Friday, January 18, 2008

How Many Septic Tanks Does It Take to Stimulate an Economy?

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Well, actually, that's not entirely true. Brittany Spears flashes us every night, on her way to the grocery store.

Today, President Bush came out and suggested that since the economy is "lagging," maybe they should return about $800 per household to everyone who does not work for the government, if they promise to go out and spend it right away.

Hopefully on something they don't need.

What does this mean?

This means that the real issue that will be discussed from now until election day, will NOT be National Security, or immigration, or even health care, or American sovereignty, it will be the fact that the last time we all had a great economy going was during Bill Clinton's rein as Chief Septic Tank Inspector!

Hey, it's the economy stupid!

Remember that slogan?

Of course the only people who might see any relief from this "recession that doesn't exist" are people that don't even pay taxes...and have ten children, who all answer to the name of Jose.

My taxes went UP during Bush's last tax cut, I'm still waiting for my relief.

Let's hope the septic tanks hold up. The only thing that is going to be stimulated is more political bull....

WAIT....Brittany Spears just flashed us again!


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 58- Flu Illusions

Nobody’s Opinion: It happens every winter---that great American pastime known as the “head cold.” The virus everyone passes around. Everyone you know gets it, and I have it big time.

Which will explain what you are about to read…courtesy of NyQuil.

I want to call it my “The Wizard is behind the curtain” trip, due to whatever they put in that stuff. You’re too busy trying to empty an endless supply of mucus in your nose into whatever empty napkin you can find… to care about anything, so actual “thinking” comes in spurts.

And writing seems a chore.

So, here in random order are the absurdities of my drug-induced absurd, I’m sicker-than- a -dog, day.


UPDATE: I read yesterday that Hillary Clinton had played stewardess on her plane and actually called her plane “Hil Force One,” which I thought sounded so unbelievably arrogant and pretentious that I could not believe any serious candidate wanting to be taken seriously as a future Commander-in-Chief would even make such a joke before she came into office…so I wrote a blog and said it was just silly PR…never happened.

But there it was---up on YouTube today. YouTube--- that wonderful idea bought by the rich and Marxists owners of Google, probably just so democrats like Hillary could put all kinds of this stuff up to get us all to like her.

Due to the fact that I was under narcotics of Sudafed, I had forgotten Hillary’s Soprano’s stunt. Next thing you know, she’ll be on Family Guy.

The more she says running for President is not a game, the more she makes it one.

She needs to start passing out her ‘Presidential Gold Two-Dollar Coins' with her picture on it…you know the one she already posed for?

Is there a space being prepared on Mt. Rushmore yet?

Bill Mathews compared her to Margaret Thatcher, which was also pretty arrogant because the lady is still alive.

So, Mrs. Thatcher, wherever you are--- as a honest and caring human being…and on behalf of all freedom loving spirits everywhere, I humble apologize for that rediculous comparison.

Chris Mathews, as you know, is just another booger in the Clintons’ box of political virus’s.


I lifted my head off the pillow this morning and there was the Head of the great Federal (which is a bunch of men not even associated with our government) Reserve Bank…Barney Barnacle Bernanke.

He was answering to Congress about the bad state of the economy.

His answer to the “recession” that we are NOT in, is that the government should just give all the people who are living paycheck to paycheck about three hundred dollars because those people could be counted on to go out right away and spend that money--- the rich people wouldn’t.

And since 2/3 of our economy is based on “consumer spending”--- and since consumer’s no longer have any money to “spend” anymore due to the recession we are not in, this poor guy thought well, if they don’t have any money to spend, we should just give it to them, so that everything will look good.


This is like a tenant going to his landlord and saying, “Hey, I owe you money, and I don’t have it, I’m broke. But if you give me the money that I owe you, I can pay you that, and then we’re all okay for another month.

My head was too stuffed up enough to even try to figure this one out. Everyone is in debt, has no more money to buy stuff, so the government is going to give them money to go and buy stuff just to keep, what---the stock markets going? The banks going?

And pardon my aching earlobes, but $300 dollars in this “there is no recession, but there might be” will not do a thing to stimulate anything but a few nights out at the local bar.
Or your son's next hockey stick.

Maybe the banks should stop letting all the illegal immigrants here in this country send their money back to Mexico. Maybe the local police should stop letting 25 men live in one house. Make the Mexicans spend their money here.

Oh, that’s right---Bank of America is all over South America, that’s one bank that’s not suffering.

Three of the top five banks reported losses of over $12 .5 billion, and now we have to bail them out too?

Right---Anyone who’s sent in their credit card payments on time, only to get charged a $30.00 late fee for some crime they didn’t commit, thinks that we bail out the banks every time we pay interest on our credit cards.

And then there is a rumor, mind you, a rumor going through my stuffed up ears, that the George Bush Family has bought a ranch in Paraguay. Since you really can’t hardly believe anything you read or hear anymore at all, this could be just a rumor. But it’s one that makes sense.

There is not a patriotic soul in this country who can figure out why in the world George W. Bush signed the SPP agreement with Canada and Mexico, merging the three countries and ending America as we know it.

Without our approval---Without a care in the world.

Could it be, that we, the American people, just don’t want to admit that America, the newest third world future country, has its own corrupt dictators? Presidents who hand out bits and pieces of us for a price?

While you might say that the Bush family has a right to buy any property in the world to retire to, this 175,000 acres of natural preserve property also comes with a grand military present in order to protect him all his retired days, paid for by you and me.

Why can’t these guys just retire to their multimillion dollars mansion libraries?

So--the Clintons have a home in the Bahamas, George will be in Paraguay, and why do they all have homes outside the US?

What do they know that we don’t?

President George has said he didn’t want to start WWIII, but if and when it comes, and if this rumor is true…he will be have plenty of fresh water and be far away from the whole mess.


Speaking of Armageddon…last night, while watching the new series on TV called…“Terminator,” Sarah Connors, the mother of John Connors, savior of mankind after the holocaust…found out something very touching from the robot from the future.

This very sexy robot from the future told her that John, her son, the savior of the world after WWIII, said his favorite thing his mother did for him when he was a little boy, was read The Wizard of Oz to him---not in English, not in Dutch, but in Spanish.

What a mom.

Mothers of America, if you see this book in Spanish in your local library, I suggest you rent it out and send it to the producers of this show.

Better yet, save the pages for your next head cold.


And as I now drift off to absurd sleep, there is something really bothering me. Like that song “Follow the Yellow Brick Road” ---I can’t get this puzzle out of my mind.

When George W. Bush was running for Office, in the background of many of his debates, I saw the St. Louis Arch. At the democratic convention speeches last week, there it was again, behind Hillary’s head.

So, this means, whenever you see the St. Louis Arch behind anyone’s head…that’s the person who will become President…or do they change the background for every city?
If you live in Miami, do you see Dolphins in the background?

Hell if I know….I just find it very strange…nothing is a coincidence anymore…

Unless it’s the flu.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Take a Trip on Hil Force One!

Nobody Flashes Anymore: WELCOME! To Hil Force One...on it's way to....Utopia!

On her way to Las Vegas, Hillary was evidently in such a good mood--- we are told that she got on the speaker system and spoke to salivating press members on board in the back.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard the maiden flight of Hil Force One." (The real one is now being built just for me, with extra rooms for my husband's interns)

"FAA regulations prohibit the use of any cell phones, Blackberries, or wireless devices that may be used to transmit a negative story about me." (But if you want to say something nasty about Bill, I might give you a pass.)

"In the event of an unexpected drop in poll numbers, this plane will be diverted to New Hamphire." (Where even Rush Limbaugh said I looked sexy.)

The pilots as you see here, were by this time laughing and just had to turn around and pay attention to this new, very articulate, and very funny part of the President Hillary---therefore they did not see what was about to happen.

But that's understandable, most of the people around the Clintons never see it coming either.

Before the final "accident," Hillary did manage to get in---"If you look out from the right, you will see an America saddled with tax cuts for the wealthiest and a war without end. If you look out from the left, you will see an America with a strong middle class at home and a strong reputation in the world." (If you look up, you will see my new hotel-in-the-sky jumbo plane, where I will spend most of my time going all over the world promoting myself and my husband.)

"We are so grateful that you chose the plane with the most experienced candidate."
(The mile-high club will never be the same.)

Right...some of the out-of work writers from Hollywood have now found new work.

And if you believe Hillary actually did this little stunt, then get yourself a ticket and get to Las Vegas...and if you do not find Bill Clinton trying to pick up the topless strippers, then you might get to live to see another day for a ride on Hil Force One.


Is it me? What's with all these democrats having their debates in Las Vegas?

Don't start me, that's more than a blog, that's a whole BOOK.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Trifle Difference Between Obama & Hillary

Nobody’s Opinion: On the news this morning, the talk is about “race.” Specifically the fight between Hillary Clinton, who basically said the reason the blacks had come so far was because our government let them; and Obama, who said the reason blacks had come so far was because of courageous individuals leading the way.

Hillary was reminding us in her manipulatative way, that only the state can rule our lives; Obama was making the statement that it’s up to individuals to make the changes.

If we follow the logic in Hillary’s world, the King of England gave us our country’s independence in 1776, and our founders were just happy to receive it.

In Hillary’s world, the government grants you the right. In Obama’s world, the individual makes his rights.

Subliminally, Hillary keeps telling us she will take care of us, our children, and our little dogs too---right down to the very essence of our choice of internet sites.

Obama was smart enough to give the “right” answer, even though he himself believes in the same socialist big government that Hillary does.

I don’t trust either one of them, but there is a difference.

I remember once reading an autobiography on Arthur Rubenstein, the great pianist, because I especially loved his rendition of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata more than any other that I had heard. Why I wondered--- why was his version so much more poignant?

He said that every time he played a piece of music, everything that had happened to him up to that point in life, went into the way he played the piece. Every word, every pain, every loss, every gain…every moment in his life went into his interpretation. I thought that insight from Mr. Rubenstein rather profound, and a good thing to remember. I especially remind myself of it whenever I talk to my very liberal neighbor who works for our local fascist school system.

It keeps me from telling her that not only is she an idiot, she’s blind. I remind myself that the last time she read anything that was conservative or even talked to one, was probably in a nightmare.

All of us, no matter man or woman, liberal or conservatives, Muslim or Christian, interpret life according to what has happened to our life up to that point.

Genetics plays at least half a factor in this, but the other half gets filled up with the people and events which shape our opinions about nearly everything, and that’s my point here.

The Bible got it pretty close, clay makes good molding.

Clarence Thomas just wrote a book excellent book about this subject.

In other words, whatever the subject, be it race, gender, divorce, vegetables, how to pick a course for a nation; that person will use his experience up to that point in time to decide on a course.

And it would be wise for the rest of us, and the sake of our children, to decide how these two candidates came to be who they are.

Hillary we are told, had a domineering Republican father, and like many of her peers who grew up in the sixties, she rebelled against him completely. She became a full-fledged Marxist with a lot of help.

Let’s face it; the course that she took was a very logical one for her. Not exactly a beauty, she knew she had brains, and wanted to change the world for all women like her…she bought into the whole feminist bag.

Along came Bill Clinton, Nelson Rockefeller, and the rest was history.

Hillary’s price for her suffering with Bill’s sex addiction, was that he would get her elected some day as first woman President.

Her whole life has been focused on this one objective, which she has convinced herself is the right one for the planet---her need for her own affirmation is that great.

Obama’s past on the other hand, is much more connected to his race. Even though he was hardly ever around his black Muslim father, and went to the best schools where whites were most prominent…and even though Obama’s mother is white, he still looks black, therefore, he is black.

In our politically correct society, this new mix of one parent being white, and one parent being black--- the child, if his skin is colored, is called black. If his skin is lighter, he is called a mulatto.
By the dictionary terms, even a dark-skinned child of a white & black first generation parents should be called a mulatto, but that word doesn’t get you votes.

And being black at this point in time, has huge benefits in the political correction arena of running against the first woman for President.

Obama has seen the poverty of Chicago. He has seen the black poverty of Africa. He copies the message of Martin Luther King who wanted a world with no classes, no racial divides, and all men brothers.

He preaches that it’s the individual that will rise to save a nation. That’s why many whites prefer him over Hillary.

It has a strong calling to Independents and Conservatives who believe that truth---our founders lived it.

But will Obama unit the American Nation like he says? Or will he become President and then spend all his time trying to save the poor blacks in Africa, with Oprah at his side?

His speeches from the past suggest exactly that.

So, which one would you choose? Hillary, the divide and conqueror---or Obama, the savior of Africa?

As Americans, based on our constitution, our choice should be “neither.”


Monday, January 14, 2008

The Arms Race-- Saudi Style

Nobody Flashes: Today, President Bush made a deal to sell advanced weaponry to the King of Saudi Arabia. Despite the fact that 15 out of 19 terrorists that ran planes into the World Trade Center on 9/11 were Saudi's, business must go on.
Yes, 900 precision guided bombs, like the one in this picture, are being loaded, wrapped, and shipped as soon as Nancy Pelosi finds her nail trimmer in her office.
Israel rightly has a big concern with this sale... but as usual...the United Nations, the ACLU, the NAACP, and Alec Baldwin, do nothing.
We are bound and determined as a nation not to be undermined, standing by while other nations take leadership in arms sales.
If we simply must blow up the world, let it be American businesses that supply the ammunition!
Bush also got a nice dinner at the Saudi thousand and one virgin House of Pancakes.
God bless our soldiers, for keeping their sense of humor.


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Titanic Lifeboats

Nobody Reports on a Monday: That’s right…everyone has been arguing all week, and I’m about sick of it all…aren’t you? Blah, Blah…

And it’s only January!

The Clintons fighting with Obama about whether it was Martin Luther King who started the Civil Rights movement in America, or whether it was LBJ, was about as idiotic as arguing whether mom started the family or dad.

Actually, I thought it was Booker T. Washington, who stood long before either...and he did it without even holding a walk to anywhere. And for that, he didn’t even get a “black studies” mark on his book at any of our libraries. He just built schools for blacks and taught them how to read and work.

Oh…I forgot. That’s not a civil right…welfare is a civil right.

One thing for sure…there is a Martin Luther King Blvd or Street in just about every single town in the United States. You don’t see too many streets named after LBJ. So, that’s settles it…due to the name signs alone… Hillary loses.

After the New Hampshire win by Hillary, Obama beat her out to Las Vegas and got the “culinary” unions to back him, along with John Kerry all in the same week.

I bet Kerry helped him with those culinary votes…no telling how much they would be paying for ketchup if they refused.

Hillary then, to get the illegal vote, in one of her more comical moments, went door to door into poor Las Vegas Mexican’s homes for some great photo-ops of her stroking a young girl’s hair.

Can these people be any more transparent?

And then she put in some feminist pandering by saying, “No woman is illegal.” After answering what was obviously a planted question, probably planted by one of her lawyers…

And speaking of lawyers…

Nobody’s Perfect: Sidney Blumenthal, one of the Clinton’s most trusted lawyers, and all around “Come in handy to get them out of big jams, buddies”--- was arrested on a DWI in New Hampshire the day of the primaries. He was going 70mph in a 30mph zone, which makes you wonder....just where was he going in such a hurry?

And why did he get drunk?

It’s Okay Sidney; O.J. had a bad week too. If Bill and Hillary get tired of your services, there’s always O.J.

Nobody Knows;-- Why they keep insisting on putting so much liberal propaganda in blockbuster films. This weekend my husband and I saw “The Legend” with Will Smith, Another, “The bird flu will kill the whole earth.” script---combined with “humans turn into zombies who can roar like 747’s…not meant to be a sci-fi.” Nightmare.

Another great fantasy gutted out of Al Gore’s idea of paradise, that you start thinking the plan is to make enough of these movies so we start accepting the idea that billions must die in order to save the earth.

A movie where Will Smith’s biggest hero of the whole earth…is…get ready for this…

Bob “stay stoned out of your mind until you die” Marley.

Now, in my movie…the last men on earth would be Bill Clinton and Al Gore, and there will be only one woman left…Hillary.

Nobody Cares; Speaking of Hollywood---because of the writers strike, they just called out the winners of the Globe Awards on TV. I bet there are a lot of very sad actors and actresses tonight, because they could not get all that free stuff and attention that goes along with these things.

There are so many of these award programs though, I’m sure that’s not going to stop them. Hollywood award shows are like weeds, it would take a nuclear war to get rid of them.

I think we should start an award program for the “Best Americans.”

What do you think?

Nobody Wins: President George Bush is running around falcon hunting with Sheiks nowadays. Is it just me---or does he usually have that same “the ship is sinking” look on his face that the captain of the Titanic had in James Cameron’s famous film?

I swear he does.

When the leader of the Republican Party, and his cabinet, all endorse Hillary Clinton for President, choosing her over his own party…it’s a first in history that NOBODY is mentioning as being newsworthy.

So the question is: are there enough boats?

Nobody’s Fool; When England in talking about putting chips in their prisoners: and California wants to control its citizen’s thermostats…

It won’t be long before they control your water usage by radio waves too. Think about it.
One last Nobody Flashes; Jerry Springer just annouced that he wants Hillary to run against John McCain. He likes them both.
Better get two life boats, just in case.