Friday, February 01, 2008

It's a Super-Bowl Idea

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Yes, it's that time of year again...the day that millions of American men make bets they have no intention of paying off, women get to count how many beer bottles make a sixpack, and no matter what, someone on the other team makes an excellent play that you cannot even beleive could happen in a million years.

It's the only day of the year when the human consumption of chilli beans actaully competes with the flatulence of cows in putting up even more damaging methane gas to destroy Al Gore's green earth.

The cows don't stand a chance.

Anything that pisses off Al Gore is a reason to celebrate!

And also this year, due to the problem we are all having not spending our our money fast enough for our govenermnet/corporate complex...Fox News, this Friday morning, has already set up Shepard Smith on the gamefield, two days in advance.

I have heard that they have also benevolently denied politicians the right to advertise...but that doens't mean that Brittany Spear's ambulance won't be seen racing around the field at half-time.

Yes, it will race on the field and out she will pop, with Michael Jackson, and Hillary Clinton, and Obama, and ...oh wait...they can't sing--- but they can DANCE!

Oh god...that's an awful thought. Sorry.

The truth is, I really don't care who wins.

But I will not be bored, because as you can see, some of my neighbors who want to put on airs, just plugged up the their new big-screen TV, so that they can watch the game outside in the pool.

I love these guys. They make up for all the games I have never seen. They even told me Huckabee was coming over to watch the game.

Somehow, I don't have the heart to tell them, he has seats next to McCain in the real bowl....which has palm trees, and girls in swimsuits, and maybe if we get lucky, some one will flash us all again at half-time, and get the Cable guys off Natalie the girl who got drunk and got in a car with four strange men...twenty years ago.

Okay, I'm rambling. I've lost spell check. It's time. Miller Time...wait, I don't drink beer! Okay, it's milk time...

Have a great Super-bowl Day! And pass the chilli beans!


Thursday, January 31, 2008

Soldiers Going "Green"

Nobody Flashes Anymore: After the "election" news this week, the word is on the fields of Iraq, that there will be, according to Obama, Hillary, and Bill Clinton, a complete withdrawel of money and troops from Iraq.

Kosovo, on the other hand, will still have these fine brave soldiers, making sure they are "green" in every way possible so as not to destroy the earth's environment.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Nobody Talks Dirty Anymore

You know, there is a prodigious amount of information being thrust at us minute by minute, so much in fact, that you’d almost have to be “HAL” in 2001, to process it all in your lifetime. Sometimes, there is so much to remember, our brains just go on “snooze” control and most of it, unless it causes us extreme emotional pain, just goes in one eyeball and out the other.

So MS Nobody here is in a much needed reorganization of brain crap. For awhile I’m going to just throw out on cyperpaper various “thoughts and opinions” about what gets thrown into my path that just seems interesting.

Okay? Okay.

So here in no order whatsoever under the January sun. (Which is NOT doing too well in Detroit I hear today where my very best mentor and great talent, Doug Powers, is suffering with - 33 degrees of sheer bone-chilling. global-warming, Al Gore viciousness, cold….are my nobody’s dirty brain opinions:

(1) The big news today is that John Edwards has finally dropped out of the democratic “race” for President. He will find some devastated back yard in New Orleans to make this announcement. Hillary beat Obama to the TV, with a close up of her face going on TV basically saying, well, "Now all John’s white’s voters can come to me, because John and I are both infected with Universal Health Care," which is why I’ve always thought that he was going to be her Vice President anyway. Obama’s statement, will be esoteric and nebulous, and on the theme of “Edwards was a champion for the people” stuff. So, when John and Hillary finally hook up, they will expect all white voters to go for them, and Obama will get all the black votes, once again proving that the Democratic Party will always divide and conquer.

(2) And speaking of the Democratic Party…before she made her exploding moment of naming Barack Obama as the reincarnation of her dad, Caroline Kennedy was on the cover this month of AARP---the magazine that is probably in more households and doctor’s offices in the nation. Coincidence? I think NOT!

(3) And speaking of coincidences---if you have suspicions that your government might just be trying to hurry your demise—THINK AGAIN! You might be right. These new “fluorescents” bulbs that everyone will be forced upon to use---are actually dangerous weapons of mass destruction. If you just happen to drop one, it is advised that you open a window for 15 minutes, go get yourself a mask, some gloves, damp paper towers, and duck tape….only to run back to find your dog licking up the mercury and dying of poison. Some states already prohibit you from throwing your broken bulb in the trash. The only way Comrades, we are to save ourselves from this insidious plot to poison us, (Because GE wants to increase her CEO’s salaries) is to buy them up in bundles and go and break them on the Capitol Steps! Sounds like fun...huh? After all, if they are so harmless it shouldn’t be a problem, right?

(4) The FDA has outlawed bio-identical hormones. They have also taken ephedrine off the market due to the “meth” scare they say in Missouri. Hold it...they have banned it in the whole country. Actually, I’m with Kevin Trudeau, the author of “Natural Cures,” who writes in his book how the FDA is working with the American Medical Association to stop any product that can make you healthy or live longer. Both bio-identical hormones and ephedrine are beneficial to many people. If it can’t be patented, then it’s a danger to the huge multinational companies who need diseases to remain profitable. Some of them feel we really should move on to the bigger light bulb in the sky. Like the holocaust, you may not want to believe it, but it is happening. Not long from now, if you want vitamin C to help you get over that cold, you will need a prescription, or if not, you will pay more for it.

(5) Which brings me to the thought--- did you know, that anything that occurs naturally in nature is not patentable by the patent office? And yet, all these scientists are rushing out and patenting genes?

(6) Orginal father of the Year award goes to... If you have a daughter, and you want her to have real confidence in herself, the best thing you can do to build up her confidence is help her get licensed to drive an 18-wheeler. That’s what Professor Peter Michor, a mathamatican (one of the world's foremost practitioners of differential geometry) did for his daughter Franziska. She is so confident from her truck driving experince that she earned a Ph.D. in evolutionary biology from Harvard at 22. And she VERY confident that she alone is studying the mathimatical meanings of cancer, and how to beat it. Remember that when your daughter finally gets her license. (Ha!)

(7) And speaking of 22…go see the movie 23 with Jim Carry. It’s enough to make you freak out if you happen, like I do, to see the same number everywhere. (I see 22 and 11, if I see 23, I'll call you. )

(8) And last but certainly not least, Mia Farrow has announced her idea of perfect happiness was NOT a new husband, but “A world community governed with responsibility compassion, and respect.”

Well Mia, that world will be coming to “save” your happiness soon, if Obama becomes President…or Hillary…or John McCain…or Bill Clinton…or shall I send over Al?
So...what? Woody Allen did not fill this agenda?


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Passing in Hearts

Nobody's Opinion: I have to be truthful here. I'm not quite sure what to say.

All things change, all things pass. The only thing that keeps on is the heart, which beats strongly until the very end.

My blogs will be changing---for anyone who actually reads me. I am working on "transferring" to another to speak, and when the time comes, I will let you know.

For awhile, it will become more like other blogs maybe...a diary of sorts, more like the millions of other voices who send their thoughts to the spaces of dust---a little less---a little more.

Anyway, for the moment I repeat Albert Einstein who once said; "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."

Yeah, well...I'm having a hard time believing he said that too, but that's what the book "Best Quotations" said.

He was probably thinking about all his girlfriends.

But for the moment, I best take his advice.

Please don't give up on me... I'll still post little bits daily until I get back on track.

Thanks...and God be with Us All.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Nanny Bush

Nobody Flashes Anymore: At President George Bush's last state of the Union tonight, the President was trying out a new look...(actually it's been around for quite some time)

It's called the "We are the Nanny of the World" image for all great American leaders. It has been seen in all the latest magazines. It's a wonderful blend of Jacqueline Kennedy, June Cleaver, Mahatma Gandhi, and the ever so popular southern "mammy."

In the speech, our President was quick to tell us just how expertly the the United States feeds half the world, builds everyone elses schools, their hospitals, their military and their dictators. And since we have done such an excellent job, we will continue to do so!

God bless us all! And Coke! And Google!

All the people of the world have a right to food, shelter, and education, our President says, and the United States is just the country to give it to them!

In fact, since he realizes the American people have lost their jobs due to the cost of all this nanny business, he wants the Congress to pay all the people to train to do something new...

Like go to Africa and help give aids medicine to people dying of aids...after all, another 30 billions going to the problem is not just chicken feed.

We will need soldiers to clean out the countries and make them democracies before they can even deliver the stuff! And all these soldiers will get top notch care for their injuries!

Yes, Mama Nanny Bush is just so proud that in the future, history will look back on his Presidency and claim him the best mother a world could have.

And as a special treat, he announced that Canada, Mexico, and the United States will bless the New Orleans next year as a place to plan more of this wonderful stuff.

That is if they can find it.

He ended his speech with "May the will of We the People be done!"

And all the "people" stood up and applauded, but then rushed out to their respective "We the People" parties.

Mama Bush had a hard time finding anyone to beg for his autograph.

Yes, President Mama Bush is going to be remembered as the President who put through the final birth of the New World Nanny called...

The United Nanny States of Global Congress People.

Actually, I'm kidding...they are still picking out a new name. They are at this very moment, taking polls at CNN.

So far, the choices are (1) The Clinton's Republic of Global Progressives (2) The United Obama Peace Democracy or (3) The China Global Republic.

Ted Kennedy will be the judge.

Actaully, I don't think I've ever seen a Congress so happy.

Can I wake up now?


Sunday, January 27, 2008

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Elucitating the Confusion

Nobody’s Opinion; It seems we have been forced, whether we want to or not, via there IS nothing else happening on our TV’s, to be told hourly, just who will become President next year. It will be decided long before Valentine’s Day, so going to the booth in November will be just exercise in getting in and out of your car…because we will all know by then, due to suggestive polls and good-looking news people---the winner.

So far, we are being told, it will be Hillary vs. McCain---but Obama is sure to come out with an excellent opportunity to work for the Kennedy’s.

It’s all being decided on an hourly update basis by political pundit’s announcing in exclamatory voices, who is leading whom, and what the polls say.

What is not being mentioned that this is the first time in American history that the process of “voting” for the next President was forced into our living rooms for two whole years, in-between just what white woman was “lost, murdered, or runaway” to give us all something to worry about besides the future of our country.

And if that fear is not enough, John McCain stated today, “There is going to be another war, my friend.”

And if that’s not enough, a spy-satellite filled with lots of exploding fuel is going to drop out of the sky and land on…somebody, while aliens are watching us over Texas.

In the meantime, Suzie Orman was on Larry King telling everyone---Do NOT spend that money that you are going to get back from the government like they want you to!

And what’s with all these caucuses? Florida doesn’t let the Democrats vote…but people are going to anyway? And then Hillary broke the rules by speaking at a $1,000-a-person reception in Miami---trying to look regal in blue, and speaking very softly--- trying to imitate Obama by “rising above it all”…in a bowling alley?

And how many newly formed Independents are being shut out of these caucuses? Talk about “disenfranchising” Americans.

But hey---if you’re confused, get yourself a beer and relax. You’re supposed to be. That’s the plan.

Nobody’s Perfect: Well, Rudy’s come-from-behind ashes of 9/11 plan didn’t work, did it? Maybe it’s because he just couldn’t get an action hero like Stallone or Norris to endorse him. Instead, he got Jon Voight, the actor who usually plays the evil villain.

Actually, I think it might have been the red vest and bowtie while sitting next to Santa that did him in. Talking about how we need all those Mexicans here, is sinking him faster than the American dollar.
Where's your lifeboat Rudy?

Nobody Knows: While watching Shepard Smith the other morning, I swore, I was listening to Shepard going banana’s on TV, declaring that Hillary Clinton had come in third in the South Carolina primaries. He couldn’t believe it; “Wow,” he said.

Well, that would make sense I thought. Obama was going to get all the black votes, it’s Edwards’ home state, and Hillary wasn’t even there.

Yes, he went on and on declaring how much this was going to hurt Hillary. Fifteen minutes later, he did a complete 180 degree turn around.

Hillary was in second.

What? This was just like the Florida Presidential vote in 2000, when all the news station declared that Gore had won Florida, and then all of a sudden, it was …wait, no he didn’t, Bush won.

I was wondering…how many Americans just heard what I heard? And how many American also thought, like I, that maybe I was just dreaming it had happened?

Sort of like, when your listening to your favorite radio talk show hosts, and he is going to say something very damming about the government and then the signal goes……zzzzzzzz

And you’re turning the dial, looking for it.

Now, I am not dreaming about that. I’ve hopped out of two many bathtubs as proof.

Nobody Cares: On “The Soup,” a comedy program which makes fun of stupid TV programs, the main host, Joel McHale, did a satire where he made fun of Tyra Banks, who was squeezing her butt-checks on camera, and giving out garbage bags to her audience.


Joel then held up a rope…a noose, and suggested she give those away.

Yes, a noose was shown as a joke about a black entertainment hostess on TV…and it was not on our nightly news.

Care to guess why? Confused?

Nobody Wins: Huckabee is out jogging and playing the bass whenever he can get a chance. Huckabee’s every other sentence is a joke. In fact, he is telling so many jokes that now he has caused the American people a much un-needed headache ---John McCain is starting to tell jokes.

Listening to John McCain tell a joke, is much like experiencing a root canal getting infected.

No wonder Bill Clinton is so tired, he’s running three campaigns.

Nobody’s Fool; I’m getting a big kick out of all the “news analysis” people trying to interpret every burp and misinformation that comes out of Bill Clinton’s mouth. Last week, when he said that a race between Hillary and McCain would be such a civil election that everyone would fall asleep…everyone rushed to the conclusion that Bill actually did NOT want McCain to run against Hillary Clinton because everyone knows John McCain would beat her.

Ha-ha! Bill the master of disaster wins again! Of course he wants a McCain-Hillary ticket. Hillary would win because conservatives would stay home!

His plan is to confuse and obfuscate the public so much, nobody knows what he is up to!

But---what else could be better for Hillary? First…his suggestion gets rid of Obama, and second, if you are a conservative, and you think Bill Clinton doesn’t like McCain, you might just go out and vote for McCain just to spite him, which is exactly what Bill wants you to do. The only difference between McCain and Hillary is the war, but in fact, if we were attacked again, they would become the same hound dog.

They both look nuclear capable at a moment’s glance.

Nope, Bill knows if McCain is the contender, the Republican Party is destroyed.

Confused? Well, as McCain would say…get used to it, “my friend.”