Friday, February 29, 2008

But---President Bush CAN Fly!

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Today, many people in America were flabergasted that our President, George W. Bush, did not know that the price of a gallon of gas was $4.00 dollars.

He also said that the economy was just fine, and we were not in a recession.

He is confident that McCain is going to win the election.

We now see, just how early this problem started.

Yes, only in America can a rich man grow up to be wealthy, President, AND illiterate! Good thing he knows how to fly a plane!


Thursday, February 28, 2008

Nobody Claims the "Where's the Political Beef"

Nobody's Opinion: Yesterday I was listening to Sean Hannity's program. He was commending Bob Beckel for coming up and using the famous phrase "Where's the Beef?" in a political context.

Well, I beg to differ.

It was I, a nobody, who in 2004, first used this in a political format...and I republish it below for proof.

Now that I hear everyone everywhere using this on all the's starting to bug me...Did someone read my nobody blog at some time, and spread it around like manure till at last someone decided he invented the phrase? After all, it was originally a commercial for fast food.

Well, we'll never know, because, I'm still a nobody, and shouldn't complain. All I can say is it took you guys long figure it all out.

Here's the original blog...remember, Bush had just invaded Iraq....


It’s June, the War in Iraq is over, and everyone is crying, “Where’s the beef?” Or, “Where are the weapons of mass destruction?” The Democrats all along have been telling us, as if they have first hand knowledge, that the weapons were not in Iraq. Clinton almost bragged about it. It’s as if they got the UN to stall and stall, so they could get the weapons out and hide them along with Saddam, where he is at this very minute eating pheasant-under-glass and shouting “Let them eat cake!”

Down the street there will be renovations to the Louve, where some of the new Egyptian Art will look a lot like early Babylonian, but what the hell, everyone just goes to see Mona anyway.

At the parties after the G-8 summit, where the elite of the world met, they were laughing between sips of champagne that Bush couldn’t even find the art, let alone the vials of anthrax. No wonder Bush left early. He must have felt like he was drowning in Jell-O. I can’t think of a better place for all the vegetable brains to meet. Somehow they missed the hundreds of Iraqis tearing down the statues of Saddam and praising George Bush. While the American tanks pulled into downtown Baghdad from the Texas barbeque, the brothels in France had discounts and happy hour specials going on that day with puffy cheese balls.

Clinton was probably sporting one of those UN French Berets that he ordered on our military before leaving office. (Right, now there’s a hat that’ll keep the sun out of your eyes.) And Baghdad Bob, and Hans Blitz, were probably there too, begging for Monica’s phone number.

And the main course was the same old thing. After all these years, the leaders of the world were still trying to figure out how to disarm those damn American cowboys.

Of course get any well-fed government leader together with any other well-fed government leader and they will always come up with the same conversation. How do we control the masses? How to get the fat ones to fed the skinny ones, without touching our own vast fortunes? How to improve our own vast fortunes?

Well, there’s the old trick that’s been used since the recorded history of man. Back when the first bully caveman demanded his share of the wild boar that the other poor smaller caveman had to kill while he was in the cave with his pick of the youngest caveman pinup (there is strong evidence that democratic genes came from this very same French cave) You know, that little perk that dictators and elected officials have always used to take away whatever they don’t want you to have.

TAXES! Why a world tax on guns should do it! It works when they want your property, or when they want you to get rid of your bigger cars, or when they want you to support their lifestyles as you should, or tax your nasty habit of smoking (being stoned is better for mind control), or they want half your lottery winnings, or half your inheritance, or pay to off that foreign debt. (not ours silly) Why there are just so many creative ways to spend the money!! The jubilation from just the thought of taxing the world’s guns was enough to probably even get the French hungry for…dare I say it…an American Hamburger!!

Yes, make a world tax on guns so high that people couldn’t afford to buy them. Which reminds me….

My swampland in Florida property taxes just jumped up 500%. There‘s a golf course there…and poor squatters are still on that land. So now, my taxman is telling me to sell it, (after he gets the plot numbers of course.) We have Princes here too, they just don’t wear turbans and long skirts.

So, what do the Democrats do when they finally get the beef?

They change the subject! When they see you are having a good meal, they say they really wanted the mixed garden salad. Then they continue to beef about something else. Like the FCC.

The FCC is going to cause a monopoly in ownership of all media!! There will be no independent voices!! OH NO! It’s 1999 again!

I don’t know if you noticed, but most cities went from two opposing newspapers to one socialist voice for all comrades years ago. The only independent news was on the internet. What’s really bugging them is they are now losing money, because people got tired of opening up their morning paper only to see pictures of the starving in Africa, to make us feel guilty about feeding ourselves, instead of them. Feel guilty because maybe we’d like to go out to dinner and have a nice T-bone after eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all week. How can we? When we keep seeing the starving and dying faces of babies in Africa or India. {Notice how the mothers always manage to look well fed?} So we did what any sensible American Capitalistic Pig would do; we cancelled our subscriptions.

It was good news for the trees. They should have been happy! But instead, they are worried that Mr. Murdoch might buy up papers. Oh god. Will greed go before the NEW WORLD ORDER? Will they really sell to the conservatives, because deep down inside its really greed and money that gives them power…...not Bill Clinton?

Go to any local magazine rack and yell, “Where’s the beef?” (I do this all the time) All you will see is tofu, nuts, and socialistic sexual fruitcake.

CNN specialty is Spam. Ted Turner is using beef to protect him from those nasty humans. Do you actually think those Buffalo are there to save the species or to give him extra income after CNN? No, he has them trained to ATTACK!! Any human who dares come on to his property, which about the size of Iran, which is one place I suggest we start looking. (What? Iran or Ted’s Place?)

Now… I want to tell you about a personal experience that actually happened, in order to make my case of what can happen on a protein deficient diet.

Years ago, when vegetarianism was all the rage in LA, I was sitting in a bathhouse with five very posh LA women, and being the uncool girl from Missouri I had to ask one girl why her toenails were all black and falling off? Well, she confessed, she did not eat meat. Then the craving started. Salvia started dripping from their very well pumped up lips. Visions of steak, juicy hamburgers, and plates of hot fudge sundaes were dancing in their heads, in the middle of summer even. All five of those girls worked themselves up into a frenzy of culinary revolution. They hopped out of their bathrobes, into their boyfriends expensive sports cars, and rushed to the nearest steak house. So you see, Democrats deep inside crave protein, they’re just so stupid they think they are getting it in their sex lives.

And THANK GOD Bush is from Texas, where the beef is good, and from his actions I would say he likes his beef well done, which leads one to wonder, it’s well known that New Yorkers like a good steak. So, how did the great state of New York make such a big mistake? Just what are they eating up there?

And what’s up with Pat Buchanan? Has he been hit by monkey pox? Watching too many “Gidget goes to Paris” movies?

He writes a great book about our country going to hell with the borders, then turns around and is in complete denial when it comes to Saddam maybe wanting to kill us. Evidently he didn’t see the various former scientists who worked for Saddam say things like, “Oh yes, we were to make big nuclear bombs, as many as we could, oh yes, it’s true.”

And that guy who was Saddam’s double. Remember him? He was just so happy all the time. So happy to be working. Just so happy. His palaces were being gutted all around him, and he was just so, so happy. Shaking hands in the crowds. Michael Moore has offered him a part in his next film called “Saddam goes bowling for Dollars in Baghdad” also starring Susan Saranwrap, who even though will show as much cleavage as she can beneath her burka, she refuses to show her toenails. Remember the toenails you saw that Kevin Costner painted in Bull Durham? They were not hers. They used a stunt double.

But, let’s go on to the Biggest beef, the Hot tamale, the Big cheese…. (I know stop it)

The Democrats swear that Bush just went in to get Saddam in revenge for the attempted assassination of his father. Well, even if that was true…..Revenge is as old as the Bible. In fact you could even argue, it’s a genetic proclivity. It’s a very authentic human emotion, and it’s not just limited to meat eaters. The Democrats do it with every breathe. Why do you think Clinton was not skewered and barbequed as he should have been? Because all of Congress knew his revenge genes were well documented. Nothing like a good plane crash, or suicide, or audit, or mistress scandal to get you eating crow.

The Democrats say Bush just went in for the oil. Well, since our Democratic friends won’t let us drill in Alaska, why not kill two birds with one very large stone. Get rid of a bastard and get oil for our country.

They say Bush and Cheney are oil men. Well…if Clinton had gone in to get the wells, we would have ended up with a lot of Cuban cigars stuck in pipe holes. Cars don’t run on smoke. At least we will benefit too, we’ll get cheaper oil prices...eventually.

In contrast, Clinton was grabbing half our nation’s land in massive executive orders, to keep us off it so that he could let his friends in the Far East mine and log in our National Parks and make lots of money.

Now, there is a two or three year waiting list for us, but Paul Newman will not have to worry, bless him.

And poor Bill just couldn’t bring himself to hurt poor bin Laden, because, at the time, he was looking to rent some very fine mansion for himself and Chelsea not far from Oxford, from the Saudi Arabian Ambassador, who just happened to have around 13 mansions in the area himself. And being as all those Saudi’ are cousins, it wouldn’t have done any good to piss off old Bin’s relatives. Also…getting close to Tony Blair was a must for Clinton after office, being as Tony really is brighter and smarter, and his only near rival for possible World Leader.

Bush is trying to protect us, unlike Clinton who did just about everything he could possibly think of to have some country somewhere to attack us….. “Please just one missile, please, attack before I leave office. Hillary might not let me in the White House again! Why, I’m all ready for another term and Marshall law. Why do you think we spend all those billions on that monument to FDR? He served four terms. Can’t you people take a hint? What does it take?! “

And now the beef (or what comes out the other end) in Hillary’s new book has been gracefully endowed on the world as if we should all come to her fabulous Martha Stewart inspired Thanksgiving dinner. The ultimate turkey propaganda, filled with all the dressings, about her world view, and her compassion for woman and children. Oh yes, Hillary has certainly studied the latest in mind control. She knows that the state has to get hold of those little burgers as young as possible to brain wash their little synapse’ into state pudding. Hillary worldview: Let them eat pudding!! {preferably chocolate.)

Yes, and how she didn’t know Bill sleep around. I mean he was on a constant diet of pure American ground beef, how could he? Now, the only reason you heard about this and I bet it takes up very little space in her book, is she had to have some kind of smutty stuff about Bill because no one, except maybe the leaders at the G8, would actually want to read anything this power hungry, manipulative, very sick cookie psycho (gee can I say this, is there still free speech?} has to say unless there was some “I am a victim and you should love me even more because I stayed with him for the good of the county because if I had been any kind of a human being I would have left him (and all that power and money and free trips on Air Force One, not to mention that wonderful camel ride) and made my own life with integrity. But I wanted to be President and I needed him and since I was President anyway, and you will need me because I am the most underrated woman megalomaniac that ever walked the earth, and the only human that can save the earth and someday you will thank me, and just to show you how I love you all, I will come down off my elite Golden Senate Throne and sign my book at Wal-Mart! And tell you I was born a Republican, but I was saved, and my father will actually perhaps finally love me and notice me.”

And be sure that unlike all the Clinton scandal books you will actually be able to get Hillary books right away at your local library. Why spend the money? You’ve already paid for it! The good news is you will not have to wait as I did for Gertz’s book Betrayal for 10 months because they only had one copy. I was 85th on the waiting list. Talk about hungry. No, I bet Streisand has already donated at least 4 copies per library. What are friends for?

So again, a nation asks…“Where’s the BEEF?” Which will be the next question on everyone’s lips as they vote in the next Presidential election.

Just remember, they fatten the cows before the slaughter. So choose wisely.

After all, McDonalds stopped serving it eons ago. Talk about weapons of mass destruction

By Joyanna Adams/ 2004


Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Nobody Flashes; Okay...what are the odds that the man running for President, just HAPPENS to have the name of the same man who was a hated enemy of ours? Really, what are the odds?

I mean, just think if a candidate running for President was named Adolf Hitler? Would you want to vote for him?

Wouldn't you maybe think about changing your name? In respect for the office? What am I missing here?

I ask myself this question every morning...and because I have to go through the rest of my day...I just break into...

Obama, Obama, bo mama, bo nana pana, mo gama, fe fi, mo mama...Obama...Let's do Hussein!

Hussein, Hussein, bo mein, bo nana pana, go gain, fe fi mo mein..HUUUUussein...A little trick with Barack...

Barack, Barak, bo back, bo nana pana, mo mack, fe fi fo fuaaaacck..Baaa -- rack...

Works for me.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Globalboarding Torture

Nobody’s Opinion: Okay, there’s no such word as Globalboarding…I made it up. It’s my word to describe the almost draconian actions of our ‘elite’ politicians shoving their “globalization” crap down our throats. It’s high torture at its finest. In fact, I think I’d rather take ten minutes of having water shoved down my throat, than be forced to drown in a bucket of lifetime mandatory globalization sacrifices for “the world.” I don’t think I can stand one more minute of presidential salesmen, past and presently running, making minute by minute globalboarding sales pitches in endless primary debates in order to force us to accept and pay for the rest of the world’s poverty, infrastructure, and ‘freedoms’ at the expense of our own.

It’s affirmative action, universal healthcare, globalboarding-torture gone berserk.

This forcing U.S. citizens (and other nations, may I add) into a borderless world--- stinks.

Maybe I could handle this “globalization” stuff if the United States looked like Main Street in Disneyland. In Disneyland’s Main Street USA, all the tourists are from all over the world and are united in one beautiful spot. A place where you only have to pay for your own family’s meals---you are not forced to buy ice cream for the Mexican couple standing behind you in line and their fifteen kids. Everyone pays their own hotel bills. The streets are always clean and there is no fear of crime.

Main Street Disneyland is a place where only English is spoken when you order your Goofy drink. (Please tell me that has not changed.)

Or, if they want to “globalize” us, do like Disney’s Epcot. Keep everyone in their own nations…cultivating their languages and individual beautiful cultures and customs: where thousands of years of evolution have kept human diversity alive, instead of trying to make us all blend into one happy world of socialist-consumer-buying morons, staring at our HD TV’s while eating crappy food pumped full of chemicals and hormones to make us all fat and sick.

A global world where…almost nothing we eat, drink, or buy is made in America, but made in China and transported into every single country on the planet, thereby risking everyone’s death, sooner rather than later---they hope.

Yes, we live in a globalboarding world where rich global politicians invent global warming catastrophes in order to merge multinationals companies and big governments into one huge monopolistic green-fascist money-making machine.

Are you ready to confess yet? Want to hear my globalboarding observations?

In a house right around the corner from me, right here in the middle of America, only a few miles from the Mississippi River, I have watched a Muslim family go through many changes.
First, a Muslim father killed his Muslim daughter, who he caught talking to a local boy at my old high school. It was torture for me to learn that the father got on a plane, much like bin Laden’s relatives after 9/11, and went back to his own country escaping punishment.

His brother’s family came down from Michigan, and brought two wives and about ten kids. They stayed for awhile, but went back to Michigan.

For over a year now, the house has been dark. Still, the lawns are meticulously mowed, and there is always a car in the driveway. There are never any lights on.

Last night at twilight, I saw an Arab man putting in new wires to his big Satellite Dishes. It’s been torture to me, wondering if he is planning an attack.

The Muslims here are making lots of money, owning gas stations, shoe stores, and various small businesses. The women walk around with their veils and long dresses, in the middle of Mark Twain land, and they never look at me, or smile while passing by… never. And because I’m a friendly American, it tortures me.

Not very Disneyland like.

Across the street from me lives a single mom. She works for the local school system, where she says that not only is 30 percent of our school made up of Muslims, but we have teachers hired to teach in over 38 languages. Our property taxes have risen so high, many of us are drowning in debt from taxes alone.

Now, if I go left and up the street from my house, there is a Philippine man and his Chinese wife, and two kids. They just moved into their house. They have no furniture, but they do have a huge 61-inch new HD- TV in their front living room. The box from the set still sits on their front porch. The box is so big, you could drive Jason Bourne’s Ultimatum hybrid car into it, and seal it up. They’ve been there over six months, and still no furniture.

How do I know? They don’t have curtains. They also don’t speak English.

And speaking of TVs, the other day, I turned on my cable TV and all 785 channels were coming through in Spanish! I was trying to come up for air, because, well, sorry Hillary, I don’t speak Spanish!

Seems there is a little button you can push, and viola!

But not only do all our politicians speak fluent Spanish, we are told English will no longer be our official language…bi-lingual we will be!

Que Pasa?

And if you’re not Spanish…don’t worry. Microsoft’s Allen and his Charter Cable Company give you a French Channel, A Chinese channel, a Korean Channel, which are graciously included in your basic cable package. Even if you don’t want it, you’re forced to get it if you want your regular stations.

Al Jazeera, no doubt, will be coming soon.

Several years ago I hired a roofing company to fix some hail damage, and a whole crew of Mexicans, who could not speak English showed up. Oh, I have no complaints except that one of them took my pet turtle (of fifteen loving years) out of my back yard, from his elaborate dream-vacation turtle pen.

Hopefully he went to a young Spanish boy as a pet and not turtle soup. But still, that was my pet.
Stealing is stealing.

And that’s what all this nonsense is…stealing. The Mexicans---sure they’re nice, hardworking people. But how would Mexicans like it if we came into their country by the millions, and demanded food, housing, medical care, and college tuition while stealing their lives and futures away from them, in English?

How would they like it if we called them racists?

And let’s not forget that globalboarding NAFTA, CAFTA, and North American Territorial merging torture. Whole cities are gagging for air.

Our ‘elites’ tell us that we now can buy cheaper goods from Wal-Mart. And even if you don’t make money in this new globalboarding "service" economy, we ‘elites’ will make sure you don’t suffer.


Our inflated prices are sky-high because of globalization. Why, the rest of the world now needs to buy gas, food, and McDonalds! Our great global subsidized government-controlled farms are being used to make ethanol for exportation!
Yes, someone is making money off this...someone.

Therefore, the free market says that our prices have to go up. It’s the globalboarding rules of free market. Go ahead and drown in it.

So, bend back, your globalboarding torture has just begun and it’s coming at you faster than a Nolan Ryan fast ball.

It’s been said that torture can make a body confess to anything.

If that’s true then…confess…you want it.


Monday, February 25, 2008

Whoopi Takes a Bath

Nobody Flashes Anymore!--- Unless of course you're Whoopi Goldberg...

Whoopi, as we see here, is so upset that she was not included in the footage of Oscar winners last night, that she has locked herself in the bathroom.

She told the members of The View just how much it hurt her.

Well, I have to agree. Like her or not, Whoopie's face alone is one of the funniest faces ever to grace any TV or movie screen, and I for one, still laugh at her performance in Ghost.

It was a priceless performance.

So, why did Hollywood snub her?

If I were her, I'd hire Jesse Jackson and go for it. I'd sue Hollywood for every single cent she could get. I'd cry discrimnation from the highest bathtub! Or from the Hollywood sign!

But if Whoopi was really smart...she let it go and consider herself lucky...nobody watched the Oscars last night, so the really important people that didn't watch it, will not remember that she was "ignored." So actually, she should be darn glad she did not associate with such boredom.

Or, someone could call Obama, and get this problem fixed.

Now----I'm going to go hide in the tub.


Sunday, February 24, 2008

Nobody Reports On a Monday: And the Oscar Goes To...Hillary!

Nobody’s Opinion: And the Oscar goes to ….Hillary Clinton, for the best faked emotional, “I am so honored to be here with Barack Obama!” speech ever performed in her exhausting performing political life. Yes---I’m watching the yearly presentation of the 2008 Oscars awards at this very moment, and thinking back on last week’s debate between Hillary and Obama in Texas…you know the moment that every single political reporter, writer, and comedian claimed all week long was Hillary’s swan song, being as Obama has been beating her unmercifully in every state.

I have no idea how so many people could have gotten it so wrong.

Here’s what really happened: Hillary said… “You know, I am so superior to Obama, you people have no clue, and you all think that I am admitting that I cannot win, but to show you just how little I fear him, I will thank him with such sincerity you will have no doubt just how superior I am for even doing it. And when I said that no matter who wins, it’s not about us, it’s about the American people? Well, dummies, I’ve said that before…remember? That other great acting moment when I almost cried? You know, what I was really saying was that if you do NOT make ME President, you will ALL be sorry! Hey--- Obama knew I was stabbing him with a sword he couldn’t possibly counter...HA! I’m good!”

Well, don’t believe me. But next time you see that piece, look at Obama’s face. She is making him look like a schoolboy, and condescendingly playing the vastly superior teacher, who was giving him a tiny pat on back. The next day she stabbed him good.

Like a kiss on the lips from the Godfather, it was a kiss that it seems only Obama and this nobody saw which leads to---

Nobody’s Perfect---No, Obama didn’t see that coming.

But, getting back to the Oscars 80th anniversary program, we all know the movie business is suffering, not that many out here in “forget those idiots” land care. I have seen none of the nominated movies, or even care to. What’s there to see? A 12-year-old gets pregnant and finds it fun? George Clooney, plays his arrogant self…again. Al Gore’s old roommate, plays himself…in a cowboy hat, in something about old men, which actually won Best Picture of the Year? Whoopee.

Makes you long for the good old days, when you couldn’t wait to see the movie. Now, you can wait till some afternoon in your nineties when you’re bored.

Well, they’re not stupid. They knew not too many “people” outside Hollywood have seen any of these lame movies. So to keep us all watching, they kept showing tons of old footage of old movie stars.

And to show “middle America” they actually like soldiers, they let some soldiers in Bagdad announce a category, right before they blasted us with anti-war documentaries, using Tom Hanks, as the designated “buffer.”

The guy who won said the usual “We need to see the light.” stuff.

Okay. I’m looking at my old light bulb right this minute, and it’s a good one.

Nobody Knows---Which makes you wonder---do these rich movie stars and producers even care that they are losing millions here in America?

Nah---like our politicians and CEO’s, they consider us history. It’s all about global markets.

And speaking of globalization, I thought it rather strange that most of the actresses wore long dresses without the usual gaudy diamond necklaces from Cartier’s.

What? Is this like the old “don’t wear mink” craze? Don’t wear diamonds because slaves in Africa dig them up?

Well, Nicole Kidman did not let that stop her from having the most gaudy diamond necklace I have ever seen, dangling down in front of her long black dress. Smart girl…always wear something different to stand out from the crowd.

Then again, maybe she was trying to hide her pregnancy. Jon Stewart, who was probably the worst host in Oscar history, announced it so Tom Cruise now knows she could have a natural baby too, just like him!

Nobody Cares; And speaking of standing out in a crowd, Castro, a man of great drama, and mandatory crowd control, is stepping down and handing power over to his brother Raul. This makes you wonder if they would even announce Castro is dead? Who in their right mind would care? One less dictator is a good thing.

And speaking of not caring if Castro is alive or dead, it seems the CPUSA (Communist Party of the United States of America) is alive and well.

I went on it for the first time yesterday, and yes…it reads like a Hillary/Obama speech. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and Google it. When it comes to communism, neither Hillary nor Obama is acting.

Nobody Wins; Forget the Oscar’s. For the first time in an American presidential debate, a Spanish commentator was allowed to speak in Spanish and declare that by 2050, there will be 125-million Spanish people here. Both Obama and Hillary suggested in great spin, that yes, we must all learn two languages.

Does anyone remember the Alamo? What is the matter with us!

I did not hear one solid commentator…Rush Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Laura Ingram…you know who they are…say one thing about this blatant attack against our country.

Nevertheless, the very next day, Michael Chertoff, (who looks like he walked right out of a 1920's Vampire movie) came out and started talking about how they were actually going to start work on that border problem…really. I’m wondering how many people called the White House.

And they wonder why we think they are all blood-suckers.

Nobody’s Fool: In the end, when they can’t stuff the new stuff down your throat, they put up pictures of Ronald Reagan, or say the words of Martin Luther King, or talk about John Kennedy, or in the case of the Oscars…

Show old footage of Gone with the Wind.

The next American Anthem, if Hillary's acting career keeps going.