Friday, July 11, 2008

Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac...?

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Last night a young woman named Fannie Mae took a lawn chair, and got in line in front of her local AT&T store, so that she could be one of the first people in San Francisco to get the really cool, nifty new IPhone, put out all over the world on the same day, by that lovable genius, Steve Jobs. She had to wait a very long time...

Tonight, she is still there.

Good thing too. Not only did she miss finding out that the new IPhones didn't work, she also had the government come in and pay off all her outstanding debts.

Somebody offered to get her the phone in exchange for her rather large "smoke" but she didn't answer.

Okay, silly. But so is the bailout of two companies---obviously named by people who either were very stoned at the time, or drunk. Really--- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Who thought up these names? Jesse Jackson?

Where's the limo?

Will the real Fannie and Freddie, please stand up?


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Nobody Responds To the Brain-Dead

Nobody Wins: Last week I picked up a book at my local library called, “Somebody’s Gotta Say It” by a radio talk show host named Neal Boortz.

I’d never heard of him.

After reading a bit, I thought he was an extremely likable very spunky conservative. He was fresh and full of straightforward opinions…my kind of guy…at least I held that view until I got to the 4th chapter. It was called, “BECAUSE SHE’S EARNED IT.” It was all about his opinions on Terri’s Schiavo’s feeding tube being removed.

His opinion---Terri was brain-dead. It was cruel to keep her alive.

Sorry Neal, if I could write a chapter in answer to your Terri Schiavo’s benevolent death wish, it would be called, “Somebody Has To Say It: Neil Boortz Sometimes Lacks A Brain Himself.”

That was nice of me…what I would really like to say is that he’s an idiot on the subject of ‘brain dead,’ but then again, so are many American doctors, who have been taught to use the word “brain-dead” just a little too often.

In my opinion, Neal owes Terri’s parents an apology…let me tell you why.

Both my parents had massive strokes. I spent years taking care of them until they died. I also spent many endless hours reading about the brain, and hanging around hospitals. And if there was one thing that drove me completely mad, it was when expert “neurologists” kept telling me that (especially with my mother) she was brain dead. We should pull the feeding tube on her. I’m getting angry just thinking about it.

I remember my husband and me arguing with the three top neurologists at the hospital where my mother kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Later we found out one of the reasons for this was not the stroke, but the fact she had a collapsed lung. (They didn’t x-ray her lungs until four days later.) We kept telling them she was having a hard time breathing.

But they just looked at her age…she was seventy-eight. It was her time to die.

One doctor said: “Well, she could live like that for another seventeen years…a vegetable. It’s your call but we think you should let her go.”

“We just talked to her! What’s your basis for determining this?”

“We held up one finger and she didn’t respond.”

“Was she in a comma at the time? Of course she didn’t respond! Where’s your common sense?” we said. “She’s talking to us!”

Oh, they said, “That’s just a “response.” (Remember, Terri’s smile was a ‘response’.)

If it were not for a better educated doctor from India, who went in and asked my mother questions, and then assured the other doctors, like we had been saying, my mother understood every word---her “feeding tube” would have been pulled at that moment.

Now, Neil admitted that he wanted Terri to die, because she was in some kind of hell.
More of the fact is: Neil was in hell having to watch her suffer.

Neil also notes that according to her autopsy, her brain had actually liquefied. Ya’ think the fact that she had not been given food or water for what…three weeks had anything to do with her brain drying up into a prune there Neil? Neil is proof that brains can atrophy even with lots of water intake.

Unfortunately, Neil falls into the scary philosophy shared by too many people that any kind of suffering is just too hard for others to watch. Life shouldn’t be prolonged by technology. It’s cruel and inhumane. In fact this “argument” has, and is now, being used to sanctify all kinds of fascist governmental behavior, it’s nothing new.

Neil also said, “Finally, Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube was removed. Thirteen days later, she was at peace.” Evidently, according to Neil, she felt no thirst.

God--- what an idiot.

What started this? Evidently he had heard Rush Limbaugh once ask the liberals, “Why do you want Terri Schiavo to die?” As I remember it wasn’t just the liberals---but most of Congress, President Bush, his brother Jeb, and lots of Florida Judges.

Which brings me to the main point: When universal health care finally kicks in, millions of Americans, in a life or death situation, will not be given the latest technology, because some state mandated policy will decide it will be more humane to let them die, especially if they are old enough to drain the already bankrupt Medicare system. And unlike now, their families will have no say in the matter.

So, when Neil’s time finally comes, won’t he be shocked if he finds he might actually want to suffer and even live---- and yet it won’t be his call?

Terri’s soul will be waiting to give him a good piece of her mind, and I hope she does.

Well, somebody had to say it.


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Muslim Torture: Plaid

Nobody Cares: If you want final proof why we cannot let rich Muslims infiltrate our country and take over our parking lots...then here it is: only a banana-head would buy a car like this, and think that having a car that looks like an old pair of Dan Ackroyd's pants, is something that will make him the envy of all his peers.

This is what happens when you hang around camels too long.

I don't care if this car has a gold-plated steering wheel, heated seats that message your tush, a $20,000 stereo system, I-Pod's latest stuff, and two missles that can be launched out the's still fugly.

Which means, beyond ugly. If Brad Pitt had underwear on with this pattern...I wouldn't touch him, in fact---I'd insist he leave the room.

Only Rodney Dangerfield could have owned this car, and got any respect. Which is why you do not see the owner standing anywhere near it.

It's only redemption is it's not in red.'s not...right? Please...tell me it's not. No. No...stop...No more...I'll talk...whatever you want me to say!...Not the red! Nooooooooo!


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Nobody Knew the Forest Was In the Trees

Nobody Knows: If there is one thing that never changes in life---its death, taxes, and the fact that Brittany Spears will live to be two hundred and seven, have twenty kids, and never know their real names…

No, just kidding…it’s that human beings don’t know much of anything and yet, millions of them seem to keep on insisting they do---unless it’s comes to the subject of Bear Stearns, and then nobody knows anything, especially the people that made millions on making up a rumor that there was a bear in the forest about to die.

So, filling in this week’s Nobody Knows was a very easy task, because as you know, when it comes to making money…bears are very stern. And speaking of bears….

Nobody Knows---Why did the leaders of the G-8 countries decide for their annual photo-op this year, they were all going to plant baby trees? If you saw the video, our President didn’t know which hole to put the dirt (which was on a very clean white sheet)--- in. While the German leader was busy as a bee, filling in her hole with dirt, poor George acted as if he just couldn’t decide what to do with his shovel. Of course, the picture was meant to symbolize the decision by the leaders to cut global emissions in half by 2050.

I suggest they all stop talking now.

So, if this is the plan, than why do all the new neighborhoods going up across the United States lack trees? Why do they have backyards the size of postage stamps? Not only that, they are built so close together that you could just pass that cup of sugar out your window to your neighbor on the right without getting dressed. The message is: we don’t want you to have lawns, flowers, and trees, because then you would require more water.

But that’s not stopping the G-8 leaders of the world. It’s obvious they think trees will save the planet. They could be right---I’d rather the trees were ruling us all then that sorry lot. Expect “tree” fees: coming to your neighborhood soon. Just wait.

Frankly, I liked it better when they just pose in front of their castles.

Nobody Knows---And speaking of global warming, nobody knows why great groups of homosexuals are so hot, that they are gathering and having group sex on the beach at Cape Cod. Who knew global warming was going to cause so much trouble? Why bother writing “gay” children books when you can take little Johnny or Missy to the beach and let them watch Mother Nature in all it’s particular weird glory? Most of the lewd acts are being committed by gays, but in order to take the ‘heat’ off the homosexuals, it is also reported that regular heterosexuals are having lots of fun too. Ted Kennedy would be proud.

I suggest a few wind mills to go along with the view. Obviously they need a good breeze.

Nobody Knows---While every media pundit in every media venue was discussing the price of gas over the holidays, almost no one mentions that it always goes up whenever there is a major holiday weekend. The gas goes up on Friday, and goes down on Monday morning. This does not really work with the excuse we keep hearing, that China is demanding more, thus we must pay more, because if that were true, that means that the rest of the world is celebrating our 4th of July!

Tell them to stop it.

Nobody Knows---So, if our high oil prices are due to the fact that OPEC is gouging us like all our politicians are saying…then why has our President agreed to give $8.7 billion dollars to sub-Saharan Africa over the next few years? Don’t they get enough?

And who gave our President the power to go around the world and give billions upon billions of dollars every single year to hundreds of countries all over the planet? Pakistan got 7.1 billion to go after bin Ladin, but so far, nobody knows where the money went and nobody seems to care.

Nobody Knows---And speaking of caring, last week the rich moguls of the internet and the media were having a great time in Idaho. Bill Gates thought that the In-Bev idea of just buying up the board of directors of a company and kicking them all out, was such a great idea, that he plans to do the same thing with Yahoo.

It was the first time Bill Gates had to copy someone else’s “takeover” tactics.

This brings me back to Bear Stearns. Jamie Dimon, J.P Morgan’s CEO, was bragging last week about his ability to bail out Bear Stearns. Of course, Morgan was just the port hole the government passed the 30 billions dollars through. You and I paid for that whole mess, but you would have thought Jamie was the savior of the world. He admitted it was a hostile takeover. He was in the woods, there was a rumor…but he didn’t see a thing. Mr. Dimon was bravely tending to the forest when the trees just all…crashed.

So the moral here is, beware of puppy-faced men like Bill Gates and Jamie Dimon. No matter how much they sound and look like innocent boy scouts protecting the woods…in reality, they are the bear, the forest, the dirt, and the water…and I suggest you plant your trees now, before there’s another bare rumor. (Sorry, I can get carried away)

In the forest, most of us are just bugs.


Monday, July 07, 2008

Obama Slides Into A Tailspin

Nobody's Perfect: Obama had some trouble with his plane today. It seems, the pilot was having trouble steering. Just a minor problem...caused by the fact that maybe someone had thought they should get off the plane right away because the evacuation slide blew itself up in the tail!

Okay, evacutation slides go off all the time in planes...(sure) So, why did Obama have to spend the whole day in St. Louis? AGAIN?

The real question is: Why did he leave in the first place? He was here on Saturday, making a speech in downtown St. Louis, for the African Methodist Episcopal Church. Unlike his upcoming convention speech in Colorado, where he plans to accept the nomination in front of a football stadium filled with 75,000 people, we have no idea how many people showed up to see Obama in St. Louis...

Not a word about it.

In fact, on Friday all the local news stations were trying to get the "non-black" people in St. Louis NOT to go downtown to the fireworks display...even though Obama has many "non-black" supporters here. What they didn't want to say is that it was a "black only" invitation.

I love it. Blacks can have thier own black church conventions. What if whites did that?

Whatever the reason, Obama was in St. Louis on Saturday. Sunday he was coming out of Chicago to go to North Carolina, (Is he paying his carbon-credits here?) and then had bag problems, and ended up spending the whole day back in St. Louis.

The good news is: Chertoff just happened to be in St. Louis at the same time. Obama landed at 10 am. and Chertoff left to see some floods scenes at 3.15. Took Chertoff long enough to look at our floods...just saying.

Many of us who know that NOBODY likes to stay over in St. Louis, and knowing that not too long ago, there was a plane accident here, where Mel Carnahan's plane went down and affected the whole Presidential elections, we are certainly glad--- that when we turned on our TV sets and there was Obama, telling North Carolina on the phone he would come sometime...

Now, we get to see politicians making phone conversations to other cities. I guess the local news was just too boring.


It's hard to get good plane evacuation slides these days, but Obama just can't think of everything now can he?


Sunday, July 06, 2008

Nobodies Absurdities, No. 59--American in Heat, Needs Bubbles

I don’t know about you, but this whole weekend, was not only hot (and even more so to those poor souls in California) but it has seemed like some sort of time warp: so here in good time warp fashion, are a few thoughts, scattered to the wind like any good time warp thought should be: Actually, it might be more like a bubble warp.

Last night, while my husband slept, I crept up to a local hill to watch some fireworks that were going off across the Missouri, in another town. (Okay, I’m a real sucker for fireworks) There was another lone woman who parked next to me, so I, of course being the talker that I am, went over to her car and started up a conversation. Somewhere between talks about our kids, she told me she was a Democrat, and that the Electoral College should be gotten rid of. She didn’t think that “We the People” actually picked our president anymore. Well, she is right, but for the wrong reasons. I knew she was just repeating, like a parrot, what she had heard someone say on TV. This leads me to….

Ralph Nader. Yes, it’s Sunday night and he’s on C-Span as I write this. He is running for president again and I just heard him say the very same thing that the woman in the parking lot said. The Electoral College should be gotten rid of. Ralph wanted to get rid of it because we are the only country in the world that still goes by the “antiquated” system.

He’s so embarrassed.

You know, I can forgive the lady in the parking lot. She, like most Americans, has never been taught that the last thing on earth that has ever worked is a real democracy, where the majority rules. John Adams and our founders purposely set up a Republic; so even the lowliest state could have the same rights as the biggest…but people just don’t get it. Democracies lead to tyranny. And yet, Ralph Nader, who prides himself on being so “smart” should know the injustice of a true “democratic” system.

But he doesn’t, and I guess that puts him right up there with all the rest of the “do not have a clue” candidates.

Today, I got in my local paper that I don’t even want or pay for…put out by the Post-Dispatch…the third edition of my weekly propaganda brainwashing palette, for getting used to eventually becoming a Mexico.

On the front page was the title “Welcoming Nation?” The whole thing insinuates how ignorant the American citizens are for not welcoming the poor lonely immigrant from whatever country, who is just here to feed his poor family.

Well, heck. Why not just move the whole world here, and let the rest of us leave?

I even heard Jackie Mason (the Jewish comedian) say on a radio station the other night that anyone who dares dislike the Mexicans is prejudice. Well, Jackie, I hope Las Vegas, which according to the Drudge report is not doing too good, cancels your next appearance due to the fact that your influx of millions of Mexicans is affecting the national economy. Some of us do not want to become a third world nation, just because Washington has decided that America and its people no longer matter anymore. It may be okay for you…you’re pretty old. But for the rest of us…let’s just say, I have a feeling if you keep putting down the average American, you might as well go retire, in fact, go take a trip to Cancun, you deserve it.

Can you tell I’m mad? I’m getting sick of people putting down Americans. Keep it up.

And speaking of being mad, ----Ralph Nader says that Obama receives more money from big companies than John McCain. The democrats work for big companies too. The Post Dogpatch, and all the Democratic Party (and the Republican) ALL want the merger of Mexico. Come on, this is all about big government and big business, and okay…UNCLE! There, feel better?


Alright. I’m in a silly mood. We have been brainwashed for so long not to say what we think, and not to offend, but to repeat like good little children everything we are told, and shutup, and feel sorry for the world, and stop eating, driving our cars, and complaining, that I really don’t care anymore.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m some rat in some experiment, and am being handed out my daily dose of brainwashing. So I’m ending this absurd rant early…because I like my readers too much. But I just have to get in one last scream.

Has anyone else noticed that they picked the 4th of July weekend to hold the G-8 meetings, so that none of us paid any attention to it?

I can’t wait to hear what the global rulers have decided for mankind. If they want any more money out of us, they will have to close down the banks and take it.

Oh…I shouldn’t have said that. (Can you tell I’ve been watching Harry Potter movies instead of Fox?)

I promise--if I get any worse, I’ll take a break. This page might go up in smoke sometimes soon. I’m going to take a nice hot bath and relax, before they cut off my water intake. I am in desperate of good bubbles.