Saturday, October 07, 2006

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 19..Walking the Full Moon

Nobody’s Opinion; Last Sunday night, I told myself that I would write only one of these Nobody’s Absurdities a week. But, as the week went by, the absurdities abounded in the world in such astounding numbers, that tonight I had to break my intentions.

To be frank, my brain is overflowing with them, and if I don’t get them out, my day off tomorrow will not be as sweet…besides, there is a great, big, juicy, Harvest Moon out there tonight, and I feel like full moon walking.

So here are some moon thoughts from the world, and even from my local neighborhood.


Witnessing all the school shootings this last week ending with the most horrible one of the sweet and innocent Amish children has not been easy for any of us.

President Bush practically time-warped out to Colorado to assure the Nation that the federal government would help protect the children in anyway they could.

Right---like they did in Columbine. The police waited four fricking hours, basically enough time for all the networks to get there and set up, the governor to converse with President Clinton, and if any parent wanted to go in and save their own child, they would have been shot in the back.

I don’t know about you, but the whole thing made me sick. The nation sat watching for hours, screaming at their TV set---“Why in the world don’t they go in?”

A teacher bled to death, which could have been saved. Not to mention all those that were killed inside. Why have officers if you’re not going to use them?

President Clinton was working hard to take the guns out of the American people’s hand at that time, and he milked that scene for all its worth.

If not for the American Rifle Association, he might have succeeded.

Just what the schools need, another federal beurocratic department for protecting our schools. In my lifetime, I’ve seen my own local schools literally become prisons. They are even building them to look like prisons.

If a parent so much as touches his foot on school ground without permission, their kids will suffer the ramifications.

And it was like this way before Columbine.

I suppose more police will be added…but what good are security officers when they have to call their superiors, lawyers, the police chief, mayor, state representatives, and sometimes even the Secretary of Defense before they act, as in Columbine?

By the time the permission has come back from some lawyer’s office, the kids are dead.

Well, security jobs and more police mean more service jobs for America, and a great campaign slogan since our whole manufacturing base will be gone by next year.


And here’s another first. Not only did Bill Clinton get a “liberty” medal last week, in order to get him one step closer to his Nobel prize, he also struck a “nutrition” deal with Kraft Foods, Mars, Campbell Soup, Dannon, and Pepsi to develop new snack lines for the kids.

Ex-President comes in and dictates the products that corporations will develop.

Gee…how much is this going to cost the taxpayer? What kind of “deal” was this? And who gives Bill Clinton the right to go about making DEALS for the American people anyway?

We are now being told what we can and cannot eat. They will start with the children. It will soon be us.

But it is being sold, once again to a “brainwashed” public that all kids are “fat” and Bill Clinton is saving your child’s life.

It would cost us more in future health care you say? What health care? If we weren’t taxed out our bazookas we wouldn’t have to work two jobs, and be so stressed out, and actually have time to cook supper instead of eating fast food.

Not to mention all the hormones they are packing into the food. I swear, there is something in all the food to make us all fatter (addicting us to sugar) just so they can make billions off of dietary foods and supplements.

Now that our manufacturing base is gone, they have to make money somewhere.

“This is voluntary; they don’t have to do it.” said Clinton. Just that statement alone is an admission of guilt and yes---they do have to do it. I’m sure if they don’t the teachers and big administrators will not get their big bonus vacations and trips to Greece and Europe they all like to take the “kids” on so much.

The new job market of America…plastic food, corn gas, and sun-dials.


And speaking of schools, in my local paper was an article which titled; “Constitution Day Events in Schools.” “

“Hey, that’s great,” I thought, “It’s about time.” Until I read further.

No, they were not going to waste time actually teaching the kids about OUR constitution, ---the heck with that. The kids were all going to get to write their own. The picture on the page had the teacher pointing to their new constitution…

We the People…of Room 22 in order to form an excellent school are … (notice the word ARE is not subjective) Cooperative, Kind, Respectful, Responsible, and Safe.

You know why they are doing this, don’t you? So all our kids will think it’s really cool when their elected leaders rewrite the American Constitution completely.

Tell me they don’t know what they’re doing.

Also, did you know that last week was international walk to school week? There was no mention of what other nations were actually participating in this “program” because I doubt if there are any.

Gym classes have been eliminated to make way for the kids to do an hour of community service, which usually means the kids sit at computers and learn how to become phone solicitors.

Is it any wonder we are at the bottom of the heap?


Nobody’s Perfect; Arnold Schwarzenegger came out today and said that the Mexicans should learn how to assimilate into American culture. Well, we certainly all agree with that. But, there is nothing being done by our Republican majority to “make” the Mexicans start learning English. In fact, if the Republicans lose the Congress in the next election, the Foley fiasco was just the finishing nail on their behavior for the last four years. They did everything we put them in power NOT to do.

The Republicans say one thing, and do another.

And this “wall” they passed was a joke. Seven Hundreds miles? Big Deal.

To show they are not serious, they gave President Bush the power to use the money for roads or something else. He’ll probably just give another 100,000 prize to his father and Bubba.
Because the American people are actually fuming about this invasion, and the Mexicans are fuming that we don’t want America to become Mexico, the only way they are going to force the bi-lingual nation down our throats is how they do everything else, with The Supreme Court.

And even Fox news will smile and report it like it was a very good thing.

Nobody Knows; Japan wants to send all its old people to Thailand or far, far away. They will be draining the economy to the point of bankruptcy, so they need to get them off the island, where the kids don’t have to watch them die and try to prolong their lives. But don’t worry…they will have very little rooms of their own, and nice robots to fetch their mail.

Our leaders love the idea so much that sometime soon, “villas” in Mexico will be up for the retirement village of our dreams. Fabulous “Woodstock” camps, where the old rockers can give acoustic concerts in the lobby after the burrito dinner?

Tequila will be on the house.

Nobody cares; It is said that in a full moon the strange people come out.

I don’t care what the scientists say, having been a musician for over 30 years, I can garueented that on a full moon, you could look out at a crowd, and they would look back at you as if they all walked out of the set of “The Living Dead.”

Also, if the moon can pull a tide, just what can it do to the water in your body? Maybe the moon is the real cause for PMS.

The only cure is to go for a walk under the light of a full moon, thank your lucky moonbeams you’re alive…and snap out of it. A few aspirins can’t hurt either.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Ten Commandments; Second Edition

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Nobody’s Opinion; There are very few people anymore who can say that they have actually read the Bible cover to cover, and who can blame them really? The funny names alone are enough to make you a candidate for laser eye surgery.

The Bible was probably one of the first censuses ever taken. Reading the Old Testament is about as much fun as reading the yellow pages---the difference being you could actually pronounce the names in your local Southwestern Bell Bible.

From E’phraim, Elishama the son of Ammihud and from Manasseh, Gamaliel the son of Pdeahzur…God forbid anyone be left out.

The mothers back then must have had trouble calling them all home for dinner. What did she do? Ring a big bell and say; “Dinner! Come home Raim, Hama, Hudie, Gama, and Zurie!”

Of course she didn’t! She just rang the bell.

The father wouldn’t even have called his sons; he would have just sat down and ate his food and all of theirs too.

“Dad, you ate all the food!”

“Well, where were you?”

But whether you’re a Christian, an atheist, or an agnostic, one thing becomes very clear.

Those Ten Commandments were just a wonderful set of rules; in fact, they are probably the greatest thing ever given to humanity by the Jewish people.

Too bad they are so easy to break.

Let’s face it---Moses had his hands full. As we have seen from history, mobs of people can get very touchy. He was probably walking along and said to his brother, Aaron:

“I’ve just got to do something about all these fights. Frankly, I think they see us eating and they are starving. That one big fellow is looking at me really funny…have any ideas?”

So, off to the mountain Moses went.

And whether God actually carved the commandments in stone with a big finger of fire, or whether Moses just went away for awhile and prayed for heavenly guidance and carved the stones himself…it’s been proven time and again, the rules work.

Humanity at this point in time, actually need these commandments more than they need cell phones.

For instance…Let’s take the commandment, “You shall not kill.”

Just imagine if everyone in the whole world abided by that one rule. We might still have wars, but we’d all be much richer.

Population control would be outlawed.

Maybe that’s why sports were invented, because like diets, the Ten Commandments have not always easy to obey on a daily basis by one individual, let alone by whole tribes of men. But, by and large, the rules have kept enough people in line so that Western Civilization actually made some progress.

Someone said, “I’m having a hard time not killing those guys...but God says we can’t kill. They used to have the Olympics…let’s try that. We can actually have those guys who keep raping our woman come over and have a race. Then we can rape their woman while they’re running, and afterwards we’ll have a big feast and lots of wine, and nobody will care anymore!” (Actually, that’s not how it started, but I bet someone said it.)

You can’t have a bunch of people going around killing each other. Otherwise, no one will be left to grow the food, hunt, and play poker with on Saturday night.

And as we all know, men can hate each other one day, and the next day be best buddies.

I’m sure more than one man who decided to kill another for whatever reason at the time thought, “Now, why did I do that…I actually liked that guy… but he pissed me off. Now I have to go even farther to buy horses--- what I was thinking!”

On the other hand, the Bible gave Moses lots of permission to go in and slaughter whole cities of woman and children to take over. God ordered him to do it, he said.

No wonder Moses was not allowed to go into the Promised Land.

Somehow, coming out of the desert, Moses thought he’d twist God’s rules, because, well, the Jews were chosen.

This always causes lots of fights: “My God choose ME!”
“NO…my god chooses ME!”
“ My god is the real god, yours is fake.” Kids.

And yet, if someone tries to kill you, “Turning the other cheek” is not a good idea. You will be dead, and for what?

What’s my point? Men interpret the rules. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean the idea of “You shall not kill” wasn’t just the best of ideas since the idea of planting seeds in the ground, instead of walking all over the place. It was a real noble prize winner.

In fact, the whole state of Israel should get the noble peace prize just for coming up with them in the first place.

My favorite commandment is “You shall not commit adultery.”

I’m sure Moses noticed that all that walking in the desert was boring, and a lot of men and women started messing around. But if there is anything in the world that will make a man or women want to kill, it’s adultery. Best to ban it right off…It probably cut the killing in half.

Which is why I think Clinton wanted to put men and woman on submarines together. He knew it would screw up the whole Navy, and that was on his agenda. (That’s called a… Nobody’s off the subject burp.)

These were no-brainers. As we see from our crumbling society, where religion is being torn down in order to build the New World of grunts to work for the one world Marxist government, this nobody wishes more men and woman would wake up to the fact that some of these old religious rules are being slaughtered by our new self appointed Moses’ who are leading us back into the wilderness.

So they can find the golden calf. Actually, if you watch MTV, we are actually standing back at the foot of the mountain.

We’d better start fighting a little harder for all men and woman to start digging up these rules again. Even if they are being taken out of our schools, our courts, and our judicial system, that means we must fight even harder to keep them in our hearts.

Because the day these commandments, the ones that our system of justice and all of Western Civilization was based on is smitten from the stones of our Supreme Court, is the day we might as well all go back to Egypt, and be slaves once again.

Nobody’s Perfect; Moses was acting just like a typical guy when he cam down from the mountain and threw the Ten Commandments on the ground; breaking them to little pieces, thereby creating more work for his wife. I’m sure God was not too impressed either. He probably thought, “I should have added a few more.”

Nobody Knows; How in the history of men, different tribes used three brothers from the old testament, as an excuse to build separate religions, which have now come to heads for the annihilation of all humanity in the 21st century. It’s amazing when you think about it.

Nobody Cares; I saw Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments when I was just a kid at the theatre. That’s one of the reasons why I think the Ten Commandments are so great.

Having thought on this, isn’t it nice to know that all the Harry Potter movies will be helping the younger kids of our time grow up to fight the evil that is surely coming?

Now, if only history would produce another Moses…I think we are ready for the next Ten Commandments…if he needed to go and get them, he could use the shuttle.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Crash of GOP Flight-2006

Nobody’s Opinion; It doesn’t matter what channel you turned on today, it was a magnificent crash and burn job of the Republican Party. All the reporters were overdosing on the sight of mangled careers---the damage, the flames; the burnt corpses of the great crash of the GOP and the transition of power to the “other side” have gorganized the nation into complete voter apathy.

Somewhere in the world, Bill Clinton is having way too much fun.

The GOP Flight-2006, was hit by a huge Dem missile, designed and perfected with the help of Boeing.

So what else is new? How was your day?

Body parts are lying all over the front lawn of the Capitol. The only thing left of Representative Foley was his lawyer, who now is lying in intensive care and not expected to survive.

The pilot of GOP Flight-2006, Dennis Hastert, was reportedly asleep at the helm. By the time they get finished with him, he will have to be identified with dental floss.

His loyal chief of staff, Kirk Ford, was not about to take the fall for him, and dived out at 30,000 feet saying that he told Hastert that the plane was going to crash during mid-flight, but Dennis was busy eating a PC burger and ignored him.

Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, the two brave tower controllers, were trying desperately to stop the crash. Both were shouting at the top of their lungs, “Attack! Attack! Pull up! You must Pull Up!”

“You’ve been hit by a dirty bomb and you must attack immediately to save the party!”

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2…

Let’s all bow our heads in a moment of silence…GOP Flight-2006 has gone down.

Videos of the crash were abundant. Foley crying at the sight of all the pages he didn’t get to kiss, repeated over and over, was played so many times it was burned into the brains of all the voters who even had any thought of voting Republican--- that to do so would mean more horrific plane crashes and doom their very lives and the lives of their children to daily gun shootings in their schools, (especially the religious ones) high gas prices, inflation, and the rich getting so much richer than the poor, that commercials of starving Americans will soon be played daily in Venezuela.

And if that isn’t enough, the very evil Harry Potter, the book that got millions of children all over the earth to actually start reading again, after all the hard work of the NEA has been going through to get the little goobers to stop, if not banned, will take over the minds of future generations and ruin all the politically correct lessons of liberalism that has been meticulously nurtured for decades.

As Katie Co uric would say---“How repugnant!”

From the control tower we heard the man who predicts all political accidents---Dick Morris. He says he saw this coming. The plane came down hard and Hillary will be the next President.

Pointing to the Zogby stone, Dick says---“So Let It Be Written…So Let It Be Done.”

I don’t know about you, but around 10 a.m. I was already tired of listening to the Chicken Little stories of what sordid and sickening thing Foley did and said. I turned it off.

Surely by 11.p.m, there would be some other news.

But nooooo…tonight PBS did an already made special on the real corruption of the GOP, in which they made Tom Delay look like the anti-Christ on Halloween.

It’s the worst corruption ever seen in our government. it is so bad, according to Bill Moyer and his experts; it will take years to correct such corruption. Years.

Wisely giving the Democrats an excuse to keep it up.

Tom Delay was using Abernoff the lobbyist, to set up ways to extort vast amounts of money from rich Indian casino owners in order to take Tom Delay and his family and friends to play golf in Scotland. They dined at the finest restaurants.

Somehow they forgot to be “fair and balanced.” They forgot to mention all those plane trips full of hundreds of politicians, escorted all over the world with Ron Brown during the Clinton administration---the host with the most that was never meant to be known.

In Ron Brown’s bullet ridden head were all the places and restaurants of hundreds of elected leaders, wives, prostitutes, mistresses, and foreign persons with various off-shore bank accounts just waiting to be picked.

His plane made a real crash before the hole was made to extract that information

At least Tom Delay is being allowed to live and give lectures.

Now, just where did I leave that bottle of Raspberry wine?

That lovable Marxist Bill Moyer did such a compelling job explaining all the corruption of Tom Delay and the Abernoff scandals, that it almost made me forget that during the Clinton years, the Lincoln bedroom was filled with grunts from the Chinese military who were being handed Presidential nuclear suitcases for their bedtime cookie snack.

But according to Bill Moyer, the democrats were never, ever as corrupt as the GOP. As if to tell us…”Foley is only the tip of the ice-burg, let us explain to you rednecks the real bad guys and why you need to elect the Democrats.”

I say we forget the elections, let’s have a bull-riding contest.

I’d love to see all the corrupt politician of each party, get on the bulls, and let em’ ride it out. Put cowboy hats on all of them.

We could have a citizen lottery, and the winners would get to “sap” the bulls of the most corrupt from each party…

And the biggest winner would get to pick the bulls.

I’m ready.

Nobody’s Perfect; Is a bull-riding contest too sadistic, do you think? Nah.

Nobody Knows; Why the news that Madonna visited Malawi and may adopt a child from there, was so important it was on the front page of USA today.

Do you think we’ll ever see a movie star adopt a child from America?

Nobody Cares; Paris Hilton got punched by some other bimbo named Shannia Moaker. You gotta love this one. Now, the quickest way to further your career is to punch someone else famous.

So all the losers from all the American Idol and Survivor shows will be working out at the gym, and practicing their jabs, getting ready to get back into the limelight.

If I were Paris, I’d go hide out in one of daddy’s hotels; Dubai would be a good place. She could marry a Saudi. Hey, don’t laugh. It might happen.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

In The Light There's A Man, An The Man Has A Point

Nobody’s Opinion; George Noory, the host of Coast to Coast AM, has co-authored a book with Bill Birnes, of Day After Rosewell Fame. It’s called WORKER IN THE LIGHT…and I just finished it.

Anyone that has listened to the late night show, formerly called the Art Bell Show, knows that on it, they talk about all the things you think of around this time of year…ghosts, devils, witches, numerology, Nostradamus, frog sexual therapy (just kidding) …all those “superstitious” subjects that skeptics find very amusing.

Of course, even the skeptics have to pause when the callers call in, with stories that are so unusual, even Stephen King at his best, could not have thought them up. The truth is always hard to believe, yes, it IS stranger than fiction.

Stories---like how Sally knew her grandma had died 3,000 miles away, because at the exact time she died, Grandma came and sat on her bed and said goodbye, and told her where to find her lost potato peeler.

I love that stuff.

But, there is also another side to Coast to Coast AM, and that’s George’s relentless ambition to uncover the answers to the universe’s many hidden secrets…like the latest findings in astronomy, comets coming at us, what was before the big bang, (be nice guys) parallel universes, and the very real phenomenon of psychic ability.

Despite it’s reputation for being the UFO entertainment show, George has REAL scientists on, and for nobody’s like me who’s limited public science education left them forever scarred and even in physical pain around a chemical lab, the thirst to listen to the views of different physicists explain the concepts of quantum physics is about as exciting as losing that last twenty pounds.

And that’s where George takes you in this book. Beyond the superstitious into the scientific facts behind the how and why of the human mind’s ability to not only “see” the future, but be able to cast yourself into it.

Let’s be real---as humans we have not even touched the mysteries of the universe, and more scientists should get off their bunkers and start looking for some answers.

I mean, gee…they just discovered they had the planets wrong after all this time? Good thing they weren’t defending the country.

Anyway, that’s what this book is about. George explores the minds’ ability to somehow predict the future, pick up psychic vibrations, and go outside the body in what is commonly known by the military programs which used it…remote viewing.

George tells you about all the research done in this area. He has talked to the guys that did this stuff in the military.

Remote viewing was a form of intelligence that has been used by our Military, the Russians, the Chinese, and now it seems, bin Laden.

A person sits somewhere, meditates, and he can go outside his body with his mind, and see things--- like a battleship being destroyed, and how, and by what…in the future.

Yes, there is real science to it, it works, and no one can exactly explain why. George likes to think we are all connected to a “matrix” and if you’ve ever had something literally dropped in your lap by just wishing on it, you tend to agree.

For instance; once, when I was about 19 and had just started playing the drums, I was driving by a hotel, which looked like Trump Plaza to me. Being the daydreamer that I am I thought, “Wow…wouldn’t it be something to be in a band and get to actually play somewhere like that? Who am I kidding, that would never happen to me in a million years.”

The very next month, I was there, playing drums in my first band. I swear…I had nothing whatsoever to do with this happening. Events just fell into place. Go explain it. It was as I wished it, and made it happen. I got into the “matrix” and there you are.

But George takes this further. He takes what he has learned from the CIA guys, and explains how you can actually train yourself to do it. You can put yourself in it, this field of universal consciousness.

And that’s where the Light comes in, George’s light. George wants to help people. Of all the people on the radio, George has probably done more to help people with their health, their mental problems, their questions…he is just about the nicest and most professional talk show host on the air.

George has even done experiments in human consciousness, where he will ask a group of people to concentrate and affect the outcome of something.

Now, pragmatically speaking, you are thinking…Joyanna, sounds like something you’d fall for, a bunch of people being able to turn a Hurricane, or help a horse heal.

To this I would say, remember Thomas Edison, the reason all you tweeps are reading this right now, due to the invention of the light bulb, worked for years on a machine that would enable us to talk to the dead. That was something the media covered up for years. Thomas was trying to find a way scientifically.

George tells you in his book, what he has learned and the scientific experiments that have worked, and then tells you how to meditate to get yourself some results.

Now, people like me find it hard to shut off their thoughts, but hey, if this works and I can hit into this “matrix” and do myself some good, what have I got to lose?

Besides, it seems most of the 6 billions people on the earth believe in a higher power, they just all call it by another name, God, or Allah, or Buddha, or the Matrix.

Can all the people on the earth be wrong?

Yes, George Noory is a soothing light every night on the radio. He is the man of the future, a man of the stars, and it’s nice to know the light is still on.

Nobody’s Perfect; One of the suggestions in the book is for everyone to pick their own mantra…and say it three times. So I thought, and thought, and came up with;
The Lord is my Sheppard, I Shall not want.
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want.
The Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want.

Well, I’m doing pretty well with the first part; it’s the second part that’s giving me trouble.

Nobody Knows; George is also on the top with what’s going on in our country. He was the first to report the ‘ports’ deal, and is often the first with many of the important political stories. The only one I’ve heard give him credit for it is Glenn Beck. You can find out about vaccines, chip technology, the North American Alliance, terrorists activity, and many of the latest technology being used on the weather.

In fact, most of the things you would never get anywhere else.

Nobody Cares. George starts out the book talking about how he had an out-of-body experience when he was a kid when he was about eleven.

I too had an out-of-body experience while I was taking a nap one day, when I was about eight. I felt myself float up and outside my body, and I looked down and saw myself sleeping.

After I decided I wasn’t dead, or was going to die, I started having fun—flying all over the room, bouncing off the walls, it was great fun. In fact it was so much fun, I was doing it for over an hour, because I could see the clock.

My mother finally opened the door to the room and said, “It’s time for lunch.”

“Hey, mom, it’s so cool, I can close my eyes and bounce off the walls, back and forth, I’m going to keep on doing it for just a little while longer. I’ll be there in a minute.”

She gave up, and left.

Okay…this should have come under Nobody’s Perfect.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Scoundrels of Scandal & Foley's Fate

Nobody’s Opinion: Is anyone surprised? Is anyone in shock? Is everybody standing in complete disbelief that another scumbag has been found among our famous ruling classes? Are we the only nation in the world who has gotten down “if you can’t get into power on what you stand for, get into power by causing a scandal” to a perfect art?

In fact, there are probably enough adulterers and pedophiles in Congress to use as sacrificial lambs for at least another twenty years.

Oh, I know. Mark Foley is going to be on the front pages for months. Even though none of us (especially this nobody) can figure out just what it was he saw in that particularly Congressional Page that was so appealing. To be fair, they are not showing his legs, so who are we to judge Mr. Foley’s taste?

But while the page seem to be really enjoying his small window of fame, not acting as a “victim” at all-- no one has bothered to mentioned that Rep. Mark Foley was from the notorious 16th district of Florida…the one in Palm Beach where some very important votes helped “steal” the election for President George W. Bush.

Wow---out of all the districts in the United States, he just happened to be from that one.

And now, Dennis Hastert is the big prize. That’s the real reason he is so furious I bet--- he knows they are after him next. (No, I’m sure he’s upset at the scumbag too, so don’t think I’m that callous.) But, it’s already starting.

It seems the House Speaker’s job must be the prime prize for the complete takeover of the last remnants of our Republic. The Senate is like the House of Lords, but that pesky House still has some bonifide representatives of the people. After all, they want a REAL wall on the border.

The two parties have been using the “scandal” card for quite some time.

In 1989, Rep. Jim Wright (D-Texas) was the first Speaker ever to be forced from office by charges from Newt Gingrich. Newt found him breaking 69 rules.

Sixty-nine, a foreboding of things to come.

Wow, that must have been fun. Congressional ethics can be a powerful political tool for a minority party to get back into power.

But what goes around comes around, and Newt Gingrich, the speaker who took the Congress back in 1994 with his “revolution,” had his cell phone conversation “taped” even if illegally, by two Florida Democrats.

Some guy named James McDermott, better known as “Baghdad Jim” (because he gave a left-wing speech in Baghdad before Saddam was captured) was on the House Ethics Committee.
Bill Clinton was not going to be the only one to get caught for having sex. Newt was also caught having an affair--- they threw that in for good measure.

It was Newt’s turn to leave. It was quick.

The next poor guy, Speaker Bob Livingston (R-La) didn’t have a chance. Bill Clinton got his old friend Larry Flint to find out that Bob was having two or three sexual affairs. Bob was a regular Romeo.

He resigned in 1998.

Not long ago, Tom Delay (R-Texas), another Speaker of the House, was forced out on some trumped up thing that they all do, and pretty soon Dennis Hastert will go.

There will be an investigation and it will be found out that the whole Republican Party was part of this horrible sexual cover up. They all had a hand in letting this pedophile run rampart through the halls of Congress, chasing helpless pagers.

And Dennis will take the fall.

So, just what is it about being the Speaker of the House that is so enticing that both parties are willing to go to any length to get the person in the position to resign?

Well, first thing that comes to mind is the Chain of Command. There is the President, and then if something happens to him, the Vice President takes over, and if something happens to HIM, then the Speaker of the House becomes the President and Commander in Chief.

Now, if one lets the imagination go wild, you can see the current President being assassinated, (they’ve already made the movie) and then the Vice President Cheney might have a heart attack, and therefore, the next President would be…Nancy! (After she takes over as House Speaker in the upcoming of course)

Nancy’s husband has very strong business connections to China, how convenient!

Oh boy. Okay, it’s probably more because of the committees they can control, and the fact that I’m sugar rushing with DOTS.

It’s all about the same old, same old---money and power.

They have been trying to tie President Bush as having an affair with Condi Rice in all the tabloids…and that’s not working.

The elections are very close and coming soon.

I’m expecting the Senate Majority leader to be found out as having an affair with Elmo.
In any case, Mark Foley has done his bit for the Democratic Party takeover.

Nobody’s Perfect; Thomas Jefferson knew this scandal trick well. He hired a notoriously talented reporter named Collender to print and slander Alexander Hamilton.

Hamilton was married and got caught up in an affair with a prostitute and her husband, who were pulling a scam on him with blackmail. Collender made sure everyone knew about it.

Jefferson hated Hamilton, he didn’t hate John Adams, but he wanted to be President so he continued to pay Collender to print malicious lies about John Adams in order to keep him from serving a second term.

It worked.

But after Jefferson was elected, Collender asked for a job in the Treasury, and Jefferson refused to give it to him, and then sent him away with fifty dollars.

He should have given him the job, because it was Colander who let everyone know that Jefferson had been paying him to slander Hamilton and Adams, and then told the whole world of Jefferson and his slave Sally Hemmings.

Jefferson might have been a good writer, but he was a dishonest man.

And yes, sexual scandals work.

Nobody Knows. Bill Clinton was once like a “page.” He used to deliver mail for Senator Fulbright when he was in Georgetown going to college. Fulbright, the original “One World Government with No Borders” guy, put Clinton on the committee of the Foreign Relations Committee. In his book “My Life he said when he was delivering the mail to the various Congressmen; “I read everything I could, including the material stamped confidential and secret.”

It’s that same committee today that is producing the North American Alliance. That’s how long they have been working on it.

Think they will ask us in between sexual scandals if we want America to merge with Canada and Mexico?

Nobody Cares; I don’t think anybody cares if the scumbag Mark Foley drops off the face of the earth. My guess is he will be dining somewhere in Palm Beach with Janet Reno and O.J. Simpson.

And I wouldn’t be surprised if the page boy is meeting him for dinner.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 18...Golfing With Politics

Nobody’s Opinion; There’s only one thing that comes to mind with the number 18, and that’s the 18th hole in the game of golf. Any golfer knows that’s the final moment of glory, when you’re tied with your buddy--- you sink your putt, and he misses and you are the superior God in the universe for the rest of the day.

And he hates it.

Golf is one of the most wondrous inventions of Western Civilization, ask any anyone who has ever had a perfect shot or putt. But then again, it’s also an absurd game because billions are spent by people (mostly men) who year after year, keep trying to perfect the impossible idea that you can hit a small ball with sticks into very small holes, and with consistency.

Not exactly the same as spending that same amount of time in something more meaningful to society like…inventing the next new fuel energy source...but for the masses, it seems to work

So, in honor of the game of golf, which is much more sporting than the jihad’s game of throat slitting, and another reason to save Western civilization, I decided to have fun with the “absurdities” in the news this week, by setting up a little fantasy game …a round of 18 holes of golf politics.

We’ll have a pair off between the Democrats against the Republicans; nobody gets a handicap, because in this Nobody’s Opinion, they all start off with pretty big ones.

Coming up to the first tee shot is R-Mark Foley, who is playing against D-Barney Franks, both men are gay.

Mark is the worst golfer on the Republican’s team. He is one of those guys that are always invited along because he is so bad; he makes everyone else feel good. He never gets the ball in the air. His tee shots are usually pretty lame and straight down the middle, rolling along the ground. Mark the Fooley has been shooting straight down the middle for quite some time by introducing legislation to impose tough penalties on people who use the internet in an “obscene” way.

Around the fifteenth it was found out he was cheating on the score card, and putting the moves on his fourteen-year-old caddy, who got so fed up with it, he walked off, and that was back on the fifth hole.

Barney Franks, another gay Congressman, is a much better player, because he once ran a homosexual brothel in his apartment and nobody ever made a big deal out of it. Why? Because it was OFF the golf course---in this game, what’s happens on the golf course, stays on the golf course. You're only fair game when you are so bad they kick you off the team.

Barney has connections to the Mafia, and knows where all the bodies lie. In fact, that’s why he makes most of his putts.

The Mafia (which has always, with almost no exceptions due to Jimmy Hoffa being buried under the 18th hole---voted democratic) is now being investigated by the FBI for helping Osama bin Laden.

Osama owns the golf course, in fact, his family built it, but he’s never around. In fact, no one knows where he is.

So, Barney is still playing. Nobody can usually stand Barney, due to his loud mouth and his habit of talking just when you are trying to make a long putt, but he always has a lot of beer and bad jokes, and is very entertaining.


Teeing up after Barney Franks and Mark Foley is Bob Woodward and Donald Rumsfield.

Bob, who is playing today for the democrats, drives everyone crazy. He takes the longest time to hit the ball. He takes practice swing after practice swing, and if Bob is playing, nobody gets home before dark. Bob’s the big gossip: it would be okay if he didn’t talk so damn slow, it takes him hours to complete the first paragraph.

And he is always complaining about something…the guy is never happy, even if he makes par.

On the front nine Bob is doing good, he gets a few birdies, talks about how no one in President Bush’s Cabinet approved of the Iraq war, and how the President had the audacity not to take instruction from his (unelected) chief of staff, Andy Card.

He keeps talking about how the boys are being attacked every 15 minutes.

Bob really doesn’t like to play golf; he just goes so he can talk. The game means nothing to him. And everyone has noticed he always disappears when it’s time to pay. He comes in, goes into the men’s room for 45 minutes, and comes out when the bill has already been paid. He does it every time, it’s the only time he’s quiet. (That’s where he writes his books, and where he met Deep Throat.)

Coming up to the sixteenth hole, Bob has got his democratic team in the lead, because Mike Wallace had him on 60 minutes where he followed up his first two books, Bush at War and Plan of Attack, with Kissinger is BACK! No Fear, No victory!

To Bob it’s all how you play the game, winning is not important.

Ronald Rumsfeld is teamed up with Bob today. And while Bob continues to talk his ear off, Rumsfeld just quietly plays his shots. Rumsfeld has a great drive off the tee. He almost always plants it near the flag. They were playing even up until the sixteenth hole, and then Rumsfeld simply said “I won’t resign.”

This upset Bob so much he got a double boogey, and falling one stroke behind, he eventually lost to Ronald on the 18th.


Next, coming to the tee, we have R-Arnold Schwarzenegger, against D- Howard Dean.

Arnold is a god on the golf course; all the men secretly hate him. He drives are always at least 350 off the tee, and his chip shots amaze even the old pros.

If a tree gets in his way, he just pulls it out of the ground. If he cheats, no one will say a word. And Arnold is having a great game today, because he vetoed the bill that was trying to get rid of the Electoral College in his state, because he realizes that to get rid of the Electoral College makes the whole game unfair, and unequal. He tries to play by the rules…

Unlike his match up, Howard Dean. Dean--- the hacker. Dean golf swing makes even the squirrels run and hide. Every single time he takes a shot, at least four pounds of turf and grass go up into the air after he hits. He leaves big pot marks in all the fairways, and that is why he is hated by the greens keeper.

Today he is bribing his Hispanic caddy into cheating on the scorecard, by mailing it in.

By the sixth hole, he has already lost to Arnold, giving the Republicans a clear lead.


And last to tee-off, is a guy who might run for President, R-Newt Ginric, who is matched up with the other guy who actually is going to run, D-Hillary Clinton.

Despite what everyone thinks, Newt and Hillary are fast friends and love to play together. They’re both average golfers, but it doesn’t matter because they are playing for the business connections. They go to make the deals.

Newt had a good start today, but around the 13th hole, he hit into some trees. And then he got laid up in the sand trap. To get out, he tries to use his seven-iron. He thinks it would be a good idea for the taxpayers to start paying all kids from the seventh grade on up with taxpayer’s money--- if they make B’s and A’s in math and science.

Hillary loves this idea so much; she gets in the sand trap with him. She wants to pass a SHINE ACT, where all newborn babies in the United States will be screened for disease.

Instead of using the proper club, by stopping all the diseases coming into the country with all the adult illegal immigrants, she tries using a putter to try to get out of the deep sand. It takes her nine shots, but Newt says…”Oh, we won’t count those, nobody is looking.”

As they hit up to the green, Newt comes very close to sinking his putt, but he misses. Hillary says with a smile, “That’s a gimmie.” Newt smiles…they both enjoy the bonding so much, it takes them some time to catch up to the group.

On the last hole, everyone is counting up their scores. It’s a tie, but they need a winner, because they all have their limo’s waiting, they have to go on vacation. So they decide to ask a pro to decide.

Tiger Woods, walks into the clubhouse. He has just won his sixth straight victory on the PGA Tour…and he says, “Wow, look who’s here”

Newt walks up to Tiger and says, “You know, we’ve got to all take off, but, would you do us a favor and decides who won the tournament today?”

Tiger takes the card, counts the strokes, and says. “Hey, it seems to be a tie.”

But,” he says, “Bill Clinton does cheat on his golf scores, so I have to say for now, the Republicans win.”

Hillary yells, “That’s not fair! He’s not even here!”

No,” says Tiger, “But he is on your team.”

Howard yells…”That’s ok-we have a rematch coming up in 2008. You guys won’t stand a chance, because I’m going to provide Hispanic caddies for the whole team.”

Arnold just shakes his head.

Everyone leaves…they all had fun. Tiger walks over to a man, sitting in the shadows. He sits down, order a Pepsi.

“Well, the man says, you did that well.”

“Yeah,” said Tiger. “Eagles’ are sweet. I do love to play golf.”

Nobody’s Perfect; Colin Powell said today that he warned Bush of the impending insurgency in Iraq, but President Bush didn’t listen. Did Powell also warn him of our satellites being attacked continuously by China’s missiles? What game is Powell playing now?

Nobody Knows; Can you believe they snuck in a “you can’t gamble on the internet” law into the homeland security bill that was just signed? What has gambling got to due with al-Quada? Is this the Mafia connection again? Is Las Vegas next?

Nobody Cares; I was a real golf brat. The only day my father didn’t play golf was when there was at least four feet of snow on the ground. Two feet was a go. Two feet could melt. All you needed for a good game was a couple of wool sweaters.