Friday, November 09, 2007

Nobody's House, No. 1

Nobody’s Opinion; Wow…those Clintons were really quick to cover-up Hillary’s big goof-up of not tipping Anita Esterday for her breakfast, weren’t they? The Clinton spin machine was going so fast and furious that the spinning earth actually stopped and starting spinning the other way for a whole five seconds…before being put back into normal orbit.

There will be many a fallen model on the catwalk on Youtube tonight.

Not only were ABC, NBC, FOX, CNN, BBC in a big rush to “correct” the story, the owner of the restaurant was also dragged into the “new” corrected version, which was: “someone” was given $157 for the meal and $100 for the “tip.”

Why Hillary is a big tipper now! It was also reported that the waitress’s hours were cut short by some mean Republican boss who was mad that she had her picture taken with Hillary, and yes, the waitress Anita was still going to vote for Hillary or Obama, showing just how stupid (or scared) she really is. Anita also said that she couldn’t figure out why we weren’t paying more attention to the war in Iraq.


The Clintons got so scared with this little “mishap” that Bill came out today and announced that Hillary would become President by a huge margin because of the health care issue and everyone should know that the first health care failure was really HIS fault not hers, because those mean Republicans were not going to give them any money for it. (There by really releasing him from fault too.)

And just to warn everyone that they will not take these attacks sitting down…they have set up a website to kill and spin all the future Clinton mistakes in nano-seconds, which they proudly call “the next evolution in rapid response.”

I can’t wait to see what their next idea is going to be to “control” the news…can you?

Pop-ups on our website?

Nobody’s Perfect: While O.J. Simpson sat smugly in court today again, Benazir Bhutto the first lady of Pakistan tried to make an O.J. run for it in her cool looking white SUV. They gunned the engines, got up speed…and then she got out and made a speech.

Well, just like O.J. White van run…she didn’t make it. I suggest she send General Musharrof a white glove and ask him to put it on and see if it fits, with the saying…if it doesn’t fit, you might step down.

Hey, it worked for O.J.

Nobody Knows: It is being reported that most Americans think the President AND Congress are doing such a horrible job, they might as well take a hike…and get out of office, but, due to the fact that they actually hold all the nukes and the keys, I don’t think this will be happening anytime soon.

The question on most Americans mind is…why don’t decent people like Lou Dobbs run?

Nobody Wins:
The FBI has reported that al Qaeda is thinking of attacking shopping centers in Chicago and Los Angeles during the holidays. Really---I would think that they could come up with a better way to get retail sales up during the holidays, don’t you?

Nobody Cares: Kids in Florida are getting high by inhaling balloons full of feces and urine. So, what would happen if a hundred kids got together on their local football field and released this natural “gas” into the natural air.

Would they get extra credit? I know--- nobody will care until they can actually market the stuff.
Smuggling in human feces could have some great names...Street names like Havanna Hunk, Acalpoco Brown, Fidel Fecal...Castro Chunk...Gorilla Fling...


Thursday, November 08, 2007


Nobody’s Opinion: Pick up any book about “Your Career Choice” printed since 1990, and you will read that the whole world is now experiencing a wonderful metamorphoses of change. And change is good. And no where is change more exciting then in the new American “service” economy.

Tell that to the single mom waitress who got “stiffed” by receiving no tip, after serving breakfast to one of the richest women in the world, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Leave it to the social engineering brains of Harvard who write these books to describe this new phenomenon of the loss of America’s great manufacturing base to the new and better “service” jobs as exciting, instead of what it really is; a service road to poverty.

There is one thing that most “service” people will tell you. They literally depend on tips. Sometimes a run of poor “tips” can make the difference in whether or not they eat a decent meal that week.

One thing that I have learned from my own “service” career…the richer the person you are serving, the smaller the tip they would leave. You could write that fact in stone and print it on the Capitol steps.

Why do you think that all the expensive restaurants mandate the 15% gratuity to the waiter on the check? Because their prices are so expensive the waiters get shafted?

I doubt it. You have to have money just to walk into the door. No, it’s the expectation of “service” by those who have come about their money by inheritance.

The “class” system here in America is almost as discriminatory as the Hindu Caste in India. Because of the fact that some people rise up to the class above themselves, we don’t think of America as having class divisions. But as it has been reported, the top 1% makes more than all the rest of the bottom classes put together.

And unfortunately, some at the top believe in the old Aristotle saying “some are marked out for subjection and some for command.” Anyone who has seen “Gandhi” and the famous scene where his wife refuses to clean the toilets can understand that this “I am better than you” attitude is hard to get rid of.

Here’s what I discovered when I worked the “service” job of musician. At local dives, people with hardly any money at all would tip you---sometimes so much as compared to their merger salaries you wanted to give it back.

But, whenever I played piano in a grand hotel lobby, I might as well have been a potted plant. You could be surrounded by rich people, and the most you would get is “Here’s the key to my room honey...” and then they would throw a dollar in your tip jar.

Why? Because the rich feel entitled to service. They figure you must be stupid to have to do what you do for a living, therefore, you are going to remain poor no matter what.

Let the government help you, and that’s Hillary’s message.

Now, it’s not that people who work hard and make it rich are the problem, it’s the entrenched philosophy of some of them.

In his book “The Worldly Philosophers,” a study in economic thinking, Robert L. Heilbroner said, “The new philosophy (of capitalism) brought with it a new social problem; how to keep the poor poor. It was generally admitted that unless the poor were poor, they could not be counted upon to do an honest day’s toil without asking for exorbitant wages. The political arithmeticians looked on the cheap agricultural and industrial labor of England and gravely nodded approval.”

Much as our rich elite politicians of both parties look on the illegal migrations of today. They are necessary for the continuation of capitalism and democracy, as if they are both one and the same thing.

They are not, and China is proof.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what political system is in control. When the rich elites at the top never go to jail, or pay taxes, we expect it. After all, it’s pretty much always been that way in history.

But when a very rich woman running for President “stiffs’ the woman she swears she cares about in every single speech, with “servicing women,” now being her main voter base…

The tiny incident of 'Diner-Gate' in the end, might just be enough to lose her the election.

I’m hopeful---waitresses usually, unlike politicians, have excellent memories.


Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Gold Nipples in Iowa

Nobody Flashes Anymore: I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Rudy Giuliani dancing around in a drag costume. After all, here in America, we have a long history of people having the freedom to be whomever they feel they want to be at the moment, and most Americans make extreme fools out of ourselves almost every weekend.
Depending on their age.
After all, we take our "pursuit of happiness" right seriously.
I personally, am such a good American, that I would never dream of letting Thomas Jefferson down, he worked so hard coming up with that idea.
Now, in this case...this person wanted to be Wonder Woman dressed up as Rudy Giuliani, with the hair of Hillary, the body of Madeline Albright, and the fabulous legs of Ted Kennedy.
She, or (could be he)...was found walking around Iowa looking for her favorite candidate, Bill Clinton.
When told that Bill Clinton was not running for President anymore, she ran into a bathroom, and came out dressed as Barney Franks, and then started looking for a guy named Craig.
I know, it gets confusing. But hey, at least he (or she) is wearing the red, white and blue!
For myself, I like the gold nipples. Wish I had gold nipples. After the fall in the stock market today, they would come in handy.
I bet they'd go for a nice penny on e-bay...hey, anyone ever see a gold nipple?
You have? Well might be the only one.
I'd advise you not to tell anyone, until after the election.


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The BIG American Legacy

Nobody’s Opinion: President George W. Bush has made it very plain that the best way to defeat our enemies is to spread democracy around the world, right?

Well…it seems we are succeeding. Countries all over the world have cozened up to one of America’s strongest and popular culture proclivities…that great democratic mantra passed on to us from one of America’s most popular American folk hero’s---Paul Bunyan.

Yes, it was Paul Bunyan who carried a big log and had a bull as a pet who said: “The bigger the better.”

And past Presidents liked this idea so much they decided to help the guy out.

The Roosevelts' loved the concept of “big.” They had big sticks, and big power, and big mouths to go along with them.

The concept of the big American Presidency thereafter grew in extraordinary leaps and bounds, along with big fast-food chains, big airplanes, and big SUV’s with room for the American family’s two big dogs.

“Everything is bigger in Texas!” is still a proud American exclamation---and if said with a sly mischievous smile and testosterone resonance, can be used to rope most true American women into doing housework.

It was one of the reasons George W. Bush got elected. We thought he was a true Texan.

Of course, we all knew that was just fun bluster---nothing was ever bigger in Texas but the collection of cow manure. But hey…it was American! Dream big! And do it bigger!

Most importantly---brag about it.

But, if semblances of global democracy make our leaders happy, they can now take heart.

That big American message is spreading with great proficiency around the globe. Dubai not only has the tallest building in the world, the plans to build the biggest sports complex ever dreamed of is now taking shape as seen by these plans. The Dubai “games” will rival the old coliseums of Rome.

No doubt beheadings will be much more entertaining.

And farther North, plans are being made to build the biggest Mosque right smack in the middle of London Town. A Mosque that will be so big that it’s golden dome will probably give those million of Muslims worshipping in Mecca, something to look at while they are running around their big rock.

And speaking of London Town, remember that big Ferris wheel we all watched being lit up on the eve of December 31, 1999?

Well, China is going to top that one boys and girls. It is now building the biggest Ferris wheel in the world so that everyone spending time at the upcoming Olympic events can say they got to the top of the biggest Ferris wheel on earth. They will be so far above the clouds they will be able to see China’s new giant satellites.

The biggest planes in the world built by France will be raking in the big bucks to fly everyone over there.

Isn’t it grand? Well, maybe I’d feel like celebrating if America would get back in the game she was so good at.

Now, the biggest thing we make is our debt.

We are now being told that bigger is not better, unless it’s government or taxes.

These being the exceptions.

While the rest of the world comes into “democracy,” we are now regressing back into “little” is better; little cars, little houses, less toilet paper, smaller buildings, (skyscrapers a thing of the past) and the propagation of little minds.

Our leaders are telling us that now, big is bad…little is better. We must not only downsize our workforce, we must downsize our food consumption, energy consumption, speech patterns, guns, land, and most of all…our say in just about anything.

Our liberal leaders, along with our President, continue to make us all feel bad.

We are so bad, even our footprints are too big.

Once building the biggest bomb in the world was a proud American moment. The past administration wanted to spread that ‘moment’ along and now China in the American spirit of building the bigger bomb, has done so.

China’s military is now the biggest on Earth.

So, it seems to me only logical, that while we are regressing, and the rest of the world is progressing, we should take a tip from the old China…and build the biggest bomb shelters on earth.

If we can’t go up, we might as well go down.

The new American legacy---which future generations will attribute to a girl named Monica Lewinsky…and maybe the next President.
Anyone for a big aspirin?


Monday, November 05, 2007

They Eat Their Own

Nobody Flashes Anymore; The Democratic Party is being encouraged after the last democratic debate to start attacking the front runner, Hillary Clinton.

After all, if they don't attack her just a little bit, the truth might get out...which is...they don't want to attack her at all!

Why? Well, the Clintons have an impeccable reputation in Washington D.C. as knowing where all the little pumpkins lie, where they live, and just how to get to them.

And they remind all those who doubt their power, by putting on simple displays (as this wonderful pumpkin seen on Hillary's porch) for all their fellow liberals to see.

With the Clintons it's speak softly, but show a lot of teeth.

I can't wait to see what's on their porch at Christmas, can you?


Sunday, November 04, 2007

Paris Hilton & Hillary Clinton: Heiress Philosophy 101

Nobody’s Opinion: Not many people know that Paris Hilton and Hillary Clinton have a lot in common. In fact, I would have never thought of comparing the two if I had not read Paris’s book, Confessions of an Heiress. Yes, Heiress Paris’s philosophy on life is so much like Heiress Hillary’s, that it’s hard to see any differences between the two women at all. Except one very important one.
And that one thing makes Paris the better of the two.

Trust me---Paris’s book, even though not quite a work of art, has more wisdom in it and was more fun then Hillary’s blue-book plan for her communist takeover, It Takes a Village.

Forgive me for quoting the Hilton Goddess…but, if I didn’t tell you, who would?

Paris says, “There is no sin worse in life than being boring---and nothing worse than letting other people tell you what to do.”

Hillary’s got the last part down pat. She made so many mistakes doing her own thing in the first term of Bill Clinton’s Presidency that Dick Morris said they had to just shut her up…or else Bill might lose his chance at a second term. Reigning in Hillary was not easy. Only the threat of her losing her own chances for getting the Presidency kept her quiet.

It’s been reported that Hillary made a rule that no one who worked in the White House could look her in the eye. I’m surprised they weren’t made to bow when she went by, but protocol being as it was, that’s all she was allowed to demand.

As for the boring part, let’s fact it---Hillary is so boring that I’d rather watch brownies rise in the oven. Paris could teach her a few things in that regard.

Paris says, “Always act like you’re wearing an invisible crown. I do. If you expect people to do things for you, they will.”

Well, heiress Hillary has been wearing her invisible “I deserve to be President” crown since she and Bill first got into the White House. Hillary is the queen of “hand me your money.” How else do you explain her great war chest of political funds?

Paris says, “Have some secrets. Secrets are very important assets if you’re going to be an heiress.”

Well…no need to tell that to Hillary Clinton. Not only does she refuse to let anyone see her records of her experiences in the White House, making sure her husband closed them up in the National Archives, who knows what secrets she holds in her closet of scandals…like Vince Foster‘s suicide, Travelgate, the Whitewater debacle…yes, Hillary made shredding documents into a whole new art form. And the biggest secret of all, is that she plans to take America into a Global One World “we shall all work for humanity” government.
Paris says, “An heiress hardly ever refers to money, period.”

I like this one. It’s the reason the rich go around trying to act like they’re just “one of us.” It’s why they hide all their homes and stocks dividends…envy can be lethal.

So, who knows how much money Bill and Hillary have hidden in various world bank accounts? Every single day they were in the White House they gave parties at the taxpayers expense and “charged” millions for visits to the Lincoln’s bedroom, and coffee meetings…where did it all go? Is there an honest record?

Paris says, “Always tell everyone what they want to hear. Then do what you want. That way no one ever gets made at you. They get very confused, then blame it on themselves. If anyone confronts you, smile sweetly and act coyly.”

Wow, I can hardly believe this one. That’s it. Hilary is really Paris’s mother. That explains her drug abuse.

Paris says, “Always have a very big bodyguards.”

Last time I saw Hillary on C-Span, her four bodyguards could have picked up a mobile home and carried her in it.

Paris says, “If you cheat, just don’t get caught. And if you do, deny it. Heiress’s are very good liars when they want to be.”


In the end, if Paris Hilton was running for President, I would vote for her hands down over Hillary on this comment alone: “You kick out a guy if he lies to you or cheats on you.”

Spoken like a true American Woman. Paris is the real heiress, Hillary is just a common…
Well, go for it.