Thursday, April 03, 2008

Thomas Edison, Gets NO Respect

Nobody’s Opinion:

There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.”
---Thomas Edison.

Okay, I’ve about had enough. As an American citizen I think we should all demand an apology long overdue, for the complete idiots in our Congress who have outlawed that wonderful invention…Edison’s electric light bulb.

It’s bad enough they didn’t give the man a national holiday, but this is just the last insult.

Yes, our great “rulers” of our 21st century band of robbers have mandated that all light bulbs will be replaced by 2012.

For what? So the great Jeffrey Immelt of General Electric can retire with even more billions in his pocket? So we can create another disaster of trying to figure out how to rid the earth of discarded light bulbs filled with poisonous mercury?

This stupid idea should go right along up there with the last one they had about making fuel out of our very food supply.

Yeah, our great politician are thinking alright…they are thinking only of their own careers and pockets which are lined by the “We have to come up with new jobs, because we’ve outsourced all the other ones.”

The people will starve, but as Ted Turner reminded us, there are too many of us anyway.

All day yesterday while sitting before Congress, Federal Reserve Buddha, Bernanke, kept calling the American people…consumers. When Ron Paul was talking to him, the look on his face was so condescending that if you had stuck a bulb in his face, it would have lit up.

Really folks…that’s all we are to them--consumers. The companies control our congress so much that they insisted they send us checks because we have stopped “consuming”

Heaven forbid.

This anger of mine has been brewing for quite some time now. I first felt like throwing a well-deserved metaphorical “punch” when I was attending the Patent Office’s annual Inventor’s Convention at Epcot Center in 2000. The first speaker from the Patent office (who should be thankful I do not mention his name) said in his opening statements that Thomas Edison achievements did not even compare to the invention of the internet.

I just about lost my cute little cowboy hat.

Right. Whenever I fly over the earth and look down on all those glorious lights I am thinking…God Bless Bill Gates.

Or is it Al Gore?

Not too much later I noticed that Thomas Edison was being left out of all Time Magazine’s men and women of the most historical importance issues. He was barely mentioned---usually on the last page.

It was very obvious that Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor, entrepreneur, and genius that ever walked the earth…was being downsized by the rulers in power.

They are erasing him from history, making him a mere peon in the annals of invention.

Heaven forbid this home-schooled man of independent thinking inspires any children of America. They are meant to be good boys and girls and follow the “state.”

Why am I so angry?

Well for one, he lit up the world. Okay, maybe he didn’t “invent” the concept of the light bulb, but he gathered the first scientific “lab” and figured out how to get the light bulb to last…and then he went on and developed the electric generators to light up New York;

Mass electricity for the masses of the planet was born.

Most of the time, he had to go and lay out the lines himself, because the hired men were having trouble doing it.

Las Vegas and Tokyo alone should declare a Tom Edison day and serve special drinks in his honor.

Yeah I know---he got into a big fight with Westinghouse with the AC/DC argument, but the New York Subway system still runs on DC to this day.

He also was trying to invent a battery to run cars.

And there’s that minor fact that he invented the way to record “sound.” If not for Tom Edison, all those nifty I-Pods could not be plugged into all those little ears. Thank of all the products on the market that use “sound”

Thanks Tom.

And motion pictures? Yes, thanks to home-schooled Thomas Edison, motion pictures, came into being, which lead to our now perfect propaganda machine for the masses…Television.

Did you ever here a word of thanks from any Hollywood mogul?

Like I said…no respect.

It was Mr. Edison along with his neighbor Henry Ford, who developed the concepts of mass production which launched America into all its’ wealth and greatness, and has made China very rich indeed.

Does China give respect to Mr. Edison? Nope. How about Wal-Mart?

Now our congress is trying to get rid of Henry Ford’s car. With their trade policies, and environmental hogwash, they will no doubt succeed.

The next step is Edison’s light bulb.

Frankly, I’m ready to outlaw our whole dimwitted Congress.

They want us to turn off our electric, get out our candles, throw away our guns, stop driving our cars, and gather up our cell phones so they can monitor us, while we develop brain cancer.

Martin Luther once “had a dream,”--- it was a grand one, but it’s still a dream---and for that our Congress gave him his own holiday, and just about every street in America named after him.

But Thomas Edison made his dreams actually come true, and now the whole world basically operates from some thought (build upon by many) out of Thomas Edison’s head.

Did Thomas get a Thomas Edison Day? Is he honored in our nation’s capitol?

Is an inventor worth more than a politician?

Not if you’re stupid.

What’s the message here?

Grow up to be a politician. Inventors get no respect.

I’m turning off my light, and going to bed. These dark days of idiots is coming fast enough.


Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Ted's Barbeque...

Nobody Flashes Anymore!

Ted Turner, that lovable man who started CNN, and therefore the reason you can see Hillary on your television at three in the morning.

...was on Charlie Rose when he announced that soon, because there are just too many nasty people on the poor planet causing global warming, he will have to change his money-making empire...

Yes, his buffalo will have to go. He has found a much more lucretive future...and is already making big plans on his know, that state that he owns half of...that state that my poor mind doesn't want to look up at the moment due to the fact that by now, I know he probably owns that state and the one next to him...thereby making me so mad about one man owning so much land that I want to...

Wait. I can't say that.

Anyway...Ted is already prepared his ranch.

He announced that cannabalism will make a big comeback, and he is ready.

Yes, Ted has gotten so much experience in marketing buffalo burgers from his vast lands in the West...that he now has the best chefs in the world, working on the best barbeque "human" burgers this side of the Mississippi...for the upcoming crisis.

On the menu: Breakfast...sunny-side gonards, served with scrambled brains a-la-cart.

For Lunch: Half-slab of thigh, served with Ted's special "Jane's" slaw, consisting of shredded skin, mixed with tasty fingernails and heartachokes.

Dinner will include a nice side of human-beef, taken from the finest cut of loin, spread with a nice Giantti....

Wait--- that's a movie.

Whatever happens to us in the future, you can bet good ol' Ted Turner will make a lot of money out of it. And Charlie Rose, will be an regular customer.

Ted Turner flashes just a little too much for this nobody's taste.


Tuesday, April 01, 2008

All You Need Is---Four Presidents?

Nobody’s Opinion:
There is always a way to do it better…find it.” ---Thomas Edison

In the noble quest of witnessing the current presidential race, one wonders just when Your Mama Obama, Hillary Balboa, and Raining John McCain find the time to attend to their regular jobs of being senators? Are they dutifully attending to the business of the states in which they were so lovingly elected to?

The answer is: nope.

So---how much money is being wasted here?

The 2008 Presidential election process has become so completely absurd, it is now the nation’s main form of entertainment. This takes away from the seriousness of the event, which although comical to watch, its not comical in its inevitable results.

And since nobody seems to be able to come up with any solutions to stop this year’s cacophony of political bad wind, I will introduce a completely “new” idea. An idea that will seem extremely radical…but then, that’s what happens when you’re desperate for, forgive my choice of words: “change.”

Here it is; it’s called---elect, “The Fab Four.”

By that I mean, elect four Presidents, one for each party---Democrat, Republican, Independent and Libertarian, or American.

(Don’t even mention green!)

Also--no man or woman running for the office of the Presidency can be holding any kind of elected office while they are campaigning. No one should get paid for doing a job they are not doing, just so they can have their nice cushy job back in case they “lose.”

Keeping the Electoral College is a must, but the super-delegates have got to go. Zogby will have to stick to taking polls.

New parties will be allowed to form, to debate, to caucus, and each can pick its own representative to be one of the four Presidents.

Too strange? Are you thinking one President is enough? What in the world would we do with four?

Well---haven’t we got four right now? Don’t we have to hear all their speeches?

Let’s think about it.

Most people will agree that George Washington was our greatest President.

Right after George Washington, the country divided into arguing factions, and for awhile, they didn’t have much power, so the rest of the country just sat around and watched them stab each other in the papers. A pastime we still enjoy, but it’s getting old.

Then---along came FDR, who grabbed so much executive power, created so many new governmental FUBARS, that the practice of creating new big governmental institutions which cost us taxpayers more and more, has seem to become a Presidential right.

With each loss of private sector jobs, our Presidents step right in and create new governmental departments for whatever problem is happening at the moment.

So many new governmental departments are being formed that soon, the citizens of the new “service” economy (remember we are no longer industrial or manufacturing but service) will just live to “service” the government.

Our government is our biggest employer already…just a few more years...

I don’t need to point out the damage that one bad President can do.

Of course, we’d have to change a few things in our Constitution regarding the executive branch, but, hey…isn’t that what the “progressives” want?


My “Fab Four” theory is based on two historical predecessors of unquestionable genius and undeniable success.

John, Paul, George, Ringo and John, Ben, George, and Thomas.

Yes, the Beatles and America’s Founding Fathers; John Adams, Ben Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson.

Go on…laugh.

Think about it. What was Paul McCartney without John Lennon? And what were Paul and John without the great drumming of Ringo Starr and the perfection of George Harrison’s guitar lines? Four regular musicians, who together (with the quiet genius of George Martin in the background) made the greatest music this side of Beethoven.
(Well, that’s just my educated opinion.)

This number of exactly four people seems to work well in getting things done---democratically and mathematically speaking.

Our four main founders were all very different men, and yet, without each one of them America might still be under British rule.

John Adams, the most forgotten of the bunch until David McCullough’s resounding and tireless works, was as in David’s words, “The orchestra leader.” He was stubborn, brilliant, and most of all…honest. Because of John we got George Washington, the Declaration of Independence, fishing rights of the Northern Territory, and money from the Dutch to start us up.

He also formed our first Navy. There is a reason he is in the center of John Trumbull’s great “Declaration of Independence” in our Rotunda.

But John had trouble vying fools, and that’s where Ben Franklin came in. Without Ben’s vast knowledge of life and people, and his remarkable talent in the fine art of flattery, the French would not have come to help.

Jefferson was the genius behind the words. Jefferson gave passion to the ideals. But he was a terrible soldier.

Still, the whole mess would have turned out differently without the persistence and great leadership of George Washington.

George was just one part of the whole, as were any of these examples. But the four parties together…just look what they did!

Our now entranced two-party system does not make it possible for any independent voices to be heard, nor will they ever be. Party now comes before country, and both parities need a constant supply of money to keep reproducing the same sorry results.

Reprimand the oil companies, but never the taxes put on every gallon, which comes out to a heck of a lot more than the tax on the British tea.

The country has come a long way since 1776. The tremendous power that now comes with the office of the Presidency is just too much for any one common man to hold. The Clinton-Bush dynasties are proof of a need for a buffer against men who just cannot let go of world power.

You might think I’m nuts, but hey---would you rather we continue this?

Okay---you think of something. Anyone---please! Improvise!

We should strive to become again a republic for all the people, not just a bunch of rich autocrats.

Independent “President” Lou Dobbs could give Geraldo a position as ambassador to New Zealand.

Republican President “Ann Coulter” could go after the corruption in Congress.

Democratic President “Arnold Schwarzengger” could continue to argue for “green” energy all he wants…the other President’s would balance him with reasonable solutions.

And the new American Party President could be none other than WND’s Joseph Farrah.
He would deal with the Middle East successfully, make Hillary and Bill permanent ambassadors to Rwanda, kick out the UN, update our educational system and take over the New York Times!

Well, the New York Times might not be worth taking over.

Yes, four Presidents. Why not?

Maybe the other countries would complain about having to manipulate “four” US Presidents to get their usual bribe money, but hey…too bad.

I’m sure even John Lennon would say if alive today, that our country is really in need of some big-time “Help!”

So, if the Beatles were right, all we need is love…in this case, of our country, to find a new and better way.
Right Tom? Right.


Monday, March 31, 2008

Brave Custom Dogs

Nobody Flashes Anymore: After the recent information that our brave and valient airport custom agents are taking the dangerous job of making sure that all women's breasts are free and clear of all nipple rings...
They have gone one step further. From now on, even the customs dogs will have access to check for butt-rings.
Yes, it's not a pleasant job, as we all know. It has been known that a human can put many a dangerous thing in different human "cavaties."
Some very explosive, in more ways than one.
So, to show the proper way to examine all passengers, these two brave custom agents here are showning all their fellow custom agents the proper way to go about this delicate operation.
All I can say is: God save the Queen, nipples, human cavaties, and our brave custom men, women, and dogs, who keep us all safe.


Sunday, March 30, 2008

Nobody Reports on a Monday: America the Disposable

Nobody’s Opinion: It’s been a constant joke these past two weeks watching Obama Hussein and Hillary Rodham fight 24/7 over who gets to go to the prom: the black man, against the white woman, against the war veteran.

The arguments so petty, so annoying---I’d like to throw them all out in a disposable cup.

One was falling off his lofty perch of unity, the other falling down into her pit of endless, bottomless lies, the third making the usual lame speeches.

Most of us are turning on Saturday Night Live for a much needed redemption from a sad affair.

And yet, at the same time, in a cosmic event of superb timing… David McCullough’s fine biography of John Adams, being recreated on HBO, presents an almost unbearable comparison of just how great our founders were, and how really low we have sunk as a nation when what we see as contenders to the office of the Presidency could not even hold a position of busboy to our original great founders.

Not any of our contenders, Hillary, Obama, or McCain, compare to them in integrity, character, education, creativity, or just sheer common vision of what our nation should be. They have all fallen into the guise of socialism/communism/globalism and the furthering of big government: controlling not only our lives, but the rest of the world.

They are our founder’s worst nightmares….all three of them.

I can’t help it. It’s getting hard not to agree with the rest of the world that the United States has become a meddling dictator of “democracy” when in every speech, we hear whatever President that is in office at the time, say things like, “Well, “I” am pleased with Ethiopia, or this is what “I” want such and such a nation to do…”

As if all nations must adhere to the President of the United States.

Pounded into our heads daily is the mantra that if we just give enough money and build up the rest of the world, they will love us.

If we spread “democracy” there will be no more wars.

So far---it hasn’t happened.

But what has happened is there are now Wal-Mart’s, KFCs, McDonalds, Marlboro Cigarettes, General Electric, and the US military in just about every country in the world.

What has happened is that our enemies are becoming richer and more powerful everyday; because of our leader’s continuous disgraceful shortsightedness.

By our goods we are told, we will conquer. That is their motto. The American government, in hand with big international corporations, will build the world. Free trade is our savior.

It’s a grand plan.

But while the CEOs of Coke, Wal-Mart, and Microsoft become richer with the spread of their products throughout the world, they leave the bill to “We-the-People”…who are now in debt to China for the rest of our great-great-grandchildren’s lives.

The American people must now slave to enrich other nations. Our own lives and our children’s lives are, it seems…disposable.

We are being downsized.

To make us feel better about all of this sacrifice, the politicians in return say that China will bring us cheap goods.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think eighty dollars is exactly a cheap price for a good pair of tennis shoes. Sure---you can get a pair for twenty bucks at Wal-Mart, but they wear out in a year.

And that’s the point.

In the marketing world, everything must be disposable. Products are made to have a limited lifetime, much better for the bottom line.

It didn’t use to be like that.

Our founders gave us an indisposable Constitution.

It’s about time “We the People” start disposing of rulers that only are looking out for some global bottom line, which mostly includes them and their friends.

Let them rot in the trash heap of history, along with MTV.
Nobody’s Perfect; Chelsea Clinton acted like a true royal heir to the Clinton Crown last week when she attacked a student for asking a question she didn’t like at a college. Why--she had been to over seventy colleges and no one had dared mention the subject of her father’s impeachment.

Now, if Chelsea had been smart, she could have used this time to say, “That’s why my mother would make a better President than my father!” But, evidently, she’s not.

Nobody Knows; The New National Baseball Stadium, built on orders from President Bush in Washington D.C., has built a special Presidential room right behind home plate for all our Presidents and politicians. So, when will we see these special Presidential rooms in all the parks?

Nobody Cares; Angela Merkel of Germany says she is going to boycott the Olympics in Beijing due to China’s treatment of Tibet. The Dalia Lama and Angela evidently had good tea time. (I know, pretty bad.)

Nobody Wins: I’m not sure I understand just how the government bailed out the banks this week, but you can just bet—somebody made billions on the deal.

Nobody’s Fool: Everybody thinks Hillary and Bill are finished. What I cannot believe is that, after all we’ve seen of these two, how can anyone doubt that she will not be President? Bill and Hillary will glue themselves into the office on Air Force One if push comes to shove.

Frankly, I wish they would. Bill has said he thinks mummies are sexy. He might finally get together with the old girl if they are glued there long enough.