Saturday, August 11, 2007

Cruising to Kennebunkport

Nobody's Opinion: Okay. What's with all the boat trips to Kennebunkport?

And why don't they take this man's license away? As you can see here:

George Senior is just a little too boat happy. And it seems his son takes after him.

But heck, I guess if your an x-President and want to ram a boat into a dock, who's there to stop you?

The Bush family it seems, just love to have secret meetings on their boat. They like to get the world's most powerful leader on their little boats and off they speed into the middle of the ocean, where they can...who knows? Talk in private? Get away from the whole platoons of secret service? Tell dirty jokes? Complain about their voters? Decide what to do about the "aliens."

You know, the ones with the space ships that everyone sees everywhere?

George Jr., it seems takes after his dad when it comes to steering. When he was with Putin, he got stuck on some rocks. Divers had to come in and get the boat "unstuck."

Yesterday, he took Nicholas Sarkozy out.

I do not find this strange, being as its seems to be their favorite place right now.

What I do find strange is: When was the last time a French President wanted to spend his whole vacation in Walfelsero, New Hamphire? Has the New World Order meeting place been moved?

I don't know about you, but I think there is more to this than meets the nobody's eye.

If you judge the way they rule, by the way they drive speed boats, it's no wonder America is in so much trouble.

But hey, nobody's perfect, right?


Thursday, August 09, 2007

Brain Defibrillations

Nobody’s Opinion: Okay, I’m in a funk right now. Politics has got me crazy. I’m starting to walk around in a daze, tripping over old dog bones, wondering when the actually question of, “How many angels can fit on the end of a pin?” will get around to being discussed under EG’s columns, or the Democrats debates.

John Edwards would claim at least fifty angels might fit…but if one fell off, he would sue. And since angels are hard to treat and not represented in our medical system, he would personally represent them for a major settlement, even if he does go to hell for doing it, where he would be in heaven.

See what I mean?

I’ve been reading in five books a day, and ten magazines, only to then discuss the finer points of chasing a rabbit to my dog, who still has no clue.

The book from my local library, which I got because of the title, “SCREWED—THE UNDECLARED WAR Against the Middle Class,” by Thom Hartmann--- much to my total surprise turned out to be a propaganda book admiring FDR…who according to Thom, made the middle class with all his great social programs….AND also claimed that Ronald Reagan, unlike all you moronic conservatives think---Reagan is the man who destroyed the middle class because he got rid of the taxes on the rich.

The money did not trickle down, like it was supposed to: into all the welfare mothers, the illegal aliens, and Bill Clinton’s pants. Nope. The rich guys kept it.

Well, I agree. Somebody got it.

What’s even worse, is that while I’m looking for the mate to my other tennis shoe, I was thinking that sometimes the guy had a point, until I read:

When you cut all those social programs, you lose the middle class and in its place create a very small, very wealthy elite and a large underclass of starvation wage workers. You lose democracy and instead create corporatocracy. You change the rules of the game; We the People lose, and the feudal lords win.”

Social programs=middle class. Gee. What did I miss? Where were my food stamps?

Huh? Did you feel that earthquake? What’s wrong with this sentence?

I find my other shoe, of course; the soul has been chewed out.

Good thing I remember living through President Ronald Reagan’s time. Even though the taxes seemed high, so was my paycheck. And that paycheck bought a lot.

After he left office…all the paychecks went down. It's been reported, but not too loudly.

They say salaries are “flat” in the papers to make you think it’s not worse than you think. They don’t mention the word…gone.

Yeah, the title of the book was very deceiving, like a politician who will say whatever it takes to get into office then Bam!

“Hello! Who are you?”

It’s like you thought you were getting real leather boots, only to find out you were duped into “Made in China,” dog food---poison reports at ten.

I’ve been going down to the pool the last few days to do laps, hoping to swim away not only the heat, but my own melting, mushy, forlorn thoughts.

Men go play golf. Women---well, I’m not exactly a, “Let’s get together girls and talk about our kids, and whose kid is better, kind of gal.” So that’s out.

I’ve been floating around the moat like a log with a rotten attitude, running into big, fat, white mothers with black babies. There are lots of them here. And yes, the babies are cute. But, it’s still sad, to me…why?

Yesterday, among all the two hundred people at the pool, I am the only one in the lap section, and I am the only one that some two-year-old decided to throw up on as I was trying not to run into him. The lifeguard just watched. She was two feet away.

Did I mention the lap section is only for adults?

They emptied the whole pool. The stomach flu is going around.


I’ve been seeing Hillary’s chubby cheeks in little kid’s faces. I’ve been dreaming of steak, and designing space crafts, and wondering should the earth end in water, fire, nuclear explosion, or repeated programs of Chris Matthews?

I look down the street at sunset and go “huh?” When did the sun move?

You hear that the stocks fell, the housing market collapsed, Brittany Spears is a drug addict, pity her children, we will be attacked, and we Americans are the cause of everything bad that has ever happened since the beginning of man. America was to blame for the downfall of Adam and Eve. Just ask Jimmy Carter. He was there.

I saw a picture of George Bush in the Globe the other day, with a Life-Vest defibrillator under his T-shirt. He has gone to Ohio over 48 times, some say to visit the excellent heart clinic there. This means he is actually worse off than Cheney.

That explains all the bike rides. That also tells you that just the fact that CNN has not touch this subject…maybe the moon has moved.

America is getting totally degraded, smacked, kicked, twisted, berated…and that’s not from the Muslims, that’s from our own leaders.

I know…get a life. Get a job. Be a waitress, or better yet…maybe a CIA agent. (ha!)

All in good time. I have to find my purse. I think I left it in another state.

I just thought I should apologize to my readers. This will not last long.

It’s just a funk…and to prove it, I have wonderful news.

I am here to report that a real movie for men against bossy women has been made. It's worth seeing just for the scene where you witness a man punch a big $&^% nazi woman in the face and flattens her, and the whole audience cheers.

It’s called “The Wicker Man” with Sean Penn…no just kidding. I wish it was Sean Penn…because of the ending.

It stars the same guy who was in National Treasure and Face-Off…Nicolas Cage.

Go see it…because, misery loves company.

Just kidding again! Its right down MND’s alley. Nicolas does some really marvelous things, in the movie, trust me…you’ll like it.

But, I won’t tell you the ending, it might put you in a funk, and one person there is enough.

Now, where is my defibrillator?


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Would You Do This?

Nobody Knows; The cell phone is becoming such a part of our culture, that young men, especially the evocative ones who work at various Star Bucks, have thought up the answer to the ever growing problem of not losing their cell phone.

Just carry it in your earlobe. Sexy.

Of course, answering the phone is another problem altogether. That's why they always keep a spare one in their back pocket.

This effeminate male is not only not only being reprocessed progressively into a liberal who will vote for Hillary Clinton in 2008...he is also putting mass waves of radiation in just the right order for the commands to register in the correct volume.

Of course, most of these men are just searching for a female...or
Is this a female searching for a male?

NO matter. Apple will be coming up with a tinier phone soon to put into your nostrils.

Somebody on Youtube should call him, and video it...after all, I want to see what he or she says.

Statistically speaking, anyone who would do such an idiotic thing probably does not talk, or even know how this happened, but I'd sure like to hear it.

If you know this person, please call and express my condolances.


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Elvis, Al Gore, Bikinis, Sex, and Acapulco

Nobody’s Opinion: Ahhh…I got you on sex, didn’t I?

It was such a hot day today…over 100 degrees. After all, it is August. I loved it.

I was thinking about a day when I was nineteen. (pre-Al Gore years) I laid out in the sun one afternoon while on vacation in San Bernardina, California. The temperature on that June day got up to 122 degrees. I had no idea how hot it was until I heard it on my radio. I did not melt, because I’m still here.

Still, with the planets Mercury and Mars heating up…what’s a poor nobody to do?

According to Al Gore, who was on Oprah Winfrey today, the earth is too hot, so we should all buy his book, “An Inconvenient Truth” which now contains the DVD, and give global warming Tupperware parties in our homes! (He already has 100 of them going on all over the country.)

Al Gore’s Global Warming Tupperware Party…is coming to your neighborhood soon. Bring your ice cubes, polar bears slippers, and extra tissue paper to cry in.

He told Oprah today that every single human being on this Earth is throwing up Co2 carbon puke and for this incredible sin, we need to redeem ourselves by donating money to buy 4 trees a month, per person…which will be planted for our sins. He didn’t say where the trees would be planted, or who would plant them…just send your money to Al Gore, and leave it to him.

I wondered if you would get pictures of your “trees” along with a monthly personal letter on how they were doing with their carbon updates.

Where’s Martin Luther when you need him? We need someone to plant a “we do not belong to your church anymore” thesis on Al Gore’s sweating forehead.

So, being as it was too hot, I did a very female thing…I stayed in bed and watched an old Elvis movie, Fun in Acapulco.

It’s a funny thing about old movies, and even books.

The first time I saw this movie, (1963) I thought, “God, how can the great Elvis sell himself out like this? Making a movie full of girls in bikinis…same old thing…lame songs.”

The second time I saw this movie; (1974) I was looking, and being horribly envious of all the great looking girls. Really--- using women like that just to sell movies. Chauvinists!

The third time (today) I was looking at all the landscaping, the hotel, the palm trees, the water, and wondering if the hotel even existed anymore and could I swing a vacation there? (Fat chance.) The scenery was breathtaking, it looked like heaven. Even the rocks were sexy.

I actually followed the story this time. I noticed things I would have never thought about before. For instance: There is a scene in which the very voluptuous (Ursula Andress) but well covered Spanish girlfriend’s father makes an impassioned speech to his daughter about hopefully catching Elvis as a husband.

Why? Because he used to be royalty in his country, but the government took all his assets. Now, he had to work as a lowly chef just to feed himself. It was so sad.

If she married Elvis, she could move to New York. The father said to her that American’s were such forgiving people…he was her father, they would give him a visa too! Then, he could cook in New York!

Actually, I would have stayed at that hotel forever, but that’s me.

So, this movie, which also included a woman bullfighter, was made in 1963? The dream of American

Elvis even sings a song in Spanish, and he did an excellent job, even though the song was pretty stupid. Seeing sixty sombreros stuffed in one frame, surrounding one quivering white guy trying to sing and not run into a trumpet while twitching his hands off was worth it.

I hate to say it, but it took me years to really appreciate Elvis. I grew up with the Beatles. To me growing up, Elvis was like Frank Sinatra.

In fact, I have a theory that whatever is popular when you are going to high school; generally affects you in your taste in music.

Just the other day I had a guy look at a poster in my house of the Beatles, and he said in a very loud voice…”The Beatles were overrated.”

To my own credit, I let him stay.

He worships the Eagles; he grew up listening to them in high school.

Sorry, no comparison. The Eagles were good, The Beatles were genius. (With help from Steve Martin of course.)

Elvis, on the other hand, was walking sex. But, after you got pass his looks, you noticed that hey, this guy really could sing! And perform his ass off.

Looking back, I think that Elvis was very, very, wise in doing all those bikinis movies. (So do all the men in America.) He might have hated them. (As some have reported) but, after the Beatles came on the scene, Elvis was outdated. The English music took over.

He continued to make a very nice living off the movies. He continued to make money for himself and keep himself in the limelight for quite some time.

All those bikinis girls helped him out. Pretty girls, we all know, have been a sure thing for sales.

Rupert Murdoch, (who would have admired Colonel Parker’s take of 50%) is doing the same thing today. Fox news is actually news delivered by foxes. Gorgeous faces are all over the news. CNN is trying to catch up.

Although, is it me? They don't seem as "sexy" as they did in the old beach movies.

I must admit I got nostalgic watching the old movie, and how innocent sex was back then. The simple man chasing the girl was exciting. Girls did not jump into bed right away like today.

And, no matter what any man says, I believe they all like the hunt. Let’s face it…there is nothing like the thrill of it.

Like in welfare, anything given freely is suspected, and not worth as much.

It’s just human nature. I don’t know how many woman I preached to…about that...

“Whatever you do, do NOT go to bed with him on the first date.”

They never listened to me. None of them are married. (There’s a topic for you.)

Elvis’s movies were always light hearted, and the ending was always happy. (Except for one in which he died.)

Ahhhhhh….the good old days. America will never be the same. (Okay, slap me.)

Yes, slap-happy Elvis endings…unlike the movie, An Inconvenient Truth, where Florida, New York, and the North Pole are destroyed completely. Al Gore’s ending for the Earth, is well, ridiculous. It actually promotes suicide.

Oprah called Al Gore “Noah” today, and gave him a big hug.

I’m sure Oprah already has a place on his boat when the flood hits. Hopefully he has room for her wardrobe.

Well, if I have to plant trees when Hillary becomes President. Then I suggest we all insist that, along with our free medical care, we all get to go to Acapulco every year to plant them ourselves.

If we must have communism, and a merger with Mexico, then at least let us suffer on some beach, while listening to old Elvis songs.

After all, Florida will be under water.

Now, if you wondered how I got all these subjects into one essay…let’s just say, I’m still hot.

Unfortunately…Elvis has left the planet.

Al Gore needs to build his boat and go after him.


Monday, August 06, 2007


Nobody's Opinion....No matter what you think of the market, if you missed this, you should catch it here...

If you have not seen this meltdown of Cramer, it's a moment to remember.

Most of the time, I'm happy to be a nobody, the market is a headache for the rich.

But, this man, has been breathing this stuff since he was in the womb. His father taught him to play the market when he was nine.

The woman, put in for decoration it lost. She is NO match for the "old" guy.

So are the Feds lost? Or do they know exactly what they are doing? Mmmmm?

Nobody Knows. Either's mattress time.


Sunday, August 05, 2007

The Relativity of the Rich

Nobody’s Opinion; All things being relative, so is your paycheck.

The New York Times just did a report on how truly miserable and poor the millionaires in Silicon Valley are feeling right now. They are working 70 to 80 hour weeks just like the baby boomers in Middle America, and they don’t have much more to show for it. If these people moved to St. Louis, they could have mega-mansions, much like Kobe Bryant, with their own basketball courts--- but they are stuck in the valley of two million dollar-4 bedroom homes.

And they only have a few million in the bank…it’s not good. The future looks bleak to them.

Please…I have a dog to feed.

Why don’t they get more for their money? Because they want more. They see others around them who are making billions, and they feel very lower/middle class. It’s rough out there.

Yes, I understand. I want more too. I want to re-do my driveway. All the neighbors have resurfaced theirs. Of course, they don’t have trees pushing up roots every twenty feet, and they also don’t love trees. But, still---it’s the competition thing.

A hobo would want a dog, if the other hobo had one. It’s only fair.

Money: As they say- follow it and you will find all the real answers, including all the 300 multinational stocks that Michael Moore owns but trashes in his movies.

And here in no particular order are some nobody thoughts on the subject. After all, money now is all just thin air.

Fort Knox is now holding Chinese yen…online.


Have you noticed lately how the programs on TV really push the rich, their houses, and their vast fortunes in your face? I mean, on the weekend, if you are not watching sports, you have dozens of cable channels showing off the “rich,” with all their huge bathtubs that they always pretend they have had incredible sex in.

They need 30 rooms just to hold their clothes while they do it.

You can go from feeling bad about being a lousy golfer, to feeling bad about the fact that you can’t afford to buy a new car for another ten years, let alone 67 of them. No wonder they want cheap labor. How many Mexicans does it take to wash 67 cars?

Some of us would trade in the last few years of our lives for a red Viper, as long as we could keep our souls.

Maybe that’s the key to riches, do not have soul, they tend to get in the way.

Today I watched a program on ET about 100 rich people and their “homes” and habits. Some of these people not only have more rooms in their houses than they could ever actually visit in a lifetime, they also have to buy more cars than they will ever have the time to drive…

Is there a point here I’m missing?

Oprah was at the top of the list. She made 230 million in 2006. I don’t care…to buy all those huge estates, with rooms that they don’t even use…just to impress, who…


What…was she beaten as a child? Did the sexual abuse make her greedy for a room to hide in every day of the year?

Tell me, what is smart about buying mansions with hundreds of rooms, if your just one person with no kids? I just don’t get it.

I’m starting to think the rich all have some kind of psychological neurosis.

Some country singer, who has been bashing George Bush, actually carries ten motorcycles and uses twenty buses to go on tour. (I won’t mention his name.) Gee…I don’t know…why not just rent the darn things? Give some poor man a few bucks?

The only “rich” guy that made any sense to me was Johnny Depp, who bought his own island to hide away on. Now that makes sense.

Still, I was thinking that he probably pays thousands for his dumpy looking clothes, which proves he is not altogether immune to stupid moments.

I mean, can you see Oprah going on TV saying, “I got this shirt at Wal-Mart for seven dollars? Isn’t it great?” No... not unless the shirt had her name on it.

And speaking of good sense…I’m starting to get real suspicious of MTV’s Cribs. Rapper after rapper, sports star after sports star…all have immaculate houses, with very little furniture, and a swimming pool that looks like the last time anyone used it was…never.

Come on, none of these guys can even swim.

Something just doesn’t seem right. They have multi-million dollar homes, all own their own business, and supposedly run their own businesses…and yet, I bet they’d lose to a student on, “Are You Smarter Than a First Grader?” if there was such a program.

I don’t care; NO one keeps a house that spotless.

I’m almost convinced their lawyers live in these houses and just move out for a week when the camera’s come in.

Yes, sometimes I think that the figures they report these people having are not real facts…I personally think they have billions more in their Swiss bank accounts.

And here's an interesting fact. All the rich have private jets. Did you know that in many of the urban centers small corporate jets take up at least 30 percent of the takeoffs, landing and flight space? And that’s not counting all the rappers, television stars, and movie mogul who want to fly daily between New York and their house in Miami.

And did you also know that even if these planes only hold a few people, they take as much attention from air-traffic control as your nobody flight?

Recently two major airlines were forced to cancel dozens of flights due to overcrowded skies.

It’s not only our Congressmen who are notorious for traveling for special haircuts and holding up airports, it’s movie stars wanting that special lobster only made in Boston.

And isn’t it funny that while millions are being made to suffer by these huge ego’s, sitting on the plane for hours waiting for some CEO to take off…the extra private planes are also spewing oil all over the tiny houses in the poor dirty neighborhoods beneath the airports? Al Gore has not mentioned this once.

Well, get use to it. The rich are getting richer, and some day, you will be considered lucky to even fly anywhere, the sky will be too full with important people waiting to be cleared to fly to their homes in Dubai. You will have to wait your turn, starving for hours in some plane waiting to take off.

Okay, I'm not laughing. No really, I'm not!

Which brings me to the title...the word...relative.

The concept of relativity is supposed to make you feel better when you can’t have something. It's the supreme rationlization. The liberals think every issue is relative to the moment.

For instance, if everything is relative, than anything goes, and that’s tolerance for nudity, porn, adultery, homosexuality, corruption, and the very special perk of politicians giving lucrative jobs and ambassadorships to all their relatives, friends, and campaign contributors.

And the meek shall inherit the earth, says the Lord.

Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better right now.

Since I am on the brown level of the influential, I actually felt rich today because I could afford a 3 plants (mums) for $12 dollar bargain.

But, last week, while walking through the botanical gardens here, I met a couple who were retired teachers. And I couldn’t believe what they said.

They said that at the peak of their ‘earnings’ they only made $70.000…a piece. It was a horrendous salary they thought.

The man had taught high school biology, and the woman had been a gym teacher. Now, the government pays them NOT to grow anything on the thousands acres of land that they bought in Kentucky.

Frankly, I don’t know what these two were complaining about. They had nice pensions, they could travel, they had land that paid them... but they felt poor.

I didn’t tell them I would feel VERY rich if I had made that salary, but I wanted them to think I had money…it was the hat that fooled them. Ostensibly, I was no better than Oprah.

See, even nobody’s have their pride.


In the end, as they say, you are as happy as you want to be. Well, that’s what they say. Still, I do wish the press would quit complaining about all of us middle class poor people who do not want to be house cleaners for the rich in Los Angles.

I know that money and the happiness that it buys is relative: but I bet if they paid a nice salary to an American…he would be glad to do it.

So…I have a theory. I think the rich people like to hire the poor Spanish people, because the Spanish can’t understand a word they are saying.

The last thing they need is word getting out what the real rich are really like.

Nobody’s Perfect; For some strange reason, it is a fact that many Mensa’s (people with very high I.Q.’s) are not exactly known for making money. In fact, some of them are even poor. Money is just not important to many of them.

Nobody Knows; J.K. Rowlings is now richer than Queen Elizabeth. So one wonders how rich she will be after the next two Harry Potter movies?

Nobody Cares: Exactly.

Also I'm sure nobody cares that I would probably do the exact same thing as many of the rich I continue to envy...I’d only need the car on top to do it in.