Friday, December 14, 2007

Political Steriods And Baseball

Nobody’s Opinion: Here is another lesson in a “secular” country, the one of liberal philosophy, where the end justifies the means.

You can now cheat in baseball, and you will not be penalized for it.

Today, it was reported that the former Senator George J. Mitchell came to the conclusion, after spending $20 million dollars, that 89 major league baseball players had all abused steroids---as if any true baseball fan in America was actually learning something new, or was even a little bit surprised.

Mr. Mitchell could have asked any one of baseball’s many fans, and most could have made just as educated a guess about that list, which is pretty much what they are doing.

Mr. Mitchell could have then used that $20 million for a better cause, like giving all the fans free parking for a month.

We live in the land of drugs. We even drug our dogs.

Most of us find the “their” shock a bit disingenuous, to say the least.

Did they think that the fans would not notice that a baseball being hit out of the park and into the next state was not exactly normal?

It’s much like when a husband tells a wife he’s out of money, and then acts like he’s shocked when she finds a good wad of it in his wallet.

“Well, where did that come from?”

Unfortunately, we live in a land of many cheaters. From a President who lied to a grand jury, to a corporation president who lied to its stockholders (Enron), to a x-Vice President who is running around the world like Chicken Little saying America is responsible for the end of the planet.

If our politicians are never punished for lying, why should our baseball players be?

Cheating and lying is an everyday thing for many in America, and even more so at election time. Why, it’s practically becoming an all American past time!

And steroids are nothing new. After all, we watched Mr. Gargantuan Universe Arnold (I’ll Be Back) Schwarzenegger go from a size 192 to a size 42. He’s lucky he still has a heart, let alone his voice. Nobody has asked him to resign for being brain damaged----yet.

HGH (Human Growth Hormone) and all kinds of body building stuff are available in every mall in America, much to the happiness of young men reaching puberty.

They go home and do their Barry Bonds imitation in the mirror.

Everyone in baseball’s upper echelons knew about this, they just looked the other way and ignored it all because of one simple reason:

Show me the money!”

I’m sure steroids have been around for many, many years. Who knows? Maybe even Babe Ruth put some “juice” in his alcohol.

Corruption for a buck has been around since the invention of money.

I think the real abuse came after 1994 baseball strike, when both the players and owners rudely ignored the fans and fought over who would get the “millions.”

The fans could not believe their greed.

After the strike, the real fans swore they’d never return. Cameras were filming close-ups for quite some time.

What happened? They brought in the outfield lines, change the strike zones, (not to mention new bats and balls) pumped up the juice, and we watched the game go from being a game of excitement to nothing but a homerun marathon---and it worked.

But it also became boring. Let’s face it. Without guys stealing bases, and managers having to counter act the other’s managers moves, you end up waiting for the home run hitter to come to the plate.

They added sixties songs. You could sing along.

So, in came a slugger contest---Mark McGuire vs. Sammy Sousa. It filled the stadiums back up.

Was it planned? Did the owners get together somewhere and decide to let this “contest” of superhuman strength play to the limit for profit?

Did they care if the ball players destroyed their hearts and brains?

Personally, I think they rationalized that if they just kept it under wraps from the public, their consciouses were clear.

But the “kids” found out. And that’s not good.

Anyway you look at it; this news is just another strike against the integrity of our country.

Bud Selig, Mr. Mitchell, and our own President, said in Clintonian speak today, “Let’s just put all of this behind us. It’s time to move on.”

In a moral country, this statement would not have been uttered.

The country might still be moral, but our leaders are obviously on steroids.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Rant for the Rogue

Here's a real good a real cool Brit!

Say it again!


Terminator for Sale

Nobody Knows: Well, guess who is coming to dinner? This lovely piece of movie art is up for auction in Hollywood at the moment.

I want it.

I want to put in in my front yard.

Right in front of my giant Teddy-Bear blow up cute giant Santa puppy who is holding a big Christmas present.

On Halloween, I could use it on the front porch, with a fog machine.

On Valentine's day, I will attached a big heart on his chest.

My new door mat will say "Make my Day. "

Wait, wrong movie.

He'd make a nice addition to my kitchen.

On election day, 2008, I will put a big sign in front of him that says. "Do not vote for Hillary, it could mean the end."

Now, where am I going to find $100,000?

I know, I'll call up Brad Pitt and tell him I lost my home in New Orleans, and so did my sister. (I don't have a sister) and we want to built one of his green houses.

After all, some of the money goes to a children's fund.

I'll even paint him green on St. Pat's day.

Hey, I'm easy.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Fox: Giving Women Marriage Advice

Nobody’s Opinion: Today, while I was trying to get away from Al Gore’s weather reports on every station, I turned to a bit of fluff. And there was a discussion on Fox’s Mike and Julie Show between, I assume two experts on ten sure-fire ways to get a man to love you.

I missed most of them, but here’s a few.

There was a white woman expert, and a black man expert. I was hoping for Mae West to appear, but she’s dead.

So, here are their “opinions” and a few of my own.

1. No Sex on the first Date:

Girl Expert: Wait till the third date. (Obviously she got this info from watching too many episodes of Sex in the City)
Boy Expert: Are you kidding? Wait at least a year! (He wants to be real sure about her not running around on him)

I found this one really funny. Let’s compromise---How about a month, or even two, or six? But a year? Might as well get married then and make the wedding night a real prize. Cover the bed with rose petals!

Also, mandatory tests at the venereal clinic for aids, gonorrhea, TB---all those good things would be smart.

I thought the girl's answer was a bit crazy. I have argued this one with too many girlfriends who think that the best way to get a guy is to show them just how wonderful you are in bed. Right---a movie, a dinner date, then sex.


A man can get sex from two or three other girlfriends during that year.

The man wins.

2. Don’t always be available.

Girl Expert: Don’t break a date with your girlfriend to go with the guy.
Boy Expert: Most girls break off all relationships and end up suffocating the man, who then wants his freedom. A man needs to get out with the guys.

Ah…well, I must admit, I have done both. I think it depends on the guy. Once, when a very famous ball player asked me out, I put my girlfriend before him, and she turned around and told him I was “unavailable” because she wanted him. She told me about it years later…she was my best “friend.”

Yes, women do tend to always be on the availability list for men. Most of the time, if the girl pushes the man away and goes out with her friends; he rethinks his love of football wondering just where the girl is.

Still, the guy is usually having more fun with his friends than the girl with her mother.

The man wins.

3. Be fulfilled in your day job. Have a life that’s exciting.

Girl Expert: It’s exciting for a man to see a successful woman who is excited about things and life.
Boy Expert: Well yes, but once that woman is with the man, the MAN should be her career. She should be a FITB (Freak in the Bedroom) and lady on the street; cook and clean.
Girl Expert: Aha! She said, “What century are you living in!”
Man Expert: Of course, if she works really hard, then the man must give her a little slack.

She can do the dishes tomorrow.

I’m not even going to touch this one. By the time you’ve been married for over ten years, it’s usually, “Okay, who’s got the energy to cook?”

But since the woman has to work, come home, do the laundry, cook the meals, help with the kid’s homework, and then get out the dancing pole stashed in the laundry room, I’d say the man wins again.

She needs Viagra more than him.

Speaking of Viagra, they are now bribing voters in Thailand with the stuff.

4. Charm his friends

Girl Expert: Get his mother, his friends, his brother and sister, his co-workers all to love you--- then he can’t get rid of you.
Boy expert: Looks a little worried…don’t come into MY football room unless you are invited. In fact, girls should get their own friends.

Okay, I suggest all men piss a perimeter around the game room.

Nobody Wins on this one. The only answer is marry a man who thinks watching sports is boring. I did.

Actually, I thought the suggestions were in the right directions. But, they could have mentioned that usually when the hormones are spinning, both men and woman’s brains become mushy maelstroms of excessive emotions.

Therefore, I suggest you tattoo this list somewhere freaky on your body.

But only if you’re a lesbian.

Yes, Fox news is looking out for YOU, just ask Glenn Sacks.

Nobody's Perfect: For goodness sake, this by no means suggests that men do not do housework, so don't even go there.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Get Your Flu Shot In New Jersey...Or ELSE!

Nobody Knows: Just what in the heck are those silly idiot lawmakers in New Jersey thinking? They are trying to make it mandatory for every little bambino in the state to get a Flu vaccine. Never mind that it contains enough mercury poisoning in it to light up a Christmas Tree.

If I lived there, I'd move. Ever since the Bird-Flu scare I've been suspicious.

Something tells me, it's no coincidence that New Jersey was picked for this "experiment." Because that's where most of the big pharmaceuticals have their homes. So convenient to have the little Guinea pigs right in your neighborhood.

So what happened? Didn't enough people run off to Wal-greens to get their "flu vaccine?" Has there been an overstock?

Well, I'm here to help. What they need is an "" site so that people can go and get the vaccines at a cheaper price. They could dump all that junk off on anyone who just felt the need to shot themselves up with flu, smallpox, mercury, autism, and basic dementia. Why pay the government more? Who knows what's in this stuff?

One thing for sure, everyone I have talked to that have had the shot, got the flu anyway.

Remember the anthrax vaccine? The mandatory vaccine for the soldiers? Well, when the head of Homeland Security at the time, Tommy Thompson, said he was going to get one...and then somehow dropped the subject, I'd say that was a good clue.

So, if this gets pushed into other states, then I suggest that all of Congress and their families have to also get the vaccine: and the President too. After all, it's only fair.

Now, if they can invent a vaccine against fat, I'm moving to New Jersey. I suggest our corporate government get to work on that real soon, before Social Security runs out.

That gives them about two years.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Oprah, a Match for Bill Clinton

Nobody’s Opinion: Uh-oh.

Bill Clinton has finally met his match, and her name is Oprah, and you can spell that with a big O, thank you very much. And Oprah was on scintillating chuck wagon fire in Iowa last weekend.

She came onstage to the tune of “Freedom” by Aretha Franklin. Lord have mercy, everyone witnessing the moment was thinking…

“Why doesn’t Oprah run for President?”

Obama who?

Oh yeah. He’s the “We will bring a change to Washington” guy.


Oprah came onstage with her best-selling secret. She brings major league emotional passion. She convinces you that she cares. Her perfume of hope is hypnotizing.

Her “caring” has made her the richest woman in America, and one of the few entertainers that people trust.

And now the event is being reported as the Bill Clinton vs Oprah Winfrey fight. After all, with this perpetual 24/7 American Idol for President campaigning, the real candidates were getting old real fast.

Bill Clinton, the best speaker/politician in this century, has been blindsided with a huge knockout. If Bill Clinton debated Oprah head to head tomorrow, she would win the debate on her hand gestures alone.

He would be left blubbering. He’d probably go looking for a lassie to message his laddie wounds in Scotland.

The audience was filled with white, middle-class, women just salivating for an excuse not to have to vote for Hillary, just because they liked her husband.

The Clintons were not prepared for this blow…all they came up with was Bill’s bright pink tie, Bill running to display himself in the black churches, and Hillary bringing Chelsea and her mom onstage for some kind of awkward feminist’s photo-op.

In her first political speech, Oprah, if she did nothing else, put forth the much needed example of the fact that Hillary is not a powerful public speaker. Listening to Hillary speeches are about as exciting as having to peel a pound of potatoes.

Giving a good speech is an art. Much like a great musician, you have to have a gift for it. Hillary can make all the clever Soprano video’s she wants, but in the end, the politician has to make the speech. She has to sell herself.

Yes, the politicians have to really sell all those goofy ideals of “multicultural, serve mankind, give us your money and we will deliver it to the world” socialist junk.

Hillary now has a bigger problem, which is her own fault for bringing out the dog. She is actually going to have to beat Obama on her own.

Short of a sexual scandal, it will be interesting to see how they deal with this.

The “Obama is really a Muslim” e-mail put out by Clinton’s organization, didn’t work.

The only way they can attack now is with some kind of stealth in the news.

Oprah will have an illegitimate kid somewhere that she doesn’t claim. The father would have worked at the Pentagon under Donald Rumsfeld.

Obama’s plane might crash due to an ice storm caused by global warming.

Bill and Hillary will adopt a child from Africa. Oprah then, will adopt a child from Mexico.

Bill and Hillary vs Hillary and Obama on, “Dancing With the Stars.”

This could get fun!

Obama dropped another blow when he suggested Oprah as Vice President, putting visions of an Obama/Oprah ticket into everyone’s head.

Think of it: Vice President Oprah, deciding on a split-tie in the Senate to send American taxpayer’s money to Darfar to rebuild all the schools there, and give all the woman and children free health care, and free food from your hard earned paycheck.

And despite what Oprah is saying, this wasn’t all about Obama.

Oprah cleverly pandered to an issue which has been a thorn in the old velour pants suit to her…her girl’s school in Africa.

“Mmmm…mmm,” she said. “Something should be done about our American schools.” Oprah managing to get a few brownie points in for herself, because even though Oprah built that school in Africa with her own money, many of us here were thinking---Hey Oprah, “What about us? Why not built one here?”

After all, it was the people of America that made Oprah rich.

Just think, if Oprah continues to campaign for Obama, Hillary just might lose her dreams to the White House because of another woman.

Oprah, on the other hand, might get a taste of that political game of power and become hungry for some of her own.

Let the games begin.


Sunday, December 09, 2007

Muslim Pussy

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Due to the fact that I've been on a major bummer streak of "the glass is almost empty," and I'm half full of baloney...I decided tonight, instead of following my usual "I've been listening to too much Glenn Beck and Lou Dobbs" imitations, to give everyone, including myself a break....because it's the season to be JOLLY!


Someone sent this to me, and you KNOW how I love animal pictures.

This is a Muslim pussy, just in case you wondered what they looked like. As Americans, we must ever be vigilant.

You're welcome!