Saturday, October 17, 2009

Nobody's Favorite E-Mail: Black Jack Pershing

Nobody's Favorite E-Mail: The Pershing Effect....
It's a Saturday night, I'm watching baseball on middle of October, the top of the 12th at Yankee Stadium in the playoffs...Yankees pitchers have been almost perfect, and LA has keep's tied 3/3. It's pouring, miserably cold, and the people are starting to leave. They are playing "Rocky" over the loudspeakers...
God...I'm still in America!
It doesn't get much better than this. (Well, unless you're there, obviously.)
And so, for some reason, I think this e-mail is my favorite tonight..., when the country has such a weak President, we must remember, who we are...Hope it's not too small for you to see.
I love the pig idea. Maybe if they just spread some pig blood around the Iraq and Afghanistan, or drop pig blood from drones...they just wouldn't come out of their caves...what do ya think?
(This is the reason I would make a terrible general, but I certainly would be a better commander in chief than the current one. So would about 50 million other people.)
OOOOOOO..we are going to the bottom of the's Miller time.
Wait, I don't drink. But I CAN eat peanuts.
I gotta go, I'm getting peanut shells all over my computer...have a good Sunday!


Friday, October 16, 2009

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 75: Canine Flu

Nobody Absurdities,
No. 75...
"Nobody's Newsflash Update!"
It is now being reported that your dog needs to get a flu shot right along with you.
Yes, it's the new "Canine Flu," and it's a real killer. It was reported on my local news tonight that we had a new crisis on our hands...our dogs could die...and soon. Our dogs need our help. They need....flu shots, just like us.
And just like the swine flu shots the canine flu shots need to be given in doses of two for each canine, at the price of $25.00 a piece.
As you can see by this poor poodle, who got the canine flu over the weekend, this canine flu does some pretty terrible and unthinkable things to the dog before the dog dies a painful and embarrassing death.
Fluffy was overcome with the urge to be a flower, and a bug. The virus also went to her's just that lethal.
So, while you're busy waiting for YOUR swine flu shots...might as well get your beloved canines the most necessary swine flu shot...wait, I mean canine shot...wait, I mean mercury know...the government shots.
Can you believe this? First China tries to poison our dogs and if that was not enough, they sent over a canine vaccine, filled, just like the swine flu shot...with lots of mercury.
I guess nobody is buying those new lightbulbs...that's not working.
The real truth is, China wants to release a biological weapon and kill off at least a third of us, before they invade. And you know me...better safe than dead.
Which is why I'll wait till my neighbor and her dog die of the flu before I worry about it.
Nobody could make this stuff up. (Well, the still alive and in Miami Beach...but the rest of it...HAS been reported, I swear.)
Believe what you couldn't get more absurd.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

How to Focus on How to Focus

Nobody Cares:

Focus. Focus. Focus.

That’s what the book I’m reading says to do---when you’re trying to write a column, stick to one subject: do not pass go, do not recollect or go sideways, or go drifting to the left, to the right---much like the balloon that free-floated all day, followed by every single news and cable channel---a young boy’s life was in danger! He could fall out and splat on the ground! (sigh)

My brain has been floating all day. I kept waiting for the big splat.

It never came.

As Neil Cavuto said today… all the stuff we should be paying attention to; the war, the economy, the Congress, Obama…they didn’t matter. The nation was focused on one little boy.

How easy it is to manipulate us.

So, I’m feeling guilty and stupid tonight, because all day long, I just couldn’t focus. I felt like I was being bombarded by a hailstorm of hundreds of rock-hard brain-farts, (There’s a word you don’t hear a girl use too much, so I used it….wait, I could write a blog on brain-fart and other non-girlie words!) …Focus Joyanna!

..and there I was, dodging a hailstorm of distraction bombs, and too far away from a roof.

I searched all day for something to write…but I just couldn’t focus.

At 10 a.m. the History Channel showed a special on FDR. He was NOT having sex at the end of his life, they said, (oh sure) and his “nurse’s” notes were not found for over fifty years after his death. (Gee, they were under her mattress. Nobody cleaned the bed?) There were interviews by former bodyguards who said that FDR was on his death bed when he ran for his fourth reelection, and how much pain and trouble it took for a whole bunch of people to hide the fact, that the populous was electing a man who couldn’t even think straight for more than 20 minutes at a time. He couldn’t focus, not at all. On D-Day, he was probably going for a buggy ride. But the excuse was: the country needed him.

So who WAS running the country? They didn’t say.

History rewritten with clever editing, I love it.

Right after FDR, they put on special about President Lincoln. I was thinking, should I write about this? How the History Channel’s itinerary seems to be programmed to help Obama’s flailing image? Remember when Obama was on Time Magazine as FDR, and then his coming-out grand entrance speech in Lincoln’s hometown of Springfield?

Focus…who cares? Lame. You don’t want to write about that, I told myself.

And then there’s the trashing of Rush Limbaugh. Had that been a clever set-up? If Soros was a partner…and this fact had been hidden from Rush, then this was a clever and nasty trick. The bait was put before him, just so they could march out all the race baiters to attack him as a raciest, putting everyone talking again about race…getting the whites and blacks tribal again, and hitting Rush, which they will continue to do until he caves.

But he will never cave, so we all have to witness their malicious intentions, forever.


On Charlie Rose, there was an economist who answered Charlie Rose’s growing concern about their well planned “New Order.” Was it going to be seen as a good thing to history, Charlie asked? The economist assured Charlie that history will not look at all those people in America losing their homes and jobs, (that’s just so minor) but at what a wonderful thing it did for China, bringing millions of Chinese people into the middle class!

Focus….well, there, I could write about the obvious. America is expendable and it’s all about our big companies getting into the huge markets overseas. (With the help of politicians who get a kickback from it all.) But who cares? Everything on the news is still local. Most do not yet see that “globalization” is the holy word of the ‘new order.’

New World Order is now just “World Order.” Don’t ya love it?

And speaking of that, how about Ted Turner wanting to take over CNN and the Cartoon network because he wants more stories and news about China? And he wants Planet Man, instead of Superman? That story gets me almost too mad.

I’d focus alright…but you couldn’t post it.

As the day went on, Glenn Beck, was crying. Well, of course he was. We have full fledged communists in the White House who admire Mao, Castro, Chavez, socialism, communism,…tyranny. Can we stop it? (sigh)

How about the e-mails I get asking for money to help stop Obama from wanting to control the internet---Tea party people will not be ALLOWED to even get together.

Focus, what was that word again? Oh…yeah…pay attention!

As the day went by, it got worse.

I was thinking about my local pools, and how they are being all built for the children, no big swimming pool for adults to swim in. You really want to swim? You have to pay a lot of money for the theme parks, and you will be dodging hundreds of bodies.

My local community pools have slides and kiddy pools---none of it over four feet. It’s the latest thing.

And right when the aging population who would love to actually swim a lap in a good size pool…well, forget it. You must be able to afford to pay for an hour at your local YMCA, and it’s not cheap.

And speaking of swimming…you see an awful lot of black kids that can’t swim. Their parents, due to years of conditioning that white people don’t want them in their pools, (and long ago, and even today, some still don’t) the parents don’t know how, so the kids don’t ever learn. It’s a shame.

Focus…too many subjects, not enough time. Where did I see that FBI director…what channel? He said that the administration is attacking us all, like a typical terrorist attack. Speed, and surprise…well its working very well with me today.

Not that it matters.

How about writing on my latest library visit?

There is a high school across the street, which had, four fire engines putting out fires in the front of the school, which was NOT reporting on the local news…anyway the library changed. (SEE WHAT I MEAN? No focus.) It’s become the new “black” library. Two whole sections are now devoted to thousands of books on nothing but sports…and then one big section on Obama, and black history. Not a conservative book to be seen anywhere, and one tiny shelf of the classics. Just one. You see, our high school is sixty-percent black. Keep them dumb is still the motto.

Focus Joyanna…God. You’re like FDR…wandering. (Wait…I can still walk!)

I gave up trying to focus around about 3p.m.. I danced for a half an hour, and no, it wasn’t to Beyonnce.(bouncy) It was to Tom Jones rendition of “Kiss.” I picture him standing in my room and I dance around him…its pretty fun.

I played Beethoven: On my piano, I played and sang, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and You’re a Grand Old Flag, so slowly, Glenn would have cried.

To the tune of “Over There” I sang…as loud as I could…”The Truth is coming! The truth is coming, and you’ll be sorry so BEWARE!!” I pepped it up for the big bang ending.

Luckily, the neighbors couldn’t hear me.

So, I wasted my day. Sue me.

But, here’s something I do know, and I say it with a laser-like focus:

The elite people that are raging this war against America---The “new order globalists” do not WANT us to focus. So, they overload us as fast as they can, with one flash story after another, each one driving home the fact that you just can’t hit that many balls at one time. They are pitching catastrophes so fast…you end up…doing nothing at all.

They hope.

Okay…now I’m focused. It’s…

That story about the boy in the balloon…was all rigged. Once I heard that the family had been on several TV shows already, there was no doubt that it was done as a publicity stunt, to get the family on some reality TV show, for money.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the story was concocted by the White House to keep our minds off of the secret meetings about Health Care and the War, and Obama flying all over the country…again….

But it sure was a great distraction, wasn’t it?

So, how do I stay focused tomorrow?

Quit eating so much Gingo? Knock off the caffeine? Try to fight the hopelessness?

Just don’t get up?

Enough…I can’t even focus on how to focus.

But there is good news! I’m now focusing on bedtime.

I’m pretty good at that. I’ve got that one down.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Pink Tank...or Whale Penis Leather...Which is Better?

Nobody Flashes: For the first time in our nation's history, our President and his very bright and smart Secretary of State, have taken their "reaching out to all foreign nations" policy in a direction that is unprecedented in the history of any sane country that ever existed on this planet.
Which explains why many think neither of them are actually from this planet.
President Obama, and Hillary Clinton have given the Russians an open house to all our nuclear facilities. Yes, Putin can come into our mighty arsenal, take notes, codes, and basically, take over. And today, after this incredibly stealth move by Hillary, Putin also claims the right to strike at us first with nuclear weapons. Something I believe, we do not have the right to do.

And just so show that we are an equal opportunity for any communist country, General Zu Caihou of China, will be allowed to visit all our strategic commands centers...everything including where we train our soldiers and generals.

To show his appreciation for this greatest gift every given by an American President, Putin is sending over to Obama as a gift of his appreciation--Russia's Dartz Monoco red diamond, gold planted, bullet-proof hummer. Complete with whale penis, leather seats, at a price of $1.48 million.
In return, Obama and Hillary have picked out this lovely pink tank, to be delivered to both Putin and General Zu Caihou.

The question I want to know is: What are they doing? Having a "Come to the America's Wal-Mart nuclear sale of the century and take your pick" Christmas sale?
And who will end up purchasing the White House?
Isn't this an act of treason?
I mean really---a PINK tank? How unpatriotic. Red would have been much more appealing.
GOOD LORD. GOOD GOD. OH.........MY.......SWEET POTATO, we will all be TOMATOS...

(Nobody Makes this Stuff Up)


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What Happened to Snowe When History Called?

Nobody Knows: Today, while the whole world waited in sweaty anticipation, a very strange thing happened...
A Republican Senator--- a rather very feminist/Marxist-looking/upper class/secret democrat, named Olympia Snowe---stood alone, and decided to vote for a step to fast-forward the draconian Health Care measure being debated in Congress at the moment....better known as--"Get rid of those old people...PLEASE, and let those poor immigrants in!" bill.
Her one famous vote, one immediately exclaimed by President Obama as just so wonderful he couldn't believe it, was cast with the words from Olympia Snowe herself.."When History calls, History calls." she said.
History calls me everyday, but I don't around ruining millions of people lives.
Many Conservatives of the land are rubbing their varicose veins, and saying, "WHY Olympia...WHY?"
But, I think I can tell you the answer. It was reported that MS Snowe was seen walking the halls, just before the vote, with a mysterious but famous looking glove on her right hand.
Yes, Michael's Jackson's famous glove, was sold, for $70,000, and somehow,it ended up on Olympia's hand right before she voted. When she put it on, Michael Jackson's voice was whispering in her ear, and her ear alone...
" the the children...make history, and save the innocent children."
Hey...what else explains her insanity?
One woman...making history.
Poor Hillary, left out of getting credit for the passage of the Universal Health Care bill, once again.
(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up)


Monday, October 12, 2009

What Do You Do with YOUR Bank Junk Mail?

Nobody’s Opinion: Here’s a pet peeve of mine that has NOT been on anybody’s list of complaints that I have ever read anywhere. And I was just wondering if it bothers anybody else.

It’s about junk mail…from banks. Oh, so you get it too?

Funny about that.

I’m going to make this short. (You’re welcome.)

Everyday, and I mean everyday, I get at least one envelope from some bank, offering me checks to use to pay off or transfer money from other credit cards in order to pay off debt, or to use at some low interest rate at whatever I choose.

And everyday, I pile them up. And then at the end of the month, I throw them out. And I have to shred them, which takes up time I’d rather be using for something else.

Like…say…getting rid of junk e-mail. (I know, it never ends)

Okay, I admit, there was one time I was glad to get them. Several years ago when they decided to close down sixteen city schools, and build new ones for the kids out in the North St. Louis suburbs where I live, the people living in those Northern suburbs had to pay for kids and the move. It was redistribution at its finest hour, but it wasn’t called that…this was B.O.…Before Obama.

Property taxes went up so high, that they had to shut the courthouses down in all the many counties, due to the angry mob of people protesting. Old ladies on Social Security checks went into cardiac arrest.

You see, we were NOT forewarned.

I didn’t protest ---I just used one of my nifty—Zero percent for two years offers, send us the $75 transfer free, thank you very envelopes.

At the time, I was glad of the offer…but, come on. We are talking serious trash here. They complain about the plastic bags, and the landfills being overwhelmed, but how much is that trash filling the spaces up between the dirty diapers, shredded bank, junk mail?

I just picked up a big pile from my floor next to my desk. The pile of bank junk mail is now; on my lap…it’s starting to eat my thighs… (Just kidding)

(On second thought, I might get a kick out of that.)

I’m going to count them now…hold on…okay… I counted exactly ninety envelopes, and each one contains at least four pages of unsigned checks for me to use at my convenience. That’s over one thousand envelopes a year.

So, here’s the question: The banks are not only ruining the planet with their Freddie, Fannie, and bail-out schemes; they are probably single handedly cutting down trees in the rain forests just for the paper. And yet Al Gore has said…nothing.

Does Barney Frank even care? Does a bear need a tree in the woods?

Am I pretty silly for even worrying about this because somewhere, some American is working hard, printing up bank junk mail, and feeding his children? Or should I not worry because it’s probably some Chinese kid stuffing those envelopes, and nobody is concerned about that silly old news anymore?

And why are the banks, which ran out of money, spending so much money on printing this stuff? Or are they secretly gathering it from the trash and selling it to China to be recycled to their populations?

Will I EVER get to see the great Redwood trees?

What has that got to do with anything you say?

You’re right…nothing.

Okay, so I’m not perfect. I'm just sick of bank, junk mail.

It’s just another reason that most Americans think that whatever you hear coming from a politicians lips, is always about the money. If they really cared about cleaning up the environment they’d make a law against junk mail from banks. Advertising is one thing, but bank junk overload should be a crime..right up there with Al Gore being seen anywhere in public.

(Nobody makes stuff up about Al Gore, sorry.)


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Absurdity No. 74: Limbaugh Blocked by Players Unions?

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 74: Comrades...are you ready for some football?!"
"President" Obama's idea of taking ownership from private individuals, and giving the companies over to the people, (a concept called Communism, but don't tell that to that adorable puppy lover, Mr. Vicks) is now coming to sports---and what a better place to start than with the NFL. Rush Limbaugh has a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and take it from a St. Louis native---the whole team should be praying for such a miracle.
Yes, you would think the whole city would be happy...but it seems the players union is complaining that, due to Russ Limbaugh making racist comments like the one above, he should not be allowed to buy a team. After all, the NFL Players Union is filled with upstanding citizens with such outstanding public behavior.
Murderers, dog killers, rapists, and just downright lowly scumbags, are protesting that such a hate monger ever be allowed to purchased a team.
So now, in Obama's new world, private individuals won't even be able to purchase ANY company, without the permission of the "workers."
Michael Moore said the other day, he was thinking of giving his employees equal ownership of his company...he was THINKING of it...mind you.
Columbus might have saved the Indians from themselves, but if the NFL block Rush from owning the RAMS, nobody can save that team.
After all, most of the city here is on welfare, football---especially such a lousy team as the RAMS, might be the first to need a stimulus.
Wait...I didn't say that...