Saturday, July 21, 2007

Harry Potter: Worth Fighting For

Picture: Alex Nobody’s Opinion: After our daily dousing of uninterrupted bad news about everything from fires and floods, to the idiotic bickering of our politicians, to the insane meanderings of Al Gore, to the enormous greed of our elites, to the “be sure to watch for” the upcoming attack of at least five of our major cities…

Isn’t it nice to know that the one small thread of hope for many millions of readers all over the world these past five years; especially for the children, was held together in a fictional character called Harry Potter?

Harry Potter---a the boy who’s pure soul and innocence talked to every age, old and young. The young man who went beyond all odds and defeated the evil Lord of darkness every time.

And isn’t it nice to know that the author has had enough and decided to end it all?

Good God.

Well, you can hardly blame her. So much genius, soul, and suffering went into her work that she really does need to stop. Great art comes along so very seldom in history, and the whole Harry Potter series has been just that. All great art has a beginning and an end.

The Harry Potter books and movies have captured the hearts and souls of the whole world. And we can be forever grateful for J.K. Rowlings enormous efforts.

It was said Stephen King tried to talk her out of stopping the series. If anyone knows the world’s nightmares, and how important it is for the human race to believe that goodness will prevail, it’s Stephen King.

From the sound of the news bits though, Stephen didn’t convince her. It’s likely the whole wizard school was destroyed…along with Harry, Lord Voldemort, and hopefully…that snotty blond kid character, Malfoy.

Like most adults, I was introduced to Harry Potter through a child. He came into my life one day…out of nowhere. His name was Alex, and like Harry, he was extremely lonesome. Alex’s life had been hard. He did not see his dad much and his mother was very, very busy.

Alex was seven, and looked just like the movie Harry Potter. (see picture) I “babysat” him one night, and as we lay down on his pillow together and snuggled up, he bought out his most valuable prize…would I read him Harry Potter?

“Harry Potter?” I said. “Never heard of him. Who’s Harry Potter?”

Then Alex put his head on my shoulder and listened to the story of Harry. I instantly fell in love with this small child, who took Harry Potter as his guiding light on how to deal with pain.

We became soul-mates. I became his grandmother for life, and he became my grandson. (We are not related at all.) Harry Potter was our secret escape from all the people in our lives we could not change or deal with.

But, like the darkness in the last Harry Potter books, Alex was abruptly taken out of my life…forever. We both cried…buckets.

His parents divorced…he moved somewhere. Last Christmas I went looking all over the city for his mother, with a wrapped book under my arm as a present for Alex.

After three days, and a lot of miles, I gave up. But not without a deep hole in my heart.

Unfortunately, too many children are growing up being torn from home to home with no security at all. Never to see parents or grandparents again.

Harry Potter was a god-send for them. They could dream…of being wizards, and being loved, and having friends…and being winners despite the nightmares going on around them.

When the movies came out, like millions of people all over the world, I saw the characters of J.R. Rowlings come to life, taking her books and stories with the magic of film to the ultimate emotional experience.

We all took joy in watching the actors grow up. And every time the world got a little harder, there was another Harry Potter movie showing us hope.

The themes of Harry Potter…friendship, courage, hope, right and wrong, good and evil: these universal themes are not new. They have been propagated throughout mankind’s history…from the tales of Hercules, to the Wizardry of Harry.

We need these truths to aspire to. We need to know that good will overcome evil. Some might even say it’s in our DNA.

Great art is usually a reflection of the times it is created in. The wizard’s war in the last books seems to mirror the war between the East and the West that we all know is coming…much like the Lord of the Rings reflected Tolkien’s experiences from WWII.

Where a single lone soul named Frodo made a difference.

I didn’t want Harry Potter to end. And I certainly didn’t want my little Alex to forever be taken from my life. J.K. Rowlings says we need to learn to live with loss.

Ah well---that’s true.

But I also pray and hope that J.K. Rowlings somehow gives the children of the world another door, of hope to walk through with her ending.

Hope is essential for us all. After all, listening to the daily news does not give you much.

Something tells me, she will not disappoint us.

So tomorrow, in the mist of all this seemingly endless political bickering, I will force myself remember what Harry Potter said at end of his last movie:

Something that Harry realized when thinking about the vast evil he was up against. Something that would give him an edge.

“We have something worth fighting for,” he said to his friends.

That we do Harry. That we do.


Thursday, July 19, 2007

Wind Pot Bike

Nobody Flashes: In response to the urgent need to find a way to get off our dependence on oil, Al Gore’s list of global warming scientists put their many overused brain cells together and once again, came up with an answer to save the planet.

Gore’s Wind Pot Bike.

Due to the latest in emissions technology, the scientists figure, if the world would convert to this, by the year 3012 we will be free of all humans on the earth, because the stench alone will kill us all, thereby saving the politicians from having to worry about how to save the ozone.

The Wind Pot Bike comes in a rainbow of colors, including pink.

See your local Honda Dealer. Ford is trying to come up with one, but due to having to pay medical bills and pensions of former union employees they are not expected to have these new wonders out until, after Harry Potter Dies, or Bill and Hillary go away forever.

Whichever comes last.

Google has already ordered fifty with camera’s attached, in order to get close-ups for YouTube.

For information, contact your local dealership, if you can find one.


Pit Bull Justice

Nobody’s Perfect: It seems making it to the big leagues as a professional football player is not enough for this man. Michail Vick of the Atlanta Falcons has been accused of running quite a lucrative business on his property in Virginia, staging pit bull fights.

Torturing pit bulls, according to most liberals, is not considered a hate crime here. Notice, you don’t hear any of the liberals on TV making much of a case about this. They were too busy protecting Janet Jackson’s right to nipple, and Snoop Dog’s right to “hoe.”
They have been working hard behind the scenes to save Snoop Dog from his recent downfall by giving him his own TV reality series.

Something Bill Clinton hasn’t thought of yet---give him time.

The right to protect yourself by training vicious dogs to attack is the right of every black person in the United States, and I’m sure Jesse Jackson would agree.

I ought to know, I live in probably the pit bull capitol of the world next to D.C.

No, it seems to be hip-hop cool. Training and staging pit bull fights is actually a new way to make a lot of quick money with no state and federal taxes taken out. And holding illegal gambling operations where the winning tickets cannot be taxed…well, stupid is as stupid does, as Forest Gump would say.

You cannot hide big money from the government. They will find you. Just ask Willie Nelson.

To be fair…the man says he was just too generous to his relatives who ran the “Bad Newz Kennels.” Something tells me there are a lot of his relatives moaning about their choice of company names.

I guess he just attended the “fights.” Maybe brought the beer.

This comes at an interesting coincidence in my life, because my next door neighbor, who is single, divorced, and a “feminazis” in the true Rush Limbaugh sense of the word, just bought herself a pit bull.

I was walking my little dog around the block when I ran into her. (She hates me.)

“Oh...a new puppy! How cute! Can I pet her?”

“NO….NO! It’s well, she’s just got trained, and she is really scared of people…she is really a wimp…but…DON’T TOUCH HER!”

Hmmmmmm…my nobody mind says…okay, what’s up with this? She already has a nice little beagle.

Well…I haven’t seen the “boys” around lately.

The “boys” I am talking about are the black boys that her two very tall, white, basketball playing, high school daughters were dating. In fact, they hung out with the “boys” for over two years.

Now they have white boyfriends, and my neighbor has bought a pit bull, that is already trained. Let me also say, that she has a Ph.D. (paid by her x-husband of course) in business.

Either way my imagination may run…something tells me her choice in dogs was a “need” that she felt she must have.

Actually, she is probably more scared of a neighbor who hangs an American Flag every day on the front lawn, (me) then she is of the Muslims on the corner who have moved, but still mow their lawn, and I will never know who just exactly she fears at the moment.

But getting back to this…degenerate…

Any man that would do this to dogs…then hang, drown, shoot, electrocute, and just plain body slam the losing dogs just for the sheer fun of it, would as far as I can see, do the same to a human being.

Watch--- he will claim some doctor put him on too many steroids and that caused him to go into this business…and he will get little time, or none.

I say, we get all 56 of his “trained” pit bulls into a room with him, and let them have some real payback. Skip the trial.

I don’t care if he is just killing dogs… it’s about time some of these sports gods with too much attention get what's coming to them.

And maybe it’s time the American people stop going to see the “teams” that these guys are on. Boycott them. Boycott all the bad boys.

That’s the only way they will straighten up. Because as we saw in O.J. Simpson trail, the game must go on.

And it will, if we let it.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

They Should Have Worn Pajamas

Nobody Cares: This about sums it up.

It is now 1.36 a.m. and Senator Olympia Snowe, a Republican from Maine is reading about 400 pages of gobblegook on Iraq and why we should not be over there. She is so boring; I’m debating if her necklace was bought in the Bahamas’, Dubai, or Miami Beach.

I’m wondering if she dies her hair black like Elvis did.

I’m thinking she could use some botox.

This could be bad. I could have nightmares. What if I dream about her tonight? Oh God.

The Senate once again has outdone itself: for coming up with the most idiotic way to use it’s time since the last time they approved of raising their own salaries, which by the way, seems to happen once a month. Yes, they have brought in mattresses to show us all how tough it is going to be to stay up all night and bash the war.

One wonders who is paying for these mattresses...or what hotel donated them?

More importantly, who is really sleeping on them? C-span camera men?

Olympia is proof that the United State Senate does not discriminate. She has been allowed to join the Republican Party even though she would be a libelous liability to her local PTA. Just about anyone is allowed to run for office, and most anyone who can read can get in.

You got to hand it to them. Politicians almost never do anything unless they can be sure everyone in the United States is asleep.

If anyone else is watching this pajama party of elite Senators tonight besides me…forget I was here.


Monday, July 16, 2007

The Land of the Lard

Nobody Flashes: I've been wondering where all the chickens have gone. For weeks I have been reporting that finding a whole chicken to cook is about as hard as finding someone under twenty who knows who the Vice President is. Sunday chicken dinner is disappearing, to be replaced by nachos and movie theater popcorn.

Maybe the chickens are somewhere in some secret cave, being used to develop bird flu...Hillary, good ol gal that she is, is still concerned about it's dangers. One case was reported last week in Thailand.

While we worry about a nuclear attack, tainted food, Iraq, invasions, floods, fires, taxes, job going overseas, and dying in our new hybrids hit by a mack truck...Hillary is going to protect us from the bird flu.

The U.N. is in all a flutter because it now admits it cannot feed the whole world due to the price of corn and soy going up...because some idiot has decided to make car fuel out of food.

Now, that was a real good idea.

Today, it was reported that China has banned chicken and pork from Tyson Chicken Food. The company from Arkansas, who helped put Bill Clinton in the governor's mansion, evidently has been copying the practices of "tainting" the food in order to make sure that there are less mouths to feed. China said the chickens contains...salmonella.

Because the Chinese have to boil their chickens would take just too much time. After all, they only get so much break time at the factories.

The U.S. says it's just retaliation from the Chinese, who are mad because we refused to accept their shrimp...we said it was "tainted."

At least we use nicer words.

The U.S. imports 95% of all it's shrimp. Remember that next time your at Red Lobster, and they offer you the "all you can eat shrimp" plate.

Producing our own food is not a high priority right now. We must concentrate on Wind Mills.

What does this all mean? We will all have to learn to continue to survive on fat. So we will get fatter...and then MORE new diet foods, and MORE new exercise equipment, and MORE new diet pills...will go on to become our main source of energy.

Already Walgreens have not only become the new medical centers for this new third world country, but a speical diet pill along with a program is waiting for you next time you go pick up your other drugs.

Thus a whole new industry is created, along with Ethanol.

The plan is to save the Ozone by starving the planet. The middle class people will, forget Sunday Chicken dinners with mashed potatoes, and instead get up and eat a South Beach Diet Cookie bar, with a Gator Aid Berry drink..and gain more weight then ever, thereby dying of heart attacks sooner.

Then, with Universal Heath Care under Hillary, you will have to wait your turn for that triple bypass.

The only thing that makes me feel good about missing my Sunday chicken home cooked meal is the sight of Michael Moore. I hope that when he finally has his heart attack, he flys to Cuba.

America already is known as the land of Lard. Pass the butter.

I will continue to monitor the chickens...if there is any information or sightings, please let me know.

Chickens have rights too, you know.

Nobody Cares; It's only a matter of time, before they decide that our water is tainted.
After all, they've been putting poison in it for years. Floride was originally used to kill rats.
But don't ever tell that to a dentist while he is doing a root canal. Big mistake. I ought to know.


Sunday, July 15, 2007

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 49--21 Border Solutions

Nobody’s Opinion: Since our President and our Congress cannot seem to muster up the will to protect the American people from illegal aliens by protecting our borders, it seems the only way we can save our American heritage and country is, like they say:

You want something done right…do it yourself.

So, I’ve come up with a list of ideas on how to stop all Mexican and potential terrorists from coming over our border…some practical, some not so practical…but hey, if I can make it through Friday the 13th, I can come up with as many absurdities as I want.

And hopefully the ever imaginative amafortas…will feel free to improvise with some of his own.

21 Solutions for the Border:

1. Truck all the garbage from every city in the United States and dump it on the Southwest border. After not much time, the wall of garbage will be so high, that the idea of “running” from border guards will be more like sinking into the abyss of dirty diapers. Some illegals might still make it across, but you will be able to tell who is illegal by their stench.

2. Pass an amendment to the Constitution, saying that all Congress members, must live at least five years in houses built with taxpayers money, right on the border of Mexico. We’ll be nice---they can have three bedroom homes, with two baths, one very small new electric car (made in America)…and one gun. They will not be allowed to have any bodyguards, but gun classes will be provided to them. They will attend all sessions of the Congress by video screen conference calls since they are never on the floor anyway. If they want to make some grandiose statement to the American people, they can use a special camera from their living room. They will get only 2 weeks vacation a year like the rest of us. However, one guard will be posted outside their houses at all time, not for their protection, but to make sure they don’t run away. No one will be allowed a hair cut over fifteen dollars. Their children must all go local public schools.

3. A committee of Citizens to Protect Our Borders will report employers that hire illegals to various subsidiary groups set up in every state. When found, the guilty employers will do thirteen years in community service, in Iraq. Any government agent that turns free an illegal alien, who has broken the law, will never be allowed a credit card again. His or her credit will be ruined automatically.

4. Get the finest scientists from all over the world to come up with a program to tilt the moon, just the right way, and freeze South America, so that the people of Mexico will go South instead of North due to slippery glaciers.

5. Set up a 3,000 mile long golf practicing tee-offs. Place the mats every 50 feet. Golf balls would be provided for free, as long as they are driven into the Mexican border. Hold “Hit the illegal and win a trip to Disneyworld” contests, where prizes will be given to the persons who can hit the most illegals crossing.

6. Pass a law that says that any man or woman or who cannot speak English with any degree of a first grader will have to pay immediately on the spot, one hundred American dollars to the American he is speaking to. All Americans will be allowed to carry guns to enforce this law.

7. All Catholic churches that protect illegals will also have to feed all the other homeless people on the streets at their own expense. Sort of like an affirmative action for the “homeless” program. If they are found discriminating, their churches will be confiscated and given to the local neighborhood people as a place to gather for their own picnics and to worship as they see fit, at the expense of the Catholic church.

8. Go ahead and make a huge fenced-in Jurassic theme park that stretches for the 3,000 miles. Clone the T-Rex, Giant Alligators, and Raptors, just like in the movies. This will not only keep millions from crossing, but the money charged for admission will pay for the expense in no time.

9. Offer all the old retired baby bommer men who are bored and do not want to die in nursing homes a decent salary to guard the border. Build nursing homes for these guys and their families all along the border…along with new roads where all the old people can drive, with free gas, up and down the border line to their heart' s content. No speed limit.

10. Hire climate control experts to make a continual wall of lighting bolts up and down the entire border line.

11. Build homes for all abandoned animals…from the humane society all along the border. All you will need is a simple chained fence. Instead of being ethusanised, they will be sent to a vast network of doggie shelters for the complete 3,000 miles. Whenever the illegals get near the border, a vast howling of thousands of dogs will occur, making it easy for the border guards to find them. This will be much cheaper than actually feeding the vast invasion of people, since dogs don’t have to go to school, need medical care, and eat less. They are also more loyal than most American politicians and deserve our money more. Besides…Muslims are scared of them.

12. Speaking of politicians, since they seem to love the Chinese so much, they should arranged to pay the Chinese to build us another Great Wall of China along our borders. Since they did it once before, building another one should go up in no time. Our deficit is so huge anyway, it hardly matters. Only Americans would be hired to build it, supplying much needed jobs.

13. Any elected President that does not protect the borders of the United States should be banished from our shores, never to return. Sherriff Joseph M. Arpaio will then precide as President until the next election. The Vice President will continue to serve the President.

14. All the taxpayer's money that is donated by our politicians to aids, feeding the poor, schools in other nations, the World Bank, the United Nations, etc…could instead be hidden in treasure chests, buried under the sand all along the Mexican border…thereby stopping the illegals who will not make it pass the border because they will be digging for years, looking for the money. Free shovels should be found in all the wrong spots.

15. Put up a huge wireless sound system, with the sound of bombs and gunfire going off. Once in a while let the National Guard shoot live bullets into the air. No Mexican will ever know what is real and what is not.

16. Instead of doing our underground nuclear testing in Nevada…move it to the border.

17. Ted Kennedy should only be allowed to speak in Spanish forever more, since he is no longer an American. If caught speaking English, he will have to pay two thousand dollars to the American he is speaking to. All Americans will be allowed to make a citizens arrest of Ted Kennedy if he fails.

18. Have an American Idol contest where all the experts from all over the world, who actually know how to protect their countries borders, compete for the honor of winning and getting to build our wall. The American people will vote on their favorite. The prize will be at least a billion dollars, to be delivered at the end of completion.

19. Every house that has more than five Mexicans to one room will be claimed by eminent domain and sold to the nearest needy neighbor for one dollar.

20. All drugs confiscated by the police, will be disguised as food, and dropped all along the border, thereby making it easier for the border guards to catch them while they are talking to cacti.

21. And last but not least…the United States should just invade Mexico, take it over, and send in Jimmy Carter to be President. Anyone living there will move.

Nobody’s Perfect; I must admit, none of my suggestions seem as good as some others I’ve heard: like land mines, making Mexico give us oil for our pains; and having a moat built filled with big gators.

Nobody Knows: Just how long Bush can pretend that he really cares about the American people, when he refuses to protect us at our borders. And, if we are attacked, just how mad we will get when he blames the American people, not himself.

Nobody Cares; Bush's wall of excuses has already crumbled.