Saturday, June 30, 2007

Nobody Calls God A Man

Nobody’s Opinion: Honestly…I woke up today thinking this very thought…nobody calls God a man.

Hey--- I thought it was funny, especially just waking up.

Being as the conversations once again on MND have come to boatloads of vast esoterical questions on whether or not men and women can ever communicate---is Venus on Mars?---are we all missing the picture and the point?--- and is taking steroids going to help?

Will Yoko Ono ever talk to Paul McCartney?

I decided when waking up this morning that it was certainly a good thing God doesn’t has to deal with this stuff…or does he?

SCENE: God is up in his pinnacle soft, cushy, god-like “chair” watching universes being born, galaxies colliding, comets crashing, plants spinning, stars bursting…

Mrs. God comes up to him: Hi honey…what ya doing? Are you busy?

GOD: Yeah, I’m watching a really great chaos scene…why? What do you want now? I happen to be relaxing because I just had a Big Bang, and I’m pretty tired and worked hard. I deserve a rest.

MRS GOD: I know honey, but…can’t you clean things up a little around here? I mean, I’m tripping over all this star stuff…can’t you do something?…I mean LOOK at it all. It’s a mess.

GOD: No it’s not. Anyway, I’ll get to it later.

MRS GOD: Well, let me just make a few suggestions…why don’t you put some of that dark matter stuff throughout it all, you know, give it more balance…spread it all out a little…after all, I have to pick up enough star stuff every day, it would help me out a lot.

GOD: Can’t do it. Won’t work.

MRS GOD: What do you mean, it won’t work? Why not?

GOD: It just won’t, you don’t know anything about this stuff.

Mrs. God sighs. She turns around, and trips over the galactic fountain in Carina, which was not in place…which tossed her down a black hole. She comes out in another dimension, far away from her husband.

Quite some time later she gets back to him…tired from picking up some big messes back in the 11th dimension. The worm hole took a long time to clean. Not to mention the pulsar was giving her a headache.

MRS GOD: She looks around. Oh…honey, you did do it! It looks so much better!

GOD: Well, I was tired, but I decided that my idea of putting some more dark matter and balance to the many billions of universes might actually be good glue. What do you think? I think it looks pretty good.

MRS GOD:'s really beautiful…but tell me…is it me? Or do you just have four dimensions going on here?

GOD: Yeah, why?

MRS GOD: Well, don’t you think you should add some more?…you know, maybe eleven? And maybe you could “string” the dimensions all together like? Wouldn’t that be pretty?

GOD: You’ve got to be kidding me. (God looks very annoyed)

MRS GOD: Well, you know I just got back from the eleventh dimension and it really does look pretty as a picture.

GOD….says nothing.

MRS GOD: Well, maybe later...I know you’re tired.

….says nothing.

MRS GOD: Honey? (Knowing it was time to change the subject) When was the last time you visited that cute little planet Earth? I mean, they sure could use some help down there. You know, they’re pretty isolated. Maybe you could send down your spirit in a “son” you know, put it in a man and he could give them poor people some help.

GOD: Won’t work.

MRS GOD: Why not?

GOD: Well, for one thing, it’s not as easy as it looks. Putting my “seed” into a Virgin is not exactly a good time right now, they are still in the dark ages. She might be killed.

MRS GOD: Well, why don’t you let me help out? I could get some angels to do some talking…you know…

GOD: You and your angels.

MRS GOD: Oh honey, it won’t take you long.

GOD: Okay…I might as well do this stuff, but after that…I’m going to RELAX!

MRS GOD: Yes, honey, you deserve it.

She goes over to move the black hole that she tripped in before out of the way.

While she is doing that, God puts in more dimensions, puts Jesus on the Earth, flicks a star for his benefit from his little finger, then relaxes back down into his nebulous cushion, adjusts the Orion and Horsehead Nebulae one more time, and starts snoring.

This in turn blows two hundred galaxies off course, thereby causing a ripple affect of massive solar flares from the sun next to the little plant Earth.

Mrs. God sighs. She knows when he wakes up she is going to have to get him to do something about that man on earth named Al Gore, who is causing a big problem.

Also, she doesn’t like just having eleven dimensions in this universe…she thinks a few more might actually make things look a bit nicer.

Mrs. God thinks: What would he do without me?

Nobody Cares; In the event of a castrostophic revelation of someone actually discovering the meaning of life and death, and all the answers in-between, I will forever be considering just about everything in the universe, with the exception of gardenias…absurd.

At least until I talk to Mrs God.


Friday, June 29, 2007

Our Sweetest Reward

Nobody Flashes: Everybody was talking today! Everybody was hyped!

Nobody could believe that the Senators actually voted down that ridiculous “amnesty” bill. The day just couldn’t have been better for all the “nobodies” out here in Middle Earth who after hearing the ugly toads, leaping lizards, and poisonous rattlesnake lies coming out of the Senate and our President lately, could hardly believe our ears!

If we could hold an award show…it would go something like this:

Lou Dobbs! Come on down! For your relentless and magnificent attacks: for all us nobodies who were so thankful to have a strong and logical voice screaming at our political idiots in Washington every night…NEVER letting up…all those weeks…and tonight, seeing you on Glenn Beck, when you looked at the camera and got emotional…still on the attack! Even I was dancing around in the kitchen. (I hardly ever dance around in the kitchen.)

You get The People’s Lion Reward. You absolutely roared. Don’t stop.

Glenn Beck! Come on down! Get YOUR reward for being just about the most creative, clear thinking, and most refreshing new intelligent man this side of the Milky Way! A man even the aliens would steal! (Be sure your alien’s abduction insurance is paid up.) Not to mention, I want to adopt you for an older brother.

You get The People’s Black Cougar Reward…Stealth and Cunning, sleek you are….and God sent you to us to report truth and clarity every day…you’re on a mission to save the planet, and you just might succeed…

But wait…the mission from GOD belongs to….

Rush Limbaugh! Come on down! Your courage, for standing up against the President… the leader of your party and your friend was stupefying to behold: to hold steadfast and stand with the American people against him was not easy, we know. Thank you for giving us all the optimism that we needed to have strength throughout this whole mess…strength that only a true leader can give. And it’s not the first time. Year after year, you tell us what the Congress is up to, and how to analyze it clearly.

You get The People’s President’s Award. The big Kahona! Because as they say, you run the country now. We salute you, once again.

Sean Hannity! Come on down! You…the man with the irreproachable burning passion…a warrior right up there on the front lines. Helping the soldiers, humble…as American as the Constitution itself. Thank you Sean Hannity, and give your mother a kiss for us.

You get The People’s Knight in Shining Armor Award. Keep the sword high.

Pat Buchanan! Come on down! For giving us all the statistics of why this was an invasion and the ending of our country as we know it. You educated us with facts, statistics, and nightly reminders of what would happen if this went through. You were one of the first one to point out the end scenario.

You get The People’s General Award.because, well, you act, and think and look like one. Thanks Pat.

Phyllis Schlafly! Come on down! You have, without much fanfare, devoted your entire life to the American dream, its people, and what’s fair. Your must have sent hundreds of e-mails every single day, working hard, you and your staff to help us alert our Congressmen, to place the calls. You are always there, behind the lines…supplying the troops with ammunition.

You get The People’s EAGLE Award…because well, that’s your site, (Eagle Forum) and it seems fitting because you have soared for us all so many times. God bless.

I’m running out of room…

Tom Tancredo: For being almost alone on the alarm…going against the Senate. Getting on every talk show you could and talking about nothing else…

You get The People’s Phoenix Award…because you’re the only senator rising out of the ashes right now.

Ann Coulter: For continuing to write and attack, and tell the truth. For your insights, your clarity, and you’re unending bravely under the line of fire you get---

The People’s Founders Award…because you protect their ideas with such brilliance. John Adams would be proud.

Michael Savage: For your vast knowledge of everything under the sun, and your unending sense of what’s right, and what’s wrong, and your outstanding and undeniable patriotism and love for our country, and its people.

You get The People’s Truth Award. May you guard it always.


And now for the last award…the lights go dim…and the American people stand.

All of us. All the nobodies who wrote their senators, congressmen...blogged their opinions. All the journalist who keep writing, crying out against the insanity of it all…

All the people who called their radio stations, and stood up against the oligarchy…

We just won a small victory in the upcoming war against our nation.

If we can remember…that our Constitution says: “We The People, in Order to form a more Perfect union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

If we can remember that, and hold those that rule us to that promise…

Don’t let them forget it.

Then that is what will be--- our sweetest reward.


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Tiger Woods, Larry Birkhead..Beginnings

Nobody's Opinion: Now, here is a good sign. Two men, adoring their daughters.

Life is good.

Life is a miracle...even when if throws up on you.

Larry Birkhead...fought hard for his own, and won.

Tiger Woods, lost a father, now can pass on his father's gift to his daughter.

Just the fact that we are seeing these pictures, is a good sign...

Fatherhood is getting more respect. It's a start.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Wrestling With Insanity

Nobody’s Opinion: Okay…Chris Benait…some wrestler, hung his wife, killed his son, then waited a day and decided he might as well hang himself.

How sad…how meaningless. They are blaming the steroids.

For all we know, steroids probably had a lot to do with his insanity. But more than likely, the genetic proclivity was already there. After all, he had a wonderful house, made a nice living, and by all accounts had a loving family, even if they were thinking about divorcing.

But…before anyone compares whether she drove him to do it, the truth is…he was insane…in fact, he had to be insanely depressed.

And depression, just like diabetes runs in families.

And this monster called depression doesn’t care if you are a man or a woman.

It also is color blind.

It will eat you alive, until the only thing that seems logical is death. And at that point, if you are not brave or smart enough, you will want relief.

Unfortunately our society has enough trouble coping with overcrowded hospitals and jails…potential suicide cases are pretty much “disposable” people.

Take the case of Andreas Yates. Most people were appalled that Andrea Yates after she killed all her children in such a horrible fashion, ended up in a mental hospital instead of being hanged, and many were furious.

What she did was so unthinkable, and the fact that she DID NOT kill herself along with her kids, puts her right up there with a serial killer.

Actually, I thought that she did it to hurt the husband.

But it wasn’t like they didn’t KNOW she was depressed, they didn’t KNOW she was insane. She was a walking accident waiting to happen, and I’m sure her family didn’t think, because she loved her kids so much that she would kill them.

The husband forgave her, because he knew she was depressed---he just didn’t know how much.

And that’s the problem with this stuff. Potentially insane people hardly ever show it.

I mean…look at Hitler, Stalin, Mao…insane to the core. Yet…they could act so completely normal, the people around them…had no clue.

And how about the guy that shot up all his classmates at Virginia Tech? The boys at Columbine…LOTS of people knew they were dangerous.

Why didn’t somebody do something?

Let’s face it. Wanting to kill anybody or wanting to die--- is insanity.

I have a different take on most of this stuff. When someone kills their children, I don’t care what anyone says, that person, whether they live (like Andrea Yates) or not (like Chris Benait) has a mental health issue, not a gender issue.

It seems with Mr. Chris Benait’s case, the news is treating it all pretty fairly. He lost it.
Drugs made him do it.

Was Andrea Yates any different? Does it make any difference whether she lived and he didn’t? Does it make any difference that she was on a different drug that messed up her mind…or she stopped taking drugs, or that her brain just snapped?

The news should instead be on the fact that psychiatrists, like cops, can’t always be there when the chemicals of depression set in. The episodes can come and go like the seasons.

Could someone have prevented Chris from doing this horrible act? Probably. Where was his lifeline?

Prevention is the key to lots of things…a terrorist attack, losing the country to illegal invasion, waking up one day and finding out you are being ruled by an oligarchy…realizing that your spouse is becoming dangerously insane.

But prevention is not always easy.

Nevertheless you CAN know when a thunderstorm is coming. And you can do something about it. Be on the alert…there are signs.

Depression is a funny thing---it’s kind of like being in Iraq under fire. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t get the full gist of it.

I remember once attending a depression seminar here in St. Louis. The room was full of about 400 people.

At the front of the room was a panel of very prominent local psychiatrists taking questions, all of them looking brilliant. They were really there for new patients, even though they pretended they were there to help the community.

It was free to the public.

And then some young girl said something about how some drug had helped her from the immense pain she had been in---and the doctors didn’t get it.

But the rest of the room did. I’ve have never heard such applause. They jumped to their feet, like she had hit a home run.

The doctors sat there without a clue. You knew instantly they had never suffered the pain, they had never been to Darfar. Real empathy was hard for them.

The most depressed they had ever been was probably the day they missed their favorite West Wing episode.

Maybe it’s just me. It’s doesn’t matter if it’s about some woman killing her kids, or some man killing his kids, or someone killing the whole family and himself…

What does it matter? It’s the rats eating their tails. It’s all madness. It’s the last scream of the hopeless, and no one is there to catch it.

Now, if Chris had been a genius like Stephen King, he could have channeled that depression into a really great scary movie.

Or if he had been Churchill he could have saved a country.

But, he was only Chris---an insane wrestler.

If only....if only....

How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”



Monday, June 25, 2007

The Whoop Has A View

Nobody Flashes; Just when you thought that it was safe to turn on your television set, when you thought it was safe to discuss whether or not men should at least get a fair hearing in the courthouses: when you thought that the universe had finally stopped expanding; just when you thought that The View would go back to normal with Rosie O'Donnell retiring to her children and trips to Disney world...THINK AGAIN!

Whoopi Goldberg (affectionatly named after the cushion) it is rumored will be joining The VIEW ...the daytime program that nobody who is anybody ever watches---and because nobody is watching it, the only way it can get attention is by putting on a loud-mouth feminist/ex-bricklayer/ex-makeup artist for dead bodies/ ex-heroin addict/ ex-three time married but never been missed for any opportunity to say what she thinks about George W. Bush---

THE WHOOP. (As she likes to be called)

This nobody predicts that Whoopi will make Rosie look like an ex-flatulent cushion from the dark ages, being as she is just as full of hot air, but a lot funnier.

Her missing eyebrows alone make for entertainment.

And since Whoopi has her own production company...very appropriately called; One Ho Production...this nobody also thinks that One Ho will multiply so rapidly, that it will soon be a regular brothel of nightly reportings from the One Ho who can keep us all from talking about immigration, which is very much the game plan right now.

God Bless America. (For only here can one wear a tee-shirt that tells you what you are looking at, and you don't have to apologize.)

Also; If anyone can tell me who the "Honored" woman on the left is? Enquiring minds might never want to know, but I do.


Sunday, June 24, 2007

The Inexorable (short) History of Two American Invasions

Nobody’s Opinion: Yesterday I came across an article in the National Review by Travis Kavulla, called, “Jamestown in the American Eye.” He was reporting on the 400th celebration of Jamestown, which he attended.

Afterwards he noted, “Self-government, free enterprise, religious freedom---Jamestown has long been remembered for these grand ideals, though they have never fully squared with historical fact.”

He’s right. Jamestown was not exactly a start-up model for the republic that eventually grew…in fact, one of the rules was that if you did not attend daily religious services your tongue could be nailed to a post--- not exactly freedom of anything.

Had I lived in Jamestown…I might have never left the church.

But in the importance of reviewing the Jamestown event is another lesson we might all take note of; what happens in an invasion. As we all know, in the first American Invasion...the Indians pretty much disappeared.

In fact, as history tends to be rewritten by the rulers, the fact that the Jamestown settlement would never have survived without the consistent help of the Indians, is not exactly one the historians like to make a really loud note of. The natives actually gave the “invaders” more than a big helping hand. (At first.)

We, like the Indians, are doing the same thing. The survival of millions of Mexicans would not be happening without the help of the United States government that takes care of them, once they sneak over our border.

George W. Bush’s take on the matter seems to be that we must feed these poor people. George W. Bush, much like Powhatan, the Great Chief who saw no real threat from the starving and weak Jamestown colonists, doesn’t seem to see much threat from our invaders either.

After all, they just do “service” jobs.

George and Powhatan both saw opportunity: a “trade.” George wants the cheap labor, Powhatan wanted guns. I’m sure Powhatan never ever thought that the Indian Nation would eventually end up disappearing. And George W. it seems, could care less if our whole American Nation turns Spanish, as long as certain “elite” upper class rulers stay in power.

But it seems most important to this nobody to remember, that without the help of the Indians, the first invasion of the English would have been much too difficult.

Captain John Smith writes: (1607) “Being left to our fortunes, it fortuned that within ten days scarce ten among us (105) could either go or well stand, such extreme weakness and sickness oppressed us. And thereat none need marvel if they consider the cause and reason, which was this. While the ships stayed, our allowance was somewhat bettered by a daily proportion of biscuits, which the sailors would pilfer to sell, give, or exchange with us for money, sassafras, furs or love.”

Love? I thought these were all guys? (I always wondered about men going off to sea.)

Anyway---it seems the reason they were all starving is that the ocean voyage was suppose to only take two months not five, and so they got there too late to plant food. And the “President” of the ship did what many greedy rich CEO's now practice: he kept all the really good stuff for himself. He did not give any of the good stuff to the settlers on shore, but worm eaten grain from the hull. Captain John Smith blamed the whole mess on the “unskillful presumption of our ignorant transporters.”

It seems that the captain of the ships (Wingfield) got out of there just in time---from May to September the next year, Jamestown lost 50 people. And at the moment when they thought the Indians were going to come and kill them all, something quite surprising happened.

They brought such plenty of their fruits and provisions as no man wanted.”

Free medical, free dental, free education had not been invented yet, but I’m sure they would have brought that too.

After the men got back on their feet, thanks to the Indians, the capitalist’s back home wanted some payback for their investment and Captain John Smith sent out to find gold and other valuables to send back to England, much like the Mexicans and South Americans now send most of their earnings from the United States back to their home countries.

So, Captain John Smith took two men, and went up the Chickahominy River, where according to him he was surrounded by 200 Indians who he bravely fought off alone (killing two) while the Indians reported that they found him half frozen to death and helped him to a fire.

Actually, I think I believe the Indians on this one.

The two guys he left at the canoe were killed, probably for being stupid.

Captain John Smith as a prisoner of the Indians was fed quite well, as if they kept fatting him up to eat he thought, but with the help of his never-before-seen compass he got an audience with the great Powhatan, the big chief of the land.

Powhatan put on three days of grand ceremonies for Captain Smith, where the Indians had a tendency to get all dressed up and lay down corn in circles…it was called “corn reading,” because no one could decide whether to kill John Smith or not, and that’s how they made all their important decisions. The corn must have said, “This guy is a bad seed” because they decided to kill him.

Our Congress basically works the same way today.

They also ran out and planted his gunpowder for next season’s crop of gunpowder. (We now see this happening with ethanol development.)

Then, as everyone knows, Pocahontas, Powhatan’s daughter, put her head upon Captain’s Smith before some big Indian warrior guy was going to smash it with a big club, thereby getting her picture on a gold coin, for actually saving the new English American nation.

So, what else could a loving dad do? Powhatan, gave John Smith lots of land and made him a son, and got two big guns with the bargain, and saving Jamestown.

Now, what would have happened if Pocahontas had not interfered? (See, women do come in handy.)

No one will ever know, but history shows that the English basically came over in droves; soon the Indians were run off their land.

You could say it’s because we had guns, but that’s not the only reason. The Americans had BIG families…usually consisting of eight to ten kids. We multiplied so fast, the Indians just couldn’t kill us all.

So, as far as invasions go, it doesn’t take a mathematician to know that if the status quo of the second American Mexican invasion keeps up, and the Mexicans of course keep reproducing at the rate they are doing now, and we will keep feeding their kids for free---America as we know it will disappear.

Will the new Spanish Nation that will replace the old white Anglo-Saxon America be as productive to mankind? Will the rest of the world benefit from this second historical invasion?

So far, it looks like only about 300 CEO’s, and some untouchable political families will endure.

The rest of us will just die off in the reservations of nursing homes, with the help of mercy euthanasia.

Books will be written years from now called, “Little Nursing Home.”

And in 2050, who knows…maybe the Anglo-Saxons will finally get their own tax-free casino’s.

Okay, you write an ending…I have no idea what I’m doing.

Nobody’s Perfect: Even though Captain Smith lucked out…when another tribe of Indians found out that Captain John Smith wasn’t around, they started attacking and killing the guys at the fort again. Within six months, from a population of 500, only 60 people were left.

And once again they were hungry. In fact, they got so hungry that they ate an Indian, and one man ate his wife. He was killed for his act of course, but not without one colonist putting in the remark; “Such a dish as powdered wife I have never heard.”

He died before he could tell the other guys what she tasted like, and of course, they were curious. I don’t think the guy who ate the “savage” was punished at all---Proving that some of the other men might have had the same thoughts.

Which is proof right there that religion is a good thing. "Thou shalt not eat thy spouse if starving" was actually the twelveth commandment...Aaron just couldn't find it when Moses smashed the tablets, so it was left out.

Nobody Knows;
Pocahontas, after John Smith had left for England, was tricked onto a ship by a Captain Argall with the help of an Indian who got a copper kettle for his trouble...tricked with a dinner.

Once on board the ship, she was held as ransom. Powhatan was told to give back some tools and men he had “stolen.” This started more years of fighting until Pocahontas married another English guy called John Rolfe, and then once again, everyone got along because of Pocahontas, and her soft-hearted dad, who, nevertheless scared other tribes so much that they gladly joined the English colonists for protection, and got pictures of the King for their loyalty.

Nobody Cares: As most people now know, the reason the first colonists starved is become of their “communistic” system.

“When our people were fed out of the common store and labored jointly together, glad was he who could slip from his labor or slumber over his tasks he cared not how; nay, the most honest among them would hardly take so much true pains in a week as now for themselves they will do in a day.”

A lesson Hillary Clinton should memorize.

Adam Smith came to Jamestown.

….Also, please forgive me for going over old history…it’s just that so much of this I never learned in school, and I feel like such a five year old when I get around this’s just so fascinating, I wanted to share it again.

Now that history is repeating itself, the word invasion is the only word that seems to fit the matter being voted on in Congress now, no matter what the politicians may seek to call it.

And I can’t help thinking that somewhere an Indian is smiling.