Friday, May 30, 2008

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 58--Pass the Whiskey

Cranes are crashing in New York, and on a very well equipped plane flying somewhere over the Midwestern states of America, a very drunk looking Hillary Clinton, whose campaign was crashing into a fast dive after Rupert Murdoch came out and predicted that Barack would be the next President, may or may not have cared that she was being photographed as being way out of Presidential character.

That had to have hurt. After all, she did give that nifty interview to O’Reilly, didn’t she?

The good news is: she is not an alcoholic because you can never tell when a real alcoholic has been drinking. I only know that from working in bars for so many years.

Lots of people thought her “give me a drink” sign was due to the fact that a white Catholic Priest named Pfleger came out of the ‘wanna-be-a-black man’ closet in Obama’s famous church, among a black crowd going absolutely bananas, and attacked Hillary for being a fraud.

How can she fight a white Catholic Priest? Even Bill can’t touch that one.

What’s bad about the replaying of that nonsense is the paranoia it’s causing the whites and the blacks, who are trying so hard to live decent lives.

This kind of stupid racial frenzy is affecting the blacks all over the nation, who have always been paranoid.

For instance: I was buying one of those new “musical” cards for my brother’s birthday at a local drug store just the other day. On the front was the picture of a plate of chicken. It said “They gave their lives so we could celebrate.” You opened it up and the “chicken” song played.

Now---my brother owns a DJ service company, and the “Chicken Song” is played at almost every wedding. People get out when they hear this song, form a circle, clap and wiggle and basically get drunk, stupid and fall down…which is what happens at weddings since the first wedding was celebrated at Stonehenge.

Okay…I have no idea when the first wedding ceremony was…but I bet the chicken dance was at least sung.

So, when I got up to check out, I showed the “black” employee, a man seemingly in his late 40’s the card and said, “Isn’t this really funny---look! I love these cards!”

That black man went stone cold. He froze. I didn’t realize until later that he thought I was making fun of him. You know, blacks think all whites make fun of them eating watermelon and chicken.

Come on---in St. Louis everyone eats watermelon and chicken. And we will continue, unless the chickens get too expensive to raise, and they start making ethanol out of watermelons, which according to my calendar will be very soon.

Really…all this is purposely being done to win votes. What great leaders.

But let’s get back to the cranes…


Someone said that due to global warming, the cranes are crashing in New York. Global warming is being caused by all our big gas-guzzling cars.

So, why is nobody mentioning the fact that when I turned on ABC the other morning, the man said there were only 5500 flights that morning in the air due to bad weather? I’d say there is a very good case that more damage is being done by planes than cars…but you will never hear anything about planes because only the rich can afford to fly. Which means it’s all bogus anyway.

And by the way, I am seeing a lot more Hummers cruising around my cash-poor neighborhood. God Bless America. And speaking of cash poor…


All you hear every single day is that house values are crashing. I’m having a real hard time figuring this out. All the houses on my block were “reevaluated” to be worth at least 60,000 more than the year before. No wonder they can’t sell them. Most of the houses are over fifty years old, and YET, they somehow have all gained value, even though most of them have cracked foundations, and are falling apart.

Oh yeah, they based your local taxes on the value of your house…so you know just how many people were shocked when they got their property tax bill.

I just don’t get it.


I also don’t get why nobody mentions that the Saudi’s have not increased their production much since 1973, which means of course, they are squeezing everyone on purpose so that they can come in and use the trillions they are making now to buy up all the devalued businesses.

And still, we do not drill.

Absurd? You bet, pass the whiskey.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

Gators At the Door

Nobody Flashes Anymore: While everyone has been very surprised about Scott McClellan's latest trashing of his old buddy President Bush...

There was at least one person who was not surprised. (A person who wishes to remain annyomous due to his upcoming pending book signing, called.."Snakes in the Oval Grass." )

This picture was taken right outside the Oval Office. It seems, because the door was always locked, Scott had to resort to writing a book about just how much he hated the President, when his first plan didn't work.

It also presents something we the taxpayers rarely witness---our taxes being used for something good.

Of course, I made all this up....or did I? Anyone who wishes to publish my tell-all book that I may or may not know about everyone, just contact my mail man...I promise to trash as many people as it will take to make you money.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Nobody Looks for Good News

Nobody Cares; Here’s the question: How long do we have to wait before we hear some good news? Good news about anything?

Turn on your radio, TV, read the papers…it’s no wonder we’re all fat. I don’t know about you, but my cortisone levels are on Deft-Con Fourteen. They passed Def-Con Five about fifteen years ago. Two years of continuous political crap has put most everyone on, “about to explode” ---caution.

Sure, Rush Limbaugh has won his “Operation Chaos,” but what might come of that? John McCain? A man who but for one point, is the Democrat’s near clone.

Sure, George Bush is finally getting some good wins in Iraq, although small, it’s a start. But so what? We’re proud of our soldiers, but are we really any safer? If we were, President Bush would not keep coming out every month and telling us how scared he is that there is going to be another major attack.

Sure, we got some of our money given back to us in a “stimulus package” this year, but most people are so far in debt, that little bit will not stimulate anything except maybe Spielberg, who will get a few more bucks than he would have otherwise if the release of Indiana Jones had not been planned for Memorial Day weekend…right after many had just gotten their checks.

Sure, it’s the first time a woman and a “black” man have run for the Presidency in America, but so what? Hillary is no Margaret Thatcher, and Obama is a long shot from a Justice Clarence Thomas. In fact, if either one of them become President we might as well go ahead and merge with China.

Which----seems to be the plan. Today it was reported that we are training Chinese air marshals. America has trained more of her future enemies than any other nation.

And let’s not even talk about the immigration problem. No---no.

Sure, we might get universal health care, but that only means that all the baby boomers will just die off sooner waiting for some doctor to find the time to do their surgery.

Sure, a lot of people are excited about Ellen DeGeneres getting to marry her sexy female sweetheart, but we also had to watch her push her “na, na na na na na” on John McCain and Laura Bush. She showed no class doing that---none.

And no Ellen, I am not like you. (Ellen likes to keep reminding everyone she is just like everyone) Kissing another female would be to me, like being forced to French kiss my dog. I love my dog, but…no thanks.

Now, add on to the doomsday list tornadoes, earthquakes, wildfires, chemicals being put into our food to get us addicted, contaminated water, public schools that can’t even teach kids the basics, multinational companies and lobbyist running our government, societal pornification, and the fascist state of the government running every single thing in your life.

How in the world can any sane person be positive?

And even if Rosie O’Donnell has been quiet…just give her a few months, she’ll be back.

And then, as if to rub salt in our stressed filled, debt-filled cavities, our leaders are always spouting about how wonderful it is that China is now getting a middle class.

The CEO’s of the big companies call the American pain in this little globalization downsizing--- “localized.”

I’d like to localize some of them.

And how about the cost of gas, food, and the electric? Wait---you say you’re company was just bought up by some international conglomerate? Don’t worry---be happy.

I turned on O’Reilly tonight, and I saw pictures of girls beating each other up, and a man kissing his 12-year-old bride.

Yep, I threw the remote control at least two feet.

That was enough. I turned off the set, got my swimsuit on, went out to my very “old” hot tub, and floated in the water---just floated.

I listened to the sound of the birds, each one melodiously singing to me. Distinct, sweet, calming. You know, they all get together at sunset and just gossip--- it’s a joy.

I watched the sun set. I looked up at my maples in full leafy glorious green, over my head. Instantly, my body, my soul, felt so much better. I found heaven in my own back yard.

So--- the bad news continues, and it seems it will only get worse. But there is good news. God is still all around us, all we have to do is reach for him.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Stone is Gone (Yeah, and so is Sharon)

Nobody Knows: In April of 1997, William Cohen, who was Bill Clinton's Secretary of Defense at the time, made this statement---

"Other's are engaging even an eco-type of terrorism whereby they can alter the climate, set off earthquakes, volcanoes, remotely through the use of Electro-Magnetic waves. So there are plenty of ingenious minds out there that are at work finding ways in which they can wreak terror upon other nations. It's real..."

So, this raises a few minor question:

Is Sharon Stone smoking again? (She said today the earthquake in China was caused by bad karma)

But when it comes to countries using weather manipulation instead of conventional warfare...just who decides what to use?

If they send us a we send a series of tornadoes? If they send a series of F5 tornadoes, do we send two tsunami's and a flood? If they send fire, do we send droughts? I mean, who exactly is deciding the protocol of rules for waging weather wars?

Will we find an outrage some day in papers around the world saying, "The United States has caused an earthquake in Iran---we have pictures!" In the picture will be a man, naked, being forced to push a button at the HAARP station with his tongue.

AND---Why didn't Kurt Vonnegut brag more about that nerdy brother of his, Bernard Vonnegut...who helped invent silver iodide, an agent so efficient that a few pounds of it would in theory suffice to seed the entire North American sky? (According to Vanity Fair)

You could just put some of this stuff into a rain cloud and...vavooommm!

The Chinese, in 2006 launched 80,000 rockets of this stuff...Thousands of nerdy guys stand outside doing nothing but aiming guns at the sky over there. GE is just so excited.

Of course, even though William Cohen admitted it was real, you won't hear a word spoken of it anywhere...just reports on Global warming, and hey, be very scared when you're hit by that F5 coming...we have no idea what is causing the strength of these storms...just no idea.

The question is: When will Americans find out that our Pentagon also uses it, even though it's been outlawed?

Nobody Knows----In the meantime, I suggest new boots.

I also suggest we look further into lives of the mothers of Sharon Stone and the Vonnegut brothers, and find out what they were eating while they were pregnant...that's a start.


Monday, May 26, 2008

Recounting Kevin Spacey

Nobody’s Perfect: Kevin Spacey---when I say just his name, I picture Will Robertson stoking up a reefer filled with Manhattan Silver. (That’s white marijuana grown from the seeds of the marijuana flushed down New York Toilets, for those who do not dare care, like me.)

As an actor he has done some very notable work---almost a perfect career. Kevin likes to do movies to express his liberal beliefs. I believe Kevin really cares about America….but he has some major flaws, as does his new HBO movie, Recount.

In Recount, Kevin plays a frustrated lawyer (Ron Klein) who works for Al Gore during the 2000 Florida Presidential recount.

Recount is all about the fact that the Democrats believe that Al Gore should have become President.

So why wait eight long years to come out with a movie about it?

Does the fact that the Democratic Party in Florida has purposely, once again, messed up everyone’s vote this year, mean anything?

Is there any doubt that Hillary Clinton will use the 2000 mess that happened to Al Gore to support her reasoning for somehow getting into office? Florida---once again, disenfranchised.
And why bring this up now---on Memorial Day weekend? When everyone is stuck at home watching Stooges reruns due to the price of gas? How propitious!

As Kermit the Frog once said, “There are no coincidences.”

Kevin’s flaw is not his acting, or his passion, or his proclivity for going bald. He is very much a progressive liberal, but he still wants a career, so when he was on Charlie Rose last week promoting the movie, he tried to make the case that Recount is really just all about the sad fact that we will never know who really won that election.

Al Gore probably did win the election, Kevin admitted. And what a more wonderful world it would be right now if he had.

Poor Kevin…still tortured. Where’s a sixteen-year-old virgin when you need one?

In scene after scene, the rich Republicans lawyers had big expensive suits and big offices. The poor Democrat lawyers were crowded into public government offices, and having to get their own coffee. All I could think of while watching this drama was---don’t they realize that some of us out here in America were actually alive in 2000?

As I remember, the recount was thought by most every American to be a big joke, and the only one from either party that stood by the rule-of-law was Katherine Harris, a woman that drove them all mad. No matter how hard she tried to follow the law, someone was calling her a monster.

And boy, do they vilify her in this movie. They make her out to be some kind of moronic self-loving cowgirl idiot.

Remember how they made fun of her makeup? They still do in the movie.

It’s actually quite amazing how Hollywood can take any insignificant fact, and make it look like Armageddon—Katherine Harris’s makeup was bound to end the nation as we know it. And remember when that video of Tom Cruise jumping with happiness on a couch claiming monogamous love for his wife on Oprah put Hollywood’s gay lobby agenda and the liberal attack on the family unit into absolute horror?

Tom almost lost his beloved box office popularity on that sin.

Yes, Hollywood is truly amazing. Recount actually shows that it was the Democrats that caused the problem in the first place. They messed up the ballots, the first recount, the second recount; the third recount…the whole mess was caused by them. And yet, it was still presented that it was only those rich Republicans who were corrupt.
Never underestimate good editing and good background music. Hollywood can sell you anything.
In the final scene at the Supreme Court, amazingly Gore’s lawyer made the point that when a voter made a mistake at the ballot box, it should be counted no matter what. All a voter has to do is show up. Let someone else write in whatever they like.

God Bless America! Or is it, the Florida Republic of Zimbabwe?

In the end, they let Baker make a statement that our Founders system of checks and balances really did work, despite the corruption of both parties, and I agree.

So, if John McCain wins the next election…will “spacey” Kevin be recounting?

All those brand new electronic voting machines are going to make it so much easier to cheat. No paper trail, just a flick of the old keyboard.
The word: recount will no longer be an option...and you thought you'd never long for another hanging chad....


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Obama---It IS a Big Deal

Nobody's Opinion:

When Francis Scott Keys stood on the HMS Tonnart, and watched Fort McHenry being attacked at the battle of Baltimore from it's British decks--- perhaps on this memorial day we should remember, that when a man...any man...does not salute the flag that honors the many thousands of Americans that fought and gave their lives for all that it stands for..

Well, let's just sing the words that he wrote..
and look at this picture.

And while you are looking at this picture, remember the thousands that spilled their blood...on the banks of Normandy, Bunker Hill, Iowa Jima, Baghdad, Korea...and in the hills of Italy, France, England, Africa, Philippines...

Men who lost limb, life, home, brothers and sisters, (and women) who gave their own lives, most at such a young age, for America...for us.

And this guy can't even find it in himself to rise his hand.

It IS a big deal.

If you can picture a brave American dying soldier, bleeding into foreign soil, and then forgive Obama for not saluting...if you can picture the thousands of wives, and mothers, and children who had to live with just memories of their loved ones...and still support Obama...

A man who just a few months ago stood here insulting those very memories...

And then go on and elect that man as President of the United States.
Then all those brave American men died in vain, and America is dead.

Barack Obama, no matter how many American flags he drapes himself is from here on only fit to be President of Harvard University.

The very fact that so many people want him to be President, after this despicable and treasonous act alone, is enough for this nobody to be concerned that it might be too late.

On this thunderous night, with a nation at war...may God be with us...

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we hailed, at the twilight's last gleaming...
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight.
Over the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.

And the rockets red glare...the bombs bursting in air...
Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there.

Oh say doesn't that Star Spangled Banner yet way?
Over the land of the free...and the home of all....the brave.