Saturday, September 18, 2010

Bill Clinton---Giving Up the Meat

Nobody Cares: that Bill Clinton, burger boy, is becoming a vegetarian. I for one, think he is telling the truth, which is always a hard thing to tell when it comes to Bill Clinton because as we all know, there is no one on the planet who can change the meaning of any word in the English language with just the flick of his finger, and make a lie seem like a poem out of a Shakespearian sonnet...except maybe Obama---but Bill is much better at it.

He just is.

And why, do I beleive that he is telling the truth? Look at him! He has never looked worse.

He has that, "I'm withering up into a mere bean sprout" look. You can tell his brain isn't firing up to par either.

He's probably doing it for his heart, nevertherless, he is now taking a bad situation and using it to promote the new global agenda for the planet..."EAT PLANTS.>>>NOT MEAT!"

You know. You've heard it. The elites want us to give up our hamburgers, and eat more salads. Michelle is trying to make it into law. Those pesky cows are farting out too much carbon dioxide. What will those poor plants do with it all, besides thrive?

Now, everyone should agree (unless they are liars) that protein is the basis for good health. Any fool will tell you that. If you are familiar with the Palio diet, we should all be eating 60%of lean meat with every meal. It's the bread, sugar and carbs that are ruining our bodies, according to many, not the dear sweet cow.

And why are the rich so thin? They all get the prime steak at the finest New York restaurants. Bill Clinton, loves fast food, and has been scarfing it most of his life...there you go. I bet he's dying for a Big Mac. And if you believe the many food has addictive chemicals in it to make you crave more.

Would they do that? Do we not have a Congress full of felons and tax evaders?

Or...will Paris Hilton EVER go to jail for posseing cocaine?

According to some scientists, our genes are in sychnc with our ancestors who ate mostly lean meat...and fruit. No grains.

But the REAL reason they want us all to stop eating meat is because, meat makes you smarter. Not to mention, what it does to your cells.

How did man jump from being a monkey into the rocket scientist that he is today? He started eating meat and his brain grew three times as big. They WANT you to think that some alien came down and gave us his DNA..and that's why we got out of the trees.

But, until we have some major confessions from Stephen Hawkings, I'm sticking with guys catching and eating meat. There's nothing like a good steak to give you energy.

Trouble is: Lean expensive. Therefore, the poorer you are, the more likely you are to be fat. All you can afford is fast food and Shop-N-Save Cheerios. Go into any city and count the fat cells. You can't. There are too many. Good thing they are held in with big pants.

There would't be enough gutters to carry the fat away.

So, it's no surprise that Bill Clinton is promoting the "plant based diet" along with Michelle Obama...but something tells me...he might not last too much longer on this veggie thing.

I mean...look at him. He's looks like a giant day-old french fry in a pressed suit.

And I for one, do not care.


Friday, September 17, 2010

Nobody Gets Email: Congress Full of Boobs

Nobody Flashes EMail...

This was written by that great artist who does the Maxine know, that crabby old lady who grabs your eye at the drugstore?

I couldn't transfer the picture, so I put this up instead. fits, don't you think...we have a Congress full of boobs! (Thanks to Tom Beebe)

Let me get this straight. We were "endowed" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts itself from it, signed by a president who smokes cigarettes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong, anyway?


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Micelle Obama & Carla Bruni: Let's Talk!

Nobody Reports True or False Impression of Two First Ladies:

Carla: You're 'air louks so lovlee, Meeecheelle. Do yu du et yourself?

My god...that is the ugliest dress I have ever seen! It looks like something out of a cheap American Wal-mart store. It must really bother her that she is not the femme fatale that I am...She has the style and grace of a camel.

Michelle: No, I have two hairdressers with me all the time. One is actually from here.

Wow, is she stupid. She doesn't know I have a wig on...and look at her dress...I wouldn't be caught dead in that ugly ass thing.. It makes her look all washed out...okay..she has no idea who she is dealing with. Pretty ugly, she is no match for me. I don't know why they think she is pretty, she looks pretty plain to me.

Carla: Sooo, how do yu like being the First Ladi?

God...look at the size of her....she really is an Amazon. Such Big TEETH!

Michelle: Well frankly, I hate it. And I really hate living in the White House. I want to travel more, and see all the places that Barack and I have never gotten to see, but somehow he gets sidetracked by some damn thing or another and so, I'm just going to have to go alone. Washington D.C. is just lame. There's no shops, no real theaters, no clubs. It's so boring ,we have been just having parties in the house, but the place is so damn small...and there are staff everywhere. And of course, I can't say anything about anything...and the kids can't go anywhere. We really need to get out more...

And right after I finish standing next to this idiotic white woman who thinks she is better than me, I'm going shopping. I can't believe they made me wear this ridiculous dress.

Carla: Are yu planning on coming to the dinner toonight?

Oh my god...what if they say no? My husband will be furious. He will spend all night on the phone with Bush. I can't believe he made me wear this horrible dress.

Michelle: Hell no...the last thing I want to do in France is hang out with your boring white ass....

Well, Obama and I have a date you know...This is our first time in Paris.

Are you kidding? We have a big party planned back at the hotel. Should be over five hundred people. Oprah is going to love my new dress.

Carla: Well, you must admit...the boys look pretty silly together, don't they?

I can't believe that President Obama insulted my husband by asking me what it was like to be married to a was as if he was making a pass at me right in front of him! And making it out that he was manners at disgraceful.

Michelle: Yuuueeep.

Carla: Well, wee are so glad to hav yu here.

She thinks I don't know what an arrogant woman she is. Wait till I tell the world in my book what she said about how she hates being first lady. She will regret snubbing us. Thank GOD I only have to do this once a year! I'm so glad I don't have to spend the night entertaining them...they dogs.

Michelle: They do not pay me enough. I'm going back to the hotel. Screw the traffic.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Carrying signs...Can you say...FREEDOM OF SPEECH?

Nobody Flashes:
Glenn Beck announced today that the American people should not carry signs anymore, or wear the Statue of Liberty costumes anywhere in public because you see...
The media will take your picture and post all Americans as being stupid. Glenn Beck knows this because the "media" manages to post pictures of Glenn Beck crying just about every time he makes a speech, making HIM look like a mental case. Still, to Glenn, crying is allowed in the republic...but not carrying signs.
You know what? The American people don't like being told what they can eat, or drink, or what car they can buy...and they certainly don't like being told that they can't do whatever they want to with their free speech.
I suggest, to honor Glenn Beck, we just don't buy his tee-shirts with FAITH, HOPE, and CHARITY on them. How hypocritical can you get?
What's the difference if the Statue of Liberty is on your shirt, or you are dressed as the great Lady? I like to see those people who get dressed up. Who are they offending?
Obama? Muslims? China? ---Who?
Here Glenn...have a handkerchief...and hand it back. Frankly, any man trying to curtail our freedom of speech, no matter who or how great that man is...makes me want to cry.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ines Sainz: Nobody Could Be That Stupid

Nobody Knows just how everyone on the planet is laughing at the new hot sports "goddess," Ines Sainz, ---the, "I really am offended that men are trying to throw footballs at me to get my attention" reporter from Mexico.
It's one thing to want's quite another to lie about it, and blame the men who are trying to get your attention for
The reason I know she is full of booty boofa is that I, in my younger days, I use to go to ballgames in order to get the attention of one particularly cute ballplayer. Of course, I did not have the money for a boob job, and did not have half the body of this beauty, but did that keep me from trying to get the attention of a certain somebody on the field? Hell no. I had a big crush on him....and as far as I was concerned, I wanted his attention.
I got it...but I also got everyone else's attention. There you go.
I mean, I couldn't say..."Hey...I did not wear these shorts for YOU...could you please tell that guy on the field that I'm here?"
Here I the Angels Stadium in Los Angeles...trying not to trip in my high heels. (Good thing I have a sense of humor.) I am completely oblivious that the team photographer down on the field was taking my picture. He later sent this to my girlfriend (the girl right behind me) who knew the guy.
My hair!
You see, I had a strategy. I figured, I had to stand out in a crowd of thousands and the only way I could manage that was to make my hair REALLY big and stick out my legs. A sort of grasshopper with lipstick effect.
I would stretch out my legs as far as possible in (in a very polite way...NEVER apart mind you...I was still my mother's girl) on the chair in front of me. I would get an ice cream cone.
Oh yes...I know. Someone should have thrown a ball at me.
Nevertheless, I did have a tee-shirt that said in big letters "Honey" on the front...and of course, here in St. Louis, everyone in the ball park called me "honey" and waved when I went by.
EVERYBODY knew me.
"Hi honey!" Men would wave and laugh, and I would wave and laugh back, and I never once took it as an insult. After all, It was hot out, and I liked shorts. I also liked the attention. Am I going to LIE about that like miss booty? Hell no.
And I had a best friend there named Cleo. Cleo was about 88 going on 22. He had been an usher for the Cardinals for over thirty years. He would get me into a closer seat that was not far from the dugout. He knew who wasn't showing up that day. Later, I often wondered if HE was getting paid for being so nice to me...but no matter. He was wonderful. For many years...he was my best friend.
I really loved that man.
At the time, I had just had a child, was divorced, and was desperately lonely. A smile from a bunch of guys made me feel special, and not so alone. And I really wanted to meet someone. It was my mother who suggested I go to the ball park, where there were lots of men.
Guess what? Besides that ball player...I never met one man who ever asked me out. Sad. I guess you couldn't tell by the clothes that I was a very moral person. I really was.
I did learn an awful lot about baseball though and really came to love the game.
Booty Butt was on Fox this morning. I'm not sure her 'attention' getting strategy...attacking the very men who google her, is going to get her a career as a serious journalist...but then again..
You never know. She might at least get herself a very rich football player.
And for her to say that she does not dress sexy...that might just backfire on her, because let's face it... Nobody could be that stupid.


Monday, September 13, 2010

Come Back...Glenn Beck.

Nobody's Perfect: "Time is money" The Reverend Glenn Beck said today on his very popular GLENN BECK SHOW. He was explaining how everyone's time is precious, and he makes no apologies for trying to make as much money as he can from his success. He continued on to explain how much he gives to charity to lead up to the punch line, the line that he has been punching us silly with lately, which is: he wants all of America to promise and pledge to give 10 % of their income to their church. And if you do not have a church, then give 10% to PETA, or whatever, because that is the only way we will bring our country back. wanna run that by me again? I give 10% to my church and my President will give me my freedoms back, and my money?

Now, he swears giving away money works for him. And I'm sure it does. But...come on...let's be realistic here Glenn. I'm hearing the same old song from Bill Clinton...GIVE...GIVE...GIVE!!

Everyone works for the government...through May. That's how heavy our taxes are. Millions are out of work and we are heading for the biggest depression since Hoover lost his hat, and most of us do not have enough to take us through retirement. So, wouldn't it make more sense to tell us to "save" 10% of our incomes for a rainy day?

Isn't that what the great Adam Smith talked about? I don't remember the founders ever saying , "Oh and you must tithe 10% of your income to the church." Do you?

How can we, trust our churches to help the poor here in America? How can we keep them from helping the poor in India, Pakistan, or Africa first? Doesn't our government send enough of our money overseas? When are their governments going to help their own people?

Can you tell us that Glenn? Can you give us your word that all our churches will spend our money to help Americans?

Can we audit them?

And how about this--- We have been told for decades now, that Social Security will be gone for the baby boomers. So, logic tells us, we should save our money, and take care of our own.

Isn't having the church get your (Glenn Beck's mandated) money, then deliver it out to the "needy" the very same concept as the government taking your money and giving out to the "needy"?

What is the difference? The churches are more moral? Really? Can you prove that? Now that our government has a hand in them...can you really trust them anymore?

Less than fifty years ago, you could go to your church, and put whatever you could afford that week into the basket. And most people gave generously. I grew up in a Methodist church, and watched this happen every single Sunday. But I also remember the day my mother threw preachers out of our house when they told her she could not attend their church unless she paid 10%, and put a down payment to them right that minute.

Don't even come through that door. Jesus now is a private club.

She threw them out, and never attended again....and I don't blame her.

The founders pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to each other and their country...NOT to the church.

Glenn Beck is a moral man, a compassionate man, he is trying to bring back the churches...(which are now funded with governmental handouts thanks to GWB) but (sigh)he is not perfect.
He went from teaching us all about the government we had, exposing the crooks, to trying to save US...which he thinks in generations to come...will help us.

If time is money, then we have a right to expect our time on this earth to mean something besides saving the earth for the generations unborn. I'm getting tired of that "Face it, you're screwed...give up everything you own now for the children." This comes mostly from men and women who's kids will never suffer.

He thinks if we all go back to God our country will be saved. Now, I believe in God, but millions of Muslims also believe in "God," and they are not exactly happy campers.

Speaking of Muslims...Glenn praised the football team in Michigan that practiced at night to honor their Muslim players. Right...give up your sleep and health so that you can flunk your test for school the next day due to football practice and sleep deprivation, just for Ramadan. Talk about idiotic.

Glenn compared the honoring of Ramadan to Blue Sundays.

Really. That's a big stretch of logic...even for me.

Today, Glenn sounded just like our politicians. He said that our debt is our fault, and we should pay it off. Really---really Glenn. That's the same as saying a bunch of white slave owners a long time ago killed and enslaved blacks, and now, forever more, the whites who had absolutely nothing to do with those acts have to pay reparations to their ancestors.

The American people have been stolen, lied to, dumbed down, manipulated, and yes, for way too long by a bunch of crooks and thieves who enriched their own lives and fortunes and scared honor with sucking us dry. And they have gotten off Scott free...and NONE of this, was our fault.
But Glenn...blames us.

Glenn abandoned the tea party once before. Then he gathered them in Washington and tried to get them all on an save the country by becoming better people.

Say what? A bunch of unconscionable "rulers" steal our future, destroy our country, and you blame...

Who again Glenn? (Do I sound mad? I am.)

Glenn, knows what's coming. And he is trying to get us all to save each other. But he would be better off, sticking to his teaching of history, then trying to tell us how to live our lives. Good lord, we get enough of that crap.

Glenn, believes he is destined to 'save the world,' a dangerous platform for any man but Jesus. I certainly don't want to sound like a liberal, but he is giving them major ammunition, and we desperately need this great talent called Glenn Beck. He is a wonder of nature, and that makes him all the formidable when he starts blaming the American people.

He plays right into the politicians hands.

Glenn Beck, is right in one thing. Time is money. And listening to Glenn Beck is getting to be a waste of time to me lately. I turn him on...and if he is on one of his preaching rants, I go to other things.

Because you know what I hear? "We the People are not perfect...but Glenn Beck is. Follow him."
And may I remind Glenn...hey...nobody's perfect Glenn...go back to the blackboard. Teach history, expose the bad guys..but don't demand us to pay anything. We will wonder who you are working for.

We get enough of that from our government. If our government was out of our hair, everyone would be giving money to everyone...because we'd actually have some.

Come back to us, Glenn Beck...leave the flock in God's hands. Unless you see a burning bush...or get a staff that turns into a snake...realize you are here to lead knowledge.

Leave the preaching to the preachers.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Nobody Remembers the Week of 9/11

Nobody Remembers the Week of 9/11

With so much happening in the world, I just thought I'd give myself and my THREE? readers a break, and just write (I'm thinking) on Sunday nights...various thoughts that may or may not be prevalent to anything whatsoever--- the purpose being to have some fun, and REALLY clear out all the meaningless 'junk' floating around in this usually stressed brain, so as to clear it to "focus" on other stuff.

And WHY you may ask, pray tell, must you do this to us?

Because my husband, has no concern with much of anything besides his new video games. And being the typical woman I can't help myself. I simply MUST get this crap out of my head. I actually stopped a movie we were watching tonight on TV just to tell him that for the first time in history...I heard a radio announcement that said that everyone who is thinking of using his gun should first, BEFORE they use it...think about what they will do to their family when they go to jail. Not IF they go to jail...WHEN.

This message, in my neighborhood means: We know you might get robbed...but you might want to think first before shooting that person who breaks into your house, because you will be sent to jail if you use your gun---which is exactly what happened lately to some guy who was just protecting himself on his own property.

What good is your gun if the government is going to send you to jail for using it to protect yourself?

Me...and my neighbors...have all been officially warned.

My husband...did not say a word. Of course, I might have said that I was thinking of a sex change, and he probably wouldn't have said a word either....meaning..he has one side of his brain...the one facing my mouth...always turned off.

Thank goodness.

Okay, our land can be taken over by rich guys according to the Supreme Court, we can't protest too fact, Glenn Beck was so afraid about getting a mob to Washington to protest...he made the whole talk about religion...mostly. (I'll talk about Glenn tomorrow in my NOBODY'S PERFECT piece.)

Government threatening us now in radio commercials---holy cow. Makes me long for the good old days of that Viagra guy playing golf.

And speaking of commercials...I kept seeing the same one over and over between the History Channel's 9/11 marathon of "let's watch the buildings drop about 900 times more, shall we?"
This commercial was as offensive to me as anyone burning the American Flag.

The scene opens up, and a rather hefty black brushing her young daughter's hair. Her teenage son is sitting watching TV and he tells the mom he wants to join the army.

And you instantly think, "Hey..a single mom...son wants to become a man...this is good."

But, while you think this is a commercial for recruiting black kids into the's no such thing. In fact, it's a commercial to discourage them. The mother says," Well, I know, but I really want you to think about that decision son."

Mother knows best!

Then in big bold letters a warning: "Before you think about it first."

How are 'white" people suppose to take that? Exactly as I did. Obama wants the young black men HERE, not over in the real army. Let the white boys die. You go to school.

So, in the land where a "black" man can make over $105 million a year, get a divorce and owe his ex -wife $100 million, then go out and pay $50 million for a new house with its own golf's hard to keep swallowing just how BAD blacks have it.

It certainly didn't stop Tiger did it? And by the way, Tiger claims NOT to be black, as Obama claims not to be if his mother was a freak of nature. I'm going to start calling him Shamu.

And tonight, I'm ending it on a good note. I see that MTV (Music Video Awards) took some excellent lighting and stage production tips from the Canadians Olympics. Everyone looked spectacular...even the rappers, who really sucked.

AND....Cher came out and stood on stage with Lady GAGA...and no one was looking at Lady GAGA but the twelve year old girls.

Good to know the old gal still has it.

And now...I bet your wondering what that other picture is. That's the shell of a huge Famous-Barr store on the end of a fabulous mall that went out of business in my neighborhood. The good news, is that they actually cut down the huge weeds that were in the parking lot last week. The bad news is: no matter how many times Obama says the words "middle class" it's been disappearing for y ears.

My giant mall is not coming back. I have some fabulous ideas for it. Really.

What...turn the TV back on? You didn't hear what I was saying?
What? ...Oh...okay.