Thursday, November 20, 2008

Nobody Flashes:

Due to the heavy leash that's wrapped around my neck, I have many outside circumstances calling for my attention;

Yes, I have NO CLUE how to work my VCR, DVD, HDVD, HIV, TV, FASTFORWARD, RC, RDVD...

Anything that starts with capitol letters and hooks up to a electronic thingy has to be figured out.

This might take me two to four years, but being the determined woman that I am, I will try to manage this process of the extreme understanding of the nebulous world of outdated VCR's and DVD's in one weekend.

Like the New World Order, I go reluctantly into that vast void of being controlled by chips, numbers, rude politicians, or VCR's. I will have to be yanged through every door of control.

I will be back on MONDAY! In the meantime...everyone have a great weekend, and ...

Prayers for my endeavors and divine intervention on my behave will be greatly appreciated!


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Megyn Kelly, The Stripper, and The Perfect Curl

Nobody Cares: This morning on Fox, I caught the end of a news story by Megyn Kelly. The pretty blond was recently made famous by some comedian who professed undying love for her every molecular cellular eyelash, while walking on a red carpet.

It was an impressive task.

The news piece was about a 44-year old stripper named Kimberlee, who was suing her old boss for firing her. She was claiming age discrimination. Kimberlee was paid $ 8,000 dollars a month, and that’s not counting tips.

But Megyn said at the end, that the woman didn’t have a case. She was being fired because she didn’t “look the part” and because she was a stripper, that’s what she got.

And she said it as if what she did was so superior.

Personally, I think Megyn should think twice about that…maybe it was the undying love for her brains professed by the young comedian that has clouded her usually quick thinking mind---but hasn’t she noticed, that ALL the women news reporters around her are drop-dead gorgeous?

Obviously she thinks as she ages, unlike a stripper, she will always have a job. After all, she has a degree in political science. She is thanking God that she is not a stripper, and her job will always be there.

But, I wonder. Megyn could very well someday, in the not-so-distant future, be replaced by someone who has the same credentials, but whose beauty would draw a bigger audience. It could happen. Would she cry discrimination?

That 44-year old stripper looked pretty close to 39, and of course she was angry. Where will she make her living now? There is no way she will make the kind of money she is making as a stripper, working just four or five hours a night, but she should have thought of that some time ago.

But---if Megyn makes the mistake of thinking she is protected from looks discrimination because she has a brainy job…she should think again.

And this is funny, because last night I had a dream.

I was at a big party, and there was an “artist” who was going around and drawing the people there. The artist was Anne Bancroft, (Mrs. Robinson) and she posed me on a chair, and got her makeup man to make a perfect blond curl on the right side of my head, with a curling iron.

Tilt your head to the side…perfect. Now, put your hand down, perfect…”

“Hey, I’m hungry.” I said. “I’m thirsty too.”

The artist woman was exasperated…but she had her waiter bring me some water and a cracker and while I was eating, my perfect curl fell out.

Oh-- my GOD.” she cried. “You’ve lost it! I can’t draw just look terrible!”
Her recriminations made me feel pretty bad. I had morphed from perfection to a rag doll not worthy of even a Polaroid, let alone a masterpiece, all due to the fallen curl and the fact that I could hold my thirst no longer.

Then I got mad. I went into her face and said, (some psychiatrist out here will say I'm talking to my id...knock it off.)
"I am more proud of the three patents I got all by myself then any perfect curl that was ever put upon my head. And if you had been such a great artist, you would have went right to work capturing the moment instantly when you saw the ‘perfection’ instead of huffing around.
I got down off the artist’s “throne” and walked out of the big mansion. My mother was waiting for me outside.

And here’s the funny part. The artist was so angry that I had spoken my mind and insulted him, in front of all those people, HE was leaving too.

Yes, the she was now a he, with a skinny little mustache and beady little eyes. And I told my mother as he walked by, “He was a pompous ass, let’s go.”

So, life being as it is, everywhere we look the female’s image is put up as more and more perfection. And that perfection is impossible to keep. Men look upon the female in her perfect form as young and voluptuous, and even if any woman is near genius, not much of that will be admired in eternity…it’s a man’s world, filled with men’s images and ideals.

They can’t really help it, it’s Mother Nature. But it’s up to the women to understand that someday, whether she’s a 44-year old stripper, or a 25-years old newscaster, her looks will determine her place in the limelight--unless she is a rare breed like Margaret Thatcher or Sarah Palin.

So, to this nobody, Megyn’s not much different than the 44-year old stripper. They haven’t faced the reality of the artist called man.

Which brings us to...what’s a woman to do? Well, Sarah Palin showed us this year…bring your own curling iron to the race and if Megyn watches Palin she is going to figure this one out.

If not…she can always marry that comedian.

As for me? I’m going to make my husband stop watching Hogan’s Heroes before we go to sleep.

Oh yeah…sure...right.


Monday, November 17, 2008

ANOTHER $5 Million Dollar Bra! They're Everywhere!

Nobody's Perfect: Here I go again...another $5 million dollar bra by Victoria Secret will once again NOT be in my collection.

I do love to watch the rich and famous.

Okay, this is Heidi...last name rhymes with "bum"...a very famous sex goddess who is trying to throw kisses no doubt to some Sheik..

What I wanna know is...if the bra is $5 millions, how much is that whole chain of diamonds chastity belt thing going on all over the bottom worth?

I can't figure that thing out. How do you put it on? Where's the key? What happens if in a fit of lust all the diamonds go spilling all over the floor because some guy breaks them just because he can't get inside the maze of whatever that thing is on her belly?

What if some of those diamonds gets lost on the floor and the dog eats eats them? What if some kid picks them off the floor and eats them?

And what girl in her right mind wouldn't be going "Oh...I lost my diamonds! Wait a minute! I have to pick them up!"

How many women would go for the sex BEFORE retrieving the diamonds?

Congress should look into this.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Bend Over, You Are About to Be Globalized

Nobody’s Opinion: While nobody was paying much attention: the NEW WORLD GLOBAL ORDER was formed: Complete with a nifty logo, and flags, and new chairs, and tables…

The Camelot of global dictators…has risen.

“And in the beginning…there was light…”

What they don’t tell you is that in the end, there will be dark.

Gordon Brown even came out and said, “it was the birth pangs of this new global order.”

What…you think this is a GOOD thing?

Wait till you see your new marching orders for the good of the world.

These global leaders (who call themselves the G-20) said they were getting together to fix the “financial” situations happening all over the globe. You know, that horrible depression caused by a few million people who couldn’t pay their mortgages, which in turn caused the collapse of the whole world?

Yeah right.

CEO’s were so depressed they had to drown their sorrows in six-figure wild parties at lush lavish resorts. They had to give themselves billions dollar bonuses they were so depressed from the whole mess.

Yes, we were told that 95 percent of the people in the US make their mortgages on time, BUT…it was that 5% that couldn’t pay that brought down every nation around the world.

It’s kind of like that time that one squirrel in Ohio took down the whole eastern electrical system of the United States. Remember that?

One little squirrel.

Why, if they didn’t take over every single bank and business in the United States…there would have been a “depression” according to President George W. Bush.

And if you believe either of these stories, then I’ll GIVE you my old record collection, and throw in my old Beatle dolls. You can have my old panty hose too.

Really---while they were keeping us busy concentrating on the “Who will be President?” contest, where each side started out with fifteen contestants, the leaders of the world were planning a world government at the end of it all. But first, they needed a crisis for an excuse to get together and make a lot of money…in the trillions.

No, make that ga-zillions.

George W. has fulfilled Daddy’s dream. THIS was his destiny, not Iraq. THIS is what he is talking about when he says he will be remembered in history…the final globalization of the world.

The New World Order. They even call it Brenton Woods II.

And for all the hoopla on the television about the parties being so different, don’t kid yourself. It’s all about the corporations, the rich, their money, and controlling you.

If you can look at this setting with the great maps and attention to detail, those HUGE sayings on the wall, and think they just threw this together in a matter of months…
then you also believe that Mother Nature is starting all those fires in California.

And with globalization, will come the new global religion called, “Charter for compassion.”

Might as well punch in 666 on your forehead, and go watch football.

Enjoy the NEW WORLD ORDER moment, enjoy the pictures---after all, you paid for it.

And bend over, you are about to be GLOBALIZED !