Thursday, August 23, 2007

It Could Have Been Worse

Nobody Knows: Today, the news was reported that some famous singer's skirt blew up over her head while she was on stage---repeating that old Marilyn Monroe sure to get in the news trick, and that the vast network of United State's Intelligence still has no clue what will happen after our President's "surge" plans to save Iraq from destroying itself.

Upon hearing this serious state of world events, most Americans, like myself, had this same look on their faces.

At least we didn't eat blow fish disguised as Salmon steaks, it could have been worse.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Have A Bun and Travel

Nobody Knows: My question to this easy "rider" work of art motorcycle is: just what WAS the guy who painted this thinking?

1. Women have no brains.
2. Boy, I'm going to save a lot in gas money.
3. I have no job, maybe Viagra will hire me.
4. I'm too ugly to get the real thing.
5. I've watched too many House of Wax movies.
6. Alburnt is such a nice color.
7. I'm wanting a bun for my hot dog.
8. My wife just divorced me, I'll show her.

Or maybe he's just thinking that this is ONE motorcycle Jay Leno doesn't have.

Any man who rides this will definitely need to control his...driving. I suggest he wear body armor and get lots of insurance. Keeping it clean is going to be a real job.

In fact, if men want to piss off the women, I suggest Harley Davidson make a whole line of these things in different buns and colors! They could have one with men's buns too for the girls! (And all the men in San Francisco) What the heck.

Hey, I'm still an entrepreneur! Nobody loves a good design! Hey, why not be mean and green? I don't care, I have to admit, as far as creativity goes, the guy gets an A-plus.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Reincarnation: Outlawed With the Stroke of a Chinese Pen

Nobody’s Opinion: China has just announced that reincarnation has now been outlawed, mainly to get rid of the habit of those pesky Dalai Lama’s popping up every seventy years or so just to give them trouble. It should also take care of all the people walking around China claiming to be reincarnations of Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Napoleon, or Chairman Mao’s second cousin.

As we all know from South Park, the real Dalai Lama escaped from his home in Tibet some time ago, and unless he really IS a god, he is getting ready for his reincarnation.

You can’t blame the Chinese for not wanting to have to deal with another brutal public annihilation of a whole country. Killing a whole nation of Buddhists might have been easy once, but now they have more important things to do---like persecuting Christians. There are just so many persecutions one can do in one decade. Best just to write a law and stop the whole mess.

After all, when they went into Tibet to take over, they obviously did not expect the Dalai Lama to be like all the other leaders on the earth, running away from harm’s way while his people were being slaughter and murdered. No, he was on a royal Lama donkey with his protective priests, riding over mountains into Richard Gere land, to live another day.

That escape was not exactly a good PR moment for the Chinese.

There is the question that enters ones mind about reincarnation; If the Dalia Lama really believes in reincarnation as he says he does, why didn’t he just stick around Tibet and face death with the rest of his people, because his soul would have instantly found another vessel to crawl into, probably in the very next village? Now when he dies, the royal soul is going to have to go a long way home to find another little boy. I mean, no one knows just how far souls can travel now, do they?

Are there frequent flyer miles for Buddhist souls?

The ever popular Dalai Lama has his own place in New York, thanks to Richard Gere. Richard likes the Dalai Lama so much, that he sacrificed his marriage to Cindy Crawford by taking her one too many times to the Himalayan boonies to sit and scratch bugs off her buns while he meditated. He probably figured he could meet up with her in his next life. Cindy did not care to wait that long.

Frankly, I think the Chinese may have something here. Since I can only assume that I was a squirrel in my past life, I have no idea what entity I may end up in my future life. If the way things are going are any indication, I am on a definite fast track to a very decent mud slug.

So, I’m all for this reincarnation outlawing thing.

In fact, I think here in America, since we can’t seem to get term limits on Presidents, we should just outlaw any reincarnation of any political family that has served before, starting with the Clintons.

The Chinese probably think that banning reincarnation is going to stop the all the Buddhists who believe that the next Dalai Lama will be found after this one passes away.

But, what are they going to do if the new one just happens to be a poor black kid from New York? Send their troops into the Bronx? Oh…just send over poison food. It could work.

I shouldn’t make fun of the Lama…really. I once took my kids to see the Dalai Lama here in St. Louis. I had high expectations thanks to Richard Gere. There was a Cardinal, a Rabbi, and a Methodist also speaking that day.

What was I suppose to tell them, when the Dalai Lama spent the whole time pulling on some choirgirls pigtails and laughing when everyone else was talking?

This was a great man? Great men ignore other people?

What they did learn was that sometimes the buildings are more impressive than the religious speakers…oh well. What’s a past squirrel to do?

The Dalai Lama once said, “Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.”

This makes you wonder…if all politicians are not Dalai Lamas. They all seemed to have a knack for breaking rules.

In the end, the Dalai Lama’s big message is, “Don’t worry, be Happy.”

No wonder he fits in with the liberal movie stars. The Dalai Lama has said many times that he is not angry at all that the Chinese people killed thousands and destroyed the peaceful nation of Tibet. Not the least little bit.

Come to think of it…I think they might have made a mistake. It sounds like the Dalai Lama might have been a squirrel like me in his past life, instead of a Buddhist God.

I feel better already. I could be a God and don't know it. Feel free to release the Dalai Lama in yourself, it might be your last chance.

Nobody’s Perfect: Richard Gere is still a Buddhist.

Nobody Knows: How many reincarnations it takes to become a Dalai Lama, and why there is only one?

Nobody Cares: Any system that is based on the “you have to keep punishing yourself until you get it right” in order to feel worthy, sounds like the same old rationalization for why some people should be made Gods, and others stay lowly worms to me. I think I’d rather hang out with an agnostic squirrel.


Monday, August 20, 2007

Elvira (Rosa Parkito) Arellano Goes Home

Nobody’s Opinion: You have got to admire the timing of the Elvira (Rosa Parkito) Arellano’s story coming out today, at the exact same time that the three main banditos leaders of Canada, Mexico, and the United States were meeting up once again in Ottawa to discuss how wonderfully the whole merging of the three continents are going.

So how do these leaders discuss this stuff? Something like--- “We only need to conceal plans from the people until the process is so far advanced it is irrevocable.”

Yes, Americans will be ostracized soon for not learning Spanish. It’s already happening.

This weekend, my husband and I were at a mall, waiting for our fast-food Japanese chicken teriyaki order. I remembered thinking--- hey cool…real Japanese guys are cooking this stuff! And then I heard them talking in Spanish.

It was the red-chefs hats that fooled me.

That’s right. None of them could speak English. They understood how to take orders, do the money, and cook Japanese food, but like Elvira Arellano, who has been inside a church for a whole year…with lots of time on her hands, learning English was not high on their list of priorities.

And why should they? Why should Elvira? Here’s a woman who was being fed, given free shelter, and also getting a free ride for her son for over a year. What the heck did she do all that time?

But she did learn how to say to the press, “I have only two choices. I either go to my country Mexico…or stay and keep fighting.”

Wait…did she say her country was Mexico?

Well, then why did she leave her country? Why didn’t she give birth to her son in her country?

I don’t feel the bit sorry for her. She comes up here…all the way to Chicago, gives birth to her son here to get all the benefits, fakes a Social Security number to work, and then, has the audacity to leave her son, heartbroken at his mother's abandonment…crying in despair, holding on to probably the new savior “priest’s” wife’s skirts.

She’s a scumbag…as are the churches that protect these people.

Coleman, the priest that helped her out said, “She’ll be organizing on the Mexican side of the border while we’re organizing in the United States. She’ll be talking to organizations throughout Mexico and congressmen in Mexico City.”

By the time they are done, she will get her own statue inside the Elvira Arellano’s National Museum on the Washington’s Mall, right next to the White House.

I don’t know about the rest of you nobodies, but I am getting a little tired of the churches being able to commit crimes and nobody holds them accountable.

Most of us have wondered for ages why, when a priest molests a child, he never goes to jail…he is just moved to some other parish, or sacked off to Nicaragua. It’s not right. It’s appalling. And the government leaves them alone.

Why is that?

Could it be because, they are going to need them for this new important merging?

The officials were asked why they just didn’t go into the church and get Elvira, as she was breaking the law? The answer was that they didn’t want to cause a scene.

In other words---no politician wanted to lose Spanish votes.

So, if a terrorist is plotting complete destruction of the United States by a suitcase nuke inside a mosque, does this mean that no government official will go into the mosque because it will offend someone?

I’d advise you to not answer that, it might upset your shopping plans for the mall, thereby affecting the stock market, and major international CEO’s vacations.

Rev. Walter Coleman, the man who hides Elvira in his church for over a year, should have been arrested long ago for protecting this woman. And yet, he walks around untouched.

And why do all these “sanctuaries” remain unaccountable for their crimes? Because the elites know that America is a religious nation. We are good people, and if we are told by our churches that we should honor Jesus and support the whole world by working OUR butts off…we will do it. It’s not socialism, it’s not communism… it’s God’s will.

Somewhere in Ottawa, phone calls are being taken I bet from a Rev. Coleman, and a few bishops.

Bush’s plans to give federal aid to the churches were not only for benevolence.

Not too long ago, a mother actually died trying to get her son to America. The America people thought the boy should stay here, but President Bill Clinton thought it was only right that the boy should go back and be with his parent in Cuba.

The child should be with his father we were told.

Well, I suggest our current President should do the same thing. If we can send a boy back to Cuba, we can send a boy back to Mexico to live with his mother.

And Rev. Coleman, who is using this boy as a pawn for his own glory, is going to be in for a shock when he meets “his” god. Even though using little boys to make political points is a very popular thing to do here in America, somewhere in the cosmos, I don’t think it wins you any brownie points.

I’d advise the dear Rev. Coleman to speak Spanish when he meets his maker, and claim sanctuary.