Nobody's EMAIL: In the Lap of Baby Jesus

Nobody Gets EMAIL on Saturday Night.

I just got this one yesterday. It's simple. It's too the point, and it expresses exactly what I've been feeling like this week. Sometimes, when the world gets too crazy...you just want to curl up into Jesus' lap.

If we only had the sense of dogs...

Here is a heartwarming photo from the news in Sana Catarina, Brazil.

A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard.

During the night the folks came across this scene. An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away, so he was there all night.

Nobody Reports: A Beyonce Breather!

Nobody Reports: While the world stock market plunged into unknowable debts today, 'President' Obama's highly trained staff of experts, were found gathered...and working hard in the President's cabinet Office of Defense...to discuss what to do if the riots of Greece come to the United States.

And as we see here, Beyonce, has really come up with something special. Like a true American, she is bound to protect her country...with this: The Beyonce Breather...a really cool looking gas mask, which is covered in diamonds, just in case you might need something to trade if things get too bad.

Production has started, and The Beyonce Breather will be sold in retail stores in time for Mother's Day, for the low price of just one million dollars a piece. All Congressmen, will of course be sent one, as needed..because in case of complete collapse...they might not make it to the bunkers!

Beyonce...working hard to save our Nation, by saving the important people first!

The Beyonce Breather...guaranteed to last for a lifetime! A mask you cannot do without!

(Also comes in emeralds or rubies for the ladies and rugged titanium, or gold for the men.)

And for a few dollars more...you can design your own!

(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up.)

Democracies...Burn Baby Burn...

Nobody Flashes: Everyone woke up this morning glued to FOX business (Cavuto gave the best coverage) and watched the Greek riots. The praise was for the cops, and what a great job they were doing. Sure they did a good job. They were probably happy just to have a job.

The "elites" that caused the mess, were being also praised for NOW trying to fix the mess.

Sound familiar?

Then the US stock market crashed, because everyone was watching the Greek nation, go down in history as the perfect example of what happens when country leaders...get greedy. And when the stock market drops, it's the people who don't even have enough money to even own stocks that end up paying the most somehow.

Funny how that works. Warren Buffet is even amazed at that fact...bless his heart.

No...it wasn't the leaders that are really being blamed for the state of the Greek union it was those dirty Greek "people" who want too much, we are being told.

Why is it in the news reports that it is the "people" who always get blamed? (Unless of course, you happen to be an illegal alien, black, or Muslim jihads living in America.)

Don't get me wrong...union leaders had a big hand in the ruination of America, and now it seems...Greece. Nevertheless, most people just want to eat, and get as much money as they can out of life...and if joining a union gives them that..they will do it. That doesn't make them bad.
As much as I can't stand some of my union neighbors and hate that they are set for life with pensions, and vacations...etc, I know they are only human.

It's the system that has been created to gather dues, to give power to too much power to political parties, etc...Union members aren't thinking about that. Most of them are thinking about never having to worry ever again. And who of us can blame them? So, when it goes down...they go into...shock, unlike the private sector who is used to having to fend for themselves.

If the CEO's can make big bonus, and the Kings, Queens, Congressmen , and Presidents can rape and pillage their people without ever being held accountable..why is it worse when people want what they were promised...even if it is unreasonable?

When the system of greed breaks down, Thomas Jefferson would say, it's a citizen's right to complain. And when the people's country is ruined...what? Who is to blame? The people?

We are hearing is how most of Greece is Union, and now they won't be getting all that free pensions, vacations, etc...any longer...is it any wonder they are mad? We are hearing all about those terrible people...how lazy they are, and how the rest of the world will have to "bail" out Greece..because...why again?

Why does any other nation have to bail out any other nation? Do any people of any nation have any say anymore in ANYTHING?

Nope.

Frankly, I thought the Greeks were in serious trouble when they overspent too much money to put on the Olympics in 2004. While I was watching all those people flying around on strings...I remember they kept talking about how much it was all costing, and how they really couldn't afford it.

Now we are hearing that the Globalization that caused this global meltdown, was meant to keep nations from going to war. But, like Obama's lies of redistribution...we now realize that globalization was created to keep the power and the money of the world into the hands of an elite few. They all despised Republics and love China's very simple dictatorship, because it's GREAT for the bottom line. It's rule by the Fortune 500, and their hand-picked leaders in monkey-business.

Do the men like Gordon Brown, really want one global currency, one world with no borders, and a socially engineered population of sheep and slaves?

Well, they have all said so..but just left out the "slave" part.

And speaking of Gordon Brown...it seems the people of England don't want open borders either.

History will say: The Greeks gave us democracy...(And as our founders let us know...democracies always end up in riots, why do you think all the leaders want to spread democracies? And then the story will say, this collapse of the Greek nation will put the world back into the dark ages, where a new global government will emerge from the fire and we will all live happily ever after.

That's what the "new" history books will say.

You don't really think they would blame this on Barney Frank, and Freddie and Fannie...do you?

No, but I think it's a good start.

Iceland...Saves the World.

Nobody Knows: Have you heard the good news? Global warming will no longer be a problem. Why is that, you say?

One word: Iceland.

According to the best environmental experts, (wackos and otherwise) a really big volcano eruption can send enough sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere to blanket the globe--- causing the earth to cool. In fact, this has happened several times in history.

For instance, here's a quote from SuperFreakonomics:

"The anthropologist Stanley Ambrose has argued that a super volcanic explosion at Lake Tabo on Sumatra, roughly seventy thousand years ago, blocked the sun so badly that it triggered an ice age that nearly wiped out Homo sapiens."

This was of course...way before Moses decided talk to bushes, and thank goodness!

If this is true...after this baby exploded, we now should all pray for global warming to appear again in our lifetimes. Get in your car...quick, and make that trip to the Grand Canyon. Eat another burger. Fry more bacon. Turn on all your lights. Leave your TV and computer on all night. Turn up your hot tubs...we all have to fight, now, while we can.

You might well ask---Does a volcano that shuts down all of Europe for a week count? Especially one with a name like Eyjafjallajokull? (Translation: Al Gore is a Ninny.)

Was that a big enough blast?

I think...just maybe! And frankly, after how much the globe suffered last winter with mountains upon everlasting mountains of snow everywhere...we could have done without it.

So...I suggest we make Al Gore send all his moonbat global carbon-credits to the good people of Iceland for saving the planet.

Okay...so the people had nothing to do with it. But hey...they just had one of the biggest volcano eruptions happen right over their head. They need help! You can't say any greedy politicians caused their economic disaster...it was mother nature! Why does Haiti get everything? Where are Presidents Bush and Clinton? Are they too busy helping out those poor people in Tennessee?

They're not? Are you telling me Haiti is more important than those poor people of Iceland? I mean, that volcano just saved the planet! What did that earthquake do?

I think our politicians need to get their priorities straight.

So, the next time someone says the earth is warming...tell them, to go put some ice in whatever they are drinking, because...thanks to Iceland---The Earth has been saved.

Thank you Iceland...we owe you one. If I were you, I'd move...just not to Greece.

Nobody Cares About Armani and Diamond-Studded Guns

Nobody Cares: These two pictures have absolutely nothing to do with each other or with the current news being talked about..you know, the "almost" terrorist attack in Times Square? So that's exactly why I wanted to compare them.

The guns? Aren't they preeetty? Yes, if you want to know if your neighbor is a drug cartel, ask to see "his little friend." Thirty-one of these diamond-loaded babies were found in a raid in Mexico. They are so pretty, I wouldn't doubt if some New York fashion designer doesn't come up with a new creative line for the rich elite and their own protection: The Ralph Lauren 45: The Godfrey Beene 25,000: (after how many diamonds he can stick on the handle.)The Donald Trump Beretta: The Armani Armada 365...

And speaking of Armani...

Armani built a hotel in Dubai. Why do I find this a bit insulting?

Here is a man who made his billions off of dressing woman, and he now builds a hotel in a country where women are pretty much not allowed to wear ARMANI unless it's in their bathroom at home.

One step forward for Armani...one step backward for mankind.

Like I said...nothing to do with anything...and that's why Nobody's Cares.

Nobody's Perfect: CIA VS Homeland Security

Nobody's Perfect:

There is a tie this week in my Nobody's Perfect up-to-date reporting on human bloopers---between the CIA, who was busy boasting about having killed a Taliban Leader named Hakimultah Mehsad, only to have him show up all over the Internet saying "You missed me! Nah na nah na nah na!"

AND...that lovable Homeland Security Lady named Janet Napolitano---who, when asked why it took ten days for her to get on the ball and help contain the oil gushing out of the largest oil spill in American history was said to have said...

"What explosion?"

Yes, it good to know that, while we watched millions of communists marching throughout our cities, declaring their demands and their communistic militant intentions on taking over our country on May Day..our CIA was not concerned. They were busy playing with drones and claiming direct hits...that were misses.. in the deserts of Pakistan...but never mind.

And then there was that, "Oops, Google did NOT see that car loaded with explosive in Time Square moment." Evidently, the CIA has a computer porn problem too.

It's reassuring to know that our future is in the hands of a woman who has no clue exactly what day it is....but will always say..."It's day one, no matter what day it is." And a CIA who could care less about a communist takeover, but is right up to par with letting employees play video-drone games.

So, between the CIA and our Homeland Security, I'd it's a hard choice.

Our President, on the other hand, redeemed himself this week with some great jokes.

The Dog Days of Weathermen

Nobodoy's Opinion: This is me...watching the weather report...and this also explains why I haven't been on the internet for the last few days...I have been glued to the weather-report, and watching all the weathermen, and lots of "experts" and meteorologists acting as if WWWIII has started and we all might as well please forget to grab the goldfish, and head for the closet, and lock ourselves away, until they come dig us out, because, a tornado---- can kill you.

And that's a convenient fact they use to scare us so badly, millions of people will stay glued to the TV set, for the rest of the month...even if there is no wind, rain, hail, or wind blowing outside their windows. It's the thought and the fear of destruction that gets us to hang onto their every pretty graphical word. And that's great for ratings. Conan might want to consider a job as a weatherman, on CNN.

Really...we've come to this. Being tortured with fear-mongering weathermen. I mean, what do these station managers tell these people?

"I want you to go out there and really SCARE the living daylights out of these people!"

They have made us into a nation of weather- report watchers, and for the last two days, I must admit, I have been a real sucker for those very colorful graphs...where they always tell you,"You are under a tornado watch. There is rotation reported. Wait...let's go to John..."
Weather guy DAN: John, what are you seeing? (Shot of man standing outside in rain.)

News reporter John: (Looking very serious) Well, Dan-- we had some wind here, and if you look out over my shoulder...you can see the lighting."

(See DOG.)

Weather guy DAN: "Well John, have you heard anything else?"

New Reporter John: No, but I can tell you that at the West County Mall, someone reported maybe a tree went down, but we have not confirmed that yet.

Weather guy DAN: Okay, John, keep us updated... now...I don't know if you can see this webcam shot..but that's our downtown shot where the game MIGHT be delayed ...we're not sure...

CAMERA SHOT: Long camera shot of black sky...one star...and very small little tiny lights popping up.

(See dog)

And then they take a million advertising break and some guy comes on and says that according to their map...(See Dog looking at map.) they can see rotation. They cleverly NEVER tell you if what they see rotating is a twister, or just a bunch of clouds swirling around, that would not be right. No, that might cause people to panic...(especially if there IS no tornado) but just the sound of the word 'rotation' makes you want to run...and find a flashlight...while you are thinking of all the tornado's in the movie Twister, Dorothy and Wizard of Oz, and that dream you had when you were 21, where you dreamed that 13 twisters came at your house all at once, and you did not make it down the basement stairs in time.

Rotation...(See Dog)

But using scary words is not enough...oh no, they have to play the "guess where your house is on our weather map?!" game. The way they do this is by telling you what "counties" are being attacked.

Knowing what county you live in is very important...because it could mean life or death, when trying to figure out what the weatherman is trying to tell you. In fact, HE doesn't even know his counties---he's reading a teleprompter, so you're both in trouble..

Come on, when someone asks you where you are from...tell me one person who will say--- "Why, I'm from Lee County! Wonderful place."

Why don't they put all the cities on the map, and the main streets and tell you "A tornado was seen in the intersection of 70 and Border road...if you live there, it's coming you're. way?"

No, that would be too easy.

To put actual cities or main highways on their cute little computer weather maps, is simply unheard of. What...you think these maps are for the people? No...they are made by serious weather people who follow rotation along hundreds of square lines, just so you know how much money the station has spent on REAL data!

But, while they are feeling so proud that they actually made it through meteorology school, a tornado could be heading right for you, and you won't be able to figure out their friggin map!

WIFE:"Honey, what county are WE in? They said there is a "rotation" in Brewer Country, heading north, but I don't see any streets on that map of theirs, and I can't see anything but red and yellow colors...and he keeps pointing at them, and says HE sees rotation ...but all I see is yellow. I CANNOT figure it out!"

Husband:"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ""

Wife: Honey, don't you think maybe we should go downstairs?"

Husband: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Yep, there I was, for a whole day...glued to the TV...and all the local stations, and ALL the weathermen were acting as if everyone in the whole United States was being attacked by big unknown blobs of red and yellow...GET INTO YOUR BASEMENT NOW!"

They do this, in the name of public service they say. But really, I watched the cable warnings, the threats of soon-to-be-killer tornados, for over six hours the other day, and all I had to really do, is what I've always done in the past: Go outside, look for green...if it's night, smell the air...look at the clouds, and when it starts hailing, THEN head for the basement. Unless of course, you're asleep. Then you might here sirens.

What are you going to do? Twister was a great movie, but tornadoes usually have some kind of weather warning...like BIG, FAT, HAIL, and screaming winds. If that's not going on outside, you might as well try to find a TV channel that's got something else playing.... like the recent oil spill, ...or immigration reform, ....or communists day all over the world...or Obama giving another patriotic "We the People ARE the Government!" speech, or bomb trying to go off in Times Square, or Judge Judy...wait...(See DOG)

No WONDER I was watching the weather channel.

Pathetic . Really, I mean, it's spring, for goodness sakes. Every spring, across the United States...starting around Oklahoma, we get lots of tornadoes. It happens. But, now...our weather schools are turning out clones of Al Gore...weathermen scaring the wrong people, too much of the time.

So, what's a poor dog to do? (See Dog.)

'Get a life'. (Hey, I heard that.)