Saturday, August 15, 2009

ObamaCare: There's Always Ducktape

Nobody Wins: Obama told a bunch of mostly white Americans at a Colorado Town Hall Meeting today that he will fix the health care system, Americans should just trust him.
(The two top pictures pretty much explain his plans.)

Uhhhhhh---Is there anyone out there that noticed that Obama was on television, for just about two whole friggin days?!--- trying to convince us all that we are really silly for even THINKING that he would dare kill grandma!
He didn't say that nobody else would though.
How many hours was this guy on? Did he beat Bill Clinton's record? Was this a historical first?

I must admit, I don't have a life. I would listen to Obama talk, look at all the stupid (mostly white) faces behind him, who all looked like the biggest thing they have thought about lately was just how much fertilizer to put on their lawns, and I would scream and say, when I would hear the thunderous obsequious applause, after his every word....."GOD, I CAN"T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" and then I would turn the channel.

Then, four seconds later, just because I couldn't believe that one man could actually be a better liar than Bill Clinton, and act like nothing was staged about it, and how incredible good he was at making it sound so..benevelent..I would turn it back on.

"I though you weren't going to watch it anymore?" said my husband.

"I can't help myself! It's like watching Freddie VS Alien! I can't take my eyes off the carnage! Aahhhhhhhhhhhh! HEEELLLLPPPP!"

When the end finally came late Saturday, the sun was setting. The last speaker was a Spanish woman, who sounded like she was in the presence of Jesus himself..."Oh my God, I can't believe I get to stand so close to you, thank you so much, Mr. President!!! yada..yada..."
That did it. I threw the controller down and went out into my back yard...laughing so as not to cry. My husband was bar-be-quing hamburgers. (Which is...(gulp) MEAT!)
"She told him that she had polio, and 52 (I did NOT make this number up) operations, and how wonderful and cured she was, but, she was concerned about this "state" thing, which was Obama's cue to say that everything should go under one big Federal plan...AND...she was reading this great emotional outburst of love, from a piece of paper!"
I really do need to take up alcoholic beverages.
Obama admits a lot of money is needed, as if to say..."Hey, now you know I'm honest!"
How will this work? Is this going to work as well as their clunker car trade program?
Let's think.
Today, a car dealer said that so far, he has received only three refunds on the 92 clunkers that he has submitted. The problem? They only have 200 people working on it. If we go by this---hospitals will be reimbursed for every three out of 92 patients.
Yes, you give Obama half your salary, and he will tell his doctors, not to kill you. And if that leg has to come might have to wait...there are 89 people ahead of you.
There's always duck me.


Friday, August 14, 2009

Nobody Flashes: Mayor Pitts?

Nobody Flashes: Mayor Pitts?
Wow. That has a nice sound. (by the way, the picture to the left was reportedly DONE by Pitt himself...I'm not trying to draw any conclusions here...really...I'm not...)
Brad Pitt wants to get into politics, and someone has picked New Orleans for him to run. Its time for him to start into his "run for mayor, become governor, and then...the White House with Angelina and the kids."
By then, it will be a reality show, and we'll all be able to watch them all day! I can't wait to see the curtains!
BUT FIRST: Build green houses, get the local population completely stoned out of their minds, and legalized nudity and gay marriages.
And if Brad wants to get the gay vote, he's in the perfect town. Wait---he wasn't saying that "I won't get married until every gay can get married." line just for votes was he?
Somebody has just got to take over control of that great drug/sin city, and taxing drugs will be just the ticket to repairing those levees.
Good thinking there Brad.
The funny thing about this is: anyone who's been to Mardi Gras knows that you can do anything short of making fun of Castro, and never, ever be arrested, and that includes smoking grass, dropping acid, doing heroin, taking off your clothes and going nude, having sex in the middle of the street, throwing up off balconies, morphine...prostitution...
Wait...somebody is making money off this stuff...Brad, if he wins, could demand a "tax" from every pimp and pusher, and buy another mansion on the bayou, designed all by himself, with a hidden hot tub, and an extra hot tub room for visiting "politicians."
He does have ONE little problem though. According to the leader of the U.N., the earth is going to be destroyed in four months.
In New Orleans, stoned out of your mind time, that's twelve years.
He'd better get more tee-shirts printed, and keep up that drinking. I suggest, rum and Coke Brad. It's the jazz musician's favorite.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Bring Your Own Mad Hatter to the Tea Party!

Nobody Knows: There I was, just lying out in the sun, trying to stock up on that wonderful free vitamin-D …in order to be ready for the announcement, which I’m expecting to come any day now on my state-run cable TV program, (MSNBC) that the HlR2d2 whatever flu vaccine is now mandatory for all American citizens.
(When they come to find me, I will say, “I have stocked up on vitamin-D thank you, I’ll take my chances with the sun.” No need to arrest me…sir.)

Then they will take me away.

Anyway there I was, having a happy afternoon, when suddenly, (just to upset my day of course which is their plan), on my cheap radio I heard the very important announcement that “have no fear” citizens, your local “Crisis Intermediate Police Teams” started in 2004, NOW has the wonderful number of 1500 trained police specialists alone to take care of…the 'mentally disturbed'.

What? When did the police have to train a “special” force to take care of the mentally ill?

Are they expecting thousands of people going to commit suicide in one day?

Or---- does this mean, along with Obama’s Civilian Acorn Forces (a wonderful program he has taken from the Hitler/FDR “get those young men off the streets) program to monitor and be a private Gestapo for the White house…he will train the police to come into all future “tea parties” and arrest all the people that police deem to be “mentally” ill?

You know, they have that power, it’s up to the police to decide exactly what “mentally unfit” means, which is, whatever they want it to. According to our politicians, who have said that all tea party people are basically deranged, they are going to need to train a lot more...police.

And then I got to thinking after hearing this…of a picture I saw last night.

Does this picture or does it not… (Johnny Depp posing as the Mad Hatter in his upcoming movie: Alice in Wonderland) suggest that all people who go to “tea parties” are mad as Hatter’s in a crazy wonderland of idiots? Is Johnny Depp’s image going to be used by liberals to make fun of all the crazies at the 9/12 tea parties?

Could the release of this picture and movie be more….perfectly timed?

Ha! Nobody Knows…But if you go by all the politically correct messages in all the movies made in the last twenty years, we’d have to say, it’s not a coincidence.
For quite a while now, I've certainly felt like most of my money has been stolen and gone down some deeeeeeeep rabit hole and I'm still trying to find it.

So, I suggest that we all dress up like Johnny Depp—Mad Hatter Tea Party characters when we go to our tea parties. The men can be the Mad Hatter’s, the women can dress as Alice, and we should all carry signs of Obama dressed as the Queen of Clubs, with an axe in his/her hand.

He would make a wonderful Queen, don’t you think?

Why should they have all the fun?

If the police are going to arrest us, then maybe we should all dress the part, and request that we’d like our tea with sugar please…when they put us all in jail.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Took You Long Enough Hillary

Nobody Cares: Well, poor Hillary.

First she has to suffer through being married to the biggest womanizer in Arkansas, then she had to spend years helping him get elected to the White House, in the meantime she had to protect him against Paula Jones, Jennifer Flowers, Monika Lewinsky, and that bumble head flight attendant...and then he tries to beat up Dick Morris, and manages to get caught with a cigar and a Republican conspiracy called Matt.

And as if she hadn't suffered enough, when she finally got to run for "her turn" ---he spoils her chances of becoming President by being impeached, not to mention the way he handled the "race" issues during the campaign, giving her enough less chance of becoming President by being a better schmoozer...

THEN he upstages her by going to North Korea and getting hostages released, stealing all her thunder

And now, while she is working hard trying to catch up with being just half the woman of Sarah Palin, who is the real deal when it comes to being her own woman..and having to fly around the world and actually WORK, while Bill just travels and makes lots of money and goes to parties...

Bill has to have a big birthday bash in Las Vegas, without her.

No wonder she has finally come out of the closet and said "I am the Secretary of State, not my husband."

Gee...took her long enough to get fed up...didn't it?


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Perfect Kiss

Nobody's Perfect:

Reading is my “gentle madness” so to speak, and I’ve been missing it. As any madman will tell you, if you have the time, try to read more than one thing at once, and in different viewpoints. They tell you to do this in physical fitness too. Vary your exercise routines daily to get the most benefit. So this morning I read a bit in two books: Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg, and Slander by Ann Coulter.

I haven’t read Ann in some time, but I did notice that her writing has soared…she leaps over the Grand Canyon now…she is in a Lear Jet of the alpha zone. Nevertheless, her ideas are always the same. She protects President Bush with a hot-white light saber, attacks liberals with a much admired vengeance, and there you go.

She protects a “party.” And I, like many Americans, are tired of them. I’m tried of all the parties…every single one invented by man. I want Disney to run the world, but Epcot was taken over long ago. Camelot existed for a book sale.

So far, as much as the conservative side is winning in logic, in action we are pretty lame. Not really our fault, but that’s another blog.

Jonah’s book is a lesson in “isms” and a wonderful lesson in political thinking, but as I was trying to take it all in, my mind kept going back to my dream from last night….

And I can’t get that dream off my mind. Don’t you just hate when that happens?

It’s all about: The Kiss.

You see, I saw this video on Dave Barry’s blog some time ago. One click and there was a cat playing piano (with the help of an invisible human) and the song was Hall and Oats classic hit, “You Make My Dreams Come True.”

In the beginning of the video, there is an extract from some film, noting from the “shag” haircut on the guy, probably from the seventies. The guy is trying to entice the young girl, played by Helen Hunter, to try cocaine.

And then he keeps kissing her, gently, and then, more, with passion…and I can’t get that “kiss” off my mind.

I have never, ever, in my life, been kissed like that, and I probably never will. But, gee--- just once would be nice.

Of course to me, it was an exercise in…what exactly is the difference in men and women’s dreams?

Their REAL desires?

Men, as every woman knows, dream nightly about naked women, and sex. It doesn’t matter if they are married, single, divorced, or whatever…they never tell those dreams to women. This is a smart move. We all know this fact, but we never, ever talk about it because men would probably cease to exist. Too many women would become fatal attractions, learning how to deal with kitchen knives in clever ways.

But, I doubt very seriously if any man dreamed about, “The Kiss.”

But what’s in a kiss? To a woman: a lot. They want the “you are my only desire” kiss.

That’s the one they want. It’s the “proof.” And I’m not talking about the hour long kissing session. There is a big difference. This kiss is done with the “mind.”
Now, before I go on...just in case you haven’t figured it out by now, I am extremely insecure about most everything. I stumble though life, as if being hit by one car accident after another, only to wake up and go, “Huh? Where am I?”

I am always suspicious of people who have great unrelenting confidence, because I figure they are either not thinking, or a bit deranged, but these people are always in charge. (I’m setting you up when you start to analyze my dream, as you will.)

And in my dreams, I always beat myself up. It’s my natural proclivity so to speak…leave me alone. It’s in my DNA. Or according to Lee Salk, it’s because my mother thought I was “food” after I was born and due to her almost having died, she kept saying “No…take it away!” every time the nurse brought me in. She came off the drugs three days later, but it was too late, I was permanently damaged.

Thanks Lee, for that wonderful insight that I didn’t need. (Lee left the planet many years ago, but I still talk to him for fun.)

Anyway: Here’s the dream: I find out that Dave Barry, the author, is going to be visiting at a library, and SOMEHOW, I manage to get him to come over to visit me in my basement.

I want---- “The Kiss.”

Dave reluctantly comes over, and brings…a big bag full of jigsaw puzzles for us to pass the time.

Really, only in dreams.

He also has a small boy with him, his son. (He has a young daughter, so that’s strange.) Puzzles can take weeks; I have only a few hours at best.

Not good.

In the meantime, upstairs, my teenage son is having a big party, and I’m having to go up and make sure everything is not destroyed…running up and down the stairs I say, “I’ll be right back, DON’T GO AWAY!” (My son had a lot of parties when he was a teenager, and any parent that has survived such a thing knows exactly what I’m talking about.)

So, back down the stairs, and I’ve gotten Mr. Barry’s attention for a short time, and so I figure, I’ll just lean over and try it, since he wasn’t about to kiss me anytime soon.

“Yuk!” “Lipstick!” he cries, and makes an awful face.

Well----that went well.

Also, in my dream, I think, no wonder he's repulesd..‘I’m much too fat for him’. As you know, a woman can be even two pounds overweight and they are much too fat.

I’ve been too fat since I was ten. (Not really, but there you go.)

If I told this dream to my husband, I can honestly say, it would not upset him in the least. The secrets he holds in his “dreams” would probably not go over too well. Some men, like Glenn Beck or Jimmy Carter, admit the lust they carry daily, and figure it has nothing to do with their love for their wives.

And they are probably right. Men can compartmentalize.

Men have this advantage, and they know it. That’s why they think women run the world, because women have this hold over their libido, and women on the other hand can take the libido thing, or leave it.

But a man who kisses like that guy in that video…? He’d have to beat me off.

But, here’s a warning to men. You might want to rethink that “kiss.” Not just the prelude to get the means, but the real deal.

As the song says,

Does he love me,
I wanna know…
How can I tell if he loves me so?

“Is it in his eyes?” Oh no, you’d be deceived
“Is it in his eyes?” Oh no, you’d make believe
If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss.

And that’s my Nobody’s Opinion: which might change tomorrow.
And since Nobody’s Perfect: I’m staying off the Melatonin tonight.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Conspiracy: "Birther" Gives Birth To A Birth Certificate

Nobody's Opinion:

Holy Cod-Fish!

When I read Ann Coulter’s last post (Birth Certificate Spotted In Bogus Moon Landing Footage), I felt like Ann had hit me over the head with her favorite Grateful Dead album while chanting, “You are a Republican---you are a Republican, you are not on the moon…”

I am a die-hard fan of Ann’s genius, but I couldn’t for the life of me (a life that is soon to be sacrificed, I’m told) figure out exactly what was concerning her so much.

Was it that Democrats come up with the most ridiculous conspiracy theories in the universe? Or was it that there are actually conservative people that believe when our constitution says that it’s a requirement that the President of our country be a natural- born citizen, and when that President spends thousands of dollars to hide all the facts of his birth and his life, there really is a conspiracy to conceal the truth, along with an egregious crime.

And what’s John Edward’s sex life got to do with this?

Our founders evidently thought that Article 2, Section 1, was really important. God forbid that our country fall into the hands of foreigners. President George Washington, (Ann’s favorite president, I have read) would probably have hung any public servant on the steps of our Capital if it was proven that they had taken Chinese money to get elected: or given away nuclear reactors to psychopaths knowing full well of the possible consequences: or accepted millions of dollars for gargantuan presidential libraries and campaign cash from faraway places like Saudi Arabia.

Selling our ports to Dubai would have probably knocked poor George off his horse.

But Ann is not the only one calling “birthers” nuts. Bill (I’m just looking out for you!) O’Reilly, Shepard (you’re a bunch of crazies) Smith, Glenn (common sense tells you not to make a big deal out of this) Beck---all Fox News pundits---all seem to agree that the “birthers”, people who believe that Obama may not be a natural-born a citizen, are nut- cases.

Where’s the fair and balanced?

If we can pay for all of ‘President’ Obama’s luxurious multi-million dollar life-style, while he puts us and our children into eternal debt and desperation---well let’s just say, it’s the least he can do…show us the proof.

So, what’s up with these pundits? Cherry-picking what constitutional rule you wish to apply, and which ones you feel are not relevant to your ideas and can therefore can be changed or just plain ignored, is a right out of the Democratic play-book. We have a living Constitution, compassionate global judges, and now…conservative pundits having mental relapses. It’s bad enough that we have Homeland Security putting patriotic Americans on terrorist lists.

Come on guys…we need you!

Can you say…”Rule of law, not of men.”?

For the good name of Trig, I decided to compare the many liberal daily talking-point attacks that Ann has in her piece, to conspiracy theories: there is a difference. Here is the actual meaning of the word, ‘conspiracy’:

1. The act of conspiring. 2. an evil, unlawful, treacherous, or surreptitious plan formulated in secret by two or more persons; plot, purpose.

For instance, signing an executive order the first day of your Presidency, that no one can have access to your birth records, shows that you are conspiring to hide the fact that you are not legally President.

Bush using his connections as a rich man’s kid by skipping some National Guard time is not exactly a conspiracy. Doing National Guard duty is not a prerequisite for becoming President of the United States, according to our constitution.

But if all conspiracy theories are bogus, then I guess, “We the people” are to accept these “facts:”

• JFK was shot by one bullet, from the back, even though the video shows a bullet hit his head from the front, first.

• The Federal Reserve is not an evil empire, it’s a bunch of men who are really good guys. We do not need to know who they are, or need to ever see their books.

• The Bilderberg meetings, the WTO, the G8 parties, the European Union---are just harmless parties for the rich to relax and have Angelina Jolie show her lips.

• Joe Kennedy did not buy his son’s Presidency with the help of the mob in Chicago.

• The moon landing was actually done with the batteries of a simple GE radio…and that flag was stiff, and we just found new never-before-seen photos!

• The buildings on 9/11, even though it certainly looked like a professional job to most of us, collapsed faster than a simple two-story house because of the heat.

• Our country would have gone into a deep depression if President Bush and ‘President’ Obama had not started spending trillions to stimulate our economy. Don’t you even doubt it.

Our founders knew that every single man alive was capable of “devouring his own kind” when faced with the reigns of power. They knew all too well that “evil” men were always hatching conspiracies to take that power and abuse it.

So therefore, because nobody bothered to check out Obama’s credentials, we now have a President who bows deeply to Saudi Kings: calls cops stupid: believes America has made way too many mistakes: puts us in mortal danger from our enemies: divides us daily on a racial basis: insists on rationing our health care: and basically goes around acting like Castro’s ugly step…

Did someone conspire to put Obama in office to destroy the United States?

Or did Obama’s birth certificate get destroyed by a hurricane caused by global warming, in the middle of Kenya, because the attending Muslim doctor was too busy helping Jimmy Carter give birth to a peanut big enough to feed the world, and couldn’t sign it because he had to leave? The family dog then ate the rest of it, somewhere in Canada.

What, are you nuts?