question about Al Gore. Hey, did you know Al is actually going to replace some of his light bulbs!! What a scream! Tipper thinks he’s nuts.

George: So, are you going to join us at the Kentucky Derby? You know, the old gal (Queen Elizabeth) wanted to come over last year for it, but she has held off for Hillary’s sake...bless her heart. She is coming over for dinner…that’s always a trip.

Nancy: Yes, she read the speech we gave her to read at VT and she was so tired…she really just wanted to go to the races. I hear she is making Blair an ambassador. Releasing the movie before she came over was such a good idea.

George: Yeah, Blair will actually be making more money now. Boy…this is getting boring. How about we go for a ride? We can take ONE and go down to Florida real quick and pick up Jeb, before we go to the races…wanna go?

Nancy: No. I’ve got to get together with my speech writer at

George: Yeah, gee Nanc…you could go a little easier on me there.

Nancy: Now, what fun would that be George? You KNOW I can’t do that!

George: Yeah, I’ll remember that…you know what they say?

Nancy: No. what do they say?

If the phone don’t ring, you’ll know it’s me.

Nobody’s Perfect: Okay, I only watched the first ten minutes of the debate, and once Chris Mathews made the comment about how “wrong” the war was, that was enough for me. I’ll watch it again when I’ve had about three of my husbands muscle relaxers.

In the meantime, this picture was just too good to pass up having fun with.

Nobody Knows: Why they couldn’t have gotten a more objective commentator to ask the questions.

Nobody Cares: So far, I’m leaning toward Rudy. For two reasons: He was the only leader that did not run and hide on 9/11, and he refused money from the Saudi’s. (Oh, AND he went after the mafia.)

As far as his "social" issues go...remember, the founders decided not to tackle the slavery issue at the time of the revolution. Giuliani’s social positions take a back seat to our enemies and the borders, and he seems to be then only one who we can trust to lead….at least we can hope.

Having said that, I think the “elites” for a better name, are working for a Hillary/McCain ticket for the global takeover…McCain would lose. Anyway, that's just a nobody's opinion.


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The Conundrum of Conspiracies

Nobody’s Opinion: Tonight, my husband and I watched the weekly episode of “Bones” and at the end of the program; in a very romantic setting…one of the characters proposes to his girlfriend. His girlfriend says “no.” No reason really, let’s just go have sex, she says.

Well, there’s another strike for the woman’s world of getting rid of the man.
And another stroke for marriage being thrown out altogether, after all, getting rid the words "mom and dad" in all books is also being used to destroy that terrible institution.

It was sad.

But, I got to thinking…what’s really seems beyond belief and absolutely frightening is how everyone in America, including some very wise and smart people, are being manipulated every single day on how they are to think.

And the one subject that really shows just how good they have manipulated the “independent” thinker is on conspiracy theories.

If you, like Rosie O’Donnell, happen to think that the chances that of those two buildings on 9/11 coming down in immaculate perfection, then you are really stupid, just like her.

Now, I’m not sticking up for Rosie, but having watched buildings being imploded all my life on local news, on movies, in real life…it sure was a perfect scene.

And as we all know, life isn’t like that.

So why shouldn't Rosie be allowed to say, “Hey, I find something wrong here?” A few days later we saw a tanker blow up in San Francisco and melt steel and concrete (and not too perfectly may I add)---Now do you see how this could happen, moron?

What Joyanna, you think that some events are being staged? You are paranoid, and know nothing.

AND…if you think that some historical events happen not by chance, but by the elite and powerful arranging events in order to move agenda’s then you are considered by everyone…from both the right and the left as really “stupid” basically and paranoid.

Basing your logic on the fact that historically speaking, leaders have lined up with other governments, and other people, all the time to further their own power.

What...that would never happen in the world now?

These same people that condemn your examination of all possibilities think nothing of NAFTA, and the superhighway that will bring in most of South America very soon.

Why, that’s just a myth…you’re silly, that won’t be built.

And this constant condemnation is pumped into you so much; you start to doubt your own mind. And pretty soon, you start believing that everything that happens is just a coincidence, no matter what. You are stupid, you don’t know. Forget what you see. Do not question.

And yet, just the fact that Sandy Berger can go into the National Archives and stuff damaging evidence about 9/11 in his socks, and very few get really upset about it, shows how brainwashed YOU have been.

Just the fact that a former President, can sell nuclear secrets to China and no one even mentions that fact on the major news…

Just the fact that his wife is expected to win the next President election even though NO one likes her…

And let’s also ignore that the Oklahoma bombing building held vast FBI records of the Clintons
And that the records of the building that Rosie O’Donnell says was brought down on 9/11 ALSO contained many valuable FBI records…

And that just last week, a Georgetown Library burnt down with records of all the houses in Georgetown, containing valuable records and no one says much. (I wonder just how many democrats live in Georgetown besides Hillary?) except that slaves portraits were lost, and hey, it just so HAPPENS that the fire hydrants around the library did not work.

Well...that's not so strange.

That news didn’t even upstage Larry bringing his baby home.

In 2000, in Los Alamos, a fire started by the government destroyed buildings and records

The list goes on and on.

Now we are hearing from the Clintons, the Obama’s, the leftest in Congress...the people who have been shaping their socialist/communists government for years.

They are bold about it. They brag about it. We have been brainwashed to CARE for Africa, for Bono, for Global warming, for the poor Arabs and Palestinians. We have been brainwashed to hate our President…and to think that white is black.

After all, the newspapers have printed so many articles on Africa and Aids, we almost can see the pictures in our sleep.

We are being told, once again, that we will HAVE to change our lives.

Let me repeat…we are being ordered to do what they say. Hillary, Gore, Edwards, in all their speeches they are telling you what’s coming.

We are lovingly told that we are going to have to make...sacrifices.

How stupid are we?

As Glenn Beck always says…there is one thing I know:

The corruption of almost all of our politicians is beyond even criminal. We’ve have had corruption to such unimaginable proportions, from the coup of LBJ killing Kennedy to become President, to the Clintons selling out America to China, that they make the burning of the library at Alexandria or Hitler’s burning of the Reichstag look pale in comparison.

They have mastered the media, the universities, and now, we are next.

Some people believe there is a group of men called the Illuminati, which have been planning a one world government for years. Clinton in fact was roommates with one.

Oh…wait, that was just a coincidence. Sorry, forgive my suspicious mind.

But there is one thing that might convince you. Go here…and see just how many committees this man is on. Then ask yourself.

Are you feeling stupid now?

Glenn Beck's show on how we should question Al Gore’s global warming tonight showed that it’s a good thing someone is thinking.

The question we need to all ask is…if it looks like a conspiracy theory, it just very well could be.

And it’s our right to say we will dishonor our founders no more, and speak our minds, and say…we DO see what you are doing…and we will not be silent.

Nobody's Perfect: Then again, Rosie is making my logic a tough sell.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

May Day! May Day!

Nobody’s Opinion: On May Day you would have thought that the big news of the day would have been the thousands of Mexicans marching in our cities once again, and demanding all Americans to step aside and give them back their country…instead, the main news of the day was President Bush’s veto of the Democrat’s stand on the Iraq war. OR, that the poor girl in Aruba has never been found. OR that Obama is catching up with Hillary.

OR that soon, a Washington Madame will reveal all the Republicans that used her girls.

All the stations made REAL sure that no camera shots of the Mexicans crowds were more than a few seconds long, or much attention was paid to them. (Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck being the exceptions)

There is no better way to hide the fact that America as a sovereign nation will, as one man put it, no longer exist in 25 years, than to divert all our attention to a war overseas.

And who knows? Maybe that’s part of the plan. Keep us there long enough in order to complete the merger of Mexico and America back home. Once that’s merger is done, we will bring our boys home. It’s the old magician’s trick.

We will be so happy the war is over; we won’t complain that we now have to ride bikes to work.

Now that we have open borders, and the admittance that al-Quada is already here in our mists ready to strike on command according to both Dick Cheney and George Tenet, what kind of logic is it that if we stop fighting in Iraq, then they will all come over here and get us--- if ---THEY ARE ALREADY HERE!?

What…are they all going to take a big Disney cruise to Mexico?

I don’t know about you, but on a day to day basis the logic gets more and more confusing.

Let’s face it…logic from anyone on any consistence basis is about as rare as a democrat actually not using sex scandals to get rid of their opponents.

Just today, O’Reilly was repeating the much repeated mantra of President Bush, that since 12 million illegals were already here, it is impossible to get them out. He said he would have liked to take Tancredo to a restaurant and ask him if the country could survive without this “cheap labor.” Tom was on his show.

You know, I don’t get it. If a restaurant can’t pay its waiters, at least ten dollars an hour, and still make a profit, then they shouldn’t be in business. A meal for two people can cost over sixty bucks, and that’s NOT including the tip. Its not like these places are supplying medical care…no, that’s from you and me.

It used to be high school kids did these jobs. Now, the illegals are taking away the vast majority of our adult labor jobs here, by bringing all wages down.

O’Reilly is a real stickler about breaking the law, but for some reason thinks no harm should be done to the poor people who broke the law to get here. They are here, our own government is to blame, so there’s nothing more to be done, but give them amnesty and then forgive them.

So Bill, this nobody asks you very seriously--- if we can’t make our own government enforce our own laws, then how in the heck are we going to get 12 million illegal immigrants to learn English, and pay back fines and taxes? What planet have you been on lately?

And how are we going to keep all their relatives out?

O’Reilly is not affected as much as the guy who will lose his job, because O’Reilly has a degree. Like Sheppard Smith, they live in areas where they see illegal’s doing all the “shit” work…if they all disappeared, then to these guys, the country would collapse. You almost can’t blame them…that’s what they see happening in their neighborhoods. They feel for these poor Mexicans who need to eat.

Hey Bill! There are millions of American citizens who need to eat too!

Yes, the argument is these people are an economic necessity.

This got me to thinking about another “economic” necessity that was argued venomously in the halls of Congress once before….slavery.

Slaves were once cheap labor too. After slavery was abolished…guess what? We survived.

And if we closed our borders, and started letting in only the people on the waiting lists, like Bill Gates has suggested, more of the intellectual immigrants that will stay and become citizens…and kicked the others out…would we survive?

Hell, with all our manufacturing jobs going overseas, what have we got to lose? Wages would go up again.

Why not just let them in to work the grape farms, then make them go home like Canada does? What’s the big problem here?

This sort of reminded me of the South’s argument, which they upheld for years, that since slavery was so much of our economic stability, to get rid of it, would be devastating for the South, the country would be destroyed. O’Reilly is making the very same argument. They are here, face it.

Somewhere before, in the halls of the Senate that same argument was made day after day before the civil war just erupted, because it was wrong.

Just as giving up our country to an invasion is wrong, and they know it.

But we can’t have a civil war if our boys are fighting somewhere else now can we?

For goodness sake, if our government has decided that the baby boomers due to too many abortions, did not have enough children to keep the government going, (and all their big contracts and money making lives) therefore we need to merge with Mexico just to have more bodies to tax (and keep their global visions of feeding and schooling the whole world) why don’t they just say so?

Instead of all this nonsense they give us day in and day out.

The day that millions of “illegal’s immigrants” do not get much press, is a day to worry, because that means that it’s not actually something they want you to be concerned about.

No, they’d rather you worry about who will replace Rosie O’Donnell.

Nobody’s Perfect; O’Reilly is not the first man to logically overlook an important injustice…Thomas Jefferson and George Washington needed their slaves to keep their big farms running for economic reasons also. Like Bill, they didn't want to give up their cheap labor either.

Nobody Knows: Why do we have to feed the world? Answer; because someone is going to make a lot of money off it, and it’s not us.

Nobody Cares; Actually, I did play some Spanish music today…I did a little dance to Zorba the Greek by Herb Alpert in my living room today in honor of…the Greeks.


Monday, April 30, 2007

The Rich, The Poor, The Dogs

Nobody’s Opinion; Turn on any news program lately and you’ll likely to come to the conclusion that the world is going to the dogs. Actually, that might not be a bad idea…

For instance: Just now I’m listening to Michael Savage who is outraged at some of our country’s universities building special foot baths for Muslims to wash their feet. I have to agree with him on this one. If we can’t say a Christian prayer, or even mentioned Jesus without the thought police (ACLU) coming down on us, then Islamic practices should not get special privileges that the Christians do not have.

And if we keep this up, we will have to get rid of our dogs, because Muslims don’t like them. Dogs will not be allowed on the streets because they OFFEND them.

God hope it never comes to that, but hey, someone has to warn America.

Today foot baths, tomorrow…your dog.

I love dogs, always have.

And here is ME with my two best friends, taken last Christmas.

Last night, I found out that the Queen of England loves dogs too…in fact, I think she loves dogs more than people.

I certainly can sympathize. I’ll take my dog’s company over about half of the world’s population at this moment in time. But then again, so would most dog lovers.

The Queen of England has about 16 Corgi’s, Labradors, Spaniels, and even Dorgi’s. (corgi’s and dachshunds mixed)

And so, here I am a nobody, finding out she has something in common with the Queen of England, go figure. How did I come to this?

I’ve been searching for a common thread between the rich and the poor, and I found it.

Last night my neighbor, Shirley and I, watched the newly released movie, “The Queen.” I was actually surprised to have liked the film---the acting was pretty good. It showed just how far removed from the lower classes royalty is. (Ditto OUR royalty over here.)

My neighbor Shirley is a dear lady. It’s got to very hard to put up with someone like me--- one who thinks the monarchy of England should have disappeared long, long ago. After all, the Royal Family cost the taxpayers 68 million dollars last year.

That’s a lot of dog food.

But, then there are privileges when you’re in the royal family, even if you are a dog. It seems in 2003, Princess Anne’s bull terrier took a chunk out of two unsuspecting kids, and THEN went and killed one of her mum’s favorite corgis. She did not suffer much in penalties, unlike the common folks.

I doubt the Queen has forgiven her.

One of her dog’s name was Pharos. I think King Tut would have been better.

Queen, Kings, Pharos…all had royal dogs. The Dalai Lama’s had Shiz Zu’s ---breed to warn the Lama of coming danger.

Queen Victoria had pomerianians after her husband died. And Michelangelo’s Pomeranian sat on a pillow and watched him paint the Sistine Chapel. Mozart wrote aria’s for his dog.

Dogs are great therapy for the lonely, rich or poor. And even though you’re the Queen, and it must get lonesome. I mean, just how many of your 17 castles can you fill with relatives and celebrities?

Anyway, as we watch our gas prices go into triple digits and the gulf between the rich and the poor widen, at least we will have ONE thing in common…the love of our dogs.

This is why we must not let the Muslims take over Western Civilization.

In fact, our love for dogs might just save Western civilization. We certainly need something to rally around…and it’s a good start.

Nobody’s Perfect; Mary Queen of Scott’s little Skye terrier was underneath her skirt when she was beheaded.

Really. If I was going to be beheaded I would certainly find my dogs a new home, but then again, I’m not royalty.

Nobody’s Knows: Why some people love dogs, and others love cats. Dog lovers have never been able to understand how anyone can want a cat over a dog. Cat lovers feel the same.

Nobody Cares; My dogs walk ME. They drag me around by grabbing the leash in their mouth and playing tug of war all the way around the block, saving me money on expensive exercise equipment. The dog whisperer would disown me. And you what? I could care less. Sometimes, you can learn the joy of life all over again, just by walking your dog.


Sunday, April 29, 2007


Nobody’s Opinion: This weekend on C-Span, I was watching Pat (football hero who gives up millions to serve country only to be killed by friendly fire) Tillman’s family and little Jessica, (The I was just riding in the desert caravan, got lost, and blown up, then raped.) Lynch, who were trying to find answers from a Senatorial committee about why they were used in a huge propaganda campaign as heroes in order to get support for the “war.”

After all, how are we EVER going to believe a thing the government says, if they continue to abuse and lie to us...the people?

The Senators all gave weak answers, thanked all the victims for coming, but on the whole we once again saw a lot of Bart Simpson’s senatorial frontal nudity.

What they SHOULD have said was this:

“We must admit that we now use the much practiced and well-established form of every government, which is simply the world of doublethink. (or doublespeak) Get use to it.”


To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which canceled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again, and above all, to apply the same process toe the process itself-that the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed. Even to understand the world “doublethink” involved the use of doublethink.”----1984

Doublethink was used by all the candidates at last week's democratic debates.

Doublethink was used last weekend by President George Bush at the University of Miami.

Doublethink is used by Rosie O’Donnell, Alex Baldwin, and Ahmadinejad.

Doublethink is used by the Pentagon.

Doublethink was used by the Senators at Pat Tillman’s hearing.

Doublethink was used on my latest property tax assessment.

And Hillary Clinoton, a master of doublethink, said last weekend that we could use a Bi-lingual President.

We already have one, Hillary…you’d better doublethink that.