Thursday, February 11, 2010

David Brooks: Looking for a Brain

Nobody Wins when your usual Times’s reporter can’t find the time to fix his teeth. David Brooks sits across from Charlie Rose, pontificating about how smart, elite people should really run the world, and oh, by the way, he just happens to be among the ‘smart’. This is why I suppose he can’t find the time to fix his teeth…he’s too busy being “smart.”

I don’t follow this man, but for someone who likes to think he is one of the most intelligent beings on the planet, I say, he might want to worry more about his teeth and less about the operation of the “brain” (His latest book) because in his case, there’s not much hope for the latter.

David has a big, cracked tooth in the front…you know, he looks like that Hillbilly truck driver that the élites like to make fun of. Yeah, take him out of the suit and he looks like an old Tennessee billboard to “Smokin’ Joe’s Barbeque.”

And that’s just a nobody submission.

Here are a few points from his oh- so-nullifying conversation:

1. He just can’t understand what has happened to the popularity of the great Obama? At first he thought those tea party people were “weird wackos” until it was reported that there are more of them, than the Democratic or Republican party…shocking. This HAS to be a problem with the “brain.” (More about this later) So, in order to explain this hard-to-explain phenomenon, he blames Nancy Pelosi.

Obama let the Congress write the Health Care Bill…Obama SHOULD have taken more of a part in it, says David.
(I guess, Obama being on TV everyday saying that it was his wishes that the whole Health Care Bill be pushed through, even though Congress had not even read it---somehow that point missed David’s great, “smart” brain.)

2. David also thinks it’s unfair that Obama is being accused of not “crossing’ the isles. Why, he offered cutting Medicare…My god!…What more do those Republicans want?
(It has yet to dawn on David that one of the complaints of the tea partiers is that exact problem. All their lives, taxes were pulled out of their paychecks, with the promise of it being returned as Medicare in their old age, and now, he wants to cut them off.)

3. David said, “Scott Brown ran as Obama,” that was why he was elected. (Does that mean if Sarah Palin runs as Obama, she will be elected?) He also believes not all is not lost; Obama can win another six years because he is so…wonderful.
(The brain power in this reasoning is overwhelming.)

4. David believes in Hamiltonian government, which he says is really smart people being in charge of everyone’s life and solving all the problems.
(Yes, communism will now be called Hamiltonian. That’s what clever, smart people do. Think up spiffy and clever, smart people spin. Wait for it.)

5. David remarks that Obama’s failure in the first year was that he was understaffed. And he mentions the fact that in years past, more people were educated than now. Now only the great, coastal (people who live on the coasts) smart people are capable of running the world, because don’t you know; only educated people “trust” the government.
(Let’s not tell him why that is.)

6. He has come to the conclusion that the elder people will just have to come to their senses and “give” to the younger generation,
(*Translation: Die off, give up your SS, your Medicare, your homes, so that the young Mexicans can take over and transform the country into the China that Charlie Rose and the globalists want.)

Yes, David was clearly upset. All those dumb people, you know, the vast portion of the dumb, need to be studied because let’s face it---How do we stop the next generation from being so stupid?

So he has been studying the brain, and its formation. Here’s where it gets good.

To enlighten us, David gives this example. ---

If you put a four–year-old in a room with a marshmallow, and tell him he can have two marshmallows if he waits ten minutes, the ones that eat the marshmallow will grow up to be a moron. The kid who holds off eating the marshmallow will grow up to be “educated.”

So, what we need is to train the mothers (no mention of dads) to teach their children—self-control.
(Translation: future feminists need to get their kids used to being controlled.)

Also…future kids need to be taught that someday, all those heavy taxes that are taking out of their paychecks…will pay off.

(Go ahead; if you are NOT a smart elite, you can laugh here.)

Is it any wonder that tea partiers scare this poor man? Sarah Palin is his worse nightmare.

Whenever you see a toothless rich man worried about the dumb people in the country spoiling it for the rich, smart, coastal elites---you have to wonder: Even a really dumb truck driver wiykd fix his teeth if he had the money.

I guess the smart, educated David Brooks, just hasn’t figured that out yet.

He might need a brain transplant for that one.


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Will We Be Toast Tomorrow? Nobody Knows.

Nobody Knows if America is going to be attacked with a "big punch" on February 11.
That's tomorrow, you know. The great Bubba of the Muslim religion is suppose to appear out of some cave or something, and turn us infidels into mudcakes.
Iran has threatened that, tomorrow, February 11, 2010, the great SATAN will feel great pain.
We are toast. Get ready.
Tell your girlfriend that she will just have to wait for her pajama gram. Better yet, save your money guys and wait another day BEFORE you go out and spend your hard earned paycheck on those roses or that diamond that you know she expects. According to Ahmadinejad it might be years before you will ever have to spend another dime on Valintines day.
And after his "big punch" you will have all the time you need to cuddle, and tell her endearing things, and also tell her why you couldn't get her gift! And it won't cost you a dime! Think of the money he'll be saving you!
Okay...should we take this seriously? I don't know about you, but with Obama in the White House, I'm not taking any chances.
As you can see by my picture....I'm ready for anything.


Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Nobody's Perfect: Palin's Palm

Nobody's Perfect:
Everyone is making a big deal about Sarah Palin's notes to herself, which she made to remind herself just what to say at the American Tea Party movement meetings last week.
Many thought this was a very childish thing to do. She should have written this down on paper. But anyone who has seen her talk before, knows she writes keywords on index cards.
It seems that day, there were no index cards to be found, therefore, she being a practical woman, just used the next best thing.
At least she's not afraid of getting her hands dirty.
BUT...I think we should all take note, this picture has just been found. Even though Sarah needed to be reminded of talking to us about what we really all care about, things like energy, taxes, and lifting our American spirits...
This other picture was taken on a talk that Obama gave in Iowa, during his Presidential run. There, on his hand, you can clearly see what his strategy was on winning the day!
The old tried and true gimmick that has been used since 1776...
Give away freebies!
The old fashioned way to buy American votes! Forget the substance, just bring the bribes! And now that he is President, the bribes have become much too big to write on a mere palm.
So, before we condemn Sarah for just being herself, let's not forget...
Would you rather be given free beer?
Or lower taxes?
Maybe what we need is some professional palm readers here...I'd say it takes a little more to lift the American Spirits then cold beer...
(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up)


Monday, February 08, 2010

Game Goes to Best Kicker!

Nobody’s Opinion:

Last night, it was reported by Fox News Reporter Sheppard Smith, who was standing in front of an empty (?) New Orleans brothel house in order to sound official, that over 103 million people watched the Superbowl…biggest in history.

Amazing…I know. I was number 103.

And being since I’m a nobody, and don’t usually watch football games, here’s a few random thoughts from my experience.

We can still make fun of football, can’t we?

First: I’m not sure I actually saw a game…I think I did. But, I’m not sure. I saw a guy kick the ball pretty good…and a lot of guys fall down. I saw a big crowd that LOOKED real, but after AVATAR, I’m not sure. Squinting didn’t help.

It seemed that if you didn’t know any better, the actual football game is just trivial amusement in-between the REAL entertainment---which is the commercials. In all, not very important, unless of course you are from a city with a team playing---then its life or death, and you might end up losing your wife, job, and next house payment if your team loses, or the guy next to you gets too drunk and bashes your head in for saying obscenities about his team.

Not that it matters anymore---What are they gonna do? Take away your Medicare?

Anyway…Here’s My Nobody Summary of Superbowl 44.

Impressively, not two, but five very big, and by the looks of their suits, very well paid commentators, who, between the five of them (or was it ten?) had looked like they had just eaten a herd of cows with twenty baked potatoes topped with eight tons of sour cream. They did not tell us what was REALLY going on, but they talked very fast so they could all be sure to get Tiger Woods cancelled endorsements.

I bet these guys are still downtown Miami and are still talking about nothing, or the lady who was sitting on the 50th yard line.

Game starts: BIG black lady sings “God Bless America” and the cameras shows mostly white men's serious faces. Big black lady has the lungs of a five-pound gerbil. But, one song was not enough. A really tiny white girl, with the lungs of a 500-ton blue whale sang, “the bombs bursting in aiiiiiiiirrrrr.....” and they showed serious black faces, and then the jets fly overhead.

What? Now we need two songs to start the game?

Why stop there? I think it would be fun if after the songs, a gang of black and white pigs wearing the jerseys and numbers of the team players were turned loose to run around the field, and each player had to catch his own pig before the game starts…but that’s me.

Puppy Bowl is simply not enough.

First half: I have mostly one repeated vision going through my mind’s eye, of two big black men dressed in blue, who can ram any man and then spin around like a washer machine, and then fall down so hard, you hear ducks quacking in Canada.

Wonderfully fun to watch.

One guy had long dreadlocks, which may or may NOT be real…depending. They might have been attached to his helmet; at least I hope so because Miami is the home of the famous cockroach nests. You know---the story where a woman didn’t wash her head “buns” for a week, and she found a nest of cockroaches nesting in her hair?

Miami…it’s true. Dreadlocks…cockroaches…not a pretty thought.

THEN….commercials: Lots of “anti-men” commercials. One in particular is a guy staring at another man’s…butt while he is getting a drink at the water cooler. We see football player’s butts with thongs, dancing and spraying tan on their faces. Then we see one guy flop up like a whale onto his belly, looking rather…wet…and ready to be petted. Add in a lot of humiliation by a woman shopping while her man misses the game, and the whole football “manly” thing was pretty much a master experiment in subliminal suggestions to the world audience, that “men are basically wimps, and we like them like that...” attitude for “change.”
In the 21st century.

If I ever see another man in naked “buns” commercial ever again, it will be too soon.

Luckily we were saved by a dog that outsmarts the jerk called man and gets his Doritos.
Humanity is redeemed and put back into the proper advertising perspective---that men deserve to be ruled by women, and their dogs.
Back to the game. The Saints still look pretty lame, but lucky for them, they have a wonderful kicker. The Colts, are constantly being yelled at by a quarterback with tiny little hands, who likes to sit very still and get his picture taken. The Colts take the lead.

UNTILL, that tiny insignificant little white guy comes in again and kicks the ball through the posts. The Saints coach decides a few points are better than none, so he keeps letting the guy add up points.

HALF TIME; Wow…Disney came to the field, and a man disguised as Goofy played guitar. The famous singer, Roger Daltry, pulled out the same coat he wore on Dick Clark’s Bandstand in 1957, just to show the world he could still fit into it.

And if hair doesn’t come with age, wisdom does! Who watched the old guys on stage when you had probably a hundred 20-year-old geniuses work out a Laser light show that was seen on the Moon?

I wouldn’t mind seeing that again! Wow.

Second Half: Gonzo was on a run! He was so quick even the camera man couldn’t keep up with his speed and fast moves! Look at him slurp that bowl!

Wait,--- that’s PuppyBowl.

In the second half the Colts kicker, missed his one and only kick. Therefore the very important quarterback, so named because he is never on his back, unless they flip the quarter wrong, a guy named Manning, blamed the whole loss of the game on HIM, even though he threw the ball to the other team and lost the game…

And he threw it to a guy that took it and ran the whole field while waving his finger ordering what appeared to be a number one at Jack-in- the-Box!

But, that’s why the men are becoming wimps. Manning kept shaking his head at the loser who missed the kick, and men are not allowed to do that anymore. They are allowed to drink beer, and THEN blame the kicker, but not before.

Times truly are changing.

After the game was over, everyone in Miami took a plane to New Orleans to celebrate, after they got out of the parking lot in Miami. (Which means most of them will arrive just in time for Mardi Gras) And we will now have to hear for at least a year, how the winning quarterback of the Saints and his wife single-handily built every house destroyed by Katrina back with their own bare hands. Their son will passed out Mardi Gras Beads to all the kids every Mardi Gras, and star in the next Spielberg film.

The Colts will move to Haiti.

And God is good, and quarterbacks cry, even without admitting they did steroids.

And because of Janet Jackson WE SAW ONLY ONE CHEERLEADER. Well, maybe two. Cheerleaders take up too much commercial time, but come on…NO cheerleader shots? What kind of game is that?

And speaking of “cheer leading,” I’m not sure what America was supposed to get out of the Budweiser commercials. “We must all get along” with…India?

Find a bull and be friends?

Why do I get the feeling that the new owners of Anheuser Busch do not actually LIKE Americans? I mean, they made a human bridge and ran their beer trucks over perfectly ordinary, good Americans with their dirty beer truck tires….

I took offense at that---which brings me to the conclusion: The NFL should buy the Clydesdale's. And make them go over a bridge made out of Bud Light beer cans, pulling wagons of Sam Adams Beer, and then when they get over the bridge of Bud Light smashed beer cans, the bridge will collapse.

And the Clydesdale's will turn and laugh, and they will show this EVERY Superbowl til’ the end of time.
What do you think?

Wait---I almost forgot to mention that girl who wanted the OTHER girl to finish her massage before she got on the Internet…remember those two beauties?

Good advice. Always finish the message.

I don’t think either of those girls was real, but I can bet those first five commentators tried to find fact...Google is sending in the NSA to find out whose making all those "googles" at a certain restaruant in South Beach.

And now…aren’t you glad somebody was paying attention?
(Nobody notes, you had to see the game to understand this...or...maybe not.)


Sunday, February 07, 2010

Nobody Thanks John Quincy Adams for the Superbowl Game in Miami

Nobody Flashes: It's only going to be in the sixties in Miami today for the grand football Superbowl Event, according to the "weather" people. So the tourists will be comfortable, but the natives will be gaping with open horror at all the people wearing SHORTS and TEE-SHIRTS!
My best and only girlfriend, Janet (from grade school) told me yesterday, that the weather in Naples recently, (My home town which is right across the state from Miami) was so cold that the temperature never got over 40 degrees for a WHOLE WEEK, and she said everyone was complaining about their cold feet!
Everybody was wearing big furry slippers! Not something you see often in South Florida.
I've been thinking about this....and it can only be due to global warming. The ground in Southern Florida is cooling, due to humans exhaling too much. As you can see from this poster, the carbon dioxide is settling right over the Southern tip of Florida.
We really must practice holding in our breathe more..just not today. But we can't do that all the time. We should have certain holidays where everyone screams a lot..and gets to really stop trying to control their exhaling. Sporting Events should be "breathe free" zones.
I mean, just because we are bigger than the Chinese and have more hot air, does not mean we can't have a LITTLE fun...right?
Anyway, the tan less "natives" will be in sweaters and complaining merrily. (REAL natives stay out of the sun...just so you know) The cheerleaders on the other hand will be freezing their tootsies off, and bearing up the cold courageously, bless their...hearts.
And after the game...I will predict a few lost souls will end up in the ocean, not knowing how they got there. If we are really lucky, some of them will be politicians.
Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., many a conspiracy scholar will be cursing due to the fact that they think Mr. Obama got SO mad when he told people not to gamble on the Superbowl, or go to Vegas....and because of the great backlash he got from the press, he just ordered a complete "weather" attack on the area, and now they won't be able to get out of D.C. to go to Vegas, or Miami...OR even watch the game because they have no power!
Putin is not the ONLY guy who can seed Moscow!
As for the game, I can't predict a thing because I have no clue. I have boycotted football ever since my five-year-old brother got to go to the Superbowl in Miami one year with our grandfather...and I didn't...BECAUSE I was...a mere girl!
He came home with some pretty nice balloons....and the memory of balloons was so enticing that he took a Playboy Bunny to live with him there while he went to college at the University of Miami.
Yes, Miami...Have a great time, and show us how patriotic you are!
Spend it or lose! Pop some balloons! And put those cozy slippers on!
This nobody doesn't care who wins....I miss Florida, so seeing the palm trees is enough for me.
Oh, and by the way, you can thank John Quincy Adams for my favorite state, which he made SURE, as Secretary of State to Monroe, that we GOT from Spain.
Without that move, the game would not be going on today.
(Nobody says this to get a "response" out of amforatas, who is not particularly fond of any Adams...except for me of course!)