Saturday, August 04, 2007

Words According to "I"

Nobody Wins: Warning: This is a “humor” piece. Read on at your own risk, do not let your emotional feminine side take over.

Nobody’s Perfect: Oh-oh…I felt a “will” welling up inside me. The “I” is coming on pretty strong too…you know what this means? This means that I can no longer speak in simple, feminine; easy to understand words tonight…I feel a mustache coming on. What I have to say might just be metagnostic….I cannot hold back the masculine gender creativity…forgive me, I must use bigger words.

Nobody Knows: There seems to be a full moon tonight. I don’t know what made me do it, but I read every column on MND and then some, and it seems metempiricism is abounding, or trying to leap out of an egg…right under the cloudless sky so to speak.

Sometimes it cracks. Shit happens.

But, what will happen to the “me” inside of me if I continue to read? Will I suffer epistaxis? Will I cry, “Manumission, Manumission!”

There are flutterings of hyperprosexia: causing horripilations upon the utterances of a roturier deipnosophist. Due to the ranting of this well respected mattoid, the universe it is being foretold, will never be the same.

Mythomania abounds, yet the mythopoeia persists!

Right on! Nothing like witnessing the necrencephalus of the brain cells, I must say, it is enjoying.

Pass the pickles! Throw me a football!

Nobody Cares: Yes, refreshingly, once again, there is a fallibilism wind of fantasmogoria, flushing through my eyelids as I read. I am female, hear me “me” …I am doomed to forever fight this kinephanton of a man, while secretly longing to go paint my toenails.

Does anyone care? NO…I am still American! And due to my good sense, I am imputrescible, especially when I’m in a good mood. In other words, if you take any of this seriously, you only have your own feminine “me” inside yourself to blame.

If that happens, I suggest sending that side of yourself roses. Works for me.

Nobody’s Opinion: Well, I enjoyed every single word of it. Not only did I see many sufferings of narapoia, which gave me great laughs and joy. I also enjoyed the wit and wisdom of many good men and women…that daily write on MND…God Bless them all.

May you all be endowed with ophelimity because it sure comes in handy…beats a gender gap any old day of the week.

Nobody Wins: Wake me up when this eudemonia being predicted comes about, will ya? Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go try and get this fondiferous look off my face.

Personally, all this morology has me craving for a bubble bath. Oh-oh…I’m losing the “I”….it’s leaving…oh…dear…

Oh well,…in the end all I can say now is…may the bubbles be with you.

Much thanks to Peter Bowler, who lent me these words. They can be found in:

The Superior Person’s Third Book of Well-Bred Words

Words which of course, nobody ever says. The well-breds are on the extinction list.

Nevertheless, it was a very “I” thing to do, and quite fun, I must admit, being an “I” for just one night.


Friday, August 03, 2007

Nobody Suggests: Dart Board

Nobody Knows: The New York Post gives it four stars...

The woman is the brains...
The men are the boobs...

The Business is making sure all men know that women are smarter...because as seen from the picture, all these guys are losers because someone stole their clothes.

And this was AFTER sex, most likely done alone.

I don't know about you, but Sundays at 11 pm...I think I'll sleep...

So, who's winning in this war of the feminists trying to change the world's history of man as virile, wise, superior, and always in command?

And just what is this woman going to do with all these nude men? How is she going to make money off all these "boobs?" Just what is her business?

If I were you, I'd suggest a blow-up print out, and darts at your local pub.

It's the year of Hillary's Comet, and they've only just begun to attack.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Bridge Is Over

Picture: Bridge Over Shanghai

Nobody’s Opinion: No matter what you think of our big, overstuffed, corrupted, bloated, bag of narcissistic rooster preening politicians, you’ve got to admit one thing: They never pass up an opportunity when a national tragedy strikes, to suck more money out of the American people.

Whether it’s a major new joke of a department called Homeland Security, while actually promoting open borders…

Or the upcoming road tolls that will be put into place on all our major highways, to “pay” for the urgent need to replace all roads and bridges…

Or the “emergency” funds needed that will be taken out of our paychecks to give free health care to the vast millions living in the new North American Territory...(Which Dick Cheney says they have no plans for.)

They will be right there on the front lines crying out for the taxpayer’s money.

I don’t care what they say on TV…things are pretty bad in America--- to the vast majority of us. Our public educational system is despicable. Most of our jobs are slowly being lost to cheap labor. All of our major industries are gone, and our great medical system is slowly being destroyed.

China practically owns us.

The only thing left it seems…IS the government.

Maybe that was the plan all along...just let the whole infrastructure rot.

Let it go bankrupt. Then, come in, tear it down, and sell it off to the highest bidder.

Isn’t that what Bush was doing with the Dubai Ports deal?

I just about spit out my cheerios this morning when I heard some government dough boy say that it’s about time the American people start paying for improvements. After all he said, not everyone uses the roads. The people that drive should start paying for that privilege.

Say what?

Maybe Steve Hawkins is right…we should get off the planet.

After hearing this absurdity I thought that, hey--- maybe in accordance with conspiracy theories every American should be taking the attitude of, “Our government is now guilty until proven innocent.”

I certainly am.

There is no excuse for this bridge to have collapsed in Minnesota, and for those poor people to have died. Mary Peters agrees.

Mary Peters, our great Secretary of Transportation was on the scene faster than you could say “Harry Potter,” telling us all just how badly all the bridges in the nation were. In fact, our whole infrastructure is falling apart. According to where you read your stats…up to 500,000 bridges in this country are deficient, and 80 billion will be needed to
fix them.

Not something we didn’t already know.

Wow---she was really quick to point out the problem. Not your usual denying “We have done nothing wrong,” government answer.

But wait---We are spending 12 billion dollars a month on Iraq. That’s just Iraq. And since the elite’s vast “globalization” plan, where America sends it’s forces into every single country (except China) is going to cost mega- trillions, with the plans they have to democratize the whole world, they have got to get this mullah from somewhere.

No wonder they want to legalize the Mexicans. All that money going south of the border is just killing the politicians. They have a big job…they need money for turning the world into a safely zone for General Electric and Microsoft.

The Congo needs Starbucks.

It doesn’t matter if we elect communist/fascist democrats, or just fascist republicans. The damage to our country has already been done.

The politicians all know it. It took years, but hey, what the hell? We have I-Pods!

It seems coming up with more ways to get hold of money from the hardworking people of American…is getting harder for them. They are running out of ideas.

The question all us nobodys are asking is: Just where has all the money that is taken out of our paychecks every week, in order to keep our highways and bridges safe, been going?

To build the embassy in Iraq? To aids victims in Africa? To Pakistan and Saudi Arabia? To fund the Chinese military?

To give jobs to vast government jobs here and all over the world? To build new schools to feed and teach the Mexican invasion?

Well, obviously, from the looks of all our cities and roads…not to us.

It did not take long, even before the bodies are pulled up from the bottom of the Mississippi, for the well know political pundits to get their faces on all the major networks and start crying for more money to “fix” our infrastructure.

And they will get it. But god only knows where the money will go, because we never will.

In the meantime, we will be kept entertained and distracted by the American Idol election contest…Oh what will Obama and Hillary says tomorrow?

In the words of Clark Gable, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Nothing Like The Smell of a Fresh Kill On Oil-Free Land

Nobody’s Opinion: Tell me---did you ever get the urge to go to South America, spend endless days in the jungle waiting hidden in dirt up to your head, patiently to catch a hawk, and then fly home after you’ve finally caught it, only to spend countless hours training that hawk how to catch prey, just for the absolute thrill of seeing it speed down and mutilate a bunny or a deer?

Who has that kind of time? I have trouble finding time to go get dog food.

We all know that hawks and eagles will do this naturally---but the rich, and by that I mean Sultans and Royal American Democrats, have gotten it into their heads they are controlling this “kill,” and that’s very exciting to them.

They call a “field sport”--- falconry. Sounds so---refined.

Come to think of it, not many rich kids play hockey.

Accordingly, this kill by your trained pet “hawk” is very exciting to watch, the rich will tell you. They don’t need the meat. Sometimes they don’t even let the bird eat it.

But, it is wise, to always tear out the heart of the catch and throw it to the bird they advise.

A bit chilling if you ask me.

Why they don’t just get themselves a set of good binoculars and watch the birds doing the real thing like all good little environmentalists should do, I ask in all sincerity? Can you guess?

Control---the thrill of teaching a wild thing to kill at your command. (Well, that’s just my unprofessional nobody opinion.)

Control..a word that I thought of today when I heard that an NBC executive fell off 50 floors today.

Bobby Kennedy I was reading today…absolutely loves this sport. Bobby, who was taught by his father, partakes in this historical “field sport” so much, even teaching it to his children, that Bobby would think nothing of saying, “Do you want to see if we can bump some bunnies before sunset?”

Do the ghetto gangs say, “Do you want to see if we can bump some wotties before sunrise?”

I mean, what’s the difference? Both are considered sports by the people who partake in them, aren’t they? Evidently, according to what I was hearing today, these horrible dogs fights have been going on for quite some time here in America…along with chicken fights.

As if watching MTV while eating Taco Bell was not entertaining enough.

Falconry is a sport for kings, sultans, and democratic environmental nuts, who have lots of time, can fly anywhere in the world, and release their pets to the bountiful fields of game. They’ll even go nude if they have to, to stay with their bird. (no kidding)

Dog fighting is a sport for rappers, perfect entertainment for drug parties, and can take place anywhere if you cut vocal chords.

Big difference you say? Well, sure…letting dogs kill each other for entertainment is a crime any man should be put away for, we all agree.

But then again, why is falconry so “noble?” The rich don’t eat the kill, it’s just for fun.

The desire to train animals to viciously kill other animals, using their natural instincts for survival, is strong in both the rich and the poor. It’s just that the lower classes use it to make money and for sadistic pleasure.

Bobby Kennedy describes his thrill: “A golden eagle can take an adult pronghorn antelope, sinking its talons into the animal’s neck with 500 pounds per square inch of force.”

Remind me not to hang around the Kennedy compound.

But since the Kennedy family took up the sport to hang around the Saudi Kings, how do we know there wasn’t some kind of “money” deals being made during the “hunts?”

How do we know that Bill Clinton did not kill bin Laden just because he was on a “scared” falconry game, out of respect to the rich “club”? Maybe somebody spotted Bobby in the gang.

Maybe Bobby lost his hawk.

I mean, Bobby is so concerned about us tearing up his American sporting grounds for oil, it would only make sense he keep in good with the Saudi’s. Both parties will sell off America’s soul just to keep our own land free of oil wells.

But, one thing for sure---the rich, like the scumbags who put on dog fights, love to witness the kill. They take a lot of pride in their bird’s ability to attack with stealth.

But here’s a fact: The environmentalist Bobby tells us that 80% of raptors die during their first year trying to master the art of killing game, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to train the other 20%.

Unfortunately, 80% of crooked politicians don’t go away.

Here in the poor states, most guys go deer hunting. The difference is they actually eat the deer.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down and said, “What’s this? It looks like squirrel jerky, covered in some kind melted fruitcake?” Only to be told, “It’s the deer John shot last week, dear. That’s pork gravy, tastes real good.”

“Uh..I think I’ll pass. I don’t like pork.”

Sorry, I grew up on hamburgers. No amount of ketchup can cover the taste of John Doe’s deer which was probably killed last fall.

Oh Joyanna--- there’s no comparison you might say. Falconry is hunting…like using coon dogs.

Okay---coon hunting for the poor, is much like fox hunting for the Royal Brits.

Who in this day and age eats dead coons or foxes? (Okay, don’t all tell me at once.)

I’m not against hunting…it one reason we still have guns.

It’s was just that I was so surprised to hear that the sport of falconry was being used as a ploy by Bobby Kennedy to preserve the earth and all his environmental causes, instead of what it really is: Bobby Kennedy really gets a thrill of training a wild animal to kill on command, all that stuff he says is just typical liberal baloney.

Actually, after learning about this “art,” I’m thinking of training my parakeets to attack my dogs. Washing mud off my curtains is getting to be a real chore.

So, what do you think?


Monday, July 30, 2007

Nobody Wishes Arnold--Happy Birthday!

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Today, Arnold Swarchenegger, who is now the governor of California said that what he wanted most for his 60th birthday, was for America to have a better image in the world.

Coming from a man that spent most of his adult life on steroids, pumping iron, shooting up just about everything that walks on film...promoting the good old American belief that if it walks and wants to kill you ....shoot it, and then if it doesn't die say.."I'll be Back" ...I was, shocked.
I mean, I certainly don't know what he means. After all, Hollywood has giving the world, the great Arnold, who, unlike the Sluggers of Baseball, recovered from his heavy steroid abuse, only to become one of the most powerful politicians in the world, and now he wants America to be loved. (Proving that Barry Bonds now has a chance to retire and become President.)

Well, nobody wants to help Arnold in his birthday wish.
I suggest he do the redo the sound of music with Whoopi Goldberg for a start.
Then after that big hit, another film with Michael Moore called the Terminator meets Buddha will be a real smash hit.
Michael Moore can play the great Buddha and Arnold can blow him up...but don't kill him---oh no...take him to Cuba to be patched up by their great doctors. Thereby giving the movie a message. Religion is not good, Cuba is a good place for losers, and Arnold can save the world without drug enhancements!
Yes, Arnold, now is the time to get your Hollywood friends to help you in your quest to save our image in the World.
Good luck! And Happy Birthday!


Sunday, July 29, 2007

Smile! You're On Big Brother's Camera!

Nobody Wins; If you haven’t seen these cars…they are coming to your neighborhood soon. Real moving ogles from Google---the next best way to make sure that every single hair on your little “muggle” head will be recorded, and then sent up to the Google Earth satellites in space, for use by anyone who cares to lock on.

But these moving car cameras will not be used for security, or crime chasing…oh no. No pretensions here: just for entertainment and catching that spouse at the hotel, who said he (or she) was going bowling. The divorce rate must be kept intact.

Today on the Drudge Report, there was a story by ABC news that according to some survey, 71% of the people think cameras up on every corner is a good thing. It will prevent crime.

I thought---please don’t tell me there are that many stupid people.

Right. Just what I want when a burglar breaks into my house and tries to kill me---a corner government camera.

I’ll take a $300 shotgun over a $30,000 camera any day of the week.

I certainly hope that my corner “camera” gets my killer's image after I’m dead so that the police can catch the guy. Never mind how easy it would be for the “burglar” to disguise himself.

And how many “White woman is killed in home: suspect caught on camera! See at 10!” news stories have we seen in the last year?

Yes, this “It’s for your own safety.” has been sold to the public. I wish I could say that it is hard not to believe that we are all doomed…but the truth is, I’m afraid to say; the American public has bought this idiotic, big brother excuse.

Just the other day, as I was driving with my girlfriend down a local street, looking at all the brand new cameras being put up on every single intersection, which we were told was to stop people from running through red lights, thereby saving lives…

And I asked her what she thought.

Oh, it’s a good thing. I really think it will help.”

Okay, so I won’t ask her for advice, just a game of tennis.

Yes, she is so brainwashed that when they put a camera on her house, and tell her guns are needed no more because they now have a camera on her house, she will hand over all her guns…Something tells me she doesn’t even own one.

This nobody proceeded to tell her that not only are these cameras making lots of money sending out tickets, they are also causing more accidents than ever before, because people are so scared, sometimes they slam on their brakes, afraid of going through a yellow/red light and having to tell their kid he cannot have a new hockey stick due to the fact that mommy got a $500 dollar ticket.

How stupid are we? I’m beginning to wonder.

While Congress debates the “spying” powers of Gonzales, (Not mentioning the fact that Bill Clinton built the big NSA program to spy on citizens and used it more for that, than spying on bin Laden when he was in office.) NOBODY in Congress is concerned about all the spying cameras being built, at the taxpayers great expense, in every single city in the United States.

In fact, nobody in the United States is saying…one word. Where am I…in the Twilight Zone?

I don’t know about you, but whatever I say in my e-mail...doesn’t creep me out as bad as knowing that someone can watch me in my back yard sunbathing, and trace my every move.

Let’s say I go to the quick shop for a Mountain Dew, I will feel like a criminal…too many calories. As I am happily walking out the door some camera will say, “You there, you have had too many sodas today.” (Yes, some camera’s can talk.)

And isn’t it funny that now when we have open borders---in the Muslims neighborhoods, the Mosques, or the poor blacks neighborhoods filled with drug lords…you will have a hard time finding these cameras.

Are there cameras in the Latino crime areas in Los Angles? The ones on the border are really doing a terrific job...aren't they?

You don’t read about this ominous Orwellian move from our government anywhere… and the only one who I see that is knocking on big brother’s door about the subject is Matt Drudge.

Every single columnist in the world should be shouting about it.

Instead, most all were silent when Joe Lieberman said just the other day, “The Brits have something smart going on in England.” Which means, those clever cameras, over 4 millions of them, are actually talking to the poor British citizens and giving warnings to them how to behave.

I think if a camera actually talked to me, I would not only give it the finger, I might take up cussing in Nigerian.

In most communities around here, the cameras were not a debatable issue. The cameras, on top of ten-stories high poles just went up, over night--- really. Over night. Not a word was said, anywhere.

Not much scares me, but that did. It’s like you woke up one day, went to work, and saw about 18 pyramids constructed all over your highway, and everyone acted as if nothing had happened.

And as if to put you off guard, the first ones erected had the American flag on the top. Wow--- to say I was pissed off when seeing that slap in the face is an understatement. Good thing no one else was in the car.

Nothing is more non-American than spying on your own citizens.

Here, in a community that just lost its biggest tax revenue…a Ford Plant closing down, we all of a sudden have the millions of dollars to put up a camera on every traffic light.

Who’s paying for all this?

Okay, they can come into your home, without you knowing about it. They can get all your records…any records, without you knowing about it---all because they are protecting us. Even the library can’t tell you who wants to know what books you’re reading.

Well, until they actually guard our borders, I don’t buy their "intervention tool" program.

It may not be my generation that stops this insanity. But, here in my neighborhood, some kids are going around with bee-bee guns and shooting out car windows. The cameras haven’t stopped this, it’s not important I guess.

But, someday, some kid will get the fun idea to shot out the lenses on all the cameras.

And if that kid is wearing a mask of the great patriot Joe Lieberman, and gets on the local news, this nobody will not say a word, I promise.

Like the government who put them up...I will remain vigilantly silent.

And then I will put an American flag on my head.